Opposite Action Masterlist
Acting on your emotion is effective if your feelings fit the facts, and only to the level of which they’re justified. When your emotions don’t fit the facts, or when acting on your emotion won’t be effective, it’s time to act opposite to the emotion. This will help you to change painful emotions. (Read More)
When ANGER is not justified or effective:
Gently avoid the person you’re mad at; don’t attack them. (“I need some space before we continue this conversation.” not the silent treatment.)
Take some time to yourself and practice breathing. Calm your body.
Be kind; don’t be mean to the person.
Imagine understanding: Try to see the situation from the other person’s perspective. Imagine the reasons behind their behavior. Maybe try writing a letter in their defense. Practice empathy.
Change your posture: Unclench hands, face palms upward, and relax your fingers. Relax your chest and stomach muscles. Unclench your jaw. Relax your facial muscles and practice half smile.
Change your body chemistry: Do breathing exercises or exercise.
When FEAR is not justified or effective:
Repeatedly do what you’re afraid of doing.
Approach what it is you’re afraid of (events, places, tasks, etc.)
Do things to give you a sense of control over your fears.
Look and see: Observe the fearful event.
Take in information. (e.g. take notice of being safe)
Change your posture and sound confident: keep your head and eyes up, relax your shoulders, and hold an assertive body posture (e.g. sit up straight, knees apart, hands on hips, heels facing outward)
Change your body chemistry: Do breathing exercises.
When DISGUST is not justified or effective:
Move close: eat, drink, stand near, approach what you’re disgusted by.
Be kind to persons you feel contempt for. Walk in their shoes.
Imagine understanding: Try to see the situation from the other person’s perspective. Imagine the reasons behind their behavior or appearance. Maybe try writing a letter in their defense. Practice empathy.
Sense what you’re repulsed by. Inhale, look, touch, listen, taste.
Change your posture: Unclench hands, face palms upward, and relax your fingers. Relax your chest and stomach muscles. Unclench your jaw. Relax your facial muscles and practice half smile.
Change your body chemistry: Do breathing exercises.
When ENVY is not justified or effective:
Do not destroy what the other person has.
Make a gratitude list - name things you’re greatful for.
Don’t invalidate any blessings and do not exaggerate deprivations.
Change your posture: Unclench hands, face palms upward, and relax your fingers. Relax your chest and stomach muscles. Unclench your jaw. Relax your facial muscles and practice half smile.
Change your body chemistry: Do breathing exercises.
When JEALOUSY is not justified or effective:
Let go of control over other people.
Share the things you love and the people you admire with others.
Don’t spy or snoop. Don’t ask probing questions.
Don’t avoid: Listen to details and focus on sensation. Observe the situation and take in information.
Change your posture: Unclench hands, face palms upward, and relax your fingers. Relax your chest and stomach muscles. Unclench your jaw. Relax your facial muscles and practice half smile.
Change your body chemistry: Do breathing exercises.
When LOVE is not justified or effective:
Avoid the person, animal, or item that you love.
Distract yourself from thoughts involving the subject. (list of distractions)
Remember why the love isn’t justified. When admiral thoughts enter your mind, remember the cons of loving the subject.
Avoid contact with the subject. Don’t look at pictures, letters, shared places, etc. Don’t go somewhere you know you’ll be reminded of the subject. Don’t follow, wait for, or look for the other person.
Stop expressing love: Don’t express admiral thoughts, even to close friends/family. Be unfriendly toward the subject (unfriend, block, etc).
Adjust your posture and expressions: Don’t lean toward the subject, don’t get close enough to physically touch them, and practice no flirtacious behavior.
When SADNESS is not justified or effective:
Get active; approach the sadness.
Avoid avoiding. Get things done.
Build mastery: Do things that make you feel capable and confident.
Increase pleasant activity.
Pay attention to the present moment. Be mindful of your surroundings and each moment as it happens.
Change your posture: Keep your head up, your eyes open, and shoulders back. Speak in a perky manner; remain upbeat.
Change your body chemistry: Increase physical movements.
Note: Guilt and Shame will be done in their own separate post, which will be made soon. Source: (x) paraphrased by Julia for Borderline Bravery.
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