long live the golden days

we're here to do greater things

[book-caps]

Fannie Flagg, Can’t Wait to Get to Heaven

[moramcdougal-deactivated2016040]

She looks thoughtful for a moment. “Calm down Anthony, you’re not that great.” Mora smiles at her rare use of teasing. “I say it because I believe it’s true. You do all these amazing things but you are sometimes a narcissist and that puts people off. It does the opposite with me, I see through you.” Intensity colors her gaze. “One day you are going to do something fantastic and I’ll be the only one who isn’t surprised.”

[gcldstein-blog]

“I’m so great. Wait-” he paused mid sentence. “I’m a what? A narcissist? I have talents, that’s all, like you. They’re different things.” Anthony defended, although inside he knew it to be true. He didn’t mind when he called himself one, but other people saying it made him feel guilty. Anthony had a list of achievements mentally stashed in the back of his head. Was everything he had done still not enough? “I’d appreciate it if you do when the time comes. Maybe you could do it in public this time? So people don’t think you hate me?”  

[mandybrocklehvrst-blog]

Mandy cocked her head, eyes narrowing slightly while she listened to him. She was aware of his introversion and she herself straddled the line of being extroverted and introverted. It was like her personality fluctuated depending on the company. She straightened her head, a soft smile returning. “If you were bad at talking, you’d be shit at writing dialogue. And I promise, you are not shit at writing dialogue. Don’t put yourself down, Anthony. I won’t stand for it. Strangers don’t deserved to hear such beautiful words from a future nobel prize winner anyway,” she teased, though there was some truth behind her words. Even though she still cared about him, his lack of self-confidence was somewhat unattractive. Another reason why they didn’t work out. “More important than books? Anthony, you’re going to give me a heart attack. But wow, seriously, it’s been that long?” Her eyes widened and she let out a long breath that ballooned her cheeks out. “Raspberry and lemon? I’m already there.” Mandy rose from her seat, offering out a hand for him to take so she could apparate them to his apartment.

[gcldstein-blog]

“Maybe I am shit at writing dialogue. People hire ghost writers. I don’t know how you make me sound like a walking, talking poem. If that’s a compliment, I have no choice but to take it. You know I can’t deny one of those.” Anthony said quite matter a factly. With an easy smile, he took her hand with one hand, his other slipping out his wand without it falling to the ground somehow. “It’s been longer than we both think.” He said before apparating both of them. 

Once in his apartment, he moved a stack of history timelines on the kitchen by his bay window, then moving to a shiny countertop and reaching up to get the tea out of the glass paned cabinets. Anthony’s advances, profits, and royalties let him save enough money to take out a loan and get an apartment in one of the nicer places in Muggle London without a problem. Thinking the mortgage, however, made him sigh. Math was never his forte. He carefully measured out tea into cups with his back facing towards her, pointing at the table for her to sit. “I would be dead if I couldn’t remember your favorite tea. Anyway, what did I miss? What’s going on in your world?”

[han-abbott-deactivated20161117]

“Hey everyone loves a bit of glorification every now and then, don’t let me stop you” she laughed. “Really? Well that has definitely boosted my confidence. Although I don’t think any fight that I got into would be anything other than a slapping match. I’m not very talented in the physical fighting area” Hannah smiled, finding it pretty entertaining that Anthony thought she could legitimately do some damage. She looked down at his book bag “Alright then do you have a suggestion? Something I can read on my break? Something to keep me entertained?”

[gcldstein-blog]

“I was that kid that couldn’t lay a hand on anybody at school. Not that I was an angel child either, but I didn’t have beating people up as a hobby.” Anthony’s link to damage spells was very strong, for whatever reason, but physically, he couldn’t do much. He mentally racked his brain, pulling up a visual image of what was inside his bookbag without having to look in. There was a ton of stuff, but most of them were reference books or muggle books that weren’t entertaining to somebody upbeat like Hannah. “Unless you want my book on patronuses, I seem to be all out. Which is sad. Do you read often.?”

[mandybrocklehvrst-blog]

a mandy and anthony moodboard

@gcldstein

[lisatvrpin-blog]

It was amazing how she laughed at first, hearing the joke she did know that Anthony meant well – but with him having to clarify it made her … sad. Did he think she didn’t know he was joking? Or was he just taking the whole conversation so seriously - as it should be - more than she wanted it to be? No, more than she ADMITTED that it was because she had caused damage. Lisa had accepted a long time ago that she had hurt Anthony, but she’d never seen the hurt on his face. Even now, he was composed but she knew him ( hopefully, she still did ), she knew underneath all that composure there was a boy l o n g i n g for the truth, longing for answer he very much deserved. 

