PART 1: HERE
SERIES MASTERLIST: HERE
One glitchy tablet, one HR email, and suddenly you’re married to your attending, Jack Abbot. HR thinks it was intentional and has already started merging your records. Claim it was a mistake, and your residency could be delayed. With only three months left until you're an attending, Jack agrees to play along. Pretending to be married might save your career—but can your heart survive the side effects?
tags: accidental marriage, slow burn romance, HR involvement, nosy coworkers, (more tags will be added for each chapter)
an: First Jack Abbot fic!! I've decided to I'm gonna post this before I've finished the whole thing because it's taking me forever with work and exams... I don't know how many parts this will be just yet either—it's an ongoing process but it will be a long one (so far I have written 20k words). Ideas are as always welcome.
Tag list is open (comment or reblog this post to be added).
First part will be out later this week.
Main | Masterlist
Summary: A romance built in the ashes of a broken wedding, and a doubt that everything could not truly be as good as it seemed.
Word Count: 11.8k
Author’s Note: Thank you endlessly for all of the love on TWTW - it has been so lovely to get so much good feedback on that chapter! I hope you love this one just as much and, as always, any feedback is welcome !!
In the aftermath of the wedding, you, Steven and your Mom had returned home with Belly. There was something eerie about you all being back in the house. Belly should have been moving in with Jeremiah, to the apartment they were going to have at college. Some of her things had already been packed, in fact. Now, she was returning to her childhood bedroom, one of you making sure to check on her each night.
Jeremiah had tried to contact her, but she hadn’t made any move to respond. In fact, it was as if the two were already existing in separate worlds. From what Adam had told Laurel, Jeremiah was still no better. He was still struggling. He still didn’t understand.
As for you and Conrad, you had parted ways that same day after the wedding. Belly had wanted to go home and you’d obliged. Sure, you’d have wanted to stay with him for longer - make up for lost time, re-learn all of the things you’d missed about him. But now wasn’t the time to be a girlfriend. Now was the time you needed to be a big sister. So, you’d left Conrad in Cousins and taken the five hour drive home to be with your family. He travelled back to Boston the day after, telling you he’d finish up what needed clearing from the wedding and then go to be with his Dad and Jere.
You’d still spoken every day - normally in texts, until either of you got the chance to call. Strangely, it felt no different than the two of you being friends. How’s Belly? How’s Jere? How’s your day been? What are you having for dinner? Did you go for a run today?
“Hey, do you want some food? Steven’s cooking,” You glance up from your phone, sprawled out across the couch, as Belly peers over to ask you.
You narrow your eyes, “Steven’s cooking? Can he be trusted in the kitchen?”
“I heard that!” Your brother yells, followed by a clattering that makes you flinch.
“Okay, we’ll suffer together,” You groan, pushing yourself up onto your elbows.
Belly smiles lightly, sitting down on the arm of the couch by your feet, turning to face you.
“How are you feeling?”
“Better,” She drags a hand through her freshly washed hair, “I just… I still don’t know what to do now.”
“Hey,” You nudge your foot at her leg, “You don’t need to know.”
“That’s easy for you to say,” She shrugs, “You’ve always got everything figured out.”
“That’s definitely not true,” You laugh, almost nervously.
That thought, in fact, had been weighing on your mind for this entire week. Conrad would have to return to Stanford soon. You had just accepted a job in California. You hadn’t told anyone about it yet, it didn’t feel like the right time. And yet now felt like an even worse time. A week into being back together with Conrad were you seriously going to tell him you’d be moving across the country with him? Should the two of you move in together? Or would it be better if you were apart? Would he even want to stay together if he was back in California? You didn’t even know what his life was like back there. In fact, the more you thought about it, you weren’t even sure if what was going on here even counted as you being back together. You couldn’t call him your boyfriend, you weren’t sure what to call him.
“Okay, dinner’s ready,” Steven calls from the kitchen, carrying through a large pan onto the dining table.
You and Belly stand up from the couch and walk over. There were pasta bowls at three places on the table as Steven placed down the pan into the centre - an orangey tomato pasta with chicken and peppers and onions and broccoli.
“Okay so you used… all of the groceries Mom bought?” Belly looks up at him.
“This is two meals in one - dinner tonight, lunch tomorrow,” Steven points out, “It’s cost effective.”
“I’ll get more groceries tomorrow,” You assure them both, “But thank you Steven.”
Your Mom, for the next couple of days, had a conference that she couldn’t get out of. She had told you what it was for but you couldn’t exactly remember. She’d been reluctant beyond normal to go, couldn’t think of anything worse than leaving Belly, but you’d assured her it was the best decision. To keep things normal.
“Steven this is actually pretty good,” Belly says, covering her mouth as she speaks.
“Yeah as much as it might surprise you, I’m actually not that bad at being an adult,” He rolls his eyes, filling up his own bowl, “Hey,” He kicks your leg under the table, “Are you eating or what?”
“Oh, right, yeah, thank you,” You nod, scooping up some pasta into your bowl.
Steven looks at you and frowns but you smile as if to dismiss him. Now wasn’t the time to be thinking about you. It was a time to be thinking about Belly. Only her. She needed you. And now, especially wasn’t a time to be thinking about either of the Fisher brothers.
“So, what movie are you picking tonight Belly?” Steven asks, clearing his throat.
“Oh, um,” Belly looks at both of you, “Taylor thought maybe it was a good idea we go out tonight. I might go to stay at hers for a few days too, only if that’s okay.”
“Wh-“ Steven coughs, “Of course, yeah, if you want to, you don’t need to ask.”
“I don’t know if I want to… I just… I figured the change of scenery might be good,” Belly nods, “I think she’s going to try to convince me to go to Paris.”
Steven raises his brows at you, kicking you again under the table, “Well, that wouldn’t be such a bad idea, right?”
“We’d be booking our flight to see you in no time,” You assure her, “But it’s whatever you’re ready for. But I do think seeing Taylor might be a step in the right direction. Plus, a night out at the shitty bars we have around here? It’s perfect.”
Belly laughs, “Or maybe we’ll just stay in.”
Steven and Belly launch into conversation about this one bar the three of you went to when Steven turned 21 - you’d managed to get Belly in on a fake ID. You nod along as they talk, laughing when they laugh, but your mind was somewhere else, and your heart there too.
———
Belly leaves after dinner and you and Steven promise it’s more than okay for the two of you to clean up. It felt, today, like she was the most like herself that she’d been all week. Another step in the right direction.
“So are you going to tell me what’s going on yet?” Steven asks, taking another plate from you to load into the dishwasher.
“Wh-“ You shake your head, “What do you mean?”
“Come on,” Steven scoffs, “I’m your brother, I can tell when something’s wrong. And you might be good at putting on the strong sister thing but I can see through it.”
You pause, setting down the next plate onto the countertop, “Okay, after… well, when the wedding… when everyone was gone… me and Conrad…”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” He raises his hands to stop you, “Yeah, I don’t need the gory details.”
“He told me all this stuff about how he felt and everything but… then we came home and he’s in Boston and I just-“ You take a deep breath, “I don’t know where we go from here.”
