The struggle
I have come to realize that I have been trying, my entire life, to control things and situations that are completely beyond my control, that I have tried in vain to fix things for which I do not have the tools to repair nor the experience to fix. I need to retrain myself to let go of this idea that I can fix anything, that I can control everything in my life. I cannot fix myself alone, I cannot repair people, I cannot make things as I wish they were. I must keep rolling with every punch, and pray and hope that this path will lead me somewhere I want to go. I am truly sorry, and have a contrite heart, for all the damage I have done, to those I have wronged, and to the many and the close who I have hurt because of my extreme wish to control every feeling, every situation, and every thing in my life, as well as the only coping skills I have had in this life to deal with discomfort and pain, which is namely, to numb myself through external means, to lash out in anger and frustration at those closest and most dear to me, and to generally explode or implode and cause those around me to feel the terrible things I was feeling. I am sorry. I know that doesn't fix a broken plate, I love you all.















