Georgie's World

Teenage 25 year old who has a lot to say!

[georganas]

Lately, I’ve been calling myself a fool.

A fool for believing that my partner meant all those sweet nothings. He begged. He promised. He swept me off my feet only to yank the rug from under me. And when I finally confronted him? He gave me a half ass apology laced with lame ass attacks.

He argues that I’m an adult... that I made the choice to be with him, insinuating that I should have known what I've gotten myself into. I argue, so if I didn't make the choice to be with you, what would you then say? What would have made you happy, dear?

I sarcastically ask myself, was I wrong for forgiving the same man who held my hand over dinner and told me he wanted to marry me? The same man who said I made him happy? Who once looked me in the eye and said, “I’m begging you”? Seriously. 

Yes, I’m an adult. And yes, I chose to be with him, but I made that choice based on his words, his promises.

Maybe I shouldn’t have forgiven him. But does that mean he now gets to weaponize that forgiveness? To turn around and blame me for trusting him? Is that what he's angry about, that I forgave him, and now he has to sit with the discomfort of accountability?

Make it make sense.

The logical part of me knows this is deflection. He’s defensive because deep down, he knows he’s the problem. Still, I can’t wrap my head around how he refuses to see things from my perspective and how lame his responses were. Was I not worth a phone call? Did I receive this message the day before the start of our vacation that you insisted on having?

My eyes are swollen from crying. There’s this pit in my stomach that just won’t go away. I am angry. I am heartbroken. I am also disappointed in how this blew up, and how my now ex-partner decided to act like a lame adult.

I feel that this has poisoned my perception of him. I also feel upset that if he were to call, I'd pick up. I also imagine that he will call when he needs to emotionally use someone, and by picking up, I have resumed the cycle I hope to break.

Something about hurting. Something about hope. And something along the lines of being a high-risk, high-reward type of girl.

Original painting: Christina's World by Andrew Wyeth

[georganas]

Jersey legend Halsey talks about toxic relationships

I recently started training for a half marathon. As many of you know, I spend most of my time listening to music, but while running, I’d rather not. So, I started listening to podcasts, specifically, Call Her Daddy with Alex Cooper.

One episode I tuned into was Halsey: Power Dynamics & Toxic Relationships. First of all, she’s a Jersey legend. Second, the episode accurately explained my thought process while dating an abusive alcoholic. There were so many things Halsey said that I related to, and, unfortunately, I imagine a lot of other women did too.

Let’s unpack a few things: 

Around the 48-minute mark, Halsey talks about dating active addicts. If you didn’t know, I spent my early twenties dating an alcoholic who, for lack of a better words, completely fucked with my head. She said something that stuck with me: You can’t reason with someone who doesn’t share your reality. When you try, you end up feeling crazy. 

There were a lot of moments in that episode that I appreciated. Like when they discussed the complexities of speaking up about sexual harassment. How “just say something” is not that simple. Even as women with platforms, both Halsey and Alex talked about still feeling powerless. That feeling is so widespread among women and I felt so seen hearing it.

Back to my original point… my past relationship pushed me to literal breaking points. There were days I was so mentally and emotionally drained, I’d want to peel my skin off. I felt crazy. I knew when he was black out drunk, I knew I was being ghosted during benders, and yet, I constantly second-guessed myself.

Two memories really stand out.

There was once a time, I was working a double at the bar, my favorite shift. It was brunch setup, 11 a.m., when the calls started. 

I knew his pattern when he was on a bender. The calls were aggressive, nonstop…red flag #1. I told him over and over, “I know you’re drunk.” He denied it, called me crazy, and he grew aggressive and defensive. Deep down, I knew I was right. But somehow, he made me feel like I was wrong. That’s what trying to reason with an active addict feels like: you lose every ounce of trust in yourself. This wasn’t the first time he had done so, and wasn’t the last. This was an ongoing uphill battle that I faced while trying to reason with an active addict. 

Another moment: I was getting ready for a party and called him to say, “Hey, I have weed* on me, but I haven’t smoked.” I was just trying to be honest. Instead of appreciating that, he flipped out. Accused me of being an addict. Called me a liar. Over and over. I kept saying, “I’m literally telling you before anything happens,” but it didn’t matter.

I remember sitting on the floor of my closet, sobbing. He told me not to come to the party, said I didn’t deserve to be there. Hours later, I still went. And I think that was part of the manipulation… he would take away the invite, give it back, make me feel “lucky” just to be included. Then at the party? He passed my weed around. After yelling at me, shaming me, he literally shared it with everyone and joined in himself.

