Thoughts And More Thoughts

random blogposts by a person with a chaotic mind — he/him

[gedankenbibliothek]

I’m making more discoveries about my insecurities than I did in the span of about four weeks than I ever did in twelve long months of 2020. Somehow there’s this person in your life who makes you question your identity ground up.

[gedankenbibliothek]

By smiles surrounded

All frown afar

Stand I here amidst

My world’s subconsciousness

Neck all swollen, it’s a hard day’s work

No fruits rewarded that I sowed

Ignored and pushed aside

Needless a reason

It’s a failed inclusion

Where have the minds gone?

A mono cry

A stereo scream

Everyone’s got a beggar’s nature

Demanding a bit acceptance

Acceptance for each soul ignored

[thoughtkick]

“We need never be ashamed of our tears.”

— Charles Dickens

[quotefeeling]

I’m stranded somewhere between wanting you back and letting you go. A constant push and pull between my heart and my brain.

dreamyrainbowwriter (via quotefeeling)

[quotespile]

“You had to love others more than you loved your own body, otherwise you would be destroyed, whether from the inside or out, it didn’t matter.”

— Philipp Meyer, The Son

[vodkaisnice]

“I love you” isn’t what you think it looks like. It’s not romantic dates and holding hands. “I love you” is taking care of someone when they’re blackout drunk and throwing up “I love you” is popping back pimples and still kissing through the runny noses winter brings “I love you” is drooling during sex and laughing together “I love you” is being held while violently sobbing because of an anxiety attack “I love you” is discussing what your morning breath smells like with each other “I love you” is “I don’t want to but I will for you and only you.” It’s all the good and the bad and the gross and the beautiful and ugly things about life and embracing that in each other.

[artfoli]

David, 1624, by Gian Lorenzo Bernini (1598-1680)

[lockzinhas]

[poietike-deactivated20200109]

[artist-goya]

What Will he Die?, 1799, Francisco Goya

Medium: etching,paper

[gedankenbibliothek]

Aus der Serie „Los Caprichos“. Eine Serie von 80 Karikaturen, mit der de Goya die spanische Gesellschaft seinerzeit wegen ihrer närrischen Natur und ihrer Dummheit verurteilt. Die Darstellung von Eseln, in vielen Stücken dieser Serie, ist mit der Schilderung von Dumm- und Narrheit gleichzusetzen. Narrheit kann als Synonym für „Eselei“ gesehen werden.

[artist-friedrich]

Inside the Forest under the moonlight, 1830, Caspar David Friedrich

[artfoli]

Saturn Devouring His Son, 1819-1823, by Francisco de Goya (1746-1828)

[gedankenbibliothek]

Seiner Zeit voraus.

[nappesworld]

[bathtubbarrister]

that’s some damn tea

[greyhairedgeekgirl]

If extending a right to all people reduces your rights in any way?  That means that right has been dependent on the oppression of someone else.

It means you’ve been profiting from the subjugation of others in some way.  Are you good with that?

[smartest-of-them-all]

Wow this tea is SCALDING

[wxitingforlove]

A few days ago I broke down in front of my mom and unfortunately, in front of my 5 year old niece.

When my niece got picked up by her parents today, she told them about it. I understand the she, little as she is, doesn't understand the whole situation.

What I don't understand ist, how can my mom say to that "She once again had her phase" as if it was nothing? As if I decided to scram, cry and sob like crazy?

I'm hurt and I don't know what to say to this.

Why have I been so sensitive and emotional lately? I'm crying, god I hate all of this so much.

[gedankenbibliothek]

I have depression, my mom is worried sick and so is my dad, though he’ll never understand me (and I have tried my best with him). My mom often plays it off as if a simple visit to a therapist could help me or as if her research on the web put into her words could help me at all.

Yes, a therapist is a good start, but a little support from your parents couldn’t do any harm, or could it?

At least my mom doesnt claim that I’d have a phase when I feel unmotivated or powerless now and then. The problem is though that most parents don’t know how they’re supposed to act when their children really do have anxiety & depression.

What they should consider is that something at home is making you feel how you feel. Maybe the way you are treated or how they handle your depression. My dad’s behavior towards me is what often triggers my anxiety attacks due to his insistence on being right constantly. I’ve often tried to make things easier for my dad but when I try he usually turns to his routine of screaming at me again because apparently I’m wrong about my will to assist him. Since he won’t learn, ever, I decided to avoid as many anxiety-triggering situations as possible.

Maybe considering a change of environment is helpful but it has to be your parent(s) who need to change themselves in order to support you the right way. They are crucial for your recovery.

Don’t get me wrong you are too, ofc. But without any support from the outside you will also be trapped with your thoughts, and a vicious cycle is inevitable.

[gedankenbibliothek]

Vor ein paar Tagen war ich spazieren. Relativ nahe zu meiner Elternwohnung. Während ich lief und lief wurde mir immer übler und übler. All das was ich kannte, wurde mir auf einmal so fremd, als wäre ich nicht zuhause, als wäre die Umgebung umittelbar zu meinem Zuhause aus meinen Erinnerungen verschwunden. Fremd. Weder die Pfade, die ich entlang lief, noch die Häuser und deren Gärten fühlten sich wie Zuhause an. Warum habe ich dieses Gefühl? Warum ist diese Region mir nur so fremd? Seit 12 Jahren lebe ich hier mit meinen Eltern, seit meinem sechsten Lebensjahr, und doch fühle ich mich nicht an dem Ort aufgenommen, an welchem ich den Großteil meines Lebens verbracht habe?

Die Heimat, die so vertraut und doch so fern vorkommt, kann man das Heimat nennen? Wenn jede Ecke und jede Kante sich so anfühlt als würde sie dich loswerden wollen, ist das deine Heimat?

[fremde-waren-freunde]

“Wer nichts für andere tut, tut nichts für sich.”

— Goethe

[gedankenbibliothek]

Hilft man einer Person, hilft man allen.

[willkommen-in-germany]

Source: Day Translations Inc., 2015

[gedankenbibliothek]

Da ist man doch ein stolz auf die eigene „Mutterzunge“.