ging ygnacio

daughter. sister. friend. lover. dancer. music lover. post grad student.

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[gingygnacio]

I belong.

[gingygnacio]

What a tough week.

With limited time and resources plus this stubborn chronic cough and colds, I struggle day by day to finish the coverage. And we all know finishing it is not what really matters. We have to understand everything. And store them somewhere inside our brain. And be able to remember them and apply them when it's time to take the exam.

Oh mockbar season. Dearest Lord, sana po di ako magkaganito pagdating ng totoong bar exams. :( I feel so helpless! T_T

[gingygnacio]

Unsolicited but appreciated

Salamat, Anj. You look pretty as always. And kanang instances when you get hurt in love that's part of the package. So cry if you have to, be mad if you need to. Know what you signed up for. But while love comes with not only happiness but also pain, never forget or set aside or give away your worth. Always leave something for yourself. Don't give it all. So that when the pain is too much, and you see the need to leave, you're leaving with something, with your self-worth. Not that I'm suggesting you to leave. What you do is to look beyond the pain, the disappointment, the frustration. I'm sure the good times outweigh the bad. That's what matters. I know your relationship is worth it. This is unsolicited but yeah, wa lang, gusto lang ko share. Finish or not finish, pass the paper. :) (From a friend who claims to be someone who does not believe in love) February 18, 2014 Tuesday

[gingygnacio]

The existence of love cannot be simply alleged. It must be proved. Not by preponderance of evidence, not by substantial evidence, but by proof beyond reasonable doubt. And I strongly believe that proving the existence of such affection would not require an unreasonable amount of effort because when you truly love someone, love comes out naturally. There would be no need to force it. Love manifests its own beauty.

February 04, 2014

11:50pm

[gingygnacio]

Don't Beg

February 02, 2014

                  I feel neglected. :’(

                  I don’t want to keep a record of wrongs. But I have been experiencing this pain, loneliness and emptiness for roughly a year already. :’(

                  I long to be with someone who would never drop a call, who would never end a conversation without saying I love you, who would never go to sleep without fixing a fight, who would hug me when I’m upset, someone who would kiss me when I’m angry, someone who would never make me cry, someone who does not take delight in seeing me suffer, someone who would always want to see me smiling and happy, someone who would hold me tightly, someone who would fight for our relationship, someone who would say he’d love me forever and spends every day proving it, someone who would value me, my presence, my efforts, my time.

  I can’t help but ask if I deserve any love…because his actions and his inaction make me feel like I don’t deserve any.

                  “I love you”… Those three overused words are either given freely or not given willingly at all. I don’t want to beg anymore. I don’t want to be this honest and this open to him anymore. I don’t want to always wish that I’m sick para lang mag-care siya. Do I always have to feel sick? Sabihin niya nalang kasi para atleast maliwanag diba? Ang hirap kasi nitong umaasa ako.

  Sge lang. From this day forward, he will never hear me complain. He will no longer see me express any feeling of resentment, disappointment, frustration, anger, and loneliness. When I feel unloved, I’ll pretend to be happy. I’ll pretend to be okay. I’ll cry myself to sleep and hope that everything will be ok the next day. I undertake to bear this pain secretly every day until my dying day. And he will be the last person to know everything.

                  I will be the next greatest pretender.

[gingygnacio]

Second chances

January 21, 2014

A very close friend of mine told me that I'm strong... because I give second chances.

Actually I'm weak. Sobrang weak. I easily give in. I don't use my mind. I ALWAYS follow my heart. And I knowingly, stubbornly, capriciously give them such opportunity to hurt me, intentionally or unintentionally... causing me to fall into a trap... and live inside the cold dark world of pain and loneliness. When the storm has passed and the hearts become warm again, I love how the sweetest of words touch my very fragile and very vulnerable heart... am I not aware that this has become a cycle? And yet, I still choose to forgive and I still choose to forget. And I give them one more chance... for reasons primarily governed not by logic but by the whims and caprices of my ever-bruised-and-broken heart. Goodnight!

[gingygnacio]

Selfless love vs self-worth.

Ilang beses kaming nag-away ngayong December?

I don’t know. I lost count.

How do I reconcile self-worth and selfless love?

How should I love others without forgetting how to love my self?

I long for a guy who knows how to really love me, fight for me, and understand me... someone who knows the language of my heart.

I long for a guy who would hug me when I’m upset. I don’t need his lectures. I need a friend.

I long for a guy who is sensitive. I don’t need to know his logic. I need to know that he has a heart.

I long for a guy who is consistent. I don’t need someone who is extremely sweet, loving, caring today but suddenly becomes the opposite the next day. And repeats the same cycle for a period no one knows how long.

