Lionhearts

All Gryffindor. Yes, mostly dumb shitposts.

[hogwartshousefriends]

Gryffindor: It’s a package from Slytherin.

Ravenclaw: What is it?

Gryffindor: It’s heavy. Must be his hopes and expectations for me.

[geniunegryffindor]

Ravenclaw: Yeah... I don’t think he has any left though.

[accio-hogwarts-bullshit]

Gryffindor: The best part of an Oreo is the black cookie part and not the filling.

Ravenclaw: Darkness without light is void. Light without darkness is blinding. You cannot have a coin with one coin.

Gryffindor: Yo Socrates, it's a fucking cookie.

[hogwarty-houses]

Hogwarts Houses during Lockdown

Gryffindor: Starts their day at 8:00, runs around the yard, makes breakfast, flips through some tv programs, checks time, 8:10.

Ravenclaw: Says they're finally going to have time to finish their reading list. Doesn't read and feels guilty about it.

Hufflepuff: Video calls everyone to make sure they're safe, then watches netflix. When that gets old, they break out the board games.

Slytherin: Sleeps.

-

Hope everyone's doing okay.

Be safe, stay home.

🌻

[gryffinclaw-discussions]

Hufflepuff: Look, you don't want Gryffindor to die. And I don't want Gryffindor to die. So let's work together to make sure Gryffindor doesn't die

Ravenclaw: Fantastic plan, but have you ever f*cking met Gryffindor?

[geniunegryffindor]

Gryffindor: I did!

[gryffinclaw-discussions]

Ravenclaw:

Slytherin:

Gryffindor: I met Gryffindor a while back. Handsome fellow

[geniunegryffindor]

Ravenclaw: ... I have changed my opinions about death.

[overheard-at-hogwarts]

Peter: Food for thought: every dead body on Mount Everest was once a highly motivated person. Stay lazy, my friends. It may save your life one day!

[geniunegryffindor]

Remus: Whatever Peter. Now, are you or are you not going to finish the bloody transfiguration assignment?

[gryffinclaw-discussions]

Hufflepuff: Look, you don't want Gryffindor to die. And I don't want Gryffindor to die. So let's work together to make sure Gryffindor doesn't die

Ravenclaw: Fantastic plan, but have you ever f*cking met Gryffindor?

[geniunegryffindor]

Gryffindor: I did!

[hogwartshousefriends]

“Good girls are bad girls that haven't been caught.”

-Slytherin

For @samwinchesterfanfic

[geniunegryffindor]

“Bad girls are good girls that haven’t been caught”

-Gryffindor

[time-machine-fart]

I JUST DON'T GET WHY PEOPLE DON'T THINK THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER

*In the Afterlife*

“Ah! Professor Binns! Welcome to the afterlife.”

“...Why am I not at Hogwarts?”

“Er...well, you see we are in the aft-”

“I want to go to Hogwarts”

“But sir-”

“I have a morning class tomorrow”

“Sir we can't-”

“I have an appointment with the headmaster to talk about the Goblin Mutiny of 1546”

“But-but sir, you'll have to be a ghost forever!”

“Did I fucking stutter”

[geniunegryffindor]

So... Dudley’s friends are more stupid than the average. Because, apart for being the literary incarnation of every bully we suffered through school and being obvious assholes, they are like... “Look! Isn’t that boy the supposedly highly violent and perturbared cousin of Dudley, who is by all means a very dangerous person and has spent four years in a hardcore juvenile detention center?”” Omg yes, LeTS MeSs WiTh HiM!”. I mean, dude. I’m not asking about respect, empathy or anything basic for human communication. This is pure survival instinct! You haven’t seen Heathers or what.

[geniunegryffindor]

Hogwarts Houses x Fashion. Part 2/4 : What is the key to Hufflepuff effortless trendiness?. By Hannah Abbott and Ernie Macmillan .

Ernie Macmillan: I wouldn’t call it exactly effortless...