       “Is it bad that your creepy, elderly Catholic priestly words made me feel a little better?”                Lisa took a deep breath then, forcing herself to speak when she exhaled.                                      To give him answers. To talk. 

“After the war, I know we all had … some sort of issue, you know? Battle scars, I suppose they say. But, there had been other things before then. I’d always eat a lot and then try to exercise to make up for it, you know I’m always running around, Rowena, I hike in dresses,” she hated how she sounded then but tried to push away the thought. It was enough that she was doing something she had only DREAMED of doing for years, truthfully it was something she had to practice for years as well. “I’m always doing something – but a n y w a y s, after then, I just had no energy. I was, er, depressed, technically and everything just spiraled out of control. Everything was just so out of control, Anthony. I started making myself … purge? I’m not sure if you know what that is but, I felt really ashamed. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I pushed Terry away. I pushed Padma away, I tried pushing everyone away. I was horrible to all of you.” 

“I didn’t spend the winter holidays at home, I was at Hogsmeade, drinking, Just doing things I never thought I’d be doing.” In fact everything that had happened had been a blur of casual encounters, drugs, and not so delicately chipping off parts of herself for no apparent reason. “I didn’t understand, I didn’t want to hurt anyone, I didn’t want to hurt you. When I got word I was accepted into the Unspeakable training, I had only realized it’d been FOUR months. Rowena, I’n just mumbling, but, then we were all off in our different lives and I had this thing gnawing at me that I was trying to ignore.” Throughout those years, she’d just tried to live in tandem with her disorder – she’d accepted it as part of her, and in exchange for letting the monster sink a little deeper into her, she got some control. “Then, I almost got suspended from training. They told me I needed to get help. Treatment. Something.”

“I’m sorry. Those all just sound like excuses, but I’m sorry for doing what I did.” It weighed on her bones, the feeling of SORRY, it weighed her down with guilt. “I’m trying to show you how sorry I am, by talking to you about it. I pushed you away too in all of this, and you don’t have to forgive me, but just know that I’m sorry.”

[gcldstein-blog]

Her laugh shocked him. He had missed it, its clarity, its joyful tone. “No. Not bad at all.” It’s okay. There was an expectation, a doubt in his mind that she wouldn’t share his sense of wry humor with him, but the fear ran far deeper than that. He feared that he was going to lose her again. That she would drift away into the unknown and he wouldn’t be able to be there. The thought of leaving her on her own when he all wanted to do was be with it, it stripped him defenseless. Inside, he was sucker punched from both sides, ambushed. Outside, he coughed, trying to keep it all in. He could imagine the blood splattering on the rocky surface; his pain would be emotional every bit as much as physical. 

He listened steadily as Lisa’s voice wavered uncertainly, quickly switching from rambling to slower, well phrased sentences. Lisa was only like this when she was frazzled, or nervous. She had no reason to be scared of him, but now he double checked himself. He hadn’t done anything wrong, had he? His mind clouded.

“Lisa. Lisa.” He echoed, noticing that he had said her name softer the second time. “I don’t know. What to say.” He admitted. Anthony hadn’t suffered to the extent Lisa did. Out of all of them, he was blessed, fate letting him off the hook at a time he needed a free pass the most. The fact that he had not suffered made him guilty. He could act like he had been through the same things as them, as her, for Merlin’s sake, but he hadn’t. His pain was nothing compared to hers. He had written it all away before it had the chance to greatly impact him. He had a brief month of depression and three months of mild PTSD, but now he only woke up in the middle of the night from nightmares, drenched in a nervous sweat. Occasionally, his left hand twitched, but not enough that it bothered him. As long as he kept it moving, it was fine, and according to the doctors, would eventually go away. It couldn’t compare.

At the mention of her running, his shoulders visibly drooped. There was a freedom to her once, but now it was gone, as if somebody had taken back the chains tied around her arms, pulling her to them. But every chain had a lock. Money, alcohol, drugs, they were all Lisa’s probable captors.

Every lock had a key. Anthony would have worn himself thin to the opposite ends of the earth to get a hint at where it could be.