I felt fucking insane.

I talk about this now more than ever. I go to therapy. It’s hard to admit what I allowed for so long. It’s embarrassing. It’s shameful. But it’s also reality, and it’s more common than we'd like to think.

Halsey and Alex Cooper did such a good job explaining how women can live in blatantly abusive, imbalanced dynamics and still struggle to see them for what they are. The manipulation is that deep and common. 

These days, in my current relationship and in life in general, I try to never call myself crazy. I wasn’t crazy. I was exhausted. I was manipulated. I was gaslit.

*weed or some sort of substance that I will not disclose for the sake of my privacy :)

[georganas]

What’s going on with Morgan Wallen?

Ah, Morgan Wallen - a country pop singer from Tennessee who apparently competed (but lost) on The Voice. I'm assuming, and correct me if I’m wrong, that he gained early attention from this.

His second studio album, Dangerous: The Double Album, is a 30-song album that received, from what I read, a mix of positive and negative reviews. 

The negative views were reflected in Pitchfork’s review of a 6.9 and Rolling Stone saying that there are flaws on top of it “being 17 songs too long,” ouch. On the other hand, Billboard recognized that it remained on top for 10 consecutive weeks, becoming the first album to spend its first 10 weeks at No. 1 since Whitney Houston’s Whitney. I’ve listened to this album a few times, and I'm unfortunately into what I've heard thus far. Some songs are definitely fillers, but some songs stood out for me, such as 7 Summers and Your Bartender.

I love his voice; there’s a gravelly texture that works with his smooth country twang. There are also subtle elements of pop woven in, which likely explains why he gets so much radio play. Take the song Me on the Whiskey - it feels like a quintessential summer track. But when I really listen to the lyrics, I can’t help but think: this guy really loves whiskey.

That observation isn’t unique to me... reviews often point out the same thing. He repeatedly references drinking, especially whiskey, to the point where it becomes his personality. Which leads me to ask: why is someone who so openly has red flags still glamorized and forgiven for being, frankly, a hot mess? And by "hot mess," I mean someone who comes across as an alcoholic, emotionally stuck, and quite possibly racist. He’s hardly “cancelled” when his radio-friendly hits continue to dominate the charts. These hits are simply songs that mask troubling themes with a charming voice and polished production.

But why is he viewed controversial? And why isn’t he actually cancelled?

Let's start with..... DUI, being drunk and charged with public intoxication, violating COVID protocols, using a racial slur (which, if he did once, he has done many times), and cancelling a summer tour, which I believe broke the contract. Then, after being banned from award shows and regaining the privilege to attend and perform, he decided it would be a good time to reflect on alcohol use, which was followed by…. You guessed it, an arrest related to public intoxication. But let me make this very clear. He threw a chair off a rooftop bar in Nashville, which could have easily killed someone. This brings us to 2025, which is the first time I knowingly heard of him, when he walked off the set of SNL and later captioned the post with “Get me to God’s country,” which quickly turned into a meme. Mind you, this was his second invite to SNL because they pulled him when he chose to break COVID protocols. I mention the meme part because, in this case, and with the help of Twitter culture, there is no such thing as bad press, but instead, people on the internet can forget the issue and replace it with a meme.

So yeah, what I’m getting at is, Morgan Wallen has an insane streak of bad behaviors/patterns that seem to surface when alcohol is involved. Is this novel to him? No. Whether John Lennon, Charlie Sheen, or an “average” alcoholic, alcoholism exists and puts everyone at risk.

Morgan Wallen remains an uncancelled artist largely because his music continues to overshadow behaviors that, while problematic, are often unfortunately normalized. It’s also important to consider that many of his early fans were raised in predominantly white communities, environments where whiskey, country music, and even racial slurs being overlooked are common. Within that context, Wallen’s actions may be viewed by some as normal. As NPR put it: “To Wallen's detractors, the message was clear: A white artist would be forgiven for bad-boy behavior as long as he continued to achieve commercial success."

What’s almost concerning to me is how openly Morgan Wallen acknowledges that he is the problem, singing openly about alcohol, half ass relationships with women, and the cycle of meaningless sex. And yet, this is overlooked by the public, by his fans, and even, at times, by me, as I continue to enjoy his music.

