Essek and religious trauma
Saw this post from @balleater here and having been meaning to write a meta on the subject, theorizing about what we know.
Essek admits to being seriously traumatized when Caleb talks to him in the Grove.
(141) Caleb: Somewhat hypocritical coming from me, but try to be kind to yourself.
Essek: You, more than anyone, showed me that trauma doesn't define you.
The easiest conclusion is religious trauma, along with neglect and abandonment.
In the wrap-up Matt puts serious emphasis on Essek's parents and family being "very deeply steeped" in the religious culture alongside how Essek has "very much eschewed" the religious culture, that no one has ever genuinely cared about Essek beyond his influence and talent, that his family didn't understand or support his focus on dunamantic research (or his career), and draws clear lines about the negative aspects of Dynasty's theocratic authoritarianism and cultural zealotry, comparing it to evangelicalism and doomsday cults.
He also gives us hints that it's a bad situation for anyone who doesn't follow the official faith, like in Eiselcross when Caleb asks questions about the official religion and Kryn theories on the beacons:
(124) Essek: It is an interesting idea, though I would caution to keep it close to the chest. Such conversations might be considered sacrilege in some circles of the Dynasty.
Which as word of god tells us Essek had a very bad relationship with his powerful authoritarian den family that didn't understand him or his goals, and he grew up in the Bastion (which is a temple to the Luxon), when the Dynasty laws are founded on the faith and enforced by the military:
(EGtW) The laws of the dynasty, which stem from the faith of the Luxon, are enforced by a network of trusted Aurora Watch captains and soldiers
To the point where Matt emphasized how even petty criminals in the prison were systematically "beaten and emaciated", sacrilege could have ugly consequences, even growing up.
Especially considering that all we know of his father is that he seemed to have a temper to the point of extremely self-destructive tendencies, and that he was possibly military and thus law enforcement (warriors function as both in the Dynasty).
Even in the dinner conversation when he was being outstandingly open, Essek was very careful not to tell the nein anything that could allow other Kryn to question his faith:
Marisha: So his lying about it [consecution] was just about going along with the zealotry and not-
Matt: Exactly, because he didn't want people to think that there was something up.
And then there's Essek's massive trust problems, which are specifically focused on the word "trust":
(131) Caleb: We feel we can trust you more than my old teacher.
(You see... when you say the word "trust". It's simultaneously like seeing a small hit to the heart, and whatever icy bit that cracked melts away for a minute. There's a moment of him hearing the word and letting it wash over him.)
Essek: I'm thankful for the trust you put in me. And I hope to make this up to you.
(124) Essek: I've never really been trusted and so I did not trust.
When I- when you gave me trust, it gave me a perspective that was so agonizingly striking. So easy to see that I refused to acknowledge it at first, even.
(135) Essek: The more I begin to see Beauregard, yourself return with these markings- I've only just recently learned to trust. It's hard to begin to mistrust so quickly.
Where there's a theory that it might stem from the Dynasty's training for echo knights and dunamancers (when we've heard Essek tell Caleb that the training is comparable to that of scourgers), and we even see the echo knight in Zadash react very strongly to the word "trust":
(13) Mollymauk: We just need to know who we can trust and who we can't.
Thuron: You cannot trust anybody in this city. You cannot trust yourselves. Anyone who has not bound themselves. They are the enemy.
Other context and info gives us that consecution and worshipping the Luxon and following the umavi-written "system of pure faith" (as EGtW dictates the Luxon is canonically silent and unconscious) is required for people to hold political/spiritual/military office and influence, and to work for the theocratic government (comprised of the 12 noble religious den families), and that dunamancy and the Dynasty's dunamis research is only accessible to those working for the government.
And it seems like Essek hints at unattractive consequences to others discovering he's been lying about his faith (and/or the dangerous nature of his career):
(131) Essek: I just know that I've also survived this long, weaving the intricacies of deceit like I have, by knowing how best to keep myself out of the complications as best as I can.
Finally, we have Essek's relationship with punishment and pain, alongside the Dynasty's systematic religious corporal punishment:
(57) In the shadows there look to be multiple figures. Some human, some ogre-ish with more reinforced bars, drow. Emaciated, beaten. Not looking happy and healthy, but then again, what good Dungeon of Penance would?
(77) ...days of chosen sunlight in which the nightfall is dispelled and the people of Rosohna and Xhorhas bask in the sun. Even those who find pain and challenge in its presence, as it is part of the worship.
(EGtW) The Kryn drow who emerged from the shadowed depths of the caverns beneath Xhorhas now endure periods of sunlight as part of their worship.
Periods of days, sometimes weeks, will transpire in a state of perpetual evening, enabling the darkness-bound denizens to go about their work. Such periods briefly come to an end to usher in periods of scheduled, mass worship under the sunlight.
(99) Essek: I will take my leave for the night. Thank you for not throwing me into the water.
(97) Essek: The pain is somewhat comforting because I am my own punishment.
(91) Essek: I have seen those far older than you that have experienced maybe half the pain I see in your eyes. Age isn't everything. Experience is what hardens you, prepares you for the worst.
(138) Beau: My essence will haunt you.
Essek: And I would deserve it, like I deserve all of the things that haunt me.
Jester: Aw, Essek...
Essek: Don't- offer me any solace.
(141) Essek: Maybe it's time I just found my way. Really began my penance. I've procrastinated long enough in dealing with my sins.
I convinced myself I'd be alone for so much of my life. It's hard to say goodbye when I don't feel alone anymore, but… I understand. I understand and accept what I've done.