“I know what purging is. I know that eating disorders are real.” He quietly felt himself sink into his body. This confession was surprising, but was it really? Lisa wouldn’t have left him for now reason. He meant something to her, whatever she thought it was. So you’re an unspeakable in training now. Look at how much of your life I’ve missed.” And I missed being in it. “They’re right, you know. There’s nothing wrong with admitting for help.” In most cases, Anthony would have disagreed, but this was different this wasn’t something she needed to face alone.

“You’re sorry? Why do you need to tell me that?” He said, a little confused, and even less bitter. “You need to take care of yourself. I’m happy you were gone, if that’s the reason. I just-” He looked at her, shutting his eyes shut for a brief moment. No. Now was not a good time for a mood swing. Since Lisa’s departure, they had come back. His mood swings, well, he didn’t really know what they were, never put him in a bad mood, no, it was different. It was specific to one person, too. He had tried everything to stop it, but nothing worked. “Shit.” He looked down at the ground, tapping his foot. “I-” Do not look at her. Don’t do it or you’ll regret it. You’ll screw it up. His mind screamed, looming over his manic figure. It was too early for this. The swelling of want in his gut made his breathing quicken. His pulse completely changed in mere seconds. He couldn’t explain what was going on. He wanted what he couldn’t have. This wasn’t normal. People didn’t feel like this about others. It was unnatural, the flush of feelings startled him. He waited it out, thinking about anything but the person sitting next to him. That would only stroke the flames crackling inside.The entire change only lasted thirty seconds, and it could have easily been mistaken for a stutter or pause. “My bad. That was weird. I don’t think it’ll happen again.” Or, at least not in her presence. 

“I’m glad you’re recovering. I missed having you around, Lisa. You’re like... a routine. I kind of find it hard to work when you’re not around. It’s unnatural.” He admitted. He wanted to find a cure. To help her feel better. He could smell Honeydukes’ famous chocolate as if he was in the store. But what did feel natural, however, is when he put a hand on her shoulder, meeting her gaze eye to eye. “I was worried about you, that’s all.” Even to him, his voice sounded weaker, not as confident and at ease anymore.

[corner-m]

It seemed like it had been an age since Michael had last seen Anthony. Up until the funeral for Terry’s mum, he’d have wagered that his old dorm-mate had been taken hostage or something similar, gauging by the other boy’s lack of visibility. He’d bumped into him on occasion here and there, if only for brief spells - between his own hectic schedule and Anthony’s apparent invisibility, the young man wondered if they’d simply lose touch and drift apart. They had never been as close as he’d been with Terry - though that sort of bond was difficult to replicate, given that he thought of Terry as more of a brother than a friend. Yet seeing the other boy that dreary day called back memories of school days gone by, mostly pleasant thoughts of sunny days spent by the Lake and long nights by the hearth, laughing with the entire group. So when he’d asked in passing where the other lad spent his days, Michael was pleasantly surprised to hear about his usual haunt. So, they managed to fit a time in their schedules to meet and catch up.

Michael quickly oriented to the small corner near a bay window where the other boy sat, tucked off to the side in the little shop. He’d been inside the building a few times before but his penchant for coffee usually led Michael to frequent Roasted’s rustic interior instead of the more ornately decorated tea shop. “Oi, Ant. Good to see you mate,” Michael said with a smile, patting his friend on the back as he passed him and slid into his chair. He found the old style of wooden seat a little stiff for his liking, but managed to worm his way into the spot well enough to allow his long legs to leak out one side of the table. “Say - do you order at the front or do they come round? I wasn’t thinking when I came in, but I think a pot of Earl Grey would hit the spot. Are you having anything? Or have you already been here a while?”

[gcldstein-blog]

“You as well, Michael.” Anthony replied, easing into his chair, placing his arms on each of the chair’s own. So far, so good. There were no feelings of slight competition or anything of the likes so far. He was an adult. He could handle acting like one by now. There had always been some type of slight discomfort whenever he saw Michael, one that had just arrived in his gut right now, but he tried his best to push it out of the way and ignore it. There was no reason to be defensive when all the young man had said was a pleasant hello and a simple question.

“Don’t worry, you’re quite alright. The Earl Grey is nice here.” He said. “I’m going to put the order in once I figure out if I want Darjeeling or mint, if that’s okay.” He pondered it over in the back of his mind as the front focused on the conversation at hand. “How’s your training?” He had heard from word of mouth what Michael was up to these days- he seemed to be quite the popular man among their friends. “I’m assume it’s very strenuous. Difficult. And you’re handling it well?” 