[georganas]

West New York, NJ 07093. Entry to the skatepark.

My friends, my colleagues, and pretty much everyone who knows me know how much I rep being from WNY, NJ. This post, like the one I wrote about emo culture, barely scratches the surface of what a blessing it is to be from one of the most diverse areas in the United States. I only wish the data about our population were more up to date, but it’s not, because we are a county full of immigrants and undocumented people who either can’t or don’t report themselves.

That said, I feel forever grateful to be from a community where it’s completely okay to not speak English. Korean? Spanish? Hindi? Turkish? Whatever the hell you speak, you’re 100% going to find your corner in Hudson County. I remember being served by an older Korean man in Cliffside Park (arguably not Hudson County, but close enough), and I got emotional thinking about how hard it must be to be that much older and still have to adapt to a whole new culture. Thankfully, he’s in an area filled with people who speak his language. This lonely world is one less lonely!

People in Hudson County get what it means to not speak English. Kids of Hudson County may know what it means to have parents who may not be literate, may have "no" education, but be the hardest workers to exist. We know how to send a money order back home, ship the newest Nintendo to their cousins, pop a wheelie, roll a joint, lend a hand. It's a normal day for us.

As a child of two immigrants and with all my friends also being children of immigrants, I exist at the intersection of preserving my family’s culture, creating space, and finding the subcultures of America. That’s been true for all of us growing up here.

The skatepark (remodeled now, but still there, thank god) was one of those places where kids of immigrants discovered themselves. When I was growing up, it was the place for smoking weed (and getting bagged by cops), making out, drinking a 40, taking pictures for Tumblr, and of course, skating. There are some really good skaters in Hudson County, like Jean (I don't know if I spelled that right), Jacob, Juan Franco, Monni, and so many more people who I can't name at the moment.

I’m not even sure where I was going with this, but I’m on the hunt for pictures from the skatepark and #westnewyork. I want to keep the culture alive.

Photo credit: Found on WNY Facebook group

[georganas]

Dear Diary,

Why is losing a girl's friendship so hurtful? Is it because in a world where women are the minority and fighting to be heard, any helping hand is a friend indeed? Sisterhood is important whether it's for the power in unity, representation, support, guidance, empowerment, or whatever it may be. What I do know is that it's girls supporting girls, women supporting women, for more than just the social aspect, but survival.

I write this while being extremely upset with my friend, whom I have countlessly defended to others, who has somehow neglected me as a person.

I know she doesn't mean it, because that's just "who she is." But how much longer do I allow my friend to unknowingly hurt my feelings? And why do I think speaking up for myself and my feelings would be hurtful? If she's my friend, wouldn't she want to know that by not asking how my day was, by not asking about my work, boyfriend, failing to follow up on me when I say "I haven't been feeling well," or forgetting to congratulate me for my graduation, hurts my feelings?

My point is that friendships are vital. We’re social creatures. And for women, the bond of sisterhood is its own kind of sacred. I’m not saying I have to be friends with every woman, but the ball is kind of in both of our courts. If I consider her my friend and want to keep this friendship, I need to tell her how I feel. And if she's my friend, she would not only hear my honesty but also meet it with care and action.

[georganas]

Dear diary,

When does one officially get over heartbreak? When can someone look back at their past self and no longer shudder?

I write this regarding my past relationship. The man whom I once loved is now someone whom I can't stand to see. I can't stand to see him in person and actually unfollowed him because I do not fucking care for his life. There is nothing I want to ever have to do with him.

I don't wish bad upon him, but I just wish he could hear from the radio silence that he has permanently ruined me, my perception of self, and my perception of relationships. Though I did my damage, the emotional and psychological abuse I endured in my early 20s is this weight I drag around. It is unbearable to reflect on and revisit. There is so much pain, shame, and anger.

Some traumas are obvious. Like how I panic when my current boyfriend calls, worried he’s going to yell at me. Others are more subtle, like how I recently caught myself wondering why I’m so convinced I’m selfish. The answer to that? Because my ex would call at any random hour of the night during my first year of graduate school just to remind me that I was all these terrible things, selfish, undeserving, evil, etc.

I still beat myself up. Why did I pick up the phone? Why did I go back? Why did I stay? Why did I let that relationship ruin me from the inside out until there were truly no more tears to cry? The last time I cried to him, I said something along the lines of, 'Whatever you wished I felt, I now feel' He wished the worst upon me, and at the very end, I was so convinced that I was indeed the worst human being ever, undeserving of love and motherhood, the two things I have always wanted.

