Mister and I had a really intense session this week. It involved restraint and some other elements we have been working our way up to. I was edged and then made to come over and over again until I was incoherent and unable to function.
The psychological aspect was the most powerful. Mister was able to do more with his words than I ever thought was possible. He used his words and he reached down inside of me. He cracked me open and set me free. When he was done, I was left raw and venerable.
Mister is always good about aftercare. Our usual routine involves skin to skin cuddling, something sweet and warm to drink (unless weāre in a tropical climate, then it will be cool and sweet), something to eat, and soothing words paired with caressing. He likes to keep me still, as I tend to be highly sensitive after a session.
This time, I fell asleep during aftercare. We both had to work the next day, and our session happened after weād both had pretty intense work days.
When I woke up the next morning, I felt groggy. I didnāt really think much of it, because Iām not a morning person, and weād had an intense night. I just figured it was just regular morning tiredness after a long, intense night.
About an two hours after Mister dropped me off at work he figured out that something was wrong aside from regular morning grogginess. He figured it out before I did. I wasnāt thinking clearly enough to actually realize that something was wrong.
Mister had been texting me, and I wasnāt responding in the way I normally would have. I was either sending him one word responses or sentences that didnāt sound like something I would normally write.
So, he called. And he knew immediately that I was in trouble. I wasnāt able to answer him as well as normally. My voice was really soft. I was speaking too slowly. I was mumbling and slightly slurring my words. I was having problems gathering my thoughts and tracking our conversation. He called me again, and I was just getting worse. He asked me how I was doing, and I told him that I was having some weird vision problems.
My vision had gone a little blurry and my eyes couldnāt seem to track when I was reading. Mister asked me what was going on and I told him that everything was āfuzzyā. He told me heād be by to get me in the next hour. He told me to just sit quietly until he arrived.
He had me tell my coworkers I had a migraine. Iām so glad he gave me those instructions, because I donāt know what I would have said if he hadnāt. A lovely coworker came into my office and closed the shades so the room was dim, which made it easier for me to tolerate.
Mister called me again to ask how I was doing. I told him my hands had started shaking and I didnāt know if I could stand. I told him I was scared. He told me he would be there in the next 20 minutes.
He arrived in less than 15. When he came into my office, I was sitting with my eyes closed and my hands clasped in my lap. He took my face in his hands and asked me to look at him. Whatever he saw on my face worried him. I could tell even if I wasnāt able to fully comprehend what was going on.
I was correct in thinking I wouldnāt be able to walk. Mister had to support me with an arm around my waist. It just felt like putting one foot in front of the other was almost impossible. I stumbled a few times and as soon as we got to the parking garage (and out of sight of my coworkers) he picked me up and carried me the rest of the way to the car.
Once we were in the car, Mister turned me to face him. He told me I had two choices. I could close my eyes or I could look at him. I was not to look out of the windows or windshield. Iām glad he gave me these instructions, as I would have definitely gotten sick or fainted from looking at that much activity.
He unbuttoned his shirt and took my hand, sliding it into his shirt so I could feel his skin and the soothing motion of his ribcage as he breathed. Skin on skin contact is such a very important element of our aftercare. He started the car, turned up the heat, then we headed home.
Our drive home was quiet. I looked at him, and when things became too intense, I would close my eyes and concentrate on the feeling of his warm skin beneath my fingers.
We arrived home pretty quickly. He helped me out of the car and into our building. Once we reached our floor, he carried me the rest of the way. As soon as we entered our place, he stripped me down to my panties and put me to bed. He covered me with several blankets, then he went to gather some things before he stripped down to his underwear and joined me in bed.
When he came back, I was curled into a ball and shivering. Mister wrapped himself around me and stroked my back. I was able to uncurl, but I was still shivering and unable to speak. Mister helped me to roll onto my stomach, then he slowly, carefully laid on top of me. His weight and his heat pressing me into the bed calmed my shivering. He had his mouth at my ear, telling me that he loved me and I was safe. He told me that it was ok for me to come back. He was there to keep me safe. He had me and wouldnāt let me go.
The shivering slowly stopped. But as the shivers stopped, the tears began. Mister stayed on top of me while I cried. It wasnāt hysterical crying, or anything like that. It was slow, steady weeping.
I felt confused and lost. Overwhelmed. Some of those feelings had been buried. I hadnāt really allowed myself to feel them for a while. Our session the night before had brought them to the surface. Iād fallen asleep before Iād purged them. Our session had caused a second set of reactions that neither one of us anticipated.
My love allowed me to cry. He never shushed me. He eventually sat up and pulled me into his arms, wrapping me even more tightly in the blankets.
I slowly stopped crying. Mister held me quietly for a while. When I opened my eyes, I noticed heād dimmed the lights and lit a few candles that I really like. He helped me drink some apple juice, then continued to hold me while I dozed a little.
When I woke up, heād made me lunch. I wasnāt hungry, but he asked me to take a few bites and before I knew it, Iād finished the entire thing. After I ate, Mister turned on some movies for me. I just laid quietly and watched the movies. Occasinally, Mister would tilt my chin up so he could check my eyes.
The wonderful thing is, he didnāt make me speak. He would ask me questions and Iād nod or shake my head. Iād shrug if I didnāt know the answer.
I spent most of the day in bed. Mister did help me up a few times. I tried to venture downstairs to the kitchen, but I was too shaky, so he sent me back to bed.
He stayed with me. He brought food up for us and put a heating pad in the bed next to me so I could have some extra heat if I wanted it. Heād also bought me a coloring book and crayons. There was a moment where we had a movie on, and I was cuddled up next to him. He had his arms around me. He was watching the movie while I colored in my book.
I never would have thought to include coloring or art in our aftercare. Somehow, Mister knew that as much as I love art and being creative, a āmindlessā activity such as coloring would be perfect to help me decompress.
I didnāt speak for most of the day. I didnāt need to. I didnāt want to. Mister didnāt make me. I just wanted to be small and safe in his arms. He allowed me to.
The next morning, he took me to have tea. Tea was lovely. We were the first ones there, so it was very quiet. We had a quiet conversation, tiny sandwiches, and scones. Mister prepared my tea for me, he added an extra cube of sugar before he added the cream.
After tea, he took me back home and put me back in bed. I spent most of the day in bed with Mister. When I did venture out, I was very clingy. Holding his hand and staying as close as possible. When he went to make us a snack, I held on to his shirt when he needed his hands.
The entire time, both days, he stopped several times and had me look at him. He can tell so much just by looking into my eyes.
Mister and I eventually talked about what happened. We realized that this was the first time weād had an extra intense session while we were not on vacation. The other times, weād been on vacation and Iād had a few days to recover.
He apologized for not anticipating that I might have a delayed drop. He assured me that in the future, we will not have an extra intense session without adequate recovery time for me. He was proud of how well Iād done, but it will be a while before he pushes me that hard. And he will always ensure I have enough recovery time.
So what happens when aftercare isnāt enough? More aftercare.
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