Hannah Abbott: Well, yes but it’s definitely less elaborated than, for example, Slytherin outfits.

Ernie: Yes, Slytherin then to plan very carefully their outfits. Sorry, let’s get back in point. I really don’t know how to describe very well “Hufflepuff trendiness”. My mates and I just take inspiration from others.

Hannah: I think that’s exactly the point of it. Hufflepuffs are more aware of our environment and thereof, notice nice trends before everyone else. We are really good at noticing little things in people and clothes, so yeah.

Ernie: Also, I found that we care significantly more about the creation of our clothes. I mean, who wouldn’t? Personally I couldn’t weara piece of clothing knowing that magical creatures or muggles have been mistreated because of it.

Hannah: Yes, but you must remember that sometimes people can’t afford higher price items, even if they are the only sustainable option. So in case anyone wonders about it, Justin from my class knows a really cool location in Hogsmade to thrift!

Ernie: Thirft?

Hannah: Don’t worry I’ll explain it to you later.

[geniunegryffindor]

Hogwarts Houses x Fashion. Part 1/4 : How would you define Gryffindor style? . By Parvati Patil and Seamus Finnigan.

Parvati: Personally, I think that fashion requires of the willingness of taking risks! If you don’t try and experiment with your clothes, how are you supposed to find your style? And Gryffindor students are for sure really daring when it comes to dress up...

Seamus: *chuckles* Yeah. Especially the twins. “Daring” falls short for what Fred ended up wearing in the last quidditch celebrati-

Parvati: *suddenly truly and deeply infuriated* That WAS NOT fashion! THAT WAS A CRIME AGAINST FASHION!-

Seamus: But it was only a dare!

Parvati: -an offense to Ritu Kumar or Galliano or anyone with a minimum of aesthetic sensibility in their bodies! We can’t mention it in here!

Seamus: Why?

Parvati: Because, for Merlin’s pants, we are supposed to speak about Gryffindor fashion! And THAT isn’t fashion. Is not even a entire piece of clothing!

Seamus: You just said that Gryffindor fashion is about being daring and adventurous and all of that! And frankly I can’t imagine any more adventurous that a shiny red speed-

Parvati: Ok, ok! Enough. Anyway, we are almost out of time and you haven’t said anything. Is your turn to tell us, your opportunity to communicate to the world what is Seamus Finnigan relationship with fashion while being a Gryffindor!

Seamus: *looks blankly to the camera*Er... I just wear whatever Dean has managed to not cover entirely in paint.

Parvati: This is it. I’m over.

[fanonical]

lee: what's up gamers

lee: today we're testing the limits of professor mcgonagall's patience as i sneak into her office and turn all of her furniture into frogs

lee: let's see if she gives me detention or an outstanding grade

[fanonical]

dumbledore: if i have one piece of advice for you it's don't fuck the bad guy

harry: my primary antagonist is like 80 and also killed my parents

dumbledore: you don't know, man. you might come across a younger, hotter bad guy

dumbledore: and if you do

dumbledore: DON'T.

dumbledore: FUCK.

dumbledore: HIM.

[the-god-of-illusion]

Harry Potter book series from A to Z:

[C] - Charlie Weasley

[jessketches]

[Remus and Sirius walking in the park]

Some guy, about Sirius: *whistles* Damn, nice ass.

Remus: Sirius, say something!

Sirius: Okay.

Sirius: *turns around* Thanks you! I've been doing squats.

[professor-toebeans-deactivated2]

Remus: James I need to speak to you about something important.You know… *glances at Sirius* the thing. Sirius: Ooh! I want to know – what’s this mysterious thing! Is it a magic - James: One moment – *throws a tennis ball down the grand staircase* Sirius: *scurries away* I GOT IT! James: So, you were saying?

[pencils-and-paperclips]

Lily: My wand is 8 inches long and made of steel

Remus: I think that wand is a knife

Lily: What are you talking about it's my wand

Sirius: What spells can you cast with it?

Lily: stab.

Creds to @accio-shitposts for the idea