Gibberish Prattle

Learning..Growing..One step at a time

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Good Morning

Sometimes, its the tiniest thing that brings a smile on your face. Needn't be grand needn't be a gift..just a simple good morning and that makes a perfect start to a beautiful day :)

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This too shall pass

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Weird thoughts..

A weird thought hit me today while I was serving chicken curry. As kids, I remember the choicest portions of any dish would be served to my dad- head of the family and all. The portions that no one wanted to eat, mom used to, to avoid wasting it.

That hasn't changed even today. I wonder where this started from. I wonder if it is because men were genuinely respected which is why women decided that they deserved better portions or women themselves didn't want to choose better because they thought that they didn't deserve it

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Where is life taking me

Where is life taking me

What do I want to do next

Why don’t I want to take the next step in my career

Why does growing up the ladder not matter any more

Why have I changed so much that I don't recognize myself any more

Why does this change not alarm me?

Where is life taking me

Where is life taking me

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Questions

I wonder

I wonder if thinking about me amounts to being selfish

I wonder if putting my self first means I am egoistic

I wonder if asking from freedom means I am characterless

I wonder if living my life on my own terms means I am disrespectful

I wonder if loving myself means I don’t care about you 

I wonder

I wonder

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My Choice

There is this campaign by Vogue, Homi Adjania and Deepika Padukone which is doing the rounds these days. The tag line is ‘What happens when 99 women from varying walks of life come together to send out one powerful message?’

What was very interesting is the extreme response this campaign received.The post went viral,  and then the hate speech started pouring in. Women went on the offensive and went around bashing Vogue and Deepika Padukone, calling the video names, finding it disgusting, offensive, preaching, blah blah blah

The whole thing boiled down to 3 simple points

1. Who are Deepika Padukone and Vogue to talk about Empowerment, when they have objectified women to earn money  (Case in point - Fairness cream ads, item numbers and Vogue..well is Vogue)

2. This Video is sending the wrong message ( The line about adultery, love temporarily or lust forever)

3. The video does not talk about equality of genders, it promotes women as the real deal (where this happens in the video, I don’t know!)

Here is what I think about it. Yes I agree that there are view points shown in there which I don’t agree with. Yes, I totally get that neither Deepika nor Vogue are scions of Empowerment. Yes, this cannot hold true for all strata of society but stop for a minute and look at what they have done

I am a woman in the so called middle class section of society and even today, where we have so much awareness about feminism and equality of genders, I am still a second class citizen purely because of my gender. Yes, second class citizen may sound very harsh but if you are honest with yourselves, is it not true?

Everyday, I am judged, because I am single, old and unmarried. What I wear ( are you going to step out dressed like that, what will people think, where is your dupatta), where I go (are you going to a pub, what will people think), what I do (salsa, pottery, why are you always out of home, sit at home on the weekend), when I come home (it is 12 in the night, why were you out so late), when I leave home (why do you have to go to work so early, you are working too much), what I eat (how will you loose weight eating like that, no one will marry you) , every single thing is questioned. Why, because I am a woman, and I have to live according to society’s rules. 

Half my life, I live according to my parents wishes and the remaining half according to my husband and his family. Have you never heard, ‘do whatever you want, after you get married’

Think about it, why does that sentence come up, because, before I get married I have to be the paragon of virtue, you know just so that the society deems me acceptable, finds a ‘good’ match and get me married off thereby fulfilling the purpose of my life.Now think again, have you ever heard a guy being told the same thing? I know I haven’t

So, no, I don’t agree with the feminists who go around shaming the video, I don’t agree with the men who make a mockery of this, because this video really according to me brought out the voice inside me which keeps screaming that how I live my life, and yes, it is my life (or at least it is supposed to be)  should be my choice, but it keeps getting drowned under the rules that the society we live in has created for women

To each his own, but how I interpret this video, is , My Choice

Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtPv7IEhWRA

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Red My Lips

I just learnt about this campaign called Red my Lips. The organization runs and annual global awareness campaign where their supporters wear red lipstick all throughout April - Sexual Assault Awareness Month - to raise awareness and fund. I loved the idea!!

Think about it. I live in a country where people still believe that if a girl/woman wears red lipstick, she is ‘asking’ for it. Yep, it’s true. And no, this is not random people who have not been educated or taught to respect women. I know of friends and colleagues who think this way. In fact, sad as it may sound, I know many women who think this way too.

