repost if you dip your boobs in the wendy's frosty

it a little cold

[cobythinks]

Dead wife montage but it's all slow motion shots of your dead wife throwing grenades and doing backflips and oneshotting the enemy with their long range weapons

[lakevida]

was waiting for the elevator in the middle of taking out all the trash and a resident came out of her apartment like OH GOOD! maybe i can show you this weird bug that was in my BEDROOM! so i follow her and she gets out a magnifying glass and shows me a dead pillbug on a napkin. im like thats incredible ma'am thank you for letting me use the magnifying glass. she says "i told my creepy kids about the bug and they didn't even call me!" and this sentence is tunneling into my brain so bad theres a physical pressure

[homunculus-argument]

Has either of your parents ever accidentally called you/your siblings the wrong name? (someone else's name, like other sibling, pet, etc)

Yes, at least once

No, but I've seen it happen to someone else

No, never

I don't have pets/siblings/parents/hair

Voting ended onJul 9

[yorgen-sh]

The Chinese shoe manufacturer decided to demonstrate the indestructibility of their shoes

[boobieteriat]

[namira]

Like two years ago I ran into a salamander biologist in the woods who complimented my ability to 'walk quietly in the forest while causing minimal disturbance to the leaf litter.' Still goes to my head.

[deathdaydreamm]

Went to a fabric store yesterday and saw a sewing machine that did embroidery of photos and the example was of a newborn baby and it was so fucking insane looking I asked an employee if I could buy it and she looked at it and was like “oh my god eugh what the fuck… i think that’s my bosses grandkid….I think you should just take it” so I did

[deathdaydreamm]

[umarell]

something decidedly unchic is afoot

[iphigeniacomplex]

[girl in a low cut top voice] i just dont know what it is but everyone is being sooo nice to me today….[grows grave and guarded] they’re conspiring against my reign and they think me a fool

[segamascott]

[cow-inthe-closet]

friend whos always planning everything: hey guys lets do something this week!! when are you all available?

friend whos always available: i can do whenever

friend whos constantly busy: im sorry i have work and then school and then the labyrinth and then more work :( i can do tuesday at 3:00 am for five minutes tho

friend with the randomly generated sleep schedule: (no response)

friend who went missing in the woods behind their house 12 years ago and hasn't been heard from since: (no response)

friend whos really into genshin impact: does anyone want to play genshin impact

[lesbibimbap]

reblog this to reblog from the user you reblogged from

[avidcollectorofdust]

Really glad predictive text exists. Should i bring my own parking lot

[speedlimit15]

grocery store mission barely accomplished took massive damage to the hull and all internal systems. shield repair could take days

[puthy]

how you can tell the post is really bad

[serial-unaliver-deactivated2024]

tumblr version of "you sir have won the internet. have an updoot"

[barbeloth]

man come on

[evilscientist3]

the thing about fruit flies is that in the abstract, they live peaceful and irreproachable lives nibbling on overripe fruit and its attending microbes, but practically speaking they awaken some sort of primordial rage within me. Get off my bananas you little fucks

[abundantchewtoys]

[valencians]

fantasy: the kingdom has been ruled by one family for 10,000 years

science fiction: a new species evolved in 30 years