President of Tumblr University

ko-fi EVERYONE’S STEALING MY GOSH DARN SHOELACES!!!

[scramratz]

everyone u reblog is safe right? i feel like u reblog a lot of ppl and i just want to make sure ur vetting them all first,,,

Everybody I reblog from is evil and does crimes aplenty

[brothers-who-turn-into-birds]

she's forklift certified

[zmpl]

real as fuck joe

[badsciencejokes]

Dude has a death wish

[vergess]

Delighted to announce this bird is real and is a corvid.

Truly the family that just keeps giving.

[haropla]

I haven’t seen it in the notes yet, so afaik, here’s the source of that video! So now you can see the funny poison bird much more clearly.

It was taken by a biologist that studies birds so it seems like he knows what he’s doing. For the most part. Here’s his caption:

[krystal-prisms]

You all know that he 100% licked his fingers after handling that bird

[totally-original-artist]

[blankinsidecards]

guys it’s bad. I started relistening to mbmbam. that’s how low i’m feeling. i’m on episode 291. they mentioned extremerestraints.com do you know how fucking dire this is. as a canary in my mental health coal mine

[comicpolls]

Favourite Cosmic Character: Round One Match Twenty-Six of Thirty-Two

Thor

Taylor Barzelay (Galaxy)

Voting ended onJul 18

[its-your-mind]

galaxy? beloved transgender dream powered alien galaxy???

[lysimachias]

❌ Is this ship well supported by canon

❌ Does this ship make any sense whatsoever by any reasonable metric

✅ Does the thought of these characters standing next to each other make you want to chew concrete and then break apart a nearby automobile with your bare hands

[heartofaspen]

i love it and hate it when a character in a story is so obviously created to be cool and awesome and then i do think they're cool and awesome. like fuck, yeah, ok, they're fucking epic. swag as hell. you got me you coolbaited me ok? i'm coolbaited.

[nostalgic-teddyy]

Imagine the level of whimsy I could reach if I just had $5M in my bank account rn

[persephoneme]

you can't say "hey has anyone noticed that M/M fic outnumbers F/F like 100:1” or “it feels racist that only 3/202 characters on the ao3 top 100 ships list are Black and two of them are Alastor HazbinHotel” bc some ppl will start going like “oh so you think we should FORCE people to write about things they DON’T CARE ABOUT for WOKE????” and you’ll be like “no, i’m pointing out that the conditions that created this disparity are informed by racism & misogyny” and ppl will say “it’s not BIGOTED to only care about WHITE MEN” and then the gargoyle king appears

[noodles-and-tea]

Seems about right

[cleo-fox]

Writing tips:

“You feel the bulge in his pants” - implies that you are feeling some guy’s penis, may be sexy depending on context

“You feel the bugle in his pants” - implies that this guy has a military horn in his pants, invites confusing questions like why does he have that and how big are his pockets

[maple-seed]

Both options convey that he's horny

[sizzlingsandwichperfection-blog]

RIP Sisyphus he would've loved emails.

[its-your-mind]

this implies that sisyphus did eventually grow to love the rock that had once been his eternal torment.

by this logic, you, john green, may hope to one day grow to love the emails, just as the sisyphus of your metaphor grew to love his interminable climb.

[only-cat-memes]

[teaboot]

Names that are normal for old people but weird when you're a baby:

Bartholomew

Dolores

Norman

Harold

Magnolia

Names that are normal for babies but weird when you're old:

Maddison

Tanner

Skylar

Mckenzie

Logan

Names that are normal for old people and normal for babies:

Elizabeth

Mary

Michael

Finnegan

Peter

Names that are weird when you're a baby and weird when you're old:

Radish

Kerosene

Australopithecus

Anthill

Hegemony

Names that are weird when you're normal:

Balthazar

Romulus

Clandestia

Persephone

Kremulon

Names that are normal when you're weird:

Al

[starrynet]

that’s his little guy!!

[sizzlingsandwichperfection-blog]

I wanted to let you know that I tried out the good store washing machine detergent sheets, and they work pretty well for my laundry needs, so thanks for successfully selling and marketing those.

Thanks I am a good professional marketer especially given my salary!

Get your stuff at good.store. 100% of our profit goes to charity.