It is so difficult today for women in my own country to understand that wearing a mini skirt, actually even jeans is ok. It is difficult for women to accept that drinking and smoking is ok. It is difficult for women to understand that speaking out their mind is ok. It is difficult for women to accept that hanging out with just guys is ok

If women themselves have this state of mind, then what can I expect from the men?? And while I do agree that there are a lot of us women who understand that they have a choice, there are an equal number if not more who believe that they are the embodiment of our culture and look down at the ‘free women’ as I call them, with condescension. And these very sadly, are the women, who will agree with the men when they say that she was ‘asking’ for it.

Ladies, learn to respect yourselves, respect your choices, understand that you are a human being with a right to live the way you want to, do not bow down to the pressures of society or familial or cultural obligations. You have every right to be free, you have every right to do what you wish and just because our society has made certain rules to oppress you does not mean you take that as the truth and live by it. 

Live free

Join the Campaign: https://www.facebook.com/events/613910365398935/

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/redlipstick4acause?fref=ts

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Performing

OK, so I realised I dread performing. I mean I get like really really apprehensive. So my escape mechanism becomes ‘I don’t care’. I tell myself, I don’t really care and let’s just get this over with and almost anything that will make me believe that it doesn't really matter. 

But I realised at the end of the day that I was just lying to myself. It did matter. Otherwise why would I be trying so hard to get it right. Why would I focus on getting the beat right, getting the move right.

So I tried hard, and learnt, and remembered and had it all figured out. And the day the performance was scheduled, I decided to let go of the apprehension and dance like I was having fun. And I did have fun. So what if we missed a step? So what if it wasn't totally in sync? So what if it was not perfect?

What mattered is the experience, what mattered is that the audience enjoyed it and I have to be honest, what mattered is the applause however misplaced it was 

Will I perform again? Maybe not or maybe yes, someday , probably, will see :)

(P.S: I definitely don’t want to hear that song again though for a long long time :P)

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A Year

It has been slightly over a year since I have been back. I have to say, I was pretty apprehensive about coming back. I had no friends left except a few, who I was sure were busy in their own lives and families. I was going to quit my job and do what next, I am not sure.I had to get used to living at home again, which has its own pros and cons. It was summer..ugghhhhh. 

But things slowly changed, my choices changed, my lifestyle changed. I did things I had only dreamt of. I made a whole new load of friends. I didn't travel much, that is a regret but I filled my time with so many other things that I didn't miss it so much. I joined a new company. Met many more people. Re-defined my priorities. Decided work is secondary and started focusing on me

Realized the importance of focusing of me :D (a very very very important lesson)

In a nutshell, this year was not as bad as I was anticipating. Which brings me to the point I want to make - Everything that happens to you, even if you really really dread it, happens for a reason. The sooner you understand the lesson you are meant to learn , the sooner you will be at peace

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A night to remember

How do you make memories? Very simple. You do something out of the ordinary. For example when it rains on the night of your salsa socials..you make it a Rain Bachata night :) Oh yeah…absolutely…as cheesy and scandalous as it sounds, it was a wonderful wonderful night. People left their inhibitions behind and just enjoyed the music, the rain and the dance. We danced in a tiny pool, we danced on the floor, we slipped and fell but we kept dancing. I left my worries behind, I left my fears behind, I didn’t care who was watching, I didn’t care if I was doing the moves right, I just danced , I just relaxed, I just let everything go and I savored every moment, every song, every dance. That night, after a long time, I lived every moment. That’s how you make memories. Memories that last a lifetime

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There is this deep sadness that refuses to go.. There is a deep misery that fails to leave.. All I want is to be left alone All I need is to be myself When will that ever happen Will it ever happen

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It's time..

You know it's time when the resentment refuses to disappear. 

You know it's time when you don't know what you can talk about.

You know it's time when there is silence filled with tension.

You know it's time when they call for a favour and you were amazed that they did. 

You know it's time when you share a laugh and then are surprised you actually laughed with them .

You know it's time when you pick up the phone to call, and then put it back down again

You know it's time, when you feel it in your heart. 

You know, you just do, it's time to move on..

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Characterless..

The Webster meaning of this word is - lacking strength of will or character <a characterless person who never has an opinion of his own>

The Hindi meaning says CHARACTERLESS= चरित्रहीन (pr. {charitrahin} ) and I am sure every Indian girl knows the meaning of that. 

