If by some chance you are unfamiliar with the extraordinary game Dota 2 then it may not be exactly clear what condition must be met to ensure that a workout must be completed in the routine following the game's conclusion.
While it would literally take dozens of hours to explain the complex and esoteric mechanics plus the many nuances and idiosyncrasies, I will try my best to explain the pertinent information.
Again this if for the uninitiated, those that are in the know. Well you can just skip this or bitch about how I do such a poor job at explaining things and call me a noob followed by a #rekt.
There are a total of seven workouts each with its unique condition.
1. Game Lost is self-explanatory: Dota 2 is a five-on-five game where the object is to destroy the other team's base. This of course is easier said than done but if you fail to protect your base you lose and the other team wins. Dota is a game where there is only one way to win but dozens of ways to lose. So I expect to do plenty of push-ups.
2. Russians on team: Dota 2 is a global game with a strong and dedicated fanbase on just about every continent and country. Europe and Russia are just two. This may seem weird to the outside observer but those in the community know that playing with Russian players could mean any number of things but many are not positive.
For one there is usually a language barrier, this is to be expected. But it does not mitigate the lack of cohesion and teamwork that can arise from having different languages spoken over a single channel.
Then there is the fact that Russian players have generated a reputation--some earned--of generally being poor players. Mind you not all Russian players are bad at the game nor are they always obnoxious (but there are certainly plenty of bad apples as there is within the community at-large). Yet this negative perception will continue to exist as it is reaffirmed just enough to remind players that they'd prefer if they remained on their own server.
3. "GG" after first blood: The Dota 2 community is incredibly pessimistic. Even the smallest thing goes wrong in a match and you'll probably have teammates cry out that the game is over. Good Game or "GG" is usually reserved for once a game appears to be over or one team concedes to the other. After a first blood aka the first kill in a match if anyone on either team types GG or some variation it's time for some sit-ups.
4. "Report XXX": As mentioned briefly above, the Dota 2 community can be real asses. Valve (the developer) has thus put tools in place to discourage really awful behavior and abuse. And again, as previously mentioned it's easy to lose a match. All it takes is one player to do something stupid to ruin it for everyone. Most "report xxx" are due to players being salty that they are losing but there are of course instances where a report is warranted. Regardless prepare for leg raises.
The final three conditions are perhaps the most esoteric on the list. If you read the next couple of paragraphs and just say, "what the fuck?" Don't worry, it's not a big deal.
5. Five Carry Team: In Dota 2 there are over 100 heroes to choose from to play as during a match. Each has their unique strengths and weaknesses as well as roles on the battle field. The two main roles break down into carries and supports. Carries are heroes that will (provided they are given the chance to) "carry" the team in the later portion of the match.
They are usually heavy damage dealers and are to be protected at all costs during the early game while they are trying to earn experience and gold to get stronger and eventually be the bad-asses they imagine themselves to be.
This role gets most of the kills, many of the best items, and thus all the glory.
Supports on the other hand are just what they sound like. They support the team and the carries in a multitude of ways that is too expansive to list here. What they don't get to do is get tons of experience and gold. Often times they are much weaker and killed more easily because of this. Also expected of them is that they sacrifice themselves for the greater good if required without question.
Needless to say this can be a thankless job and it is no wonder that people shy away from playing support. But it is a necessary and critical role to have and most games cannot be won without supports.
So upon character selection if for some reason everyone decides they rather try and have to glory rather than a mark in the win column they may just pick a lineup of five carries. This team nine times out of ten will lose. Either way that means tricep dips for me.
6. No wards/courier: This closely related to number five as it is dependent on supports to buy both of these items.
Wards provide vision on parts of the map you currently do not occupy. They can be used to scout out enemy positions and other crucial parts of the map. They are invaluable as a resource and can be the difference between winning and losing.
Couriers are also important because they all the transfer of items from one's base to any ally hero. This saves time that can be better spent earning more gold for items or completing objectives.
If at the start of the game-when these items need to be purchased for maximum effectiveness-these aren't purchased I will be doing some good ol' lunges.
7. Pudge/Riki insta-locked: While most likely sounding like gibberish to most people, it is in fact not (completely). Pudge and Riki are two extremely popular heroes in the game when playing in public games (pubs). One mode, aptly titled "All Pick" lets players pick any of the heroes they want. If upon the chance to select a character someone (including me) instantly picks one of these characters I will be doing bicycle crunches.
So that should hopefully explain much of the rationale for this silly workout. Given the sheer likelihood of any one of these things happening in any single match of Dota means that I wholly expect to be completely drained after even just one match, especially early on.
But I look forward to sore muscles and hopefully some wins.
