a heart is a heavy burden

halcyonhaunting —> butcherb1rd Just vibing on my slice of the internet | Call me MJ | She/They | Gen Z | Asexual and Queer! | Studio Art major with zero (0) career goals | Currently Obsessed with my lovely OCs, Critical Role, and MCYT | Nature Enthusiast and Amateur Birder | Banner and profile pic are both by me

[butcherb1rd]

werewolf guy and his issues (x)

let's pretend that this isn't my first art post in almost a year :) here's the guy who's been taking up the front of my brain for like four months now. his name is warren and his werewolf form is based on a red wolf

[ranticore]

all that texture for absolutely no reason other than needing something to do with my hands

[rosiethorns88]

"Unmake Me"

Dropping the first papercraft of the year, and the first full papercraft I've personally done in 4 years (if you exclude commissions and standees). I was grateful to catch one of the limited theatrical screenings of Guillermo del Toro's Frankenstein (2025) at the end of last year and I think we can all agree this scene was the stand-out moment in the film. But there were also several themes that hit me with such a powerful resonation, I felt like my soul was sucked into the film and split between the mind of Victor and the heart of the Creature.

Firstly, how could I have not captured this scene in papercraft? Assembling the Creature from scraps of paper, moments before he's meant to become scraps himself. It allowed me to step into Victor's shoes, and relive the obsessive pursuit he describes in the film, only to suddenly meet his goal and aimlessly fumble with what he's created, chaining it in the dungeon, out of sight and mind. I find myself, after tireless nights of dedicated crafting, throwing my completed papercrafts into my closet, documented, abandoned, eager to start the next one.

My Cake Tier Patreon members can download a digital papercraft kit of this when I drop the files later tonight!

Read on further if interested in how this papercraft marks a personal health milestone for me. Otherwise, have a wonderful day!

Why this papercraft marks a personal health milestone for me.

March 2023 is when my health suddenly took a left turn (see Facedown Fate and Night-Glimmer posts). Out of nowhere, I began to have what I call 'low heart rate sessions', where my heart rate for any activity was running 10-15 points lower than normal. I felt like I was walking underwater, my chest felt heavy, I felt cold, and would have to breathe heavy to keep up with the activity I was doing (whether that be walking, or even sitting). Then after several hours, it would suddenly disappear. My HR would rise to normal levels, my breathing would ease, my temperature would rise. No explanation or trigger.

I went to the ER 7 times over the next two months, and with the onset of my second now-chronic symptom, what I refer to as a PVC, I checked into the hospital for evaluation. People who have PVCs describe them as heart flutters, but mine are heart 'kicks'. Like a miniaturized version of the wind being knocked out of you. It's a scary, uncomfortable heart rate hiccup, invoking a short cough, and there's a feeling of dread lasting moments after it happens.

Over the next two years, I went to gastrologists, pulmonary specialists, allergists, 3 different cardiologists, tested so many medications, had multiple CT scans, MRIs, Echos, holter monitors, stress tests, all coming back with 'you're healthy as a horse, it's just stress'. In the end, the only solution my cardiologists could offer were anti-depressants for the stress or beta-blockers for the PVCs (which, hah, lower the heart rate….hello???), which I declined both. I felt if it was stress causing these mystery symptoms, medications interfering with my productivity would just make me more stressed.

During the height of my symptoms I would experience a PVC every 20 minutes, invoked by sudden HR changes (even something like eating shaved ice, which triggers a hypothermic response through your tongue) or random stress events. Eventually, I cut out unnecessary stress in my life (like the news) and I saw my PVCs start to recede to a handful of times per day, months later.

Now, almost three years later, I'm only experiencing them a couple of times a week, if at all, after significant lifestyle changes and rigorous stress deterrents that I invoked at the start of 2025.

I sat through the Frankenstein film marveling at how bosom buddies I was with Victor's ambitions, only to realize I was experiencing my second self through the Creature. A being who was confused in his body, and clashing with his creator, desperate for answers on how to continue living as he is.

Him holding onto the dynamite stick was a taunted retribution toward Victor, but there's a moment of desperate hope in his eyes that this could be the way to unmake himself, perhaps into something Victor would realize he has to accept.

Last year I had to unmake myself to put everything back together with where I'm at now. With those tools in my pocket, I have a better outlook for 2026 and beyond. Rather than the closet, I've hung this frame in my hallway to remind me of this milestone, my Creature, everyday.

[butcherb1rd]

just rescued a stray cat and took him to the shelter. feeling good :) one down, maybe half a dozen left lmao

^ the beast in question. he has a few scabs and seems very young, but he’s neutered and so so friendly. i hope he gets adopted :3

[butcherb1rd]

over-salted my shitty little soup cup. life is evil

[butcherb1rd]

absolutely zoinked. only one thought per five minutes. it takes her like over a minute to register any stimulus. i opened the door to say hi and she was sitting in front of it, then started growling because i wouldn’t let her leave the room 😭

[c-kiddo]

me when im pretty pretty princess

[butcherb1rd]

do you guys like my 2ft 10in incineroar?

or how about my 10ft 6in corviknight?

[butcherb1rd]

i know nothing about interview with a vampire. but i liked half a dozen cool art posts and the Guys being all sexy or whatever and now i see it ALL the time on my dash. and you know what? i’m glad. whatever the fuck those people have going on is great

(also does the show(s?) have a lot of violence? i’d assume so, because ya know, vampires. but if it has a manageable amount i might watch it)

[butcherb1rd]

the sheep detectives is such a good movie. perfect blend of comedy and whodunnit. all of the sheep are so amazing and i loveeee their animation so much. and hugh jackman is there. truly a wonderful movie

[butcherb1rd]

of all episodes, this one feels the most like a total descent into insanity

[butcherb1rd]

the Grant Room is one of the more terrifying things to come out of game changer

[butcherb1rd]

had an vet appointment with anesthesia scheduled today for my old lady but they forgot to inform us that she needed to be fasting 🙃 thanks guys!

[starridge]

*(Kris felt a strange melancholy.)

* (It was a feeling that they should not look for the man anymore.)

* (... even though they had never done such a thing in the first place.)

[butcherb1rd]

pet peeve #163638: when people use “yuri” or “lesbian” to describe kriselle and krusie. i don’t even care about shipping, but come on guys. kris is not a woman/a girl/feminine/whatever. i thought we’ve established this

[butcherb1rd]

sitting outside even tho it’s hot because the lobby is filled with customers and it’s Loud. outside is not loud, just hot and sticky so i guess i have to be okay with that

[hillhomed]

what we have no one else does