So maybe I’m not really asking when heartbreak ends. Maybe what I’m really asking is, When do I forgive myself for staying? When do I stop hurting?

[georganas]

Baby Blue Sedan by Modest Mouse

I originally took this picture because if you look in the right corner, there was a car photoshoot happening with NYC as the background. I was walking to the train and just chuckled. I love where I’m from and never get tired of seeing this view.

Baby Blue Sedan has been a recent replay song to me, partially because I’ve never heard it and got hyper-fixated. The other reason is that I’ve been in too many situations where I was with a partner and felt emotionally lonely even in their company. I’d rather just be alone because I’m not lonely in my own company. And the worst feeling, of course, is being in someone’s company and missing them. Missing who they once were or what once was.

[georganas]

Party 4 U, Charli XCX

This song has carried me through the last 4 years. What it meant four years ago is not what it meant to me three years ago, nor two years ago, nor today; yet it relates to many different experiences all having to do with romantic affairs.

I've been quite bummed this week but for my own sake, I'll spare the details. My friend is going through a break-up. I forgot how hard it is to go through that, and even though one may look okay, they're probably not okay. While smoking with my friend and hearing her talk about her ex, I paused and told her, I really respect you for breaking up with him. She stood her ground. It was a 3-4 year-long relationship, and she really wanted to marry him. It was then that I remembered how hard heartbreak is, especially when you really want them to be the one.

She told me this story of how she had a huge day. He knew how important this day was. When it was over, she called in hoping he would ask or congratulate her, but instead, he breezed over it. She told me she expected flowers. With her voice cracking and eyes filling up with tears, she said, Why didn't he send peonies? He knows they're my favorite. He knows they're in season.

Utter heartbreak. I can't express how sad that moment felt. My friend deserved those peonies and more than anything did not deserve that man to neglect her in the most hurtful way(s).

Similar to this feeling, I feel upset. I think about this conversation I had with a man, explaining how sad I was, and he told me he knew. He knew because he checked up on me via Twitter, but was too much of a coward to say anything to me.

I just think you knew. You knew how sad I was.

This song resonates with me as I wait for my new partner to call me. I don't know how many more times to express how badly I want him here, there, calling me. He knows I only threw this party for him. He knows me better than anyone else.

Painting, Automat by Edward Hopper

Song: Party 4 U, Charli XCX

[georganas]

Nerve by The Story So Far

First off, I love TSSF. I saw them when I was 13, maybe 14? At Warped Tour. I'm so thankful I had the chance to go because this was towards the end of emo and pop punk performances.

I asked my ex for my stuff back. He had one of my favorite jerseys. That's all I wanted. Briefly catching up, I felt many emotions, but mostly sad and bothered. I felt fucking bothered.

There was undeniable love and care for each other at one point, but the ending completely broke me and ruined me from the inside out. The psychological abuse, the emotional exhaustion, all of it fucking sucked. While he said, "I felt young with you. I got to relive my 20s with you," I felt the complete opposite. You know what I thought? I thought, you took years off my fucking life.

This song, along with Empty Space and Quicksand, captures TSSF and their ability to add screamo into a pop punk song. This one specific sequence of lyrics is one I want to scream. I want to scream because it reminds me of my fucking ex. When I say owe you for almost everything, it's sarcastic and spiteful. You think I owe you? You're fucking wrong. You think you made me? You didn't. I owe him nothing and he has a lot of fucking nerve thinking otherwise.

During this exchange, he decided to remind me that I'm a good person. He complimented me for what felt like forever, and this felt disgusting and fake. I know I'm a good person, and I don't need any sort of reminder from him. I felt this pit in my stomach because for the last few months of our relationship, he would constantly call me and tell me what a terrible person I am. He wouldn't fail to remind me of my "faults" and all the terrible things he felt about it / towards me.

When I was finally able to walk away, I will absolutely never forget the heartbreak I had. Weeping, sobbing, covered in snot, and with swollen eyes, I told him, "Whatever you wanted me to feel, you got your wish." He and no one could convince me otherwise, but he fucking hated everything about me. He said he loved me, and maybe he did, but he would never let me be me. He hated me.

His compliments, insincere at their peak, were neither welcome nor necessary. What I truly would have valued was accountability, maybe even an apology. But in the end, I don’t need anything. Not even that.

