Loneliness is having other people and society and community around you, and having a deep sense of being excluded from them. To feel lonely, we need other people.
As long as there is someone out there somewhere, you will be haunted by loneliness.
Hurtful, painful memories. Memories of deep regrets. Memories of hurting others and being hurt. Memories of being abandoned. Only those with such memories buried in their hearts can become stronger, more passionate, and emotionally flexible. And only those can attain happiness.
So don’t forget any of it. Remember it all and overcome it. If you don’t overcome it, you’ll always be a kid whose soul never grows.
even when the very thing that’s hurting him the most...
was to run forward
and then just like that
I said, just run forward
(Spoiler alert) This scene revealed how Young Soo ended up being a person with disability. Back in his high school days he used to be baseball player. He probably felt something was seriously wrong with his body since he kept giving hints to his brother that he wants to talk about something. Until one day he called his brother while in a game and asked him out of the blue if he would support him to study if ever he won’t be able to play baseball ever again. He called him to say that hips hurts, it terribly hurts. However, Geung Soo (Young Soo’s older brother) shrugged off this question as a usual nervous reaction that any player would probably feel during a game. He ended the call saying he can’t study instead he should just play baseball.
Then, he texted him, “Young Soo, everyone struggles the same. Just run forward.”
Young Soo did ran forward. He ran with all his heart. He tried to hit home run. He tried. He crashed. Lying on the ground. Hips throbbing. No home run.
If you were Geung Soo.. It would be easy to blame yourself, wouldn’t you?
I started watching hot stove league today and this scene made me realize a thing. That being guilty is something that can be quite addicting. I mean you just can’t stop blaming yourself. Probably because something happened that just didn’t make any sense to you. And when you can’t find someone or something to explain an unacceptable happening. You start blaming yourself. And then suddenly it just make sense. It was my fault. Then without realizing you’re now suddenly used to making things sense. Suddenly it becomes too easy to blame yourself.
But...
When you blame yourself, are you being selfless or are you being selfish?
When we arrive home after a long day our parents would usually greet us with this question. When you visit your grandparents they would ask you this question. Over and over again. Even when you visit someone’s house they would invite you to eat.. I’m sure they do and will do, 100% sure of that, especially if you’re a Filipino or Asian.
(I’m not saying that other nationalities or races don’t. I just mean that it’s something I find common in our culture.)
So when Pil-gu was told that he should eat later because Deok-sun would cook a Korean braised beef for him, his response made me laugh.
Am I nothing but someone who eats?
I find his response innocent and pure. Because I was asked too. nagkaon naka? And I admit there were times that I responded out of annoyance.
Do you have moments you reacted that way too? I’m sure there are some times.
Especially when you have a lot in mind, when you think there are more important things to tend, when you’re clouded by your feelings in that moment, eating is the last thing you consider to do.
So when you’re asked at a time when you’re not feeling like your best self, it feels as if you were taken all rights to do what you want to do. You feel like you’re not allowed to at least feel for yourself. You feel disturbed and annoyed. The argument you can come up in your head could be:
“The world is falling for me!!!! I have a lot in mind. The world is not okay for me right now!! Why would you ask if i have eaten??!! AM I NOTHING BUT SOMEONE WHO EATS???”
Am I nothing but someone who eats? HAHAHAHA aigoo. It really made me laugh. Pil-gu, you just summarized the hundred thoughts in my mind when asked with this question at a difficult time.
But, I guess this question genuinely means us well. When a love one asks us this they just what to check on us. Even when I ask this question . Nagkaon naka? I am asking wholeheartedly to know if you have eaten already.
Especially at busy times. When preparing for an event we usually ask each other at DEM. Nagkaon namo? Kaon sa mo. Break sa. Kami sa dira beh pangaon sa mo.
When doing schoolworks or group works. When we see a friend late at night tired. Kaon sa ta.
I guess food is really important. I guess when our parents ask us it might be their way of checking us up if we’re okay. Maybe they’re really worried that we have not eaten yet or worried for the fact that we don’t feel like eating. And when they see us eating so well maybe they feel reassured that you’re doing fine or that you’re gonna be fine.
I guess it’s their way of showing love and concern.
It’s our way of showing love and concern.
Soooo, I guess, you should not be shy to ask someone you like. Nagkaon naka? Cheesy noh? Balik balik na nga linya? hahaha
But really, please ask someone if nagkaon na sila. Check on them.
So... as contrived and mediocre they may sound..
pero..
Nagkaon na ka?
I finished watching When the Camellia Blooms today. A kdrama that sent warmth in my heart.
Just finished watching “when the weather is fine.”
some screenshots of the things that I love in the kdrama:
Eun- Seop making his daily cup of coffee
Hae-won drinking coffee before reading a book..
the bookstore, the bookclub
this view of Eun-seop
and them...
When the weather is fine, is a k-drama that makes me imagine that I’m living in a cold town away from the draining life, wrapped with heavy jackets and scarf to guard me from the cold. In a place where I am holding a mug of hot coffee to console my cold hands. Somewhere that’s freezing cold and yet I feel warm. That kind warmth that transcends the perceptions of your skin. That kind of warmth that creeps into the depths of your heart and mind. That kind of warmth that consoles you, that comforts you. That makes you feel safe as you drink that cup of hot drink. It is as if you’re protected from all the bad things that is happening around you. And for a short moment you are at peace with yourself. You are calm. You accept that you are not that alright but it is all right because you feel that warmth of hope. That warmth of hope that you’re just resting and that no matter how hard life must be for you now. You can overcome it.
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