joe-jjjonas:
tip, tap, tap.. went Joe’s fingers against the armrest of his chair, as looked at Kendall, Nick, their obvious affections for one another ( gag ), and then back at Gigi. WOAH.. eye contact.. the long ‘can-she-see-i-REGRET-everything-about-the-other-night?’ hyphenated kind of eye contact that made Joe, want to shout out there was dollop of ketchup on her chin or something.. just ANYTHING he could use to excuse his eyes, for being so damn inexcusable right about now. but nope.. perfection. just perfection. and in a black leather jacket too, that had the singer thinking what other leather things could she pull off. NO.. stop it, Joe. you can’t have perverse thoughts about Gigi Hadid, anymore.. not when literally less than twenty-four hours ago, you kind of ( kind of ? ) broke up with her. plus, he could feel Nick, looking at him.. almost like he knew, exactly what Joe was thinking about and how he needed to make it super-fucking-clear to him, that he didn’t approve. well, too-fucking-late, Nick.. Joe, had already done it and truth be told, he’d probably do it again later tonight, when he had some time to play it all out.. in private and with his favorite instrument in his hand.
“uh what?” had he said that out loud? didn’t feel like it and judging by the look Gigi was giving him, nope.. he had to be louder.. but he also couldn’t say ‘what’ again, because he knew what she said.. his brain had finally caught up to her, “sure..” he got up, swinging his legs over the side of the chair, and avoiding Nick’s reaction like the bubonic plague. it was Kevin getting all the looks tonight.. hi bro, do my arms look good in this sleeveless shirt? do they look forgive me, Gigi, for i have sinned.. please choose me.. again.. and again.. and delete Zayn Malik’s number forever? and while, he didn’t say that or anything really, he did give Joe a thumbs up.. which was nice.. and unexpected. it was just you know, for a married guy, the brunette kind of thought Kevin, might resent him for what had happened between Sophie and himself, but really he’d just been pretty great about the whole thing.. even gave Joe, a big big hug and told him.. ‘everything was going to be, okay.’ and like he actually meant it. maybe Joe could sign Nick up for whatever class Kevin had taken on how to be a decent bro.. no? well, okay maybe next lifetime. Joe had this feeling they were all going to be Space Pirates, next time around and if Nick decided to be a dick then.. there was a pretty little red eject button, just waiting to send his pompous ass into orbit. he wondered if Gigi, would be some hot-ass space alien or if she’d be riding co-pilot with him? either way, Joe had a plan to bring a rope with him, so he could’ve lassoed it for her.. get it.. get it.. whatever the point was, in this next lifetime Zayn was living in some far, far away cosmos, that Joe could bypass with the speed of light. bye bye Malik.
but right.. time for reality. his arms folded over themselves as he leaned back against the wall behind him and did his best to keep his eyes on Gigi, but his heart away from her.. “it’s just.. is he always going to be there? doing this.. i just don’t think i could take it..” he needed to explain it to her.. so, she’d get it, because right now he didn’t think she was on the same page as him, and that was probably his bad.. “i don’t want to sound like, some broken record but..” how should he phrase this? that he was scared that 2015 was only one more Zayn Malik apology away from finding a time machine and returning itself back to the present and that he just couldn’t put his heart through that again? yeah.. maybe something like that.. “i’ve been here before, Gigi.. i know what it’s like, to be your choice and then the next day not even be on your radar.. and i know, things are different now, but also they’re not.. he’s still here. i get that he’s Khai’s father.. i’m not asking you to change that.. i know it’s always going to be that way.. but that also means he’s also always going to be here too.. and i just keep thinking.. how do i possibly stand up to that? to Khai’s dad.. the guy you loved for six years.. what if one day he says the right thing, does the right thing, and you decide, to accept that ring of his.. i’m not going to be able to survive that Gigi.. i’m too already gone, too already in love, to make it out the other end not completely broken. so, if you could just make this easy and let me go, i can get started on the whole ‘getting-over’ you thing again.. and hopefully make it through tonight, without completely breaking down and saying something stupid on stage out there like, Gigi Hadid, I love you, please comeback.. ‘cause that would be it and i’m pretty sure Nick would also boot me out of the band.” had any of that made sense? did Gigi, now understand, that Joe’s heart was in serious danger right now? and that she needed to be the strong one here and just let him go now.. before her and Zayn Malik 5.0? 6.0.. came roaring back into reality, as Joe absolutely knew it would. it was just he was kind of afraid if she said something like, she loved him back he was going to be too weak.. too goo-goo to do anything but take her back and immediately kiss her or something else really, really stupid like that.. and yet.. he kind of had his fingers and toes crossed that maybe she would. what can he say? welcome to the world of Joe Adam Jonas.. take a seat, buckle up and just pray you brought along a brown paper bag to throw up inside, when you reach the ten mile long twisty loop section, that the brunette had dubbed.. ‘the ride of his life.’