Over it, never returning to a relationship like that, and throwing dirt into the endless void that I once resided in.

[georganas]

Chef Andy comes to WNY, NJ

My really good friend Andy stayed with me in West New York before we hit the road to Ohio. Though we spent only a day or two here, I tried to cover some ground. There were some spots that we missed, but the spots that we did hit included Las Brisas, Hiram's (not pictured), Lil Dove, and a homemade cook meal that we all made.

I took him down to the George Washington Bridge, where he just decided to take off his shirt, put on shoes, and run for 5 miles. I decided to take an edible, listen to music, call my boyfriend, and admire the view.

I took him to Lil' Dove Cafe in the heights. I worked for this family the year before graduate school for both the cafe and bar. I sent all the money I made at Lil' Dove to a separate account, which was what paid my rent for a few months during graduate school. I loved working at both establishments. I met some of my best friends, and I absolutely loved working with the owner, Georgia, and her sister, Sarah Grace. I loved the food and the creativity of the drinks. This job was fun and easy. My 23-year-old self had a grand time there. Plus, it's located in a cute little nook in the heights. I got to take Andy there, and he also enjoyed it. Maybe one day, if he decides to move to New Jersey, he could work there for a bit the same way I did. Anyone would be lucky to have him work in their kitchen. And I hope he stops working in kitchens and instead owns one, like we often talk about.

When I hang out with Andy, I am reminded of the life I am meant to live. I am meant to eat really good food with my bare hands, sit on grass during "working hours," read/write more, and laugh. He's nomadic, and I am too at times. He's goofy, and I love that about him. The best thing about Andy is that he's smart. I'm pretty sure he's a Leo, and sometimes he exhibits really masculine traits (which I tend to dislike), but he's somewhat comfortable and confident. We get along for many reasons, but the biggest reason is that he loves to learn and can talk about anything. Actually, scratch that, the biggest reason I value our friendship is that he not only embraces discomfort but for fucking sure, seeks it.

Sure, he sings all the Billy Joel songs that I don't like, but he sings with his heart out.

This post was originally about the cool food Andy and I ate and even made, but I guess the post turned into how much I value Andy, Chef Andy, as my friend.

Pic 1) Homemade cooked meal

Pic 2) Lil' Dove Cafe, Jersey City, NJ

Pic 3) Las Brisas, Union City, NJ

[georganas]

Jersey Legends

Armor For Sleep, a band from the best god damn state (NJ), released this concept (and sophomore) album in 2005. What to Do When You Are Dead tells a story from the perspective of someone dying & navigating the afterlife, a concept that sounds morbid, but is delivered with emotional clarity. It doesn't romanticize dying at all. If anything, it leans into the emptiness and longing, especially with lyrics like:

I came out here to tell you It rains in heaven all day long I wanna find you so bad and let you know I'm miserable up here without you... Don't believe that it's better When you leave everything behind

Some might call the album pop punk, alternative, or post-hardcore, but to me, this is very much a part of the 2000s emo era. Produced by Machine (who worked with heavier bands like Lamb of God), the album balances emotional vulnerability with an expansive sound.

The guitars are layered and washed in reverb. The drums are punchy and tight, consistently driving the songs forward and helping to keep the story moving. And Ben Jorgensen, frontman and songwriter, delivers both lyrically and vocally.

There are loads of elements of that classic “whiny emo” tone, but it never tips into the high-pitched screamo sound you might associate with bands like Thursday, The Used, or Hawthorne Heights. Instead, Armor For Sleep doubled down on atmosphere and storytelling, carving out a sound that’s very much their own.

I don't think this band gets enough recognition for what they produced, but I do know that the real ones remember - emo jersey kids who went to shows in Montclair, Myspace users, etc.

The opening song, Car Underwater, is a great song to listen to and of course, an amazing opening song.

Other songs I'd recommend: Remember To Feel Real & Stay On The Ground

[georganas]

Reflecting back and moving forward.

It was 2022, and I was getting ready to move into 2023. Already drunk, I showed up to my friend's house party, ready to rage. This is not as important, but 2023 was a year of lust, love, heartbreak, and the beginning of me clawing my way out.

Excellent party - Delphine.

January 1st, 2023, heading to my grandparents' house, hungover, I knew what I was feeling was not a hangover. I slept the entire day at my grandparents and when I finally returned home that night, I tested for COVID to learn it was indeed COVID. Can you believe it? I caught COVID in 2023 on the first day of the year!