“Well, have you spoken to him?”
You wrap your arms over your chest, “Yeah, I guess. We’ve been texting and we’ve called a few times. But, I don’t know, it’s never like ‘hey so what does this mean for us’, it’s just like normal conversation like stuff we’d always talk about. I just don’t know how to bring it up… or maybe I’m just scared that it’s not going to be the answers I want.”
“So the plan is to keep feeling like this until when?”
“Until I see him again,” You shrug.
“And what’s stopping you from seeing him now?”
“Wh-“ You laugh, “About a six hour drive, Steven.”
“Only five if you meet him in Cousins,” Steven shrugs, taking the last plate from the counter and setting it into the dishwasher.
You go to respond, just as your phone starts to buzz on the table. A photo of Conrad flashes up - him on his surfboard, legs either side, squinting into the sun on a particularly flat day on the waves. His hair was golden, his skin even more so.
“You better take that,” Steven encourages, “I can finish this.”
You smile and squeeze his arm, hurrying out of the room and out the front of the house to take the call.
“Hey!” You take a seat on the steps leading up to the house, “How are things in Boston?”
“Well, Jere has taken to going to the gym … a lot,” Conrad says through the phone, “Dad’s staying out of it.”
“Sounds normal then,” You return.
“How’s Philly?”
“Belly’s gone to Taylor’s tonight, they’re going out,” You look up at the clear sky, stars you didn’t recognise dancing overhead, “And Steven cooked too.”
“Sounds… yeah that’s not normal,” Conrad laughs, “I’ve never heard of Steven cooking.”
“Yeah, and he can even make more than chicken.”
“Are you making fun of me Conklin?”
You can practically hear Conrad’s smile down the phone, the way his eyes would crease as it grows.
“So my Mom’s out of town,” You explain, “And Belly’s going to stay with Taylor for a few days for a change of scenery.”
“Okay…” Conrad trails off.
You feel your nerves grow, a sort of sinking feeling in your heart, “Well, I don’t know what you’re doing but maybe… I was just thinking we could…”
“I can be in Cousins in an hour.”
There it is again, that electric feeling.
“I can be there in six.”
“Five if you put your foot down.”
———
It’s late already when you leave - you throw a few things into a bag, text Steven that you’ll see him soon and turn the volume up in your car as you drive the route you knew like the back of your hand.
Halfway there, you stop and text Conrad to let him know how long you’ll be. You fill up your tank with gas, grab snacks from the poor selection at the gas station and a drink sugary enough to keep you awake. Conrad replies within seconds:
drive safe
The rest of the drive is past midnight, the roads are empty, there’s more of a chill in the air. You turn off the AC and wind down the windows, the same way you always did when you started to hear Cousins. There was something so much nicer about the fresh air here.
You feel the electricity building, when you pass the buildings you recognise, the streets you’d learnt to ride your bike, the house you’d had your first kiss at. And then you turn into the street that brought back a million memories.
As soon as you turn into the driveway, Conrad’s car is parked on one side. And just ahead, sat on the stairs in front of the house, Conrad. He looks up as soon as he heard the car, his lips curling into a smile that you were sure he only ever gave to you. You park beside him and he’s at the door of the car before you’ve even stepped out.
“Finally,” Conrad cocks his brow, practically pulling you out of the car to wrap his arms around you.
You feel almost like a rabbit stuck in headlights at first, stunned. And yet, when his arms are around you, you seem to melt into the contact instantly. Your arms wrap around his neck, your feet lifted from the ground as his grip your waist.
“I thought you’d be here later than this,” Conrad says as he sets you back down to the floor.
“Well, you told me to drive fast,” You smile, your arms still looped around him.
He hums, leaning down to kiss you softly. It felt like every time before, only this time it felt like a piece of you that had been missing.
“Come on, you must be exhausted,” Conrad squeezes your hand, “I’ll get your bag.”
The house is cool when you step inside, the lights already off, completely silent. Just the two of you. Conrad walks in and immediately starts on his way up the stairs, and you follow. He turns to take your bag towards his room.
“Your room?” You raise your brows, arms crossed over your chest.
He turns around, your duffle bag hanging from his hand beside his legs, “You’d rather we slept in separate rooms?”
“No,” You narrow your eyes, “But I would like to put forward the case that we should sleep in my room instead of yours.”
“I have a better view,” He points out.
“My bed’s comfier.”
“The bathroom’s closer to mine.”
“My room doesn’t get as cold as yours does.”
“I’ll take the pillows from your room, and I’ll keep you warm,” Conrad nods, “Problem solved.”
“You shouldn’t be winning this one,” You roll your eyes.
“And yet I did,” He grins, walking the rest of the way towards his room.
His bed is made, the room is clean, his belongings packed away already. He sets your bag down on the side of the bed he didn’t sleep on. Conrad always wanted to sleep nearer the door. It was some sort of protective instinct, you thought. You only thought that because you did the same. Only with him, you could sleep soundly further away from the door. You watch as Conrad moves to his closet, rummaging through until he finds what he was looking for.
“Here,” He sets it onto the bed, “You can wear this.”
He walks around the bed and past you, pausing as he does to kiss the side of your head quickly. Only then do you realise you’d been frozen in your movements, as if taking in the scene to realise that it was real. You and him. Back together. Not just for the first time in a week. But the first time since you were eighteen and you’d first parted ways. Even back then, nights like this were a rarity. You were only able to spend the night together when your parents weren’t around, when you had the house to yourselves. Rarely.
You take the top and go to the bathroom, freshening up, brushing your teeth, somewhat de tangling your hair, changing. The top dangles down just over your underwear, brushing against your thighs. It smelt of him - of his aftershave and the same shower gel he’d used for years and the fabric softener Susannah always used.
When you get back to the room, Conrad’s already in bed, one arm tucked under his head, the other holding the newspaper as he scans over the crossword. He sets it down when you return.
“Gross, you didn’t even brush your teeth,” You scrunch your face at him, walking around to the other side of the bed.
“Well, I was waiting for you for so long I did it then, actually,” He points out, “I even showered too.”
“Are you sure about that?” You return, climbing into the bed and drawing the bedsheets up over you.
“Do you want to check?” Conrad moves over to you, his armpit wafting near your nose in some haphazard attempt to prove his point.
“Alright alright alright,” You laugh, pushing him away from you, “Point proven.”
He grins, stretching out one arm as an invitation for you to be drawn to him. You oblige. Your head rests on his bare chest, his heartbeat beneath you, his fingertips trailing along the skin of your arm. You’re suddenly aware of the fact that he lay only in his boxers beside you. He was bigger now than he was before - more defined muscles, broader shoulders, more solid abs. You trace the lines of them, the skin soft and warm.
“I’m so happy you’re here,” He mumbles quietly, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.
“I think that’s the fastest I’ve ever driven to Cousins,” You comment sleepily, “It was either that or fall asleep at the wheel.”
He hums, squeezing you into him a little tighter, “I should’ve come to pick you up.”
“And drive like ten hours round trip?” You giggle, “Definitely not.”
“Maybe,” He replies, “Worth it.”
