Gemini

A diary through the ages of a Gemini. Here are my secrets laid bare upon these pages for all to read . Forever exposed, yet not. Vulnerable, raw and intimate. To be perused and inspire for eternity. 

[gemini-verses]

Origins of Chaos

With a love like ours it was plain to see

There truly wasn't any mystery

With what's already come, and yet to be

It's clear why storms are named after people

My heart's like the wind, it longs to be free

No longer dreaming of a bended knee

Declarations made, exchanging of rings

To marriage a no, commitment I'll bring

It's clear why storms are named after people

My future now seems a little blurry

I hate when love comes with so many strings

Need them? Hell no! Want them? Every day!

If I desire you in my life, I'll stay

Push my line and you'll feel my fury

It's clear why storms are named after people

[gemini-verses]

If Only

Love

Death

Cycles

Love is found

Death is had by all

If only these two were reversed

[gemini-verses]

Pandemic Phobia

My worst fear has come alive

Sheer panic grips my mind

Symptom or not, I cannot breathe

My thoughts are quite unkind

You come to me for help

I must willingly comply

With a smile upon my face

I feel my sanity slowly die

Keep calm, have empathy

Play your daily role

Come home and crash again

You’re losing bits of your soul

I trudge along each day

One foot in front of the other

But my biggest fear in this life 

Is will I ever get to be a mother?

To have my own family

To hold dear to my heart

To get me through the day

Home is the best part

This illness is running rampant

Much like my thoughts

Dear universe please help

With all these twisted plots

Our world has been upturned

This is the new norm

I have faith that with love

We shall weather this storm

[gemini-verses]

Shared Experience

There I am

Being laid bare upon so many pages

The curves and edges of my story exposed

A juxtaposition of elegant swirls and jagged lines

Decadence for the ears and a delight for the eyes

Does the raw intimacy of it’s nature call to the voyeur in you?

To see, know and use me so freely, fluidly

We are one my love

What affairs we have had of the heart, mind and soul

Let these words caress our lips as they leave forever

Giving pieces of ourselves to eternity; immortalized

[gemini-verses]

She chose goodbye

I watched as she left her final footprints

Her clothing strewn across the forest

A haphazard goodbye note

Pieces left askew much like her heart

Her lungs grasping at straws through the choking of tears

Saying goodbye to herself

Breath by breath

Step by step

The leaves crunching under her

The soundtrack to her death march

The lines of memories streaming down her cheeks

Eyes electric in the overcast light, rimmed in red

Eternity mirrored in her gaze as her toes hit the shore

The peace of her loss of ambivalence washing over her

Just as the waves engulf her, her final ripples ebbing away

Water returning to glass as she fades away

[gemini-verses]

Devil In My Living Room

I was in a mood to make bad decisions

And you were ready for chaos

The experience of you was bitter like bile

The smell of you pungent

The taste burnt like battery acid

I never want to be the woman I was with you

I hope she never sees the light of day

You played in the shadows

And that’s where she will stay

Dark, monstrous and dormant, alone

Much like you want to be

[gemini-verses]

Healing

Give me your hand and I will help you trace the grooves of self loathing left in my heart

Let your eyes search mine for the depths of my thoughts

Share your peace with me; and mend together the pieces of this broken woman

Shattered pieces of innocence scattered and lost amongst the trauma

Press your lips to the chaos of my soul and breathe in your love

Resurrect me, breathe life into me once more

So I may give you the love we both desperately need

Even if just to know for once truly what love is

[gemini-verses]

Free

The winds of change have swept the halls of my soul

[gemini-verses]

New Growth

You always knew which words to string together to help me understand the ache inside of me

The hollowness where your love found it’s home

Blossoming the seeds you planted

My heart is so full, it smiles because of you

The fullness of it engulfs my body

My love shines bright through my eyes and smile

I can’t help but radiate

Happiness and love for myself look good on me

[gemini-verses]

Grounding Myself in Colour

The lines around my heart are drawn in hues of you

Shades of you fill in the soft edges

I am engulfed in you

Yet have never stood so firmly on my own feet

You freed me with your love

I am forever grateful

[gemini-verses]

Finding My Line

I didn’t know I had boundaries

Until you took my heart and showed it what it was to be loved

Then I recognized all the lies I had been told

About myself and who I ought to be

About what it meant to be a woman

About beauty and worth

About sex and love

You were the light at the end of the tunnel I was stumbling around in

Lost to myself, a fraud no doubt

But I am finding my truth

Boundary by boundary

Day by day

Moment by moment

I find pieces of myself in the glow of your love for me

And revel in the sunshine radiating from my heart

[gemini-verses]

To The First Other Woman

I loved him

I loved him more than I loved myself

I just... he made me feel safe

I didn’t want him to be lonely

He deserved to not be lonely

I sleep better at night now 

I am grateful you hold his heart

But please be gentle

For he will always hold a piece of mine

[gemini-verses]

Cravings

I hope you never grow tired of me

Like that first sip of morning coffee

That first cigarette drag in a long time

I hope you crave me like a drug

But need me like oxygen

[gemini-verses]

Tiptoe Into Chaos

The tension ebbed as my inner lush came through

My eyes fixed on the sparkle in yours

My second bedpost notch was about to be you

As we entangled ourselves upon the living room floor

Clothes did not come off frantically

But rather slow and sensual

You undressed me to the soul gently

While my body shame raged, your face was impartial

Your eyes never left me, you drank me in

Telling me sweet lies about my beauty

Adoring every inch of skin

The skin I’d hated since before puberty

The moments were long but the night short

Hating myself every step of the way

But as dawn drew near you gave me support

And loved me until the light of day

We parted ways on a sweet note

Affection in your eyes

A lump began to fill my throat

As we said our only goodbyes

You taught me how to love myself

Good enough exactly as I am 

My worth no longer on some shelf

I’m fat, and he didn’t give a damn

You saw me bare and broken with all of my scars

You saw what is inside as out

I could tell by your eyes full of stars

Thank you is all I muster as you kiss away my doubts

Our eyes drift apart, our hands let go and I slip away

With the gift of a fleeing moment of self love

Reflected to me off of you

[gemini-verses]

The Shell

The dark triad that is your mind

Has light shed upon it brightly

So many of your words unkind

You left a shell of what was me

[gemini-verses]

Facing Fear

You seen right through me

Lost in an episode

Consumed with narcissistic rage

Tormented by childhood trauma

And rampant paranoia

All this time you seen into me

Deep Into my soul

Right past my heart

That's why it cut so deep

When your eyes met mine

And my reflection wasn't there

I was a memory, fading from view

[gemini-verses]

Wilder Than Her

The depth of your love for me is astounding

I'm overwhelmed by it

Our love is a force of nature

A pull of gravity, towards the best of ourselves

And diving into each others deep end

Embracing and bathing each other in adorable bliss

Entangled in romantic caresses and kisses

I'm enamored with the way you make me feel

I crave you like the ache for new vulnerable experiences and connection

Far surpassing the craving of a drug

I'll be your rock babe, if you keep me wild

Lets adventure together, I'm strapped in for the ride