Remember Me

Andrew Kim. Ghoul An gentle soul at 25. Drama Teacher Rinkaku Kagune "Is it better to out-monster the monster or to be quietly devoured?" Closed Roleplay Blog for ghoulxs

[cheetahswolf]

[ghoulxandrew]

Harvest Moon // Artemis

[mistressofthehunt-blog]

perhaps it was the expression on his face that held her feet stuck on the ground. she wanted to run towards him, to wrap her arms around him, to run her slender fingers on his now ashened-hair and tell him everything will be fine.

everything will be fine just as they made things work together, like before.

(a lie.)

this day was ought to come; where he is no longer the one chasing after her, where he is no longer the one who liked her better. and she would look at him, with those dark hazel eyes, only to realize that the trap she placed herself in was a trap impossible to escape from– only with death. death is not an option now.

it wasn’t the first time she had been rejected (actually, there’s only one other time, two including this one)–– or if it could even be called rejection since technically, she was not really ‘flipping her blonde hair’ at him. god knows, she knew when and where to do that, years of being trained in a brothel owned by a ghoul actually made her an expert in that game. but andy spitting those words right at her face felt too painful that the things she had to say, that the things she would usually confidently say, remained at the back of her throat.

artemis sighed painfully, head throbbing with the sudden feeling of throwing her guts out. she gave her stomach a soothing rub to ease the pain. the raid has just ended, and fortunately, the fractures and injuries she suffered were only left now with a few scratches and fading bruises. with the countless lives ccg lost, her colleagues and officemates once upon a time, she would be considered lucky to go home with only those. at least, she’s still alive. she has to be.

“andy,” she finally spoke, in the most gentle tone she have ever used as she took a step back. this won’t do. not now. “come back to me when you’re you. there’s something important we need to talk about.”

[ghoulxandrew]

Gentleness spoke in volumes, slicing through the fractured voices inside his head always pulling him towards one extreme or the other. The alleyway was silent except for the dripping of blood, the little trickles pooling on the asphalt. He looked up and stared, like the hundreds upon hundreds of times he’d done before. That was the stare from when they first met, first kissed, first spent the night, first woke up tangled in sheets, and their first goodbye to the man he was before. That was the stare made in the middle of the crowd, where he’s lost everything and catches a glimmer of golden hair before its gone. “Have we met before?” he asked quietly. Through all the suffering, he still believed in a little thing called destiny.

Yijung stood slowly, seemingly weighed down by black clothes heavier now soaked in innocent blood. He moved towards her with quiet, hesitant footsteps. She needed to be approached with caution because he was afraid of talking to forbidden things, of things that made his creator unhappy. But, how else could he explain that he needed to talk to her? That right now, this woman was more important than a thousand Seokjins? “Do I know you from somewhere?” he asked, “It feels like I do, but I can’t remember.”

He searched and searched within himself for those memories, the snippets of happiness he didn’t know existed. “It must’ve been in a dream,” he said.  Flickers of another life often flashed before his eyes, but that was a secret he never told Seokjin for fear of the punishment it would bring. Besides, that life belonged to someone weak. It couldn’t be him. It couldn’t be him because he was Yijung -- he was made into someone strong, powerful, and lethal.

But right now, he didn’t care.

“It must’ve been in a dream,” he said, whispering once more, “But I wish it were real.”  Yijung wanted nothing more than the memories of weakness to belong to him. He never wanted anything more in his life, not even a meal for the painful days of starvation.

“I want it to be real.”

He cupped her cheek with a tender touch and leaned in, tilting his head as though to kiss her. But, he couldn’t do it. 

He was crying too hard.

“Artemis, tell me that this is real,” he said, “Please, it has to be real.”

[ghoulxandrew]

YO this is bean and I’ll be keeping Andrew’s account if you still want to fart around with me. I’m too invested in him to drop out. 