You lift up from his chest just enough to look to his eyes. They were dark in this light, the green hidden away until the morning sun came up. His eyelashes sat low over them, as if they too were ready to sleep. His jaw defined, his cheekbones even more so. His lips in that half-smile that seemed to just be their resting place when he looked at you. He leans down enough to kiss you softly, his breath hot, his grip on you pulling you into him.
“Good night,” He whispers as he pulls away, kissing you again quickly.
You settle back down onto him, your eyes feeling heavy against the rhythmic drumming of his heart, your limbs seeming to sink into the mattress. And, wrapped in his arms, sleep takes over.
———
You wake up to the spilling through of the morning light, as was always the case in Conrad’s room. He liked sleeping with the curtains open - said there was nothing better than waking up to the sun. You’d moved in the night, no longer resting on his chest. Instead, you lay in the middle of the bed, Conrad behind you. He had one arm draped low over your waist, the other arm underneath you nearer your chest, his body warped to match the bends of yours, both of you pressed against each other. When you woke, he was still asleep, his breathing even and deep behind your head. You groan as you wake up, pressing back into him to snuggle into the contact, wanting to fall back into the same comfort that had kept you asleep.
He stirs behind you, his grip around your waist tightening as if making sure you were still there. He practically draws you back to him, his hips meeting yours. You tilt your head just enough to kiss the arm that was beneath you and Conrad groans deeply at the smallest touch.
“Morning,” You mumble, turning your head enough to see him.
His eyes and nose are scrunched up, his head turning to bury even more into the pillow beneath him, “Not yet.”
You giggle, your hips brushing back into him.
Conrad groans again, blinking the sleep from his eyes as he starts to properly wake.
“Why are you awake before me?” He says, wrapping both of his arms now loosely around your torso.
“I’m not used to the light in this room anymore,” You say, shifting enough so that you can turn in his arms.
“Oh yeah,” Conrad grumbles, “I forgot you have to sleep in the dark.”
“Like a normal person?” You laugh.
“You know what I mean,” He buries his head into the crook of your neck.
You loved this Conrad. The one in the minutes after he had just woken up. He was bashful and playful and desperate for your touch. He was still sprinkled with sleep and yet still slowly coming to life, readjusting to the new day.
“Did you sleep well?” He mumbles into your shoulder.
You hum in response, your arms wrapping around him to trail your fingertips down his back, nails against his skin.
“I love when you do that,” Conrad admits, pulling away from you just enough to meet your lips, kissing you lazily.
You smile against the contact, his hips pressing into you once more, “Yeah? I can tell.”
His hands shift to your waist, gripping you there as one kiss from you seems to wake him up all together. Like he’d been ignited. You grip his shoulders, kissing him again, deeper, more assertive. Conrad shifts, turning just enough that your back is flat against the mattress, him hovering over you.
In that moment, you have the urge to pull away.
“I-“ You start, catching your breath.
“Whats wrong?” Conrad frowns, scanning your face like he’s trying to figure out where he fucked up.
“We-“ You shake your head, “We haven’t done this in… forever.”
He smiles a little, his head dropping as if in mild relief before he re-centred, “We don’t have to do anything.”
“No,” You’re quick to respond, “I want to.”
“Yeah?” Conrad looks you in the eyes, waiting for you to confirm.
You nod, “Yeah.”
His lips curl into a smile, leaning down just enough to close the gap between you, kissing you again with the same hunger, and yet this time delicately too. Your hands move around his shoulders, pressing against his back as if drawing every bit of him to you. His fingertips move to find the hem of your top, tugging it upwards as it gets stuck and trapped on the mattress below you. You break away from him, laughing at his failed attempt as you sit up enough to pull the top up over you, tossing it to the side.
You expect Conrad to be back to you in an instant but instead, he pauses. His fingertips trail down the centre of your torso, his eyes flicking up to scan your face.
“You…” He pauses, the words caught in his throat, “Are everything.”
———
Dressed in another one of Conrad’s tops, and a pair of shorts you’d found amongst the mess of belongings you’d packed, you walk down the stairs. There’s a wafting smell of food from the kitchen, the crackling sound of cooking on the gas stove, the hum of Conrad listening to music.
“There you are,” He grins when he sees you, “Good shower?”
He was stood over the stove stirring a pan of scrambled eggs, another with neatly lined rashers of bacon. Beside him, a chopping board with sliced avocado and cherry tomatoes.
You hum as a form of agreement, walking over to where he stood and wrapping your arms around him from behind. It’s like he melts into the touch, his free hand moving to wrap over both of yours.
“No chicken?” You peak around him, eyeing the food.
Conrad laughs, and it rumbles in his torso against you, “No, no chicken today. Just… everything else.”
You grin, kissing his arm quickly, “It looks perfect.”
You step away from him and hop up onto the kitchen island, legs dangling over the side. In the moment, you’re back to a week ago - in his suit jacket instead of his t-shirt. Conrad looks over his shoulder, a shadow of a smile on his lips. Reminiscent.
“Okay,” Conrad turns off the heat as the toaster shoots up with four perfectly toasted pieces of bread, “Do you want eggs, avocados, tomato, bacon?”
“Yes.”
He looks over at you, “Everything?”
“Everything.”
“Good, I’ll have the same,” He pulls out two plates and loads them up with everything he’d prepared.
“Look at you,” You grin as he brings a plate to you, “Thank you! Should we go to the table or-“
“Nope,” Conrad says quickly, hopping up onto the island beside you and taking his own plate.
His knee bumps yours, his elbow too as he tries to figure out an easier way of eating the mound of food on the plate. You groan into the first bite, the realisation of how hungry you were setting in instantly.
“It’s that good?” Conrad cocks a brow at you.
“Better.”
The two of you stay in your domestic bliss, eating messily and unattractively. Your knees still bump together, your backs hurting from the uncomfortable attempt at eating. It’s silly and impractical and yet it’s one of those moments you want to seal away, you want to remember. A morning, freshly showered, the smell of breakfast, the sight of Conrad. The feeling of it all.
You’re about to speak when there’s a click of the lock at the front door, another click and then it opens.
Adam.
“Wh-“ You cough out, “Your Dad?”
Conrad looks at you, a furrow between his brows, “My-“ He stops then, as Adam walks through into the kitchen, interrupting whatever bliss you’d had, “Dad.”
“Did you not know we had chairs in this house?” Adam waves a hand at the two of you on the island, his phone in one hand, “I didn’t even know you were here Conrad, until I saw your car at least.”
“Yeah, I left last night,” Conrad pushes to stand down from the kitchen island.
“And this mess? You’ve been here less than a day?” Adam waves a hand towards the pans and dishes from breakfast.
“Right, yeah, we were just going to eat first and then clean up, Mr Fisher,” You comment, offering a smile to ease something of the tension.
It was strange to see Adam like this. Whenever you saw him with Conrad it was normally to hurl compliments to him, to praise him for who he was or what he was doing. But there seemed to be a shift. A projection of whatever bad energy he would normally hold for Jeremiah too, now solely focused on his eldest son.
“What are you doing here, Dad?”
Adam looks up from his phone, to his son, “Jeremiah asked me to pick up some things for him. He would have asked you but he didn’t know where you were, neither of us did.”
