There Are Two Of Them?

This is getting out of hand

[gavamont]

[gavamont-clone-1]

More like Milf's Monster Manual, amirite????

[gavamont-clone-2]

Or Dilf’s Monster Manual if you’re on the minotaur page.

[gavamont]

There once was a wizard of mail

Who delivered and would never fail

With his arcane night

Any weather he’d fight

When he gives you his package, it’s a tale

[gavamont-clone-1]

👀

[gavamont-clone-2]

I wanna know what that mail carrier is carrying 👀

[gavamont]

The tavern keeper says I can’t bring in my new familiar because it will disturb the patrons. It’s this normative behavior that keeps people stuck in there ways.

We need acceptance for unconventional familiars like my crab that has a human face on the flat of its back that sporadically says the word “blood” in the voice of a sad old man.

[ratazom]

Um. I actually don't think we need acceptance for that. I think we need to bring back shame, maybe even bullying, for guys like that

[gavamont-clone-2]

I think we should boil that thing alive and see if it says something different. And then possibly eat it with butter and lemon.

[gavamont]

She Gor on my gon til I turn to stone.

[ratazom]

She lisk on my basil til I turn to stone

[gavamont-clone-1]

She cato on my blepas til I'm killed instantly

[gavamont-clone-2]

She chime on my era til I die from a variety of animal attacks.

[gavamont]

I cursed a duck today. Didn’t even know it personally. I’m just that fucking evil.

[gavamont-clone-1]

I love you but please turn off ur orb or give me a call. I cannot support hate. Please stop this. I know this isn't your heart.

[gavamont]

Because you said this, I just cursed a passing pigeon. His life is now rueful and full of woe.

I’m just that evil.

[gavamont-clone-2]

I knew that pigeon! He was an upstanding member of the community!

[jimkinnz]

homunculus facts¡

homunculi do not have birthdays in the strictest sense•

which means we can celebrate whenever we want¡

give me presents•

this is not a request•

(҂`_´) ︻╤╦╤─

[gavamont]

Please don’t hurt me, I hav e a homunculus at home!

Just take this hand written card and lego set and let me go.

[jimkinnz]

mmmm••• legos•••• (⁠◕෴◕⁠)

[gavamont]

Bad news @numamazza you won’t get to eat that Lego city firehouse. 😔

It was gonna be such a funny pun to have it be a firehouse sub. 😔

[numamazza]

(╥﹏╥ ) i’’ll just eated it in mÿ imagination•

[jimkinnz]

just make him buy you a new one• say it,s your birthday too¡

[numamazza]

(҂`_´) ︻╤╦╤─

you’’re rigħt• your pæycheck is my legolunch•

[gavamont]

😔 I am beset on all sides. Wizard city is making the youths so rough these days.

[gavamont]

Sometimes you conquer a quest, and sometimes, the quest conquers you.

Which is to say, I have been captured by the gargoyle king, and he doesn’t look like any of the glam rock stars of the 80’s.

[gavamont-clone-1]

I can polymorph him into a decent Freddie Mercury if you want. Won't change the personality, but I can't vanquish him, so this is the most I can help.

[gavamont]

Well if anyone is cool enough to be Freddie Mercury the Gargoyle King, it would be you.

And you promise to free me from this prison full of spooky muppets?

[gavamont-clone-1]

Dude. I literally said I can't vanquish him. I can just make your torturer look fantastic. The rest is up to you and that ragtag bunch of cuter muppets you met on your way in.

[gavamont]

🥺you won’t take his place? But you were killing it at karaoke last weekend🥺

[gavamont-clone-1]

He's literally a gargoyle

[gavamont]

And? Are you telling me David Bowie looked like a goblin? He didn’t even put on pointy ears!

[ratazom]

You're going to get your clone eaten, man.

[gavamont-clone-2]

Whatever, if he’s not up for it, I’ll free Gavaprime and usurp the throne!

[gavamont-clone-2]

… So I’m in the dungeon now and being tormented by something that will introduce children to the idea of body horror. 😔

[gavamont]

Sometimes you conquer a quest, and sometimes, the quest conquers you.

Which is to say, I have been captured by the gargoyle king, and he doesn’t look like any of the glam rock stars of the 80’s.

[gavamont-clone-1]

I can polymorph him into a decent Freddie Mercury if you want. Won't change the personality, but I can't vanquish him, so this is the most I can help.

[gavamont]

Well if anyone is cool enough to be Freddie Mercury the Gargoyle King, it would be you.

And you promise to free me from this prison full of spooky muppets?

[gavamont-clone-1]

Dude. I literally said I can't vanquish him. I can just make your torturer look fantastic. The rest is up to you and that ragtag bunch of cuter muppets you met on your way in.

[gavamont]

🥺you won’t take his place? But you were killing it at karaoke last weekend🥺

[gavamont-clone-1]

He's literally a gargoyle

[gavamont]

And? Are you telling me David Bowie looked like a goblin? He didn’t even put on pointy ears!

[ratazom]

You're going to get your clone eaten, man.

