deadline.

" if he burns brightly before he dies, his brightness shines for all time. "

[mixkino-blog-deactivated2021122]

{ to hell with it ` }

{ w / @gnsebin at the carnival around 9PM / takes place after ‘is this allowed’ } 

   he managed to escape - just barely. he felt suffocated by myungsoh and sori’s stupid sexual tension and romantic desires. how the two were too stupid to realize what hongki figured out in a second is beyond him.

   it was getting late and he was pretty sure his parents said something about 10PM, but he didn’t want to go home. he didn’t want to go on any of the rides either. he just started to roam. carnies called out to him and he ignored them. people he knew called out to him and he ignored them too. he didn’t want to keep being another ornament for everyone.

   sighing, he figured he should just go, but he caught a familiar sight just ahead. it was definitely sebin and the other was definitely drunk. for a dead man walking, sebin really didn’t seem to care about his body.

   deciding that sebin was the only worth anything anymore, he made his way over. it looked like a security guard caught sight of sebin and figured it was time to throw him out, so hongki acted quickly, moving in front of sebin and wrapping his arms around him, turning him away from the guard. he had a bright smile (a sign of the old hongki), “sebin hyung! it’s been ages! you look well!”

   the guard seemed to stop then, making eye contact with hongki who gave him a charming smile. that seemed to be enough for the guard, so he went away. hongki’s smile fell back to its usual frown, “seriously, hyung? drunk at a carnival? there are kids here.”

[gnsebin-blog]

perhaps getting drunk at the carnival wasn’t his best plan.

sebin honestly hadn’t thought ahead, not that he tries to do that much these days anyways. what’s the point of plotting for a future he might not have? but the flask was easy enough to smuggle into the festivities, and much easier to sip from the more he drank from it. he’s not even that drunk, but apparently drunk enough to argue belligerently with a carnival employee.

figures the wuss would call security the moment sebin called him out for how his game booth was thievery. no one can take honest criticism these days.

he’s only just starting to be nervous about actually being kicked out when he’s saved by hongki, melting into the embrace comfortably and throwing a lazy look at the guard he had been fussing with as if to say ‘hah, screw you i’m sticking around anyways’. the worker looked like he wanted to protest, but ultimately found it useless. they left the two young men be.

“my hero,” sebin laughs as he leans a little too heavily against hongki, as if not in full control of where he throws his weight. “i’m not that drunk.. i’ve hardly had anything. here,” he offers the flask, or what’s left of the contents of it, to his friend. “i’m dying. what are they gonna do, arrest me?”

a loud laugh escapes him and he throws an arm over hongki’s shoulder amicably. “the kids are fine, i don’t care about ‘em. i wanted to go on one of the rides. come with?”

[gnsebin-blog]

sunrise.

[gnsebin-blog]

gnmika‌:

“Oh,” is all Mika says for a moment. Well, he can’t be faulted for trying to make small talk. Not that Mika can fault him either. He only knows a handful of medical terms in Korean, but cancer is one of them. Unfortunately. “Sorry,” he says, not very smartly, because he really doesn’t know what else to say for a few seconds.

He tries to peek around to see the guy’s—Sebin, he should really start calling people by their names—face, but he feels very uncomfortable and unworthy of being here suddenly. He came to this hill to take his mind off drinking. Sebin did it to take his mind off of an inoperable fatal disease. Those were on two completely different levels.

“I don’t have many secrets,” he says. “But I appreciate the offer. It’s good you still have… a sense of humour and all. And that you’re at peace with it. Then you can really enjoy what’s left?” He didn’t mean for it to come out as a question.

“Um, Japan is pretty cheap and close to get to. If you ever want to visit the mountains there before… you know. Not to be biased, but they’re a lot nicer than here.”