[moramcdougal-deactivated2016040]

@gcldstein

“One day you’re going to blow us all away, and I’ll be the only one who knew it was going to happen.” Mora said suddenly, looking up at Anthony as from her position on his couch. The words had come out of nowhere but she truly believed them. Mora had a problem with saying whatever came into her head.

[gcldstein-blog]

“Mm?” Anthony turned around, putting down the container of tea bags on the counter to look at her. “Merlin, Mora, have I not blown you away already? I thought I did that a long time ago.” He said pleasantly, but a little surprised at the sudden statement. “Why do you say that now?”

[youwereholdinganumbrella]

Arguing with book titles.

[percyweasleyfanclub-blog]

Jewish…Percy, as a pureblood, didn’t often interact with many muggle religions, but Jeudaism was one of the few that could usually hold after the shock that magic is real—and, in fact, there were at least a handful of Jewish half- and purebloods. While it was incredibly uncommon in Hogwarts when he was a prefect, he’d met one or two practing wizards since graduating, so it wasn’t absolutely unheard of. It WAS, however, quite fascinating to him, but he decided not to ask Anthony about it for now.

Percy took Anthony’s offer and sat down, giving a pleasant smile. Although it was pulling up a lot of baggage—as was most social interactions for Percy recently, as much as he’d prefer to pretend otherwise—this was one of the better conversations he had in a while, and he’d like to continue it. He mulled Anthony’s question over for a minute, and opened his mouth to speak, the words coming out a bit slowly as he tried to determine how best to phrase this.

“I…don’t have anything else I’m good at, really. I imagine I could get an entry level job at a different company, and perhaps I’d make it one or two promotions up, but I don’t…I’m not smart.”

That was a blunt way of putting it, but in the bottom of his heart, Percy believed it to be true. “I don’t have a special talent like my siblings have. I convinced myself to fall in love with the prospect of the Ministry because I had nothing else going for me, really. As a child, I was the son that ‘behaved’, but that was really about it. This job is all I know.”

A thought tugged at the back of his mind, and before he could stop it, he blurted it out in full. “Besides, all I really want is to be approved of. That’s what most people want, isn’t it? Having all of the most important men and women in the wizarding nation respect me would be…validating.

“I know that I still dream of being minister one day, although I’ve settled for even the idea of having a stablet department to work in. On days I actually feel somewhat good about myself, I come up with plans for laws and legislation that I could at least propose to Kingsley, but I almost always end up trashing it. I would say I’ve lost passion, but it’s not just limited to my job. The idea of keeping up my life like this just feels…exhausting.”

Percy took a sip of his own drink before he could say anything else. He was saying too much, really, but it was hard to stop when he got going.

[gcldstein-blog]

“You’re right. You’re not that smart.” Anthony said with a wry smirk, eyes locked in a smug expression as he watched him sit. “If you believe it, that is. You don’t need to ace the O.W.L.’s to be a genius in your own right. If you think that way... it’s alright, but it’s not very progressive. You want to succeed, you need to believe in yourself first.” He had been expecting an answer like this. It was disappointing how people couldn’t see potential. That, or he was overly optimistic the latter being overly false. “That’s the cool part about the human brain- you can trick yourself into thinking things. Like this, for example.” He motioned to the scene being played out in front of them. “And you. But of course, this is all just opinion, so don’t take anything for granted.” 

Anthony himself was a reckless child, not like Percy was. He could easily imagine Percy as the willing child to any of his parent’s requests. Anthony was nothing like that as a kid, but his parents still loved him all the same. 

“Power is what you really want. With validation comes power.” Maybe he had a lack of power in school, or at least felt it, even though he was a prefect. “There’s nothing wrong with that. I wouldn’t lose passion. But to you, it can be seen as acceptance.” Maybe Percy was... depressed. It was certainly possible. How had he ever thought of that before? That thought stopped him from talking. He didn’t say anything more.

[mandybrocklehvrst-blog]

“You write, Anthony, not read,” Mandy teased, a smile of her own mimicking his own teasing version. When he went on to talk about the book, Mandy lit up, excited at the opportunity to reenact the same conversation they’ve had time and time again — just about a different story. “Vicarious. I like that. Suits me. I’m not terribly far into it but I agree, you know, about the symbolism. You always phrase things so much prettier than I do. I’m the reader, you’re the writer, remember?”