Please leave a message after the tone: *chewbacca noises*

[ghoulxandrew]

Harvest Moon // Artemis

[mistressofthehunt-blog]

artemis could see the red muscle cradled in his hand, still pumping and covered in blood, even from that distance. how was it possible for someone to still want to be in a person’s arms even after seeing him kill before your eyes? this person only bore the face of the andrew she grew too fond of, probably a little bit too much than what she would admit, but this person is different. he’s a monster (not to say she isn’t one), one that she was too scared to see for herself, one of the many whose goal is solely to survive by consuming humans.

but it wasn’t him killing an innocent that actually boiled her rage. instead of getting a call or a text from him, she got a strange call from jin using andy’s number, who had weirder questions on hand and a screaming voice at the background. how did they know each other? were they friends? she had no idea. if he were to cancel a date, he could at least have some manners and tell her directly instead of passing it to another person as if they’re playing some message-relay game. artemis have never been mad at him. not once, until now. in a swift movement, she kicked the head back towards the ghoul, not even caring where or what it could hit. “what the fuck are you talking about?” she scoffed, eyes wide in disbelief with his response. “what the hell are you even doing here? are you insane? if the ccg catches you, they won’t let you off. they will kill you right here, andy.“

[ghoulxandrew]

“What are you talking about?” he asked, “I don’t know anyone named Andy. I thought you were talking to the corpse and I almost felt bad for killing your boyfriend, but you smell as nasty as I do -- you would’ve eaten him sooner or later. Consider it a favor.” As the head came flying towards him, he ducked with a gracefulness he’d never had in his life. No, anyone who knew him would expect him to fumble and get smacked in the face. “The fuck was that for?” he snapped, “Just leave me alone, alright? You’re mistaking me for someone else. My name’s Yijung.”

Andy never swore, at least not so vehemently. On the rare occasion a minor curse escaped his lips, the word was always followed by a short gasp and fingertips hastily pressed to his lips. The savory sweetness was gone, replaced by an expression callous and indifferent. This monster crouching in a puddle of fresh blood, trembling through restraint of not devouring the body himself, wore Andrew’s doll-like face in mockery. Just as Kim Seokjin planned it to be, the body was only an empty vessel for Yijung’s soul.  For the manipulation to work best, Andrew became a clean slate: no memories, no personal desires, no familial or friendly ties, and certainly not the British accent Artemis loved.

“Who cares about the CCG?” he asked, “What’s wrong with you? Are you hungry?” He glances down at the colder with earnesty and for a blissful second, his face softens into Andrew’s worrying look. However, the warmth melted from his face the moment his head snapped back up. “Go hunt on your own,” he said, “These are for Jin-ssi.”

His brow furrowed -- it’s foreign and strange to see it not pulled in honest confusion, but in irritation and rage -- as he sucked in his breath. A slender hand that’s cracked from endless labor and torture runs through his strands of ashen hair. Everything about him is rougher around the edges and he’s much stronger, having put on more muscle than Artemis saw him last. “Look, can’t you see that I’m in the middle of something? Go flip your blonde hair somewhere else because I’m not interested,” he said, biting his tongue. As he dunked the heart into the cooler and brought his hands back up, a few of his fingers were mere stumps in the agonizing process of growing back. “I don’t want to make Jin-ssi angry again.”

[prettyquoteable]

“Are you living the life of a person you want to be?” - Sugishita to Ando (No no Tame ni, Jdrama)

[prettyquoteable]

- 4.3.2.1, Jim Eldridge

[radiomomo]

Taking out the TRASH

[ghoulxandrew]

Harvest Moon // Artemis

[mistressofthehunt-blog]

“i don’t care, okay? you’re still andy. it doesn’t change anything.”