“I’m old enough to not need to tell you where I am every two seconds.”
“Right, and your brother? He’s still broken Conrad, do you think it’s a good idea for you to go disappearing on us again?”
“I-“
“I’m sorry Mr Fisher, it was my idea. It’s been a rough week and I just figured we could both use a bit of a break from everything,” You squeeze Conrad’s arm, “It’s my fault it was so last minute.”
Adam turns his attention to you, glances down at Conrad’s top on your body, back to your eyes, across to his son, “So this is more of a priority than being there for your brother?” He waves a hand sort of in your direction, carelessly.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Conrad snaps, “I’ve been there for Jere, I am there for Jere.”
“By bunking off to the beach house with some girl?”
You grimace a little at the comment. Partly for you being described simply as a ‘some girl’ and partly for how Conrad would react to you being called ‘some girl’.
“Some girl? Dad she’s a-“
“Hey, um, this feels like a conversation for the two of you,” You interrupt, “I’m going to run to the store, Adam maybe I could pick up some of Jeremiah’s favourites? You can take them back with you.”
Adam looks at you and lets out a breath, “Sure, yeah, thank you.”
You glance to Conrad and there’s that look on his face that you dreaded. The one where he just seems to be completely absent, distant, disconnected. You want to reach out for him, and yet in the moment it feels like the worst thing you could do. In fact, you don’t know what you can do to make it better. So, you walk out.
———
It’s an hour later when you return, Adam’s car is still in the driveway but the door is just opening as you pull up to park. He comes out carrying a duffel bag, his phone still in his other hand.
“Hey! I’m glad I caught you before you left,” You say as you get out of the car, “I got some of Jere’s favourites - swedish fish, those chips he never shuts up about, a few drinks.”
“Thanks, kid,” Adam takes the bag from you without much more acknowledgement.
He walks around to his car and tosses that and the duffel bag into the back.
“Hey, Adam,” You say before your brain has too much of a chance to stop you, “I’m really sorry if Jeremiah is struggling. I know Belly maybe didn’t go about things in the best way and I know she hurt him, but I’m sure eventually this will be a good thing for Jeremiah. And they’ll both be happy, even if it’s not together.”
He takes a deep breath, eyeing you, his jaw tense, “Yeah, maybe you’re right. But for now he’s struggling and he needs his family.”
“Yeah,” You swallow the lump in your throat, “I… I’m not going to apologise for wanting to see Conrad. We’re both adults, we’re capable of making our own decisions.”
Adam scoffs, opening the driver’s door to his car, like he already had one foot out of this conversation, “Look, kid, you might think that Conrad has changed and grown up or whatever else. But he’s still the same guy, him coming here is just proof enough - he’ll drop everything at an instant. It’s only so long before the next thing he’s looking to drop… is you.”
You feel a lump in your throat, the kind that nothing could break past. You clench your hand around the other bag of groceries in your grasp, “Drive safe, Adam.”
You turn around, hurrying towards the house in the hopes that it would release the tightness in your chest, stop your hands from trembling so much.
“Con?” You call as you walk into the house, met with silence at first.
He steps through from the kitchen, looking disheveled. He has flour on his t-shirt, and some form of batter on the tip of his nose, his hands held out as he wrings them dry.
“Wh-“ You laugh, “What are you doing?”
“Baking,” Conrad smiles, “I figured it would be a good distraction.”
You walk over, setting the groceries down onto the countertop, “Baking? You bake now?”
“Here and there,” He shrugs, “I couldn’t decide between muffins or cookies.”
“Oh, always muffins.”
Conrad looks down with a smile, “Good.”
“You have a…” You laugh, stepping to him.
Almost instinctively, his hands are on your waist, keeping you near.
“Did you dip your face in the bowl or something?” You reach up a hand and wipe the dot of batter away from his nose.
He scrunches his nose up as you lick the batter from your fingertip.
“Not bad, chef,” You smile, moving your hands to rest on either one of his biceps.
Conrad moves to bury his face into the crook of your neck, taking a deep breath as if it was the only thing that could re-centre him.
“How was everything with your Dad?” You ask, tilting your head to kiss his cheek gently.
“Awful,” Conrad mutters, pulling back away to see you, “Nothing I shouldn’t already expect.”
“Con…” You sigh, squeezing his arms, “Do you feel like you should go home?”
“No,” He says it so simply you have no choice but to believe him, “No. Jere knows I’m a phone call away if he needs me, and the majority of the time it’s not me that he wants anyway. But there’s a way of being a good brother, a good sister, without us forgetting how to be ourselves.”
“You’re right,” You nod, taking a deep breath, “He just… Adam has a particularly good ability of making people feel shit.”
“Yeah, well, he’s hardly the blueprint of a good person,” Conrad scoffs, “Did he… did he say something else to you?”
You feel your chest clench, the echo of Adam’s words contorting around your heart. ‘The next thing he’s looking to drop is you’.
“No, no,” You clear your throat, “Just, you know, everything from this morning.”
Conrad nods, leaning down to kiss your cheek, “Ignore him,” He whispers into your ear, kissing you again.
He steps away from you and turns around to the muffin batter on the countertop.
“Now, you’ve got to let me get back to making the best muffins you’ve ever tasted,” He beams, “Can you get me the chocolate chips from the cupboard?”
“Yes, chef,” You snap back into the bubble reality of the moment.
You and Conrad. Domestic bliss. Comfortable and exciting and romantic. No families or distance or confusion. Just this.
———
You spend the day in that exact bliss. Conrad does the crossword in the newspaper, you read. You make coffees for you both - his always stronger than yours. He makes notes on a paper for college, you catch up on some emails. He’s sat in front of his laptop at the table, you on the couch.
“So, Fisher,” You clear your throat, “I wanted to ask something.”
“Go ahead,” He says, glancing up momentarily from his laptop screen.
“Have you…” You take a pause, “Have you thought about what’s going to happen, you know, when you go back to California?”
You still hadn’t told him about the job. You didn’t want it to seem like you were forcing him into a corner of sorts.
“Wh-“ He stops, turning around in his seat to face you, “When I go back?”
“Yeah,” You say, setting your laptop onto the coffee table, screen half closed, “You go back in a few weeks, I figured it would be worth thinking about.”
“Well, the flight isnt bad, I promise,” Conrad says nonchalantly, “I can fly to you, you can fly to me, we can meet in the middle, come here for spring break, and if I have a reading week you could come to stay for a bit longer, you’d just have to not distract me too much and-“
“You’ve thought about all of this?” You find your lips curling into a smile.
“I think about everything,” Conrad points out.
“Okay so maybe I need to give you something else to think about,” You say, a hint of worry to your tone.
He frowns, turning fully in his chair to face you, a furrow between his brows.
“And I only didn’t tell you sooner because I figured it would be better to talk about in person and I thought I don’t want to try to explain it over a message or figure it out without getting to see you and-“ You pause to breathe, something you’d forgotten to do, and move to perch on the back of the couch, feeling his eyes burning into you in their concern, “I got offered a job.”
“Is this where you tell me the job’s in Europe or something?”
