BOO!!! I'm gay in a way you don't like!!

[gaybianfluid]

i dont really have an intro post, oops.

i go by any/all and im a gaybian boygirl

im 18 years old, im a goth and a crustpunk.

im an anarchist

i am a mentally and physically disabled cane user

i have dyslexia and make typos a lot.

this is my blog to help me understand my thoughts and emotions better (i vent a lot)

basically, a diary.

or a thoughtdump.

i might reblog some stuff

i block bigots, nazis, minors, and pedators.

[gaybianfluid]

Hey there, thank you for follow! ^^

ofc ofc. u seem cool!

[gaybianfluid]

im going to start working on my album. ive already got a few songs written out and one of them has been produced. though its poorly done its mine and thats what matters most.

[gaybianfluid]

i hate grocery shopping no much. my joints hurt so fucking bad, and ive only been sitting in the car so far.

[gaybianfluid]

i need a band so bad how tf do people make bands omg

[nocturnalenby666]

𝔩𝔬𝔫𝔤 𝔩𝔦𝔳𝔢 𝔤𝔬𝔱𝔥 𝔯𝔬𝔠𝔨

[gaybianfluid]

making music tugs on my soul. i have no other path in life. i MUST become a musician.

[gaybianfluid]

I NEED TO MAKE MORE MUSIC HOLY SHIIIIIIIIV

[gaybianfluid]

dear god please let me be a butch woman and a effeminate man at the same time dear god i will do anything please ill literally gauge my eyes out

[devoteddeer]

The average BPD moment when someone pushes you to react and then gets surprised/and or upset when you finally snap. Then in the end you’re the monster for reacting like the way you did.

[unusual-suspects]

x

[gaybianfluid]

i hate the sirens they put in the suburbs that scare away bats. now we have dead birds and mosquitoes.

[gaybianfluid]

im a bad person.

[gaybianfluid]

i hate that im sensitive to bullying because it makes me lash out to just the perception of threats.

[gaybianfluid]

im trying to figure out if im genderfluid or "just" a boygirl.

ive been on this journey for many years, and i cycle through the same few lables.*

this has made me decide im genderfluid.. but im not even sure.

i always feel xenic, and i always feel maverique and genderqueer.

the only fluid part is the shift from boy to girl, but im typically somewhere in between.

i consider myself a masculine woman and a feminine man at the same time.

to the point where im too man for woman and too woman for man.

im a drag queen and a drag king.

i often wish that there was an all-encompasing lable to describe myself, but i dont think there ever will be. *

atleast not one that i can say aloud and others will understand my experience.

the entire point of language is to share ideas with one another, even if that "another" is yourself.

i sometimes feel lonely when trying to pinpoint my exact gender, because there's not many like me.

sometimes people go as far as bullying and ostracization when i reveal my true identity.

id like to say im used to it, but im not.

some will know me as a bisexual trans man.

very smaller will know who i truly am.

most will see me as something to be fixed.

i think ive given up on finding a perfect label, i am unperfect.

1* transmasc, trans man, butch, futch, femboy, dragqueen, dragking, xenoboy, demiboygirl, gendersatyr, nonbinary, agender, xenic, maverique, genderqueer, cusper, girlboy, manwoman, unlabled.

*2 (gendersatyret is the closest i can find, but it doesnt fit quite right)

[this-is-trans-joy]

being closeted in a conservative, conformist town and then seeing a visibly queer person out in public is like seeing an angel. like finding cool water in a hot desert. like reuniting with a long lost family member. im gonna cry

[gaybianfluid]

i was drawing on the porch today, watching the sunset. i do it when i have trouble focusing and need to finish an art project. i was drawing for so long that my neighbor left for and then came back from work. technically i got a day jobs worth of work done. i feel proud, and i feel like ive been improving.

[gaybianfluid]

omg i love the internet so much. i do NOT mean social media. i mean the concept of the internet. theres so much out there and its so beautiful. i could scroll around absorbing information for hours. and i do.