[ghoulxandrew]

perhaps those were not the best parting words when the person you are dating (or whatever the real score between them was; it’s still very complicated) confesses his true identity after a supposed happy weekend vacation in the countryside, but artemis have been aware of it since the start, was tasked for his eradication even— that he is a ghoul, and now it was her conscience eating her alive for not being as equally honest to him. she can’t. for the things she had to keep from him are the only ones there is to keep her alive.

andy ditched a date (which never happened, ever), did not return her calls and text messages for weeks now, and did not even bother to contact her, in any way there is, just to check if that person he kept referring to as his moon is still alive. no, it should not matter if he suddenly lost interest and found someone else more worthy of his time; it should not matter if he realized that their relationship is going nowhere, that he’s tired of her playing around. it should not matter if he decided it’s the right time to leave.

when her own eyes laid on him again, she realized how stupid she was for fooling herself. it has to be him, despite the now ashened hair and rinkaku popping from his back, what seem to be gleaming red tentacles now pinned a poor human against the ground. artemis stood in the middle of that alley, frozen and breathless, unable to find the strength to make him stop. it’s not as if she can. “a-andy,” the blonde female managed to call out, nothing but a faint whisper. 

Andrew was the name of the person who belonged in the chair before him, as Seokjin told him many times before, and the very mention made the ghoul obliterate the human with extra zeal. The human’s fingers twitched one last time as Andrew’s hands grasped the heart, then jerked his arm backwards to rip it out. He dropped the organ into the cooler and instinctively went to lick his hands, but stopped himself and wiped the blood on his pants.

“Is this human yours?” he asked, sounding indifferent. Andrew snapped off the head and rolled it in Artemis’ way, then glanced up at her. “Should’ve come faster, then I wouldn’t have had to kill your Andy,” he said.

The face undoubtedly belonged to Andrew, although a permanent sadness lingered in his eyes and his expression made him appear broken. The body did too, although much sturdier and stronger after his escapades with the Aogiri. The kagune looked exactly like his, only pulsing with the unusual power of someone dining on a little more ghoul meat than he should. No, he wasn’t even at the half-kakuja point but he was getting there.

What was different about Andrew is that for the first time, his face didn’t light up when he saw Artemis.

[kougmi]

Tokyo Ghoul Week √2 » Day 3 - Wrath

[korean-highcut-blog]

Kim SangBum

[prettyquoteable]

 - Julie Anne Peters, By the Time You Read This, I’ll Be Dead

[fcrglcry]

[ night lights ] taiga+andrew

[fcrglcry]

Taiga’s eyes went for the sky for a moment as a little “ah…” escaped his lips. He shouldn’t have said that? Should he just freely let other ghouls know he’s a cannibal? He didn’t know. But it didn’t matter anyway. He’s a one-man operation. He didn’t really care what others might think of. Plus it’s kind of already out now. And he’s quite certain this was not the first time. “Well shit, I guess so.” His reply was half-hearted as he hoisted himself up, making his way to the door. They could just jump out of the building of course. But it’s a busy night and they’re in an even busier  street. For them to just jump would raise too much suspicion for those who saw them. “Fuck, calm down would you?” A grumble left his lips as he ran his hand through his hair, a scowl on his face. he hated it when people were too polite. It seemed fake and moreover, hearing the same word over and over again like this annoyed him. He got his message across, why must he repeat it over and over again like a broken record. It irked him to no end.  He looked back at the teacher guy before replying, “Black, no sugar. You know any good places around here, teacher? ‘Cause I don’t take shitty coffee.” Spoiled rotten by his roommate, he’s used to good coffee nowadays.

[ghoulxandrew]

“Doesn’t that make you go crazy?” he asked, “I mean, you seem like you have a strong head on your shoulders.” All the cannibals he knew had a few screws loose with perhaps the exception of Jin, although there was something psychotic in his eyes when they dined together. Then there were people like Hwan, the ghoul he let crash on his couch. Judging by his roommate alone, Andrew knew he would have a similar fate if he couldn’t figure something out. “I’ve heard some scary rumors, so I was just wondering,” he said softly.

The broken look on his face repaired itself besides the permanent, haunting glaze in those brown eyes. “That’s how I take my coffee too,” he said cheerfully. Mentioning that didn’t really serve a purpose, but Andrew foolishly believed that having something in common would make them friends. “If you mean good places for coffee, there are a few cafes in this area that I like,” he said, “If you mean good places elsewhere, there are some nice shops or ghoul restaurants --”

Oops, that was supposed to be one of his other dirty little secrets.

