howdy tumblr, it’s been way too long (who even is on tumblr any more??). i’m coming back here to post a rant because i need to let out my thoughts and i don’t really have anyone to do that with at the moment.
since my last post (august 2019) i started yet another job in london and i’ve been increasingly exhausted because it’s not an office job and i have to carry heavy things and to work under pressure and to stand on my feet all day long. i used to not mind it so much because, after all, it pays the rent (meaning half of my salary goes into my rent!). now, i’ve been there almost six months and, sure, when i started, i knew it wouldn’t be forever, but now i’m convinced that unless i do something drastic and quit and whatnot, there is no way out (i’ve tried other methods to no avail), so i’m planning exactly that.
after being a uni student for six years, it’s hard to fall into a place that requires no qualifications whatsoever (and i don’t mean to bring any of my colleagues or anyone down by saying that — a job’s a job — but deep down i know i have potential and i’m fed up of wasting it in this place). i mean, it’s the only place that hired me despite the countless applications i sent in to translation jobs and then unrelated jobs (a gal’s gotta pay rent)... but i’m tired, and my body is tired and injured. i’ve had a problem with my wrist since november, and i now live with a constant tension in my upper back.
here, i want to remind myself that all the things i’ve done here do matter, and maybe they’ll come in handy later in life, and that giving up my london life for now isn’t a failure — it’s just a matter of taking a step back and focusing on what i need and creating a better pathway for my future. plus i’m probably gonna come back to london eventually.
if the people at my job weren’t so selfish, two-faced, power-hungry, i guess it would be manageable... but alas, all of them are the same — all except one, who has been my rock, a person to rely on for anything and everything, and i honestly think that without her, i would have quit earlier (she is the only good thing to come out of this job and i’m more than grateful this stupid job brought her into my life). i am depressed, anxious and also sensitive, and most people know about the sensitivity thing at least, but still, a lot of them create conflict. some even yell at me for stuff that are either out of my control, or that i haven’t done wrong. i don’t think working with the people who have brought me to tears many times is something i want to, or can do for too long.
i have loved studying my degrees, but i have come to the realisation that maybe i wasn’t made to do that as a career, and am currently thinking about following a course to do something entirely different, something that will bring me a job and where i can find the variety i need. there are procedures to be followed to try and get my project financed, so i’ve planned on moving back to france at the end of june. it’s a leap into the unknown because i don’t even know if my brother’s gonna let me live with him (in my mum’s flat), and i’ll probably be out of a job when i get back until i start my course, but i really can’t afford any kind of course here, and i think i need to be back there for a little while.
i’ve applied for another job to make these few months more bearable (it would get me away from these people), so if i get it, hurray! if i don’t, i do have a few things to look forward to, as i’m going on holidays in 9 days, and then again during the second half of march. so i’m basically only working half of march. then we’ve got april and may, and i plan on quitting around mid-may so i can be done by the end of may (i’ve got two weeks’ notice). i might even quit at the beginning of may. i’ve decided that because i want some time to reenergise myself, because once i’m in france i’m gonna do my best to think about my project and look for a job too (holidays whomst). my deposit can be used as my june rent (hopefully i can sort that out with my landlord without any issues), so even if my last payday is in may, i can still sort of manage june here with my savings. also, even if i stay in my current job, my lovely colleague told me she would keep supporting me, so i’m bracing myself for the likely rejection i’ll get in a few days, and i’ll try and focus on the fact that i’ll still have her at hand.
i think i’ve said enough for now. hopefully i can post an update soon about how things have got better (lmao)
prguitarman
ellievsbear
amandla
theartofmadeline
turnnoffyourmind
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