“No, no, it’s closer than Europe,” You shake your head, “It’s in California.”
“Ca-“ Conrad exhales, “You’re coming to California?”
“I am,” You say, “And I know that’s intense and a lot to deal with when we’re still figuring all of this out but… I had accepted the job before everything and I just…”
“Why are you saying this like it’s a bad thing?” Conrad half-laughs, a little hint of concern, “We’ll be together, in the same state, nobody else, what’s not good about that?”
You pause again, like it was becoming a habit. You couldn’t stop playing Adam’s words over in your head. Him being so convinced that this was over before it had even started. Here you were in this perfect bubble with Conrad and yet you didn’t even know what that bubble was. Or what it would take to pop it. Part of you felt like you were focusing on the bad and you shouldn’t, and yet you couldn’t get the thoughts out of your head.
“Earlier… your Dad said something to me,” You look down at your hands, trembling like they were in the moment, “He told me… he said that you drop things at an instant… and he seemed… well, he thought…”
“He thought I’d drop you next.”
The words fall like a lead balloon in the space between you, sinking and burrowing their way into the bubble you found yourselves in. It tugged and pulled at the sides, hoping to find a way to pop through.
“And you believed him?”
“I-“ You choke around the word, arms wrapping around your chest like you were cowering away from the conversation, “I don’t know what to think. I just feel… we don’t even really know what we’re doing here! Or what this is or what it should be or… I mean, what are we doing Conrad?”
He looks down, his lips turning into a pained expression that somehow resembled a smile, his eyes felt cold and wintery, “What we’re doing is sabotaging whatever this is over some stupid comment my Dad made.”
“Sabotaging?” You shake your head, “Conrad it’s not just him… I’ve been unsure this whole week about what this really is, about what it means for us to be together, if we even are together. I didn’t know how to tell you about California because I didn’t know if we were even in a place where you’d want to be with me when you went back there. These thoughts have been going over and over in my head and I just… your Dad said that earlier and I-“
“You believed him,” Conrad shrugs, “And why wouldn’t you, right? I’m the absent brother that can’t stick around for anyone he loves. What else?”
You feel your heart sink, cracking a little as it drops. Your hands are shaking more now, the lump in your throat seeming to twist and contract.
“I can’t-“ Your voice cracks on the syllables, and you take it as a sign to get as far away from the conversation as you could, not allowing yourself to say anything more.
“Wait!” Conrad calls after you, the volume breaking around the sound of the door closing behind you.
He turns back around in his chair, elbows resting onto the table, fingers pinching at the bridge of his nose, dragging over his face. He curses under his breath, feeling the tightness in his chest that he’d just about learnt to keep under control. He wanted nothing more than to go after you. And still he knew the right words wouldn’t find him yet. That was one thing Conrad knew he had to work on - saying the right thing at the right time. For now, it would still take a while.
———
You knew you shouldn’t have said it. Or you should have said it better. You should have just asked him what you were, what he wanted the two of you to be. You should have told him that his Dad worried you but of course you didn’t believe Adam of all people. You should have told him that, if he wanted to, you couldn’t wait to start your life with him in California. That you couldn’t imagine spending your time with anybody else out there. That you wanted this domestic bliss to happen for the two of you out there too. Hosting dinner parties with your new friends, surfing on the west coast, road tripping when you both had days off. You wanted all of that and you wanted to ask him if he wanted that too.
And, instead, you’d just confessed to him how scared you were, made it out like you could believe the worst about him, that you pictured him as the worst version of himself and convinced yourself it was real.
You were sat at the beach, the waves lapping just a few feet in front of you, the stretch of sand barren and bare. It was cool, maybe a little too cool, your knees drawn to your chest to keep in any heat you had left. You wanted to go back. You weren’t sure what you would say but you knew it needed to be something. Anything.
You pull your phone from the pocket of your shorts, scrolling past the contacts until you reach one you knew would tell you what you needed to hear. They pick up on the third ring.
“Why are you calling me from your romantic weekend?”
“Hey Steven,” You say softly, your voice trembling already.
“Woah woah woah what’s happened? Did something happen? Did Conrad do something? Did he-“
“No, no,” You sniff, pursing your lips to give your voice a chance to steady, “It’s my fault, I fucked up and I said stuff that I shouldn’t have said.”
You hear him sigh deeply, pure relief, “What happened?”
“I can’t let myself get hurt by him again Steven, I can’t hurt him again either,” You shake your head, “And so Im just scared that if we’re going to give this a shot again that… this needs to be it. I can’t let myself do it all again. Pretending like I’m normal when I see him, pretending like I don’t want to be with him. If we’re doing this, we’re in it completely. And I just… I don’t know what we are.”
Steven takes a moment, calculating the right way to approach this as if it were an engineering problem, “Have you ever thought… I don’t know, that Conrad doesn’t need to be the one that decides what you two are.”
“I don’t-“
“You’re always so headstrong. You’re always the one calling the shots, keeping us in line, deciding things for us before we even need to think about it. What’s so different about this? I’m not saying you need to make Conrad’s choices for him. I’m just saying… what’s the harm in being direct about it? Tell him what you want. Tell him you want to be together. Tell him you want this to last. If he doesn’t feel the same… well, I don’t know why I’m even considering it, of course he feels the fucking same. This is Conrad we’re talking about.”
You’re silent.
“I’m going to take your silence as a ‘wow who knew my brother could be so mature and profound’,” Steven persists, “I’m right, aren’t I?”
“You’re right.”
He lets out a cheer on the other end of the phone and you laugh into the screen, feeling the weight on your shoulders lift.
“Thank you,” You half-whisper, “I needed that.”
“Come on, what are brothers for?” Steven says, “But, you know, I charge by the minute for this kind of quality advice so I’d hurry up and figure out what you want to do otherwise you’ll be-“
“Thank you Steven,” You roll your eyes, “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”
“Chin up big sis, go get your man or whatever.”
He hangs up the call before you do, an annoyingly militant habit your brother had developed. You weren’t sure you’d ever meet someone who could end a call so quickly. But all of that to say, he was right. You did need to take control. You needed to be upfront. You needed to say how you felt without fear of losing the one person you wanted to keep.
You push up from the sand, stumbling onto your feet in their rush, shoes held in one hand, phone stuffed back into your pocket. It’s getting darker now, the kind of light around Cousins where everything seemed to fade away. But you could pick him out of any darkness. Any room, any place, anywhere, you know that silhouette.
“Conrad!” You call, hurrying across the sand to him.
He looks up when he sees you, at the edge of the entrance to the beach, between the dunes. His shoulders are hanging low, his face tired and weary, brighter as soon as his eyes are on you.
“Look, I’m sorry about what I said I didn’t…”Conrad shakes his head, “I should’ve cared more about reassuring you then being angry about what my Dad said.”
“No, you had every right to be annoyed,” You return, “I shouldn’t have let him get in my head like that, and I should know that he doesn’t know you. Whatever impression he has of you isn’t the same person I know, and I shouldn’t have let him convince me otherwise.”
Conrad smiles a little, convinced by your certainty, relieved to hear your voice, softened by the sight of your eyes.