[gcldstein-blog]

“Me? Phrasing things? It’s only because you’re my friend, Mandy, that’s I’m not dead silent or taking three seconds in between responses right now. I basically write to make up for my lack of conversation. Strangers can get... iffy.” He said. Of course, Mandy probably knew that, to some extent. They spent a lot of time together, at both social functions and just being around each other in general, and Anthony had to push himself to get out more. “But you don’t need symbolism and such to make a book good. But, and consider yourself special because I haven’t said this in a while, there are more important things to talk about than books. I ran into you a few weeks ago, but we haven’t talked in two and a half months now?” That wasn’t a long time, but Mandy had always been in his life so he regularly tried to meet up with her to talk. “Something must have happened to you worth sharing. We can go back to my apartment. I still have your favorite tea that you brought over last time.”

[hannxhabbott-deactivated2016121]

Daphne’s smile was sharp, “Right how dismissive of me. I’m Daphne.” She tilted her head as he spoke his name, the name sounding familiar to her, leading her to the conclusion that they must had attended Hogwarts together. She held her hand out to his, nodding her head in introduction.

[gcldstein-blog]

“Nice to meet you then, Daphne. Now I’ll accept your coffee offer.” He said firmly shaking her hand before removing it to point across the street, cautiously creeping out of the alley and looking left and right. “Roasted’s over there.” He was already crossing, holding the door for her. “Do you have an usual order? Most people seem to.”

[gcldstein-blog]

what are your favorite qualities about yourself

“My favorite qualities? I have a lot more than expected, so I need to cut down. Here are some notable ones.

-My observing skills: I’ve more learned a lot more about life by looking at others. I know thing that people are surprised that I know, but by watching them, their personalities become pretty obvious. It also makes me a decent listener and advice giver.

-Loyalty: I’ve had the same friends for as long as I remember, and I’ve never had any reasons to regret the sacrifices and choices I’ve made for them. They’re irreplaceable. 

-Determination: Do I need to explain this? Write a novel, revise it, query it, get an agent, get it sold and published, and then come back to me and tell me what your opinion is. Do it four times over in the muggle world, and two in Wizarding London. Write some articles and editorials while you’re at it. As long as you’re a writer, you’re one of the most determined people I’ve ever met. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, even when you don’t get success the first time.”

[gcldstein-blog]

who do you wanna sleep with?

“I, um, don’t really want to answer this, but I guess I’d probably sleep with one of my female friends. I couldn’t do that to Terry, he’s practically my brother and he’s already my best guy friend… But I don’t want to sleep with Padma or Mandy either. Lisa? Agh. Maybe. I don’t know.”

[gcldstein-blog]

Do you fancy Lisa?

“Do I-” *cough cough* “Fancy her? Well-” *coughs again* “I really don’t want to-” *sneezes* “Answer this-” *rubs throat and tries to swallow* “Alright! It depends. Sometimes I really, really like her, and sometimes I try to push those feelings aside and let them ebb out. I’m trying to do better and keep my feelings under wraps. I don’t want Lisa to know. I don’t want to lose her again.”

(There was a another ask I accidentally deleted on whether Anthony loves Lisa)

“I definitely love her, no hesitation. In a friendly way. If we were talking otherwise, and I’m going to try to make this as non specific as possible, I wouldn’t be talking about her with the confidence I’m displaying right now.”

[osmanthus19]

“I don’t think you could consider it pity. I have such a ‘normal’ life, as they say, that I basically just go in a circle. Wake up early, work, sleep- I think I’d enjoy going out more, but bringing myself to physically go out more is more difficult than it seems. I think I’ve just lost interest. This office job is draining me.”

[gcldstein-blog]

“I have an office job too. I mean, I work in my own office in my flat but it’s still my office.” Anthony shook his head. “It’s tough to go out when you’re tired.” He said with an understanding nod. “My sleep times vary depending on the amount of work I have. It’s messing with my schedule, to be honest.”

[gcldstein-blog]

did mandy get cosmetic charms to her face after you two broke up because i don't believe you guys were in the same year

“Well, what Mandy does is technically her business but I’m pretty sure she didn’t. Are you implying that she looks older than she actually is? You might not want to say that to her face.”