hey! i was wondering, now that it's been a little while and we've seen the whole season, what you think about the becca storyline and how the show treats her needs/autonomy/relationship with mel (since you had strong feelings about it midseason)?
i still have ALL THE FEELINGS about this.
short version: even though i care WAY more about mel's side of things, i do think that the show set up a really good conflict of the kind where both people have points and are clashing in a very realistic way. but because of the format of the show, we won't get to see how any of that is hashed out between them, which leaves me in a weird place as a viewer, and i don't like that. it's really tainted becca's character for me in a way that i think was unintentional on the part of the writers.
long version: it's great that becca has found someone she clicks with and obviously she should get to date him. but i'm still mad at her for the way she handled the situation. i think it was very cruel for her not to tell mel that she was dating someone--mel is VERY clear that becca is her best friend in addition to her sister, and that's not how best friends behave. my sister and i are close, though not as close as mel and becca are implied to be, and i would be incredibly hurt if my sister kept something like that from me. and then when she does tell her, she does it without trying to ease mel into it at all. she just drops it in mel's lap and expects her to deal with it like it's no big thing. it's just mean. as is her ditching mel with no warning.
and also mel has every right to ask questions regarding becca's safety aka questions that establish that becca is an enthusiastic participant in her physical relationship (which i do think is the case) and also that she's practicing safe sex and that mel isn't going to have to deal with an unplanned pregnancy at some point (because let's face it, mel would be the one who had to deal with the logistics of that no matter what becca decided).
mel does not handle the asking of those questions well in the moment, but i can't imagine a world in which she would. becca put her in a terrible position by not telling her about her budding relationship earlier--you can't expect someone to react with endless patience when you've just hurt them very badly. if becca had gone to mel and told her she was dating someone and was either thinking about or already had had sex, then mel would have been much more equipped to handle that conversation gracefully. she still might not have! she still might have crashed out! she might have been a jerk about it and then had to apologize later!
but she'd at least have had a fair chance because she wouldn't be reacting out of pain. by putting mel in a situation where she both has to metabolize the fact that her sister has emotionally locked her out for months AND face the logistics of the situation, i really don't see any way mel could be expected to react other than how she did.
and then there's the fact that mel's had to be both becca's sister and caretaker for so long that, through not fault of her own, she can't just be all "oh i'm happy for you!" the way a sisterly relationship ideally should be. instead, she has to think about the logistics (consent, safe sexual practices) because there's no one else to do that. which sucks for both of them, but it is what it is, and after mel's dedicated the past however many years of her life to supporting becca and making sure she can have a fun life while mel canonically works her ass off to keep them afloat, becca's attitude about the whole thing honestly makes me dislike her.
i am one of those people who will do a lot for the people i love if i feel like they appreciate it (not in a fawning way, but just in a way where i feel seen), but i react very badly to adults who take others' love/care/sacrifices for granted or feel entitled to them. becca absolutely does not have to communicate gratitude in the way most people would, but she's an adult in her late 20s and she should have figured out some ways to make the most important person in her life aware that she's grateful to her. instead, she lied to her, insists on doing what she wants to do (see next paragraph), and then ditches mel without hesitation.
there's also the elf thing, which we treated as a joke after season one but which the show made quite serious in season two (even if the show doesn't know that). we don't know for sure why mel has seen a movie she hates over a hundred times. the two explanations that make the most sense are that 1. becca absolutely will not compromise on what they watch, which does not say good things about becca as a person or 2. mel lets becca do whatever she wants even if becca would gladly agree to do something else if mel pushed back. the latter seems unlikely, given the glimpse we saw of their discussion at the end of season one, though the truth is probably somewhere in between. mel probably doesn't assert herself enough and that is probably something she should do. but also, becca should definitely be more thoughtful towards her sister. has she ever once asked mel what she wants to watch? we don't konw, obviously, but given mel's bitterness, i doubt it.
one of the downsides of the format of the show is that we don't know whether becca is ever going to apologize. maybe once mel has the time to react to the whole situation and then sit down and talk with her about it and explain to her why she needs to know the things she needs to know and how hurt she is, becca will apologize and they can have a constructive conversation about boundaries and healthy communication.
but we clearly aren't going to see that, and i have zero faith that the writers will allude to it at all in season 3. so i'm left in a situation where i just feel absolutely terrible for mel and my fondness for becca has plummeted. which is not surprising since i make no bones about the fact that mel is my woobie. i'm always going to be team mel when there's a conflict between her and literally anyone. but i still feel that if becca wants her sister to believe that she's mature enough to make sexual decisions (which i think she is) then she should have been mature enough to tell her sister that she's been seriously dating someone for half a year. we have not seen becca be kind to mel, which is really all i want from her. some indication that she values mel a fraction as much as mel values her.
oh and i still think that capitalism is villain that's lurking in the background. if becca's care weren't dependent upon mel's employment, if they lived in a culture where they had more emotional support so that mel didn't have to be becca's mom in addition to her sister, if mel could have a real work/life balance in which she is able to do things for herself instead of just working and taking care of her sister all the time, then some of their issues would not be issues.
janainaart
theartofmadeline
gummygunk
pixelskylines
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