“But Con…” You pause, taking a deep breath, “I want to be together. Not just phone calls and meeting up on the weekends. I want to know that we’re together. I want to tell people you’re my boyfriend and when I make plans I want to be thinking about you. I know it’s still early in all of this and I know maybe it’s too soon but… if we’re going to do this I want to be all in.”
His lips curl up into a smile, the tightness in his chest alleviating into a spark of electricity that seems to course through his veins.
“I want to come to California,” You exhale, “I want to be near you, I want to meet your friends, I want you to introduce me as your girlfriend. I want to fly home to see our families and… just be us.”
Conrad lifts his hands, cupping each of your cheeks so your face was encased by his touch. He smiles down at you, injecting into you all of the reassurance you needed, “Conklin, will you be my girlfriend?”
You giggle, dropping your shoes, your hands moving up to hold each of his wrists near your face, looking up at him like he was the only person in the world, “Okay well you don’t need to ask like that I-“
“No no no, I’m asking,” Conrad grins, “You want to know that I’m serious about this, you need a proposal… of sorts.”
“Okay, yes,” You laugh, “Yes, I’ll be your girlfriend.”
His smile widens, leaning down to kiss you, both of you laughing into the contact as if you were crazed by the moment. His nose bumps against yours, his forehead knocking you, the wind caught in your hair and his. It’s messy and stupid and perfect.
“Then I’m going back to California, and you’re coming with me,” He says softly, like he’s letting the reality sink in for all that it was worth, “That’s big.”
You giggle, “You’re right. Go big or go home.”
“Go big or go home? That’s the phrase you want us to remember?” Conrad laughs, “That’s how you want us to remember tonight?”
You hit at his chest but he grabs your waist, lifting you up and over his shoulder. You squeal, gripping onto him tightly as he wobbles to adjust.
“Con you’re going to drop me!” You hold onto him tighter, his t-shirt twisting in your hands.
“I’m not gonna drop ya,” He says flippantly, bending down enough to pick up your shoes, “Well… if I do, at least the sand is a soft landing.”
“Fisher!” You exclaim, as he takes one unbalanced step off of the sand, back towards the beach house.
“I’ve got you.”
———
The next day, Belly texts to say she’d be coming home later that evening. You float the idea to Conrad that maybe you’d go home to see her. Within an instant he asks if he could come with you. He suggests that you stop in Boston first, pick up Belly’s stuff from Jeremiah and then make the six hour journey home from there. It all felt so proper to be making silly plans like this together - like the two of you could move as a unit.
You take both cars to Boston, parking up at Adam’s place together so that Conrad could leave his car there. Conrad waits for you, lacing his fingers with yours as the two of you walk towards the apartment. He has his other hand stuffed into his pocket, and it’s like you can feel the instant shift in him now that he had to be back here.
When the two of you step into the apartment, Conrad calls out, “Dad? Jere?”
Within seconds, Adam appears, a frown of confusion and surprise on his face. You expect Conrad to drop your hand and yet his grip remains firm. You watch as Adam glances down at your hands and then back up.
“You’re back,” Adam says, “And you’re not alone.”
“We’re not staying for too long,” Conrad says calmly, “I just thought we could come to see Jere, pick up some things, and then we’re driving to Philly.”
“To Philly?” Adam raises his brows, “Why?”
Conrad laughs a little, glancing at you, “Well, we want to see Belly, Laurel’s coming back from her conference, we thought we could take some of Belly’s stuff to her.”
“We,” Adam scoffs around the word.
“Do you really want to do this Dad?” Conrad clenches his jaw, “Or are you going to let us be?”
Adam falls quiet, “Your brother’s in the room.”
You squeeze Conrad’s hand, encouraging him to take the sign to leave. And he does. The two of you walk across the apartment to the room at the back where Jeremiah had been staying. Conrad knocks and in that moment you let your hand fall from his - it felt like you’d be rubbing it in Jeremiah’s face to walk in so blatantly romantically.
“Hey Jere, it’s me,” Conrad says as he steps in, “Well, I brought a guest.”
Jeremiah is sprawled on his bed, one arm tucked under his head, phone in hand. When he sees you, he tosses his phone aside and sits upright.
“Wh-“ He breathes out, “I didn’t expect to see you.”
“Hey,” You smile, “How are you holding up?”
“I- it’s not getting any easier,” Jeremiah grimaces, “I just… I keep replaying it over in my head. That look in her eyes. It felt like she wasn’t even looking at me. I couldn’t figure out what she was thinking, I can always figure out what she’s thinking.”
You sigh, taking a seat on the edge of his bed, reaching over a hand to squeeze his leg, “Jere I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine how hard that was for you.”
“Did you-“ He takes a breath, “Did you know she didn’t want to marry me?”
“Honestly? No,” You shake your head, “I knew she was nervous, I knew she was scared, I knew she was upset that my Mom wasn’t going to be there. But I didn’t know she wouldn’t go through with it.”
Maybe you did know. But it felt comforting to tell him that you didn’t. Maybe it could make him feel better - nobody could have seen this coming.
“Jere,” You pause, waiting for the right words to come to you, “I hope you know that she does love you, and she’s always going to. And you’ve loved her, and cared for her and been there for her more than anybody would have been. Of course you made mistakes, and I’m sure there’s things that she could have done differently too. But she was happy with you. It’s just… now wasn’t the right time for her to get married. And sadly it just took her getting to the aisle to realise that.”
You see tears build in his eyes, his bottom lip start to tremble, “I just keep thinking I fucked it up… if I could go back I would never…”
“I know,” You say softly, “But if you want my opinion… without Cabo, Lacie, any of that, Belly still wouldn’t have been ready to marry you. She just wasn’t ready. There were a lot of reasons why.”
Jeremiah sighs deeply, leaning his head back to press against the headboard, “I… I’m never going to not love her.”
“Come here,” You shuffle forward enough to be able to wrap your arms around him, letting him fall into you.
Conrad watches the two of you - your natural ability to fall into the big sister role whenever you needed to. Whether it was what you believed or not, you had told Jeremiah what he needed to hear and made it convincing too.
“How come you guys are here?” Jeremiah sniffs as he pulls away, looking between you and his brother.
“We thought we could pick up some of Belly’s things to take back with us,” Conrad explains, “I think it might be good for you to not be around everything so often.”
“You’re going to see her? How is she?” Jere turns to you, concerned.
“She’s okay, she’s with Taylor this weekend,” You explain, “She’s struggling though, Jere, I promise this wasn’t easy on her either.”
He nods, “Can you just… can you tell her to just text me back when she’s ready? I just want to talk.”
“I can-“ You clear your throat, “I can tell her.”
“Jere, I’m going to be gone for a few days - but maybe when I’m back we can go to Cousins, try to catch some good surf next week?” Conrad suggests, “Weather’s meant to be good, we could grill on the beach, maybe I could invite Steven, what do you say?”
“Sure, yeah, sounds good,” Jeremiah smiles, like he’s looking at his big brother the same way as when they were kids - bright and young and determined to be like him.
“Alright man, I’ll text you, okay?” Conrad clasps his shoulder, “Let us get Belly’s stuff and then we better start going.”
