The most comfortable thing for me to do is to stay silent and listen.
But it’s also one of the most difficult things for me to do.
In the spirit of not coming off as someone who’s trying to garner pity or sympathy (I’m really not) I will, however, say that I’ve spent most of my high school and early college years trying to break out of the social awkwardness that resulted from my introverted tendencies. I tried a lot of things, like studying my facial expressions in the mirror so that I would be better prepared to “present” my face to the world outside (some of you have heard me admit that my series of “silly” Facebook profile pictures actually began because I was insecure about my real smile). I practiced being confident (aggressive, even) in my speech even when I didn’t know what the heck I was talking about, so that people would listen to me when I had something to say, so that I wouldn’t have to miss the spotlight all the time. My goal was to command respect, and the name of the game was control. And when I finally got it right (or so I thought) — everybody paid attention to me, everybody liked me, everybody wanted to be my friend — I hoisted up a trophy of self-accomplishment and cruised from there.
But isn’t it interesting how God reminds us — gently, yes, but firmly and irresistibly — that in order to crown Him Lord of our lives, we need to give up even the things we value most? And in this instant I’m reminded of Paul’s passion as recorded in Philippians 3:8.
The charisma that I’d spent so long “developing” is so near and dear to my heart because it reflects one of my deepest-seated desires: the need for certainty in an uncertain world. But He coaxes me into letting go of my self-made attempts at control, NOT because He is a demanding, unreasonable slave-driver, but because He knows that ultimately He is the only certainty that will satisfy and fulfill me.
The most comfortable thing for me to do, as a natural introvert, is to stay silent and listen.
But, in all my striving and chasing, it has also become one of the most difficult things for me to do.
And so it’s a work in progress, yes. It’s His work in progress.
andulkaphoto
yousharknotpass
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prguitarman