I long for a guy who fights for me and for us. I don’t need a hero. I need a man.

I long for a guy who values time. For we do not know when our hearts decide to stop beating.

I long for a guy who is true to his words. Because harsh words when spoken and hearts when broken are the hardest things to repair.

I long for a guy who dreams and who works hard to materialize his dreams. Because his happiness is important to me too.

Oh dearest one, do you exist? If you do, will you ever be mine? If yes, will I ever be good enough for you?

But what if God gives me a man who is not a friend, who seldom uses his heart, who is inconsistent, who doesn’t fight for me, who doesn’t value time, and who speaks haphazardly?

Should I stick to my standards to avoid experiencing pain? Or should I lower them, and settle with him, and offer selfless love?

How do I balance self-worth and selfless love?

How? Tell me. :(

I am immature. I am weak. I am vulnerable.

This is me.

[gingygnacio]

Note to Self

1 Though I command languages both human and angelic -- if I speak without love, I am no more than a gong booming or a cymbal clashing.

2 And though I have the power of prophecy, to penetrate all mysteries and knowledge, and though I have all the faith necessary to move mountains -- if I am without love, I am nothing.

3 Though I should give away to the poor all that I possess, and even give up my body to be burned -- if I am without love, it will do me no good whatever.

4 Love is always patient and kind; love is never jealous; love is not boastful or conceited,

5 it is never rude and never seeks its own advantage, it does not take offence or store up grievances.

6 Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but finds its joy in the truth.

7 It is always ready to make allowances, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes.

8 Love never comes to an end.

------------------

A reminder on how to love.

Thank you Lord for the wonderful words!

Thank you for loving me despite all my weaknesses and failures.

[gingygnacio]

Money can't buy love

I will love him and I will choose to love him... even if I become a disappointment.

All my life I tried to measure up to your expectations. I worked to please you. I did my best to make you proud. I was so busy thinking of what you would say and what others would think, i didn't realize I was disregarding and sacrificing my own happiness.

This is one big decision leading to one direction. Let me navigate.

[gingygnacio]

Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.

Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

[gingygnacio]

Dear Ma and Pa

Someday you’ll be proud of me.

I’m sorry because today I am a burden. I’m sorry because today I am useless. I’m sorry because today I am nothing. :’(

[gingygnacio]

Invitation Cancelled

Dear Diary,

I have always dreamt of going on an out-of-town trip with you.

In the past, I worked my way out, and worked with my schedule to support you with your endeavors, and to spend quality time with you. It was never easy knowing my guards are up and my studies in law school demand so much time and attention.

I am not whining.

I am just hurt because of the outright rejection I got when I gave you the invitation.

Yet I cannot blame you. You have your work and its very unpredictable and unreliable schedule. And besides, invitations aren't always accepted. Hence the word "invite". People have the choice to either accept such invitation or reject it. And we could never mess up with their free will. That's the rule.

In the end, maybe things were never meant to be.

Why exert some effort? Am I not yet tired after experiencing the same thing again and again, feeling the same kind of hurt again and again?

I will never give invitations again. EVER.

Always,

Ging

[gingygnacio]

”We can cure physical diseases with medicine, but the only cure for loneliness, despair, and hopelessness is love. There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread, but there are many more dying for a little love”

Mother Teresa

[godpreach]

GodPreach.com

[gingygnacio]

Thank you, Lord! :')

[gingygnacio]

Dear Diary

I miss him.

For some weird reasons, ang mga songs sa radio ay patungkol sa pagkamiss mo sa isang taong mahal mo.

It’s as if the world is teasing me. Every song, tagos to the bones. It gets me every time.

I kept myself busy the whole day. After a long day in school, I ended up sharing my kwentos with my friends and yes I ended up in tears.

I just miss my super migo. :’(

I remember his eyes and the way he looks at me. Nakakamiss.

I remember his lips and his teeth and the way he smiles at me. Nakakamiss.

I remember how he holds my hand and how he wraps his arms around me. Nakakamiss.

I remember how he laughs everytime I tickle his pusod and ears. Nakakamiss.

I miss how restless and talkative he becomes every time feel niyang magkwento.

I miss how he hugs me every time I get sad or upset or tired or mad.

I miss everything about him.

"Super migo, ingat always ha? I love you. I love you so much! Thank you for being my best friend. Thank you for being my personal BarOps. Thank you for being my super huggable teddy bear. Thank you for making me believe in love again, kahit korny. Thank you for being true. Thank you for being awesome! I love you Beb. Super."

I miss you.

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