“I, um, don’t really go there,” he said, looking down, “Someone I know brought me a few times, so I go with her occasionally. You know, to keep her company."

[gray-hawthorne]

Make a Man || Andy and Hwan

After their initial encounter, he’d promised to help Andrew. Why? He’d never know. But now the agreement was made and he hated breaking promises, no matter who they were to. Shaking his head, he climbed into the apartment the same way he had the first time, through the window, a heated lunch box in his hands. A promise was a promise after all. 

Walking into Andrew’s room, he stood over the other, wondering how to wake him up. Hm, well, might as well go for the direct route. Pulling a bullhorn out of his pack, he pushed the button down and let the loud wail do it’s work. 

[ghoulxandrew]

Andrew screeched like a banshee and bolted awake, going into defense mode. It was pretty badass at first what with the kakugan eyes and the burst of his rinkaku, but he killed the mood by retreating under the covers. If his kagune was good for at least one thing, it was holding up a blanket like a tent.

“Why did you have to scare me?” he said, “I was having a great dream, you know.” The startled ghoul groaned as he struggled to get comfortable, now in his ruined pajamas thanks to the damn holes on the back. “Just a few more minutes,” he yawned, “You can go make breakfast or something.”

[fcrglcry]

[ night lights ] taiga+andrew

[fcrglcry]

What the fuck––  He couldn’t really believe what’s happening. Here he had in his hands a grown man, scurrying away and tripping on a fucking pipe with tears in his eyes just because of a threat he hadn’t even voice yet? Was this man even real? He had heard of the docile, as people liked to put it, ghoul from the 17th ward. Was it possible that this is him? Was it possible for this to actually exist? How the heck did he survived up until now? Taiga mused to himself as he leaned against the railing, watching the man scramble on his feet after the graceless fall. He almost felt bad for him. Well, actually he did feel bad for him. Sighing, he got off his feet and strode up to him, squatting down next to the fallen man, his arms resting on his knees as he chuckled at the other. “Your eyes seem useless to you, why not give me? They’re my favorite part to eat.” There’s a lilt of tease in his voice yet one could never be too sure with Taiga. “You’re so pathetic, fuck…” he muttered under his breath. “Look, i’d make something with roses or whatever for you for a cup of coffee how ‘bout it, teacher?” 

[ghoulxandrew]

Andrew’s hands squished the sides of his face together, a timeless habit for whenever he was flustered. Of course his eyes would regenerate overtime, but that didn’t make the pain of them being scooped out like a spoonful of ice cream any better. “Y-y-you’re a cannibal?” he stammered. Well, he was one himself although he kept that a dirty little secret of his. It was the reason his ankle, bent at an unnatural angle from the pipe, snapped back into place within mere seconds.

Two gentle, frightened brown eyes widened and he hesitantly tugged on his lower lid. His fingers moved as though he were ready to take out a pair of contacts, but the digits trembled and he buried his face into his hands. “I can’t take out my eyes,” he said.

Andrew peeked between his fingers. “Um, I can take you out for a coffee,” he said, “How do you take yours?” Now, the bashful ghoul smiled a little and scurried to his feet. His skull copied the movements of a bobblehead, ashen locks bouncing as he did so. “Again, I’m really sorry,” he said, “I’m awful with words that aren’t part of a script.”

[ghoulxandrew]

Up and Down // A Yijung Self Para

Life was simple; its best days when he burrowed into his blanket nest after a warm shower, dozing off with the whisperings of his master’s praise still in his head. Yijung licked his lips before smiling into his pillows, and couldn’t help but feel proud of the behavior that earned him a nice reward. The ghouls tantalized him for days, teasing him like placing a biscuit atop a dog’s nose but ordering him not to eat. Yijung needed to show his obedience by sitting on the sidelines, hoping for scraps that would never come while everyone feasted. When the amusement of watching his hungry stares wore off, they signaled the green light for him to eat. This was a private showing for his master only, like taking a ghoul restaurant and placing it in a living room. Bloodlust without thought; it didn’t matter who the victims were because they were nothing more than his toys, nothing more than fuel to survive another day in the king’s madman circus. The games continued until he performed correctly or he overindulged until he was sick, as that’s when the entertainment value dampened and he could be sent away. Yijung knew that he was merely a possession, existing to be paraded around and ordered for amusement, but he convinced himself that his life was content. If he felt negative emotions, then he would dump the contents of his mind until it was minimalistic, nothing more than a beast seeking instant gratification. After all, he was happier living with an empty head.