It was god awful and I was stuck in my room for a week. Not only stuck in my room, but stuck in bed, absolutely wiped out. Moving into the second week of COVID, I couldn't wait to go outside and finally see my then boyfriend. If you know me, staying inside is my least favorite thing to do + I love being social.

I don't exactly know why I've been thinking about this, but I recall that when I finally tested negative and felt better, I wanted to run over to see my ex. He put it off. It wasn't even a "see you tomorrow!" There was no actual urgency to see me or be relieved for me. And let me clarify, it's not as if he were an extremely busy person. All I ever ask for is urgency and time. It lacked.

The first person to see me within hours was my ex-suitor. At the time, he was a friend. It makes sense how he became my suitor because he gave me everything that I was deprived of.

My current boyfriend is now preparing for this god awful exam. I can't wait to see him. I can't wait to run over to him and brush my hands on the back of his head and kiss him. I hope that he, too, can't wait to see me.

I was almost annoyed that I hadn't seen him in the meantime, but I think the way things lined up, it made sense to not see him. And isn't the saying, distance makes the heart grow fonder?

I may internalize a lot, and I may be needy, but the question has always been: Don't you want to see me? And if you can't see me now, then tell me when.

[georganas]

My thoughts on Orange Theory and so on

I tried my first Orangetheory class on a Friday morning at 6 a.m. My sister, a huge OTF fan, has been encouraging me to go with her for a while, so I finally did!

Before I get into my experience, I want to preface a few things. My intention is not to attack or discredit those who enjoy Orangetheory. It’s great that people are striving for healthier lifestyles and feeling more confident in their bodies. If OTF is what helps you get there, then that’s fantastic.

That said, I’m coming into this with a unique perspective. While I’m not an expert, I do hold a bachelor’s degree in Exercise Science, so I know more than the average person in this area. I also deal with gym anxiety, which made even attending the class a big step for me. And frankly, I’m currently unfit.

With that context, I’ll say this: I left the class annoyed.

First, I don't fully understand the theory behind “Orangetheory.” Yes, the founder has a background in Exercise Science, but in my opinion, she’s doing a disservice to the field by not upholding the ethical and educational standards expected of professionals. I couldn’t help but question the qualifications of the coaches. Do they hold certifications? Are they licensed? Based on my experience, it didn’t seem like it. This is a huge disservice to the public who is trusting their coaches and expertise (which does not exist).

My coach felt more like a DJ than a fitness professional. He was constantly calling out names on the mic and hyping the room, but gave very little actual instruction. I had no guidance on what weights to use, no corrections on form, and no clarity on the overall flow of the workout.

The workout itself included rowing, hip thrusts, lunges, squats, and other strength movements. But I was left asking: What is the purpose of this sequence? What muscles are we targeting? Why am I choosing exercises in any order I want and then hopping back and forth between machines? It made zero sense.

The chaotic structure made it nearly impossible to fully complete movements or transition properly. I felt like I was doing everything half ass. I know there's an intro class, but I was allowed to jump right into a regular session with no formal onboarding/instruction.

Also, with the number of people in the room in very low lighting and loud music, individual attention was practically nonexistent and impossible. For someone with gym anxiety or who is new to exercise, this can be overwhelming and MORE THAN ANYTHING, unsafe.

Now, to be fair, my sister has seen progress. She’s running farther than she ever has before and genuinely enjoys the classes. So there must be something about the culture, coaching style, or atmosphere that motivates people. I don’t want to minimize that. People do feel better from OTF, and that matters.

What frustrates me is the branding. The misuse of terms like “VO2 max” or “metabolism” without proper explanation is misleading. Their website describes OTF as “science-backed” but fails to cite or explain the science. Instead, they rely on buzzwords to sell a product. Statements like "supercharge your metabolism" make no sense.

In the end, my issue isn't with people who attend OTF. My concern is with the way the brand markets itself, the lack of individual attention in class, and the absence of clear programming or purpose behind the workouts.

I also think it’s worth pointing out that when people don’t reach their fitness goals or don’t feel better, then say, “I’ve tried everything,” and in many cases, they haven’t. What they’ve tried is a generalized program that lacks individualized structure, scientific backing, and proper attention to training and nutrition. When that inevitably doesn’t deliver lasting results, they feel defeated and give up.