“i want people to smile when they remember me,” he says simply, a soft curl of his own lips on his face. “so thanks for saying i have a sense of humor. it means i’m doing something right. did you know i was boring as hell before this thing? i told knock knock jokes wrong.” he laughs, his anecdote being almost entirely untrue. yes, he was different before. but the sense of humor didn’t grow alongside the tumor.

he’s used to questioning. his mother and aunt bombard him all the time with ‘are you sure?’ and ‘how are you feeling?’ as if he’ll ever give them answers other than ‘yes’ and ‘fine’. at least his father, for all his long sad looks, doesn’t harass him with a million questions. sebin has stopped being annoyed by them; he doesn’t have time to waste on that anymore. “yeah, i’m doing my best to enjoy it. i think it’s going pretty well.”

“i’ve never left the country. i’ve barely even left town since being born here. maybe i should have done some more traveling, but i can’t leave everyone here behind and i can’t take them all with me. can you imagine half of gaenari trying to board the same plane? we might be a small town, but i’m sure the airlines would hate us.” he smiles at the thought. perks of growing up here is that he’s close with almost everyone; it makes it much harder to leave any of them.

“maybe i can haunt you and if you go back to japan my ghost can watch one of those sunrises. come here, shake my hand or something so my spirit knows to to find!”

[gnsebin-blog]

melody.

[gnsebin-blog]

gnkeiko‌:

The sound of the door opening brings Keiko to raise her head from her workbook, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear as dark brown eyes regard the young man in the doorway. For a second they simply look at each other, Keiko giving him a shy nod, not trusting her voice (or her Korean) right now.

Swallowing hard, she’s glad when he quickly directs his attention from her to the shop itself, obviously looking for something. Marking her place in the workbook, Keiko watches him wander around the store almost aimlessly. She knows she should call out to him and ask if he needs help, but she’s still anxious that she’ll make a fool of herself if she tries talking to him. While most of the locals are quite kind and understanding when it came to her difficulties with Korean, that one part of Keiko’s mind constantly scoffed at her, telling her that they were mocking her once she turned her back.

“…Ah!”

So caught up in her own mind, she hasn’t noticed the young man approach until he calls out to her and her face flushes red. Keiko’s hands itch to grab her phone or the dictionary before her as a defense, gnawing on her lip as she tries to piece together his sentence and come up with a response. After a moment, she manages to offer him a smile.

“It is a helpful work… but I like music too! So, I’m sure it’s both? Right?” Her smile turns sheepish, knowing she was messing up again and hoping the other couldn’t see how nervous she really was. “Sorry for rudeness, I should have helped you. I can help now, if that’s good?”

her accent is cute. sebin smiles kindly at the girl, almost proudly. he’s always had an admiration of those who take on the daunting task of learning languages they’re not so comfortable with; even more of his respect goes to the men and women who immerse themselves in that language. he wonders if she misses home, or if she considers this small town a home more than where she came from by now. he hopes it’s the latter.

“your korean is good!” he starts with his praise, his face alight. “where are you from? japan, right?” maybe it’s rude to guess, but she looks it and sounds it. and if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck..

sebin meanders across the shop, a little closer to the girl and the register. it’s rude to shout at her from so far away if they’re going to have a conversation, even if it’s a short one. “that’s cool. you know son youngwoon, right? he works here. about this tall, blond, kinda always looks like he smelled something bad?” he raises his hand to the approximation of his friend’s height, pleased with his own description of the man. “he’s a good friend of mine. we’re actually in a band together.”

“actually,” he’s delayed long enough; he may as well make his purchase now. “i need a new d string for my bass. damn thing snapped on me.” he makes a face, as if belatedly angry at his misfortune of having an old and worn out string on his instrument. “youngwoon usually picks them up for me since i used to be too busy to get them myself so.. i don’t actually know where they are.” he shrugs, ending his plea for help without actually asking a question.

[gnsebin-blog]

bucket list.