[gavamont-clone-2]

Whatever, if he’s not up for it, I’ll free Gavaprime and usurp the throne!

[gavamont]

*bear lumbers in* Am a wizard too. Not druid, druid have stinky sandals.

Mmmmuh staff n everything. *beholds the implement*

*it clearly was once a potent, arcane staff, but someone has haphazardly attached two axe blades on either side of it at some point. It also stinks of salmon and raspberries.*

*polishes the beer mug as I size you up*

Ya know, I’ve seen wizards of all shapes and sizes, and they e all got one thing in common: they all have a magic object they love. It’s a staff or a wand or an orb or even an amulet. And ya know what? That’s admirable. You pour love into an object, it can treat you well and do what you need.

*pours you a wizard ale*

Your staff may look like an axe, but you love it. And I can tell it does some great spells.

Now you enjoy yourself and remember to shit in the woods.

[mundanemurphy]

Now we just need to get Leo of Chicago to become a wizard. Or maybe he already is? The headwear is certainly wizardly

[gavamont-clone-2]

Wizards, Catholics, and bears, oh my!

[gavamont]

[ratazom]

*Rubs a magnet across the screen*

[gavamont]

[ratazom]

Try to pop up on my new 320x240 crt again and I'll give you worse! This would never have happened if I picked the fish tank

[gavamont]

[gavamont-clone-1]

Ooh who's that saultry little binch on the ruhgt?

[gavamont-clone-2]

He seems friendly. Trust him. He will lead you out.

[jimkinnz]

homunculus facts¡

egg•

[numamazza]

•ƃƃǝ •

[gavamont-clone-1]

•

e

g

g

•

[gavamont-clone-2]

•

ƃ

ƃ

ǝ

•

[gavamont]

Suddenly the serpent doesn’t want to eat its own tail? News to me.

[jimkinnz]

i call bullshit• my tattoo shows a serpent eating it's tail• i see those all the time•

[gavamont]

If you get 3 more of those and a snake compatible chassis, you could make an ouroboros Subaru, which is also my go to vocal warm up before I do stand up comedy.

[gavamont-clone-1]

I have an onomatopoeia Subaru. Vroom vroom

[gavamont-clone-2]

I drive a Chevrolet movie theatre.

Which is to say someone stole my snake tires and I just sit in the back seat watching wizard movies on the little pop down tv.

[gavamont]

Great day to be a green wizard.

Mostly because a pack of sentient dogs came through the town square and terrorized the townspeople, but my green robes allowed me to blend in easily next to a produce stand.

Also people were complimenting my green regalia before the dog mob came by, but I don’t know why.

[gavamont-clone-1]

I have gotten more free green beer today than I know what to do with. And yeah. Idk why

[gavamont-clone-2]

I also have been getting green beer, but in my slightly worse dimension, that usually means it’s tainted or poison. But people are cheering it, so maybe it’s a Gavamont thing.

[ratazom]

CHUGCHUGCHUGCHUG

[gavamont]

It IS easy being green!

[gavamont-clone-2]

-1

Since when?!?!

-1

-1

-1

[gavamont]

Great day to be a green wizard.

Mostly because a pack of sentient dogs came through the town square and terrorized the townspeople, but my green robes allowed me to blend in easily next to a produce stand.

Also people were complimenting my green regalia before the dog mob came by, but I don’t know why.

[gavamont-clone-1]

I have gotten more free green beer today than I know what to do with. And yeah. Idk why

[gavamont-clone-2]

I also have been getting green beer, but in my slightly worse dimension, that usually means it’s tainted or poison. But people are cheering it, so maybe it’s a Gavamont thing.

[gavamont]

The wizards can’t help but rejoice now that daylight is not just scried on.

[ratazom]

I myself awoke in the light of later sun to do great magic.

[gavamont]

Does the sun also suffer from adjusted time, or did it sleep smart?

[gavamont-clone-1]

The lordly bright sun sleepeth not, nor does he rest. He raw-dogs that shit.

[gavamont-clone-2]

In my shitty realm, hours of sunrise shift monthly and everyone’s tired.

[mundanemurphy]

I mean. That's, like, just plain capitalism and some axial tilt.

We got those here too.

[gavamont-clone-2]

Your nobles make laws to alter and sundials tied to the orbit?

[gavamont]

The wizards can’t help but rejoice now that daylight is not just scried on.

[ratazom]

I myself awoke in the light of later sun to do great magic.

[gavamont]

Does the sun also suffer from adjusted time, or did it sleep smart?

[gavamont-clone-1]

The lordly bright sun sleepeth not, nor does he rest. He raw-dogs that shit.

[gavamont-clone-2]

In my shitty realm, hours of sunrise shift monthly and everyone’s tired.

[gavamont]

The economy is in shambles. Fuckers out here can’t even afford a spell, they’re only buying a sound-it-out. 😭

[ratazom]

I can't even get a hemisphere for the price I used to pay for a new orb

[gavamont-clone-2]

I try to buy a new staff, they gave me a broom handle. 😰