We Indians have come a long way, but we still have not left the stupidity behind. It is so sad that we call ourselves a forward thinking nation. Absolutely not!! We live in a country where women are still treated as second class citizens and we as Indians encourage this attitude by refusing to change

A woman hangs out with a bunch of guys, what is the first thing that comes to your head - Characterless. A woman smokes or drinks in public - She is fast or easy. A woman does not get married by 25, maybe even 28 or 30 - She has an affair, maybe multiple. A woman comes home late - no morals. A woman likes clubbing - shameless. A woman doesn't visit a temple - no values. A woman does not gossip with relatives -anti family. A single woman has her own place in the same city as you are in - absolute horror

We are all guilty of judging others if we are really honest with ourselves. We are all guilty of judging women more than we ever judge men. A woman should be a 'sati savitri' because that is our 'culture'. Our so called culture preaches-nay demands women oppression. Our society wants women to be nice and sweet and polite and not do anything which is deemed 'characterless' by our society. We do not stand up and take a stand for our daughters because we are scared of society too. Who will marry her if they think she is 'characterless'?

And that is why we refuse to change. We refuse to understand our daughters. We refuse to accept that having more guy friends than girls is perfectly ok. We refuse to let them stay out till late. We refuse to free them of the pressure of marriage. We put a limit on how much fun a woman is allowed to have. We set a boundary for how many times a week she can go out. We absolutely refuse to let her have her own place her own space because we are scared.

Shouldn't you understand that if you don't change, then you are also responsible for why women are still in this predicament. You are at fault too. You cannot preach to the world that women and men should be treated equally when you in your own way contribute to what is happening with women today

Grow up..it is not too late

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Where do the boundaries lie

There is a thin line between love and hate. There is a thin line between doing things out of love and out of respect. There is a thin line between being caring and being controlling. 

This is something I personally believe every person should understand. You cannot mistake someone's action out of respect as being out of love. You cannot be controlling under the guise of being caring. You cannot be obstinate and bury your head in the sand believing that you are perfect. No one is perfect, not even the God that you believe in.

You cannot honestly believe that you have learnt all that there is and refuse to change. You cannot decide that this is just the way you are and refuse to grow. You cannot make decisions for the world and expect consent. You should understand that acquiescence does not mean that you are right, it just means I respect you too much. But it has to stop, this has to stop

This is a pattern and it has to change. It is not going to be easy, it is not going to be nice , in fact it will be painful, it will hurt, it will cause a lot of distress but, there is a learning, there is a new beginning. It is never too late to learn, it is never too late to grow

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Experiences

So, this has been coming up more and more frequently now . Especially when I meet folks who come from the same IT background that I do. Bitching and moaning about your job is mandatory. Cribbing about how your boss does nothing and he is still well..your boss. How we have to work long long long hours. How all the effort we put in is not worth it. We are still not happy ever. And I get all that, I mean I crib about work too..sometimes though. But I used to be one of the folks who cribbed all the time as well. 

So...what changed? For starters, perception! Hey I put in my fair share of 14-18 hour workdays and was not paid overtime. I struggled for 9 years in a job which was, in turns satisfying and extremely dissatisfying . I was never ever ever paid well enough for my efforts. But then, if I had not gone through that, I would not be the person I am today. And that understanding is what brings me peace and a deep sense of contentment

And while that sounds very zen-ish, it is reality. Which brings me to the second important point that contributed to my change in attitude. Understanding myself- yep, as simple as it sounds, and as cheesy as it sounds, it really is important. All my life I have struggled with trying to figure out who I am. Actually more than that, I think I struggled to accept who I am.And that is a fact that has taken me nearly 30 years to understand and come to peace with. 

Nothing in life ever comes easy, if it did, then what's the fun in it? You will only value what you struggle to achieve. So don't ever back down from the trial, don't ever be so negative about it. Understand that all of these will one day contribute to being who you are. And well, if you want to be a petty, jealous, intolerant person, then that is your choice.

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Reminiscing..

I was doing something very silly last night. I was importing all my old blogs from an almost defunct website into blogger just so I don’t lose them. I was reading all my posts from wayyy back . I was reminiscing about those days, those memories. I was rediscovering the person I used to be. I was marvelling at how much I have changed. I was amazed at how much I have grown. I was lost in the world of a 23 year old. I was delighted by her joy in simple things. I was amused at her rants about stuff that really shouldn’t matter . I relived her happiness, her anger, her mistrust, her joy , all her emotions. I understood her a little better. She is an important part of who I am today. She is why I am who I am today.

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Write

I used to blog, I used to write..

I don't anymore, I don't know why..

Maybe I do...

Maybe I can't..