Yijung rolled on his back and squirmed to get comfortable, as he needed to be mindful of his tender bruises, healing gashes, and painfully full stomach. He dozed off with hand-me-down blankets pulled to his chin. But even on the best days, he couldn’t always expect to be free from nightmares. Visions of another life that couldn’t possibly be his sent him tossing and turning. The screams of a frightened man, stripped of pride as everything he loved -- almost as much as Yijung loved his Jin-ssi -- made him bolt awake. Yijung wrapped a quilt around his body, donning it like Red Riding Hood’s hood, and shuffled out of his sleeping quarters. If he didn’t need his fingers and toes for his chores tomorrow, he would sneak into his master’s bedroom. He did that once; crawled under the sheets and was snuggled against Jin’s warm body come morning. Yijung decided that those few hours were worth all seventy-two fingers and eighty-nine toes. But, he was reduced to shuffling around the base to keep himself awake. He waited. He waited. He waited. The poor ghoul trembled in front of a window, watching the sunrise because come dawn he would leave to fulfill his master’s errands. Mostly he would be sent shopping, make deliveries, relay minor information, or out to harvest a few humans for dinner. So the moment the sun was in the sky, he was running off the base premises. If he worked quickly, maybe he would have time to explore the outside world on his own.

People stared at him funny, but he could vanish the moment someone blinked or turned to a friend to point out his oddness. Sometimes it was his haunted expression that struck people first, sometimes it was the ashen hair resting eerily atop a youthful man’s head, or the glimpses of a little collar despite how he propped up his jacket to hide it. Nevertheless, Yijung was determined to complete his mission and hurried to the mall where he would purchase a few items for his precious Jin-ssi and company. He’d never been sent to the mall before, but he certainly wasn’t prepared for what was there.

Escalators.

A few girls giggled as he, this hardened and stoic man, struggled to step on the moving platform. It took him a few tries before he wobbled on, clutching the railing for dear life as he moved up. The moment he was on top (of the escalator, you perverts), he giggled himself. Yijung whipped around, searching for the escalator going down and ran to it. He had until nightfall to return with the goods, so perhaps Jin-ssi wouldn’t mind if he had a little fun. All day, he rode the escalators up and down, up and down, up and down.

May he never find an elevator.

He laughed in delight, like a toddler being pushed on the swings, as he enjoyed the unconventional carnival ride. This was the most fun he ever had and although he’d never admit it, even better than that time master helped him get clean in the shower. Yijung was giggling and peering over the railing as the escalator went down as he saw a girl storm below, her blonde hair whipping behind her. The ghoul’s laughter died down.

Yijung swore he saw her somewhere before, perhaps in a distant dream. The name danced on the tip of his tongue and it tasted sweet, like he wanted to say it over and over again. “Ar--”

He reached the bottom of the escalator, lost interest, and cleared his mind so he could simply enjoy the ride.

At the end of the day, he was nothing more than one of Kim Seokjin's possessions.

At the end of the day, he was nothing more than the dog of the Aogiri.

