one is not born, but rather, becomes @genderistrouble - Tumblr Blog

I remember 2017. I couldn't bring myself to the dining hall, nor to the kitchen, nor to take a shower. Landy saved me by taking me out. Now I can't even go out. Even if I can, what will I do? No places of joy I can visit during this outbreak which I can never know when will it last.

I was mad at her and was about to leave, but she held me like this, I guess I had no choice but to stay

#wlw #lesbian #bisexual #pansexual #girlfriend #the love of my life

genderistrouble

I think I’m going to marry her

genderistrouble

I will find ways to marry her

#diary #personal #her

I feel sad that I cannot marry the love of my life here

My friend: ‪“Chance untuk ketemu tinder date yang psycho lebih gede daripada ketemu true love.” And then I met mine so easily. ‬

#diary #her #true love #tinder

THE FUCK??? I just realised that my biggest achievement of the year was coming out to my parents!!! Everyone please give me a round of applause!!!!!!!

#diary #personal #coming out

HEY ASSHOLE. IT’S BEEN TEN YEARS.

I still hope it haunts you every single time you see me and gives your body pain with every touch you give me from that day on.

I think I’m going to marry her

#diary #personal #her

I had a dream about A but the day before I had a dream about R. I guess those were just my being Gemini. Well, at least today I had a dream about I in which we were both so in love. And again I am as confident as ever to go far with I.

do you even need me? what’s the point of my existence then?

Nyari cara berhenti menstruasi, semuanya ngaruh ke hormon (iyalah). Hormon gue udah kacau, bangsat.

I hate to be the one who always apologises. But hey! At least she never threatens to leave. I just realised that The One Who Left not only left the relationship, but also left a scar and insecurity of people leaving me. It’s just as if she’s sharing her problem to me! Bit not in a good way, only that I now have the same problem she had(/s?)! Yay!

#diary #personal

Dont become the person you despise, my dear

genderistrouble

I remember one night I was awaken by a terrible headache and I feel like my head is being punctured by rusty swords. It was so bad I cried and I cried quite loud that I woke up my parents whose room I was sleeping at. My mother reluctantly brought me painkillers and scolded me for waking everyone up. At that moment I whom was in the middle of an excruciating pain defended myself that I did not mean to wake others up. She told me that the fact that I was crying signaled a need for help. I was in pain and my mother’s sleep was disturbed and we had a heated argument. What she did was one of the most painful things my mother has ever done to me. At that time I was hurtful, thinking that I was not allowed to express the pain I was feeling. Now at 12.41 midnight, in the middle of another pain I am crying, counting how many times I have cried because of pain. I lost count because there’s too many of times I did. I began to think maybe my mother was right. Crying is for those who cannot help themselves. And I’m one of those people who cannot help myself.

genderistrouble

Guess whose turn is it now to dismiss my pain? My beloved woke thoughtful understanding feminist gir

#diary #personal #pain

Having your pain and suffering dismissed adds to the wound. Having your pain and suffering dismissed by the people closest to your heart adds a lasting scar to your entire history.

This feels like the other day my mother complained that I was crying in the middle of the night awaken from headache.

#diary #me #personal