Nothing makes a fully transitioned trans woman feel more like a man than recovery after SRS. :(
Avery 2017

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@genderdoesmatter
Nothing makes a fully transitioned trans woman feel more like a man than recovery after SRS. :(
Avery 2017
If you want pics....
Safe browsing must be off because the pics are all flagged NSFW on purpose.... So, main packing it out, Stent is still in. Oddly, it doesn't help at all. The stitches holding the Stent in ate still pulling so it hurts, the Stent is HUGE so it still feels like a watermelon between my legs, and I still have the stupid catheter. Not much progress going on... Except now I can see how nasty everything looks and I swear it's not looking good. I asked for a vagina not a well tenderized roast. The catheter now feels even worse since moving forward the tube cause feelings. Now I'm bleeding and gooping from my giant wound, and everything is still so full and swollen that sitting or walking are still impossible tasks. Fortunately, the next day I'm scheduled to get the Stent removed and hopefully the catheter! Sleeping is still impossible, sitting to eat is a non-starter... I go downstairs long enough to stuff my face then right back to my room to rest. ....to be continued
Post SRS Recovery
The recovery house was nice. The other girls who had surgery were also there, in varying levels of pain. At this point I still had a catheter but no bag, so I had to stand to pee!!! To empty my bladder through the catheter. What a horrible feeling. If you haven't had one, the suction from emptying it, when the bladder is empty there is a bit of a shock. It's not all that painful but extremely unpleasant feeling. One that made everyone cringe - like turning the handle on a jack in the box waiting for the shock :(. Peeing sucked. And if you saw my post with the NSFW pics, you saw the giant mass that was between my legs.. It makes things very difficult to move about. Add in swelling, pain, and tightness from the stitching and bed was the ultimate place to be. Pain was an easy 7-8 / 10. I would rate it higher but I redefined my levels of pain thanks to this. What I used to think was a 10 now only rated a 4 on my new scale. Sleeping was in an electric adjustable bed, which helped since I was still only on my back and losing my mind. I slept most nights propped up or contorted in some way. Switching from Oxycodone to Morphine made me super ill, so I switched again to Demerol... That helped with the pain, but I found myself unable to sleep, talking to myself and having vivid daydreams... I made the silly decision to take it to help sleep and didn't sleep a wink. At most, stretches of 30-45 minutes were my longest sleeps. We were expected to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner with the rest of the people in recovery- they did everything short of dragging us down the stairs to get us to go. The food was good, and people were all nice, but I was in so much pain and so messed up from pain killers that the first 4-5 days I barely left my room. It was at this point that I started asking myself "WTF did you just do???? What did you get yourself into???" It's not that I questioned my decision to have bottom surgery exactly, and didn't question my gender at all... Just... Why didn I initiate one of the most painful things I've ever experienced, with no signs of getting better? Why am I going through this torture? But I told myself that when the bandages came off it would all be better.... ... To be continued
Post SRS Fun
I know I havenāt posted since surgery. Times have been rough. One would think that surgery should make me happy beyond belief, but the reality is - recovery sucks. Let me give a bit of a breakdown of what itās been like, and maybe Iāll even share some pictures.
Surgeryā¦
I walked up to the OR waiting room and met with the anesthesiologist. I was given my options: general anesthesia or spinal block with twilight sleep. The options were weighed with the risks of each and benefits of each. I chose spinal, since it provides the best pain mitigation and relaxes the muscles to allow better access for the surgeon. Better access = better results. The twilight sleep assured that I will not be awake and not remember a thing.
⦠Except that I woke up multiple times. Each time I remember looking around for someone, nurse or anesthesiologist and asked if we were done. I assumed we were in the recovery room. āBonjour! Are we done?ā āNot yetā⦠Turns a knob, back to sleep.
I woke 3 or 4 times. The good news? I didnāt freak and I didnāt realize until after that it was during surgery.
When I finally did wake, I couldnāt feel or move the lower half of my body because of the spinal. I was moved to my room, still no feeling. Over the next couple of hours, stuck on my back, unable to move, they kept testing for feeling, sensation, etc. Eventually I started to feel, and gradually I got motion back, but the pain from surgery made movement, repositioning etc virtually impossible.
The next 36 hours were spent in the hospital bed, on my back, unable to really reposition or move or do anything at all. As a tummy/side sleeper, this was hell. Combined with a bad choice of pain killers (Oxycodone) I didnāt sleep the entire time. When they did try to get me up to walk, I got dizzy and almost collapsed. I didnāt, but I was back in bed and lost my opportunities to walk the floor.
I donāt believe my IV drip was working right, they never seemed to change the bag, though I was peeing a lot (because I was drinking a lot, I was soooo thirsty). Likely dehydration had something to do with my dizziness. I did get one chance to walk once around the floor before I was taken to the recovery house- and made to walk up a flight of stairs to my roomā¦. And there I stayed until the next day.
ā¦to be continued
What a terrible mess.
My fancy gown, waiting for my OR time...
Question of the day
Courtesy of my amazing surgery companion: "Do you think they have an incinerator on site or do they just have piles of testicles in a room?"
Today is the day...
It's here. Today is the day. I got a little bit of sleep and will try to get some more before surgery, but nerves are high. I'm thirsty and dehydrated. I feel queasy. This is a lot rougher mentally and physically pre-op than I expected it to be, but it's happening and the lead up is just about gone. No more previews, just time for the main event....
The Hudson River on my way to Montreal. My life, especially transition has been a surreal journey. This journey for surgery is no exception. The train is truly a perfect trip for this experience.
On the train to Montreal!! Omg, it's really happening.
Panic sets in... Montreal tomorrow
So tomorrow I will get on a train for my last weekend ever with my 'growth'. Full panic has set in and I'm kinda terrified of what is to come. I do have doubts and reservations, though mostly around 'what if something goes wrong'. Assuming everything goes well I doubt there will be any problems with my happiness. As much as my crazy T boost these past few weeks have made me regain a bit of appreciation for the amazing thing that is a penis - it's not me and it doesn't belong on me. That plus the T is doing everything that I hate it for, everything feels wrong, I'm aggressive, angry, combative, can't concentrate. It has made the past few weeks insanely more difficult that it should have... so I know without a doubt that I am born to be driven by estrogen. I'm a woman, of that I have never been more sure... So penis must go, vagina must be installed, and life must go on. But I'm still terrified. More to come tomorrow!
The countdown is on...
and the diet stalled.Ā Sigh.Ā I was doing great, even having myĀ ācheatā days to keep the metabolism up.Ā Unfortunately, I think the fact that Iām no longer on hormones is really messing with everything.Ā So now Iām pretty stuck around the same.Ā Sigh.Ā At least itās BELOW what I had originally listed on my surgery forms for weight.Ā So thatās a positive I guess?
A few more days then off to New York City for the weekend, then one week to clean up my projects at work before Iām off to Montreal!
Daughter braided my hair today! Getting some kiddie time before I'm out of commission for surgery
Sudden Terrible Realization...
Sunday will be my last day on hormones until after surgery..... I donāt know how I feel about this... :/
On a positive note...Ā Sunday will be my last day on T-blockers.. EVER.. I feel great about that :)
Trans? Me? Nahhh
Nothing beats an unlimited supply of homemade pickles....
Father's Day
OMG, I just realized I'll be spending father's day at the B&B prepping to have my vagina installed the next day XD