The fitness industry, including programs like Orangetheory, often markets a one-size-fits-all solution with flashy language and promises, without equipping people with the education or tools they actually need to make sustainable progress. This creates a cycle of frustration and burnout, and it’s not the fault of the individuals but instead the fault of the misbranded fitness programs.

[georganas]

What graduation means to me, or something like that.

I graduated with my master's two weeks ago. My two best friends, my sister, brother-in-law, new boyfriend (I have updates), and mother drove all the way to my college for a 9am graduation. My friend also swung by the house with flowers to take requested pictures with me. 

I could go on forever about this and what it means to me, my family, my hometown. I could also go on about how hard it was to do this. I read this snippet at my friend’s poetry night, but it kind of sums up things for you:

“I’ve been in and out of a slump recently, and a huge part of it is due to being an underpaid professional while still being a student. The other part of it is knowing my friend Jakk died a year ago & thinking that it just isn’t fair to lose someone. been having a hard time moving on with life, wishing that he were alive, active in our group chat, and back home with my friends. The other part of it is working another job to comfortably live, and taking a month to tell my mom I got a job, since it’s easier to leave her in the dark sometimes. The other part is being a part-time coach and seeing kids who are so fit and wondering what it would take me to move my work alcoholic motivation into fitness and exercise instead of caffeine and weed. But anyway, the really good thing is I love what I’m doing, and I do have endless support and love around me. It makes all of it easier. I’m really proud of the year I had and the growth; I just wish it didn’t include the death of my friend, moving from home, & being underpaid.”

What I omitted was how I endured an abusive relationship as well, which will require lots of therapy for a long time. 

Graduation day was hectic. Of course, hosting family in a house that’s meant for 3 but houses 4, is going to give me a migraine, specifically my mother, who means well.

After my long-awaited graduation, I spent some more time drinking and kissing my new boyfriend, both a little too much, packed up, and went back to New Jersey. Just like that… 2 years of my hard work were acknowledged as I crossed the stage in 3 hours, and I was thrown into a tight car for two weeks off. I graduated. 

All I kept thinking and continue to think is: No one knows how hard this was. And I think that sums up how I feel. I also wonder why you keep bringing this up? What does this mean to me, to prove to my family specifically, that this was hard? Couldn’t give you the answer, but maybe therapy will help. 

What I do feel like sharing is that I’m upset my mom didn’t write a graduation card or give me a gift. I don’t care for a gift, but a card goes a long way in my world.

What I also want to share is that this shouldn’t overshadow my dedication and accomplishments. I didn’t do this for anyone except myself. 16-year-old Georgana and community college Georgana would be shouting at me, telling me to keep going because the world is mine.

[georganas]

Part 1 of 3 (?): Thoughts on country music

So I’m late to the party but man, country music is fucking good. When I think country, I think of the bars in Boston that lacked diversity, were crowded, and played wack music. In my head, country music represents everything that I don't align with.

Before I get into this, I want to state that this is likely a three part blog post, making this 1/3, and that is, if I don’t make a 4th and 5th because I may very much do so.

Country music doesn’t make room for Black/Brown artists. 

We can reference Cowboy Carter. I don’t know the full details, but I do remember the backlash Beyonce got for Cowboy Carter. 

Now, the entire album may not be country, but some songs could qualify as country, especially those featuring rising country artists. Now, if it were somebody else, we'd be having a different conversation. However, as the first Black female with a Number #1 Country Song, she absolutely did get snubbed by the CMAs. This is not new for a large-scale award show involving a voting system that does not truly reflect the general population or the subculture’s music. This was not the case for a song as big as this one. This was just haters hating (and being racist) and people gatekeeping a genre that they did not create but arguably stole without credit. 

After that, I remember reading how country music was racist. This, was and is not news to me, as some of the biggest country artists are Trump supporters, die hard Americans, gun owners (which I have mixed feelings about), people who use slurs, and so fucking on. Beyoncé made it a point that on her album, Lemonade, she included a country song that again was overlooked by the CMAs. Thus, she had a [bad] experience with the CMAs in 2016, which “compelled” her to make a country album. I mention this because Cowboy Carter wasn’t her first dip in country music, which I’m sure is a genre that had a huge influence on her being from Texas. What more does someone need to be considered country? 