there were so many drawbacks to being here this time around.. because honestly, it wasn’t the easiest thing to be standing before him with every shred of love and dignity to lose. maybe it would’ve been easier in some fucked up way to be laying miserably on that hotel suite’s bed, avoiding the biggest mess she’d played her part in. a fling.. all those people labelling them would be right if she had let them burn out like a dying flame. but unlike 2015.. it was different. she loved him too much to be able to accept something as repugnant as letting him go unless he really wanted that... and then she’d have to swallow this really crazy idea of confessing her love to him figure out how to pick her broken pieces off the backstage ground and get the first flight out to the JFK airport. that was worst case scenario though.. and really, she couldn’t break the promise she’d made to herself to guard his heart this time around not when he’d given her the best month of her life... showing her the love she had always deserved and maybe would’ve had.. if only she would’ve done him right all those years ago. and best believe, if there was a period in gigi hadid’s life that soaked up regret like red wine spilling on a white loveseat, it was now. time was fickle though and inflexible more than anything, leaving mistakes to be lived through.. this lesson though, was one she would die before repeating, leaving her to risk losing him again..probably forever.
looking at him.. no, not just looking.. taking him in like a century old piece of art she could spend the rest of her life admiring. he was so gorgeous. the worst part? she couldn’t even say that or even how god damn ripped he looked in that sleeveless shirt. seriously, she would’ve been the happiest person in the universe and all it’s neighboring verses if only she could be the line up of pearls on him at this point ... phew. breathe. it felt like a love funeral and boiling room all in one. his decision to accept her request for an open conversation was a good first step in the right direction. maybe a small part of her had been overly concerned he’d shrug her off or find a way to flee from her sights. not that he’d ever done that before ... in fact, if there was one person out of all the ones she’d ever been with, to consistently, in and out show her the respect she deserved, it was always him. on his best and worst days he had never failed to be the greatest gentleman. so.. maybe she should’ve known better to even go there. her hugging grip against her own arms loosened, eventually leaving her arms to fall effortlessly to her sides as she leaned against a nearby wall. if the wall was meant to resemble some sort of strength to fall back on, it was failing. hard. because when those words of his hit.. how he couldn’t take it.. another flashback to the other night hit her briefly, before he had proceeded to give some type of explanation, leaving her to watch him closely, absorbing every word. this was going to be gut-wrenching she was sure. almost certain that maybe the end of everything they could’ve been was creeping on them. that thought alone was enough to invoke an emotional response from her. it was just... too much to imagine, to conceive as their current fate.
a miracle.. it was a riveting miracle she’d made it through his monologue without falling apart. because every fear she’d had worked up into some dreadfully realistic daydream on the previous ride over here, with kendall’s random words hitting one ear and traveling out the other ( sorry bestfriend, she loves you .. she really does ), was now here, right in front of her. obviously, he was saying a lot of different things... did he want to be out? to be free of her mess? if anyone was aware of how messy she was, it definitely was the model herself. a huge disaster surrounding her that was much out of her control ( which was another big gigi fear .. because she was a control freak when it came to her own life ). although, it didn’t make her want to give up. if anything at all, it made her want to try harder for him .. for them. she had so much to say, so much to contradict in the most non-confrontational way possible. he just.. he had to know how wrong he was. and he would hear it.. the second gigi fanned away the tears soaking up the light coverup her cheeks had been wearing with a suppressed smile, choking on her short words. “i.. sorry.. just a moment..” naturally her body had moved towards him, just enough to drive her strong point home. not even sure where to begin.. because it felt like if she had the weight of a thousand clocks coming down on her to get her words out soon, along with the overwhelming pressure to say the right thing that matched the level of emotion she currently felt. “you’re right, joe.. about so much. i wish you weren’t and i wish i could say we weren’t here.. in this position, because i love being happy with you. enjoying our time together and just getting to spend every second by your side. there’s a lot of things we have in our past and our present too.. it wasn’t my intention to drive a wedge between us by showing you what he planned. or honestly, i have no idea what he is going to do.. or keep doing. one thing i can tell you is ..” god, she had never been so vulnerable in her entire life. it was nerve-wracking, to be in a position to open up herself utterly and completely to someone who she wasn’t even sure would accept her going forward. but maybe .. hopefully, judging by some of his words, maybe he’d believe her indefinitely this time. because she meant it with every fiber of her being. “i’m so crazy about you, joseph. don’t ask me why... i don’t think we have that much time left before you go out there and do your thing.. but.. there’s nothing that zayn can say.. or even do.. i mean i will tell him forever if i have to.. i hope i don’t have to. i’m just as tired as you are.. i want to live in peace and just be with you. and i will keep telling him however many times it takes. i won’t give up on us, joe. please.. please don’t ask me to.” unable to fight this feeling, a feeling that bonds her to him, in heart, mind and soul. its pointless trying to fight a battle she can’t simply win. “i’m sorry i didn’t have the courage to say it the night i should’ve. but i’m here now and i just want you to know.. i love you. i’m in love with you .. you’re it for me. and i get it.. if its too much, its too much for me most of the time.. but i just need you to know my heart belongs to you.”