“I’ll go to check if there’s anything in the bathroom,” You smile, standing up from the bed and heading out of the room.
As you go to close the door, you pause at the sound of the two brother’s talking.
“Whats going on here?” Jeremiah questions, “Are you two…”
“Yeah,” Conrad says, simply, certain.
“Seriously?” Jeremiah exclaims - surprised, in shock, amused, you couldn’t tell.
“Yeah, seriously, I’m very serious about her,” Conrad half-laughs, “But you knew that already.”
“You’ve been pining after her for four years, it’s about time,” Jeremiah scoffs.
“A little bit,” Conrad laughs again, “Worth it.”
You feel your heart swell, electricity coursing through you like it had found a second home within your veins. You welcome the feeling, the reassurance, the breath of fresh air. And you were sure in that moment you’d feel that way with Conrad for the rest of your life.
———
For the drive to Philly, the two of you take your car and you just about convince Conrad it’s okay for you to take turns driving. He had offered to drive the whole way. Instead, he drives the first half, you stop for food, and then you drive the second half. You play the music for the first half, and him for the second. Though, you’re sure, the majority of songs he plays are ones he has heard from you. You pick up on it as you’re driving - that his eyes naturally guide back towards you whenever he has the chance. His head against the chair, his hair falling around his temples, his skin sun kissed as it seemed to stay year-round.
“Okay are you prepared to deal with the wrath of Laurel and Steven?” You ask, indicating at a junction as you got closer to your home.
Conrad laughs, “Wrath? Come on, they love me.”
You turn once more as you pull up onto your street, turning onto the driveway and parking beside Steven’s car. You shut off the ignition.
“They do,” You nod, “It’s probably just my Mom you have to worry about, I’ve already spoken to Steven about some stuff.”
You step out of the car and he follows your movements, walking around to your side of the car just as you get out.
“To Steven? What have you been saying about me?” Conrad raises his brows, coming to stand in front of you, your back against the car.
“Oh, you know, all the bad stuff.”
“Is that right?” He smirks, his hands falling to your waist.
“Yeah… it wasn’t hard, there’s just so many bad things,” You rest your hands on his shoulders.
“Are you sure about that?” He leans into you, pressing his lips to yours softly - hyper aware that he hadn’t kissed you since Boston.
You hum against the contact, your hands twisting into the material of his top.
“Oh, dude!” You’d recognise that voice anywhere - your brother, “Get off of my sister.”
Conrad pulls away from you, pursing his lips together, “Hi Steven.”
“I’ve just about had it with one of you Fisher boys dating my sister, let alone you too now,” Steven groans, carrying pizza four pizza boxes across the driveway.
“I’m sure you can cope, Steven,” You roll your eyes, squeezing Conrad’s arm as he steps aside from you.
“Just… don’t kiss in front of me, okay? Especially not right before my dinner,” He grimaces, “Turns me sick.”
“Still just as immature,” You mutter to Conrad and he grins.
He takes your bags from the back of the car and carries them towards the house with you, both following behind Steven.
“I come bearing pizza and…” Steven glances back to look at you two as he walks into the house, “Two other guests.”
“You’re back!” Your Mom stands from the couch to see you, “I wasn’t sure if you’d be- Conrad?”
“Hey Laurel,” He smiles softly, setting the bags down onto the floor.
“What are you doing here?” Your Mom comes over to hug him, always stretching up onto her toes when she did.
“I…” Conrad starts, looking to you like he’s not sure how much he should say, “We just…”
“We went to Cousins for a couple of days, thought we’d come back now you were home,” You shrug nonchalantly, “And for Belly too.”
Laurel looks at you with an air of confusion, like she had a million questions and you hadn’t answered a single one. Belly comes in from the kitchen then, her face faltering in confusion just momentarily when she sees Conrad, turning into a smile of ‘we’ll talk about this later’ when her eyes land on you. She walks over and squeezes your hand in greeting before dropping down onto the couch.
“Well, Steven ordered enough pizza to feed ten people so we’ll have plenty,” Laurel encourages.
“It was buy one get one free - how was i supposed to know?” Steven points out, opening the pizza boxes onto the coffee table in the lounge.
“You want pizza?” You turn to Conrad.
He smiles, “Sure.”
“Well, make yourself at home,” Laurel runs a hand through her hair, “How was the journey?”
You all walk over to the couches - Belly moving to one of the armchairs and Steven taking the other one, you in the middle of the couch and Conrad on one side of you, your mother on the other.
“It was good, yeah,” You nod, “We stopped in Boston first and then drove down but it didn’t take as long as we thought it would.”
“You went to Boston?” Belly swallows the lump in her throat, “How is he doing?”
“He’s-“ Conrad starts, looking at you as if checking that you didn’t want to speak first, “He’s struggling, of course, but he’ll get there. He just wants to know that you’re okay.”
“Yeah, I should text him, I just… I don’t know what to say,” Belly sighs, putting a slice of pizza onto her plate and nudging it around.
“That’s okay, you know,” Conrad encourages, “He knows to give you some time, he’s just worried about you.”
She smiles, “Thanks Conrad.”
“Steven I said to him maybe we could all go to the beach house next week, if you’re up for it,” Conrad suggests, “I thought it would be good for him to keep busy.”
Steven is quick to agree, saying he can’t wait for some time without the girls. Belly throws a cushion at him. You find yourself focused solely on Conrad, on the way he settled so quickly into spending time with your family - the way he managed to tell Belly what she needed to hear, to reassure her. Your Mom glanced across at you then, her eyes meeting yours from the other side of you on the couch. She raises her brows slightly, as if questioning what exactly this meant.
“What?” You mumble under your breath, a smile playing on your lips.
Before she can respond, Conrad hands you a plate with two big pieces of pizza, one plain cheese and the other with all of the toppings, gaps in them where he’d removed the mushrooms for you. You glance over and see the few mushrooms stacked at the side of his own plate.
Laurel looks at the food, looks at Conrad, looks at you, and smiles softly - peacefully. Conrad smiles at you, almost bashful that his small display of affection had been noticed. He settles back against the couch, his shoulder bumping with yours as he eats his own food. Steven talks to him about a game he’d started playing, and Conrad asks Belly what her plans were for the rest of summer, Belly asks you if you’ll have enough time off work to go back to the beach house for a few days. At the mention of work you feel the need to admit to them what you were yet to mention.
“I actually…” You clear your throat, shifting in your seat, “I got offered a new job, and I accepted it.”
“A new job?” Your Mom says, “When did this happen?”
“Just before the wedding,” You swallow, “I just wanted to wait for the right time to tell you. But it’s… well, it’s a bit further away. It’s in California.”
“Ca-“ Steven stutters, “You’re moving to California?”
You nod, “It’s a promotion, it’s a great company, it’s more money, it’s a really great opportunity.”
“And did you…” Laurel pauses, looking from you to Conrad and back to you.
“I accepted the job before, Mom,” You assure her, “It’s just a happy coincidence.”
For a moment, she looks ashamed that you’d managed to see straight through her concerns. But she smiles and the tension in her shoulders relaxes and you know then that she believes you.
