after experiencing a certain amount of sheer terror , there's an odd sort of clarity that settles . it's one beezy had hoped she'd never experience again , but she sees that wish now for what it was . foolish . fucking stupid , actually , acting like all the shit in her past wouldn't rear its masked head again , a hydra that emerges with more & more fearsome faces each time one is struck down . she curls up beside scott , nestles her head onto his shoulder because she needs to feel him there , know that he's okay .
it's probably the longest he's ever heard bianca be silent , except that time she tried to show him her favorite movie & instead fell asleep on him halfway through . usual verbosity has evaporated for the moment , replaced with a brand of dread she thought she left behind years ago . at his words , gaze lifts , eyes reddened from tears . ' i'm sorry , scott . ' voice is tiny , sincerely regretful . ' i'm the whole reason you're in this shit . ' she should have known better , should have warned him from the beginning , she just thought ..... nails bite into her own palm as she wills herself not to cry again . she thought it'd be different this time , that the stagehand would remain a ghost haunting her worst memories .
he really sounds like he believes it when he says they'll figure it out , & his faith makes her heart sink . he's staying . part of her reasons that there's a contract , of course he's staying ---- but scott doesn't treat her like an obligation . he never has , even when it would have been easy . his simple acceptance it makes the whole thing hurt even more . ' you should be , like , running for the hills . or getting on the next flight out of the country , ' she murmurs . ' i wouldn't blame you . i'd understand . hell , i'd pay for your ticket . '