[fcrglcry]

[ night lights ] taiga+andrew

[fcrglcry]

His face darkened as he heard what the other had said and he pulled back from him almost immediately – as if the other was a disease. A disgusted expression swept across his face as he eyed the older man down, his lips curling into a degrading smile. “Are you asking me to copy someone else’s work?” The gall of this……trash.  He bit on his thumb, eyes still nailed on his visitor as if he were a rabbit with himself as the wolf. Well, fuck, he meant fox. Taiga debated whether or not he should rip his throat right then and there. Never had he felt so disrespected in his life before. He could feel his blood curdling inside him, screaming for him to just swing his arm across the other’s face, grabbing him by the neck, burying his other hand in the other’s gut. Maybe he could make a rose out of his intestines and gave it to his girlfriend. But he stopped himself. No. He shouldn’t caused any problems. He couldn’t afford to cause problem, not right now, not with his current situation. And so, he only scoffed as he turned his face away knowing that the longer he looked at the face in front of him, the less self-restrain he could maintain. “Maybe you should leave. Your welcome is long overdue.”

[ghoulxandrew]

Oops, when he worded it that way it sounded like he wanted a copy. That’s not what he had in mind, but the term “words” and “Andrew Kim” never melded well together. “I didn’t mean it like that,” he blurted, his cheeks flushing, “I meant to ask if you could make something with roses on it, because that’s what she really liked. I mean, that’s what she kept staring at. I mean, I thought you might be able to make something she likes. Th-the point of what I was trying to say is she likes roses.”

Oh gosh, ever since he jumped a month into the future making mistakes sent a crippling fear through him that he never experienced before. Sometimes he could hear the voice responsible for that in his dreams, a voice that was the savior and destroyer of his world. He didn’t mean it -- he really didn’t. The poor man panicked a little, anxious for a punishment he couldn’t name but frightened all the same. “I’m sorry,” he said, “I’m sorry if I insulted you”

The young man’s eyes welled with tears as he bowed again and again, like an apologetic water bird toy. He shook his head and embarrassed for even asking, decided to leave before he could get killed. “I’m really, really sorry,” he said, “I’ll, um, go now.”

He whipped around and was ready to run, but tripped over the same pipe he did the first time and sprawled flat on his face.

He was also ninety-nine percent sure that he broke his ankle.

[fcrglcry]

[ night lights ] taiga+andrew

[fcrglcry]

Taiga barely blinked at his words nor his actions – or lack of, one would say. He kept his eyes steady, devouring the night view that had bared herself naked for him. He took every inch of her body with his eyes, lapping at it like a hungry dog. And only when he was finished did he flick his eyes upon the stranger and gave him a fox-like smile, his eyes crinkling yet there’s no warmth in them. “Sure.” He started. He didn’t mind. Money wasn’t the reason he became what he was. He sculpted because he liked to. He liked feeling the clay, molding them, putting just the right amount of pressure with his fingers on its smooth surface and watching it bend to his will. He loved it.  He then let his feet slip from the railing only to land next to the other man – dangerously close to him – as he ran his finger up his chin, tilting his face just so. Their eyes met and he smiled once again. “Only if can inspire me. And if you can, I’d do it for free.”

[ghoulxandrew]

Inspiration meant the romantic sonnets he read at midnight, the busy streets of his London upbringing filled with zany characters out of a novel, the youthful eyes of the children he taught at school, and so much more that he could never be. “You want me to inspire you?” he laughed, “I’m not particularly interesting, apart from all the gray in my hair.”

Courtesy of Jin.

“I mean, I’m not particularly intelligent either,” he said, wincing, “Sometimes I can’t even remember what I have for breakfast, my memory is so bad.”

Also courtesy of Jin

Andrew lowered his gaze out of nervousness, reminding himself of the timid children that cowered at the back of his classroom. “As for talent, the only thing I do besides teaching is acting in theater,” he said, “I don’t know if someone like me will be able to inspire you.” Andrew chewed on his lip in thought, then looked back up. “I’m only asking because there was this exhibit in a museum,” he said, “I took my girlfr--well, a girl I spend time with there and she fell in love with one of the vases. She just kept staring and staring at the red roses painted on it, but I’ve looked everywhere and can’t find it.”

He shrugged his shoulder in a way to match that shy demeanor of his, as if to show how he’d given up. “She’s the first girl I’ve ever had a date with, actually,” he admitted, laughing a little, “First kiss, too.”