“Congratulations!” She beams, hugging you with her one free arm.
“Yeah, that’s amazing, really,” Belly grins too, “As long as you’re okay with us visiting.”
“Are you kidding? I’d let you live in my spare room if you were done with college,” You comment, “There’s a place for you there, any time.”
“Okay I hope that offer applies to me too because there’s a ton in California that I want to do, and we could road trip to-“
“Steven!” Belly interjects, “Maybe you should be congratulating her instead of thinking about yourself.”
You smiled - a hint of Belly returning to her usual self was always when she started to get annoyed at Steven again. The two of them start to bicker and you turn around to Conrad. He’s looking down at you with a pride and excitement and adoration in his eyes that you couldn’t possibly mistake. He couldn’t wait. He wanted all of it - the life in California, the visits from your family, the hosting, the domestic life. His lips curl into a soft smile when your eyes are on him and he holds back everything in him to not kiss you there and then.
———
“Alright, I should get to bed, I barely slept that whole conference,” Your Mom sighs, standing up from the couch.
The movie was just ending but her eyes had been fluttering shut for at least the last half an hour.
“Conrad, I can set up the guest bedroom for you, I have some fresh sheets and-“
“Mom,” You interject, raising your brows as if trying to encourage her to find some reason, “He’s fine.”
“Wh-“ Laurel frowns, looking between the two of you.
Conrad looks down, his cheeks flushing. You know in that moment the ground could swallow him up and he would thank whatever cosmic event had caused it.
“We’re twenty three Mom, he’s fine,” You offer her a pained smile.
“Right, yeah, I-“ She returns, flustered and panicked, “Okay, I will see you in the morning then.”
Everyone mumbles their good-nights as she disappears upstairs. And, almost instantly, Steven bursts into laughter, Belly following him in his actions. You look at Conrad, his cheeks are still flushed red, the embarrassment still firing through him.
“That has to be one of the worst interactions I’ve ever had with your Mom,” He shakes his head, “And that includes the time you stole my clothes from the shower and she found me at the exact moment my towel fell down in the yard.”
You giggle, “How do you remember that?”
“Oh, and the time I first kissed you by the pool and she came outside and I couldn’t get a single word out. I think Laurel actually thought I was choking.”
“Oh my god I remember that!” Belly points at him, “She came into the house worried that you’d had something with peaches in and it was closing up your throat! Yeah, yeah, and Susannah had to convince her it wasn’t that bad. You were so embarrassed when you came inside it was like you couldn’t talk to any of us.”
“Come on, can you blame me?” Conrad gestures a hand in your direction, “I’d just kissed someone way out of my league.”
“Out of your league?” You hit his chest, “I wasn’t out of your league.”
“Honey, you still are.”
Steven fakes a gag and you roll your eyes at him, fighting back a smile when you look to Conrad.
“Alright, kids, we’ve been driving all day,” You sigh, “I’m going to hit the hay, see you tomorrow?”
“Yeah, good night,” Belly smiles tiredly, drawing up the blanket around her on the chair.
Conrad stands up behind you, following behind as you go towards the stairs. Steven calls out a good night to you both as well, mumbling something about the house having thin walls. Conrad stays close behind you, his feet trailing yours on each of the steps, your bags held in his hands. You turn down the corridor towards your room - past your Mom’s, between Steven’s room and the bathroom. It was one of the smaller rooms, with a slanted ceiling on one side above the bed. The room was white with accents of wood and green all over, plants littered the shelves, wisteria hung from the ceiling over your desk. There was a big bookshelf against one wall that you swore to only ever fill with books you’d actually read.
“This feels… wrong,” Conrad whispers, setting the bags down onto the floor.
“Wrong?” You frown, going over to your closet.
“I feel like I’m doing something your Mom’s going to yell at me for,” He hisses into the dark room, “I was never allowed to stay in your room.”
“When we were eighteen, Con. Not now,” You laugh, “She’s not going to kill you, I promise.”
“I’m not convinced.”
You change into pyjamas, a matching silk set with shorts and a cami that Belly had bought you for your birthday. Conrad strips down into just his t-shirt and boxers, waiting for you with his toothbrush in hand.
You giggle at the sight, “You look like you’re at your first sleepover.”
He grins, “I feel like I am.”
“We just stayed together at the house,” You point out, “This is no different than that.”
“Conklin, the whole time we were together before, I thought about what it would be like when we first stayed in your room. I thought that would make things so official, if your Mom knew we were serious enough to share a room. And now it’s like we just get to do this like it’s normal, like we’re actually adults,” He laughs, half at himself.
“That’s what happens when you become an adult,” You wiggle your brows at him, “And when you finally start dating me again.”
He hums in agreement, kissing you quickly.
The two of you walk out of the room and into the bathroom, grimacing at how loud the door manages to be when you close it, wincing at the bright light when Conrad flicks it on. You squeeze toothpaste onto his and your toothbrushes and Conrad stands just behind you as you brush your teeth, both silent, both stealing glances at each other’s reflections in the mirror. In that moment you see what he means - you’re back to being kids again. If you’d have stayed together past summer. Him visiting the house as your boyfriend, eating pizza with Steven and Belly, spending every minute together until you had to let him go to the spare room and you to yours, texting each other a good night. Your heart somersaults at the thought.
As quiet as possible, you pad back to your bedroom, closing the door behind you. You climb under the bed sheets, your head sinking down into the pillows your Mom always told you were too fluffy for her. Without him even stepping into the bed, you knew Conrad would say the same.
“Okay so we have a problem here,” You say, drawing the covers up to your chin as you watch Conrad pull off his t-shirt.
“Whats that?” Conrad frowns, glancing around like he’s looking for the issue.
“I have to sleep on this side, closer to the door. You’re going to have to sleep next to the wall.”
He narrows his eyes, “See now I didn’t agree to this.”
“Rules are rules Fisher,” You shrug, “And, you know, that guest bedroom is just down the…”
“Alright alright alright,” He waves you off, walking over to the side of the bed.
Conrad looks down at you, blocking his path to the other side of the mattress. You look up at him, smiling as if completely innocent. Before you can blink, Conrad drops down over you, his full weight on top of you.
“Oh my go-“ You hit at him, “Conrad!”
He laughs, his tall form awkwardly clambering over you until he drops down on the other side. He drops his head onto the pillows and then lifts it back up, dropping down again and lifting up once more before he tugs the top pillow out from underneath him, tossing it to the floor and grumbling about something. You giggle, turning to face him. He turns too, tucking one arm under his head.
“Any more complaints?” You whisper, his face barely visible in the low light.
Conrad scrunches his face as if he’s thinking, “Nothing yet.”
“Yet,” You repeat, “You know Fisher I’ve told you where that guest room is but maybe you could-“
“Okay, okay,” He lifts up just enough to hover above you, his lips just barely ghosting over yours, “No complaints.”
“None?” You look up at him, biting your bottom lip to fight back from the smile growing on your face.
“None, none now, none ever,” He smiles, leaning down to kiss you gently, longingly, as if it’s the first and the last and every kiss in between.
That’s what this could be. Conrad could be your first, your last, your everything in between.