But as I read on a reddit post, it’s easy for Keith Urban, an Australian music, to be welcomed in the country world, (I always forget this man is from Australia). It’s easy for Post Malone to be welcomed into the country world after starting as a hip hop artist. Where was this energy for Lil Nas X’s Old Time Road that was stated to not be country enough? The racism is blatant. Country music, a genre built on the foundations of Black people, has pushed the pioneers out of their genre. 

I think about Fast Car by Tracy Chapman, which Luke Combs brought back to the light, and how she became the first Black songwriter to ever win the award of Song of the Year. This song has been around for about 40 years. What is most interesting to me is that when Tracy won this award, she decided to not attend. This caused a feeling for me, and maybe feelings for others, but I thought angrily, why wouldn’t you want to go and represent the Black community that rightfully deserves that stage? I also felt guilty for this reaction and thought that Tracy Chapman and anyone is not obligated to show up. It’s not a marginalized individual’s responsibility to show up and represent. On top of that, I would fucking hate and feel so uncomfortable on a stage in front and surrounded by people who make me feel unsafe. So yeah, complex and loaded, but can we please talk about why this is a conversation? This is a conversation because country music is undeniably racist and unwelcoming of the people who, in fact, built it.  

How racism became a marketing tool for country music

Country Music Has a Problem: It’s Not Beyoncé

Country music: An ugly past and troublesome present

[georganas]

Norman Fucking Rockwell, Lana Del Rey. 10/10 album,

I often reference Lana Del Rey’s album Norman Fucking Rockwell, a masterpiece in not only my opinion but in many. I’ve been with Lana since ~2012, when I first got on Tumblr. People argue that she’s a “lazy” singer but either you get it or you don’t. 

The album came out in 2019, and already a Lana fan, I didn’t understand the significance of this album and what it means to be a woman. The album started meaning a lot towards the middle of my previous relationship, which I have a lot of unresolved feelings about. I specifically remember Mariner’s Apartment Complex resonating with me the most. 

The song circles around how she was the “man” and if her partner lost his way, she would always be within arm’s reach - showing that she was the light/stable one in the relationship. Not only was that the situation but she was well aware, and she was willing to stick around. She also mentions how she fucked up but man, can’t a girl just do the best she can? 

The whole premise of the song was the story of my role in my relationship. It’s this emotional weight that women historically have been burdened with, yet men are seen as the strong ones. Like no, I actually withstand your shitty emotional abuse and I’m resilient and under appreciated. 

Going out of order here but the opening line to the entire album is, “God damn, man child. You’ve fucked me so good that I almost said, I love you.” Norman Rockwell, the song, is a damn poem. It defines what this album is. It again captures the woman experience. 

I can remember sitting outside of Bwe, Amir's job, smoking weed in the summer with my long hair and just listening to this album over and over begging to be heard.

There is no argument that Lana solidified herself as an artist with this album. Pitchfork rating it at a 9.4 recognizes this album as “Norman Fucking Rockwell! is the apotheosis of Lana Del Rey, songs of curiosity and of consequence, darkness and light, a time capsule of 2019.” Again, this album did not resonate with me until 2022/23 and now forever. 

If Lana hadn’t already proven herself as a too cool for school artist with freaking A$AP Rocky in her early work, Norman Fucking Rockwell solidified her as an artist with a story to tell. It looks like Lana was able to prove that she is singer and songwriter with songs going over 9 minutes and still keeping listeners invested.

Further recommendation: Born to Die, Lana Del Rey. 

I also believe this album is some of her best work. Creative and capturing Tumblr for young women like me in the early 2010’s.

[georganas]

Personal love life thoughts

When did life get so complicated? Why do I make things complicated? And why am I so mean to myself? 

All good questions that will not be directly answered in this blog post, but you can make your assumptions. 

Suitor and I are back on, kinda? I don’t really know what is happening but we must talk soon, so we say. He leaves in a week. A fucking week. If it was me, I would prolong my stay at any cost to get more time. I offered him an extra night. He declined because it’s true, my small(er) bed doesn’t feel that enticing, he says. But doesn’t Georgana, the best girl to ever exist, sound enticing? 

I don’t care for what we are. What I really care for at this moment is that I can have my slutty summer and still see him. I don’t care to read much into if my thoughts from a month ago changed or didn’t because we’re here now.

The facts are: I have feelings for him. I hate distance. I want to have the option to kiss other people, especially in other states (summer goal of mine), visit him and go on dates (the real romantic ones). 

So tell me Georgana, do you want your cake and to eat it, too?