[gnsebin-blog]

gnxyoungwoon‌:

it hangs like a blanket of plastic wrap over their faces, the amount of time sebin has left. or doesn’t have. sometimes youngwoon thinks sebin might be one of the few good things left in the world, and then, bitterly, no wonder they’re taking him away from us. he’s a damn good bassist, and an even better friend, and, selfishly, youngwoon dreads the day sebin leaves him to cope with minji and sunghyun on his own.

his own cigarette is halfway gone, burning his lungs to a crisp, the air above them a contrast of clear blue skies and pure white clouds. he has nowhere to be, no one waiting for him in his empty apartment, for meals or work or affection. 

there’s a flash of red behind his next blink, the sudden intrusion of his stepfather’s demise piercing through his awareness like a bolt of lightning. he inhales sharply, snuffs the stub of his cigarette out in the dirt under the grass, sits up from where he’s reclining to pull the box out of his pocket. he passes it off as an intentional lapse, crouches coolly to shield his next cigarette from the light breeze blowing by.

“get a big fish,” he utters easily around the new cigarette, pocketing the lighter and exhaling a slow cloud of smoke into the air, as if this subject doesn’t make him want to follow sebin on his way out of the world, “if it outlives you, we can throw it on the grill and eat it over some rice. in your honor, of course.”

he starts to lie back on the grass, trying to shake the suffocating feeling of his stepfather’s ghost lingering just behind his shoulder.

“better yet, get a cow.”

“funny,” he watches the smoke curl into the air instead of the face of his friend, a dry smile on his lips. the smoke fades away too soon, leaving nothing but clear air where it once was a fog, almost a third presence among them. “i’ll dedicate little space in my apartment entirely to an aquarium. i don’t need a bed anyways. what’s your favorite again, salmon?” he likes the idea though, of his friends gathering for meals, laughing, drinking, eating even when he’s passed. he likes to think that they’ll be that way forever, even without him.

youngwoon puts his cigarette out and sebin decides that he’s pretended to smoke his for long enough to live up to the aesthetic he’s trying to embody. earth snuffs out the smoldering flame and the underside of his shoe stamps out any fight that might’ve been left of it. he coughs once, and the slightest hint of a headache thrums from deep inside his skull. a reminder that no matter how fine he feels, it’s still there.

“you wouldn’t eat bessie. noona would take one look at those big brown eyes and then you’ll have a cow living in your apartment. the three of you can share custody, since i’m leaving her to you. you’d never be able to eat something that cute, especially if she has a name.” the thought of it is almost tempting enough to go out and buy a cow off of some old farmer. almost. sebin laughs abruptly, “wait, no, it’d be sunghyun who wouldn’t let you kill her. minji would want to eat too.”

the joke dies too quickly, but his smile lingers a bit longer, a sadder curve than it had been before. he gets more serious again for a moment, despite knowing youngwoon doesn’t want to talk about it. “what would you want to do? if you knew you didn’t have much time left. i can’t figure it out, and i don’t want to waste it. y’know?”

[gnsebin-blog]

dial tone.

[gnsebin-blog]

gnjieun‌:

[ msg to: +82 XX XXXX YYYY ] Well, this is uncomfortable. [ msg to: +82 XX XXXX YYYY ] Pretty sure you meant to send this to someone else. [ msg to: +82 XX XXXX YYYY ] Are you that wasted? [ msg to: +82 XX XXXX YYYY ] They’ll be fine. All of you guys are strong. And you have the support of the town. [ msg to: +82 XX XXXX YYYY ] At least from the people that matter. [ msg to: +82 XX XXXX YYYY ] Stop drinking and worrying at the same time. It’s dangerous. [ msg to: +82 XX XXXX YYYY ] Especially when you start texting random acquaintances about what appears to be your innermost fears.

[ msg to: +82 XX XXXX YYYY ] fuck [ msg to: +82 XX XXXX YYYY ] i’m sorry whoever this is i thought i hdd the right numver [ msg to: +82 XX XXXX YYYY ] we wannted to be famoust ogethr [ msg to: +82 XX XXXX YYYY ] buy our ablum on itunes [ msg to: +82 XX XXXX YYYY ] we dont’ have an album on otines

[maza-dohta]

I believe pain breeds wolves and joys give rise to moons. We grow forests in our bones so our memories can’t find us. I believe we hide and haunt ourselves.

Pavana पवन (via oiseauperdu)

[gntownhall]

♥ MEME 01: MEMORIES!

“send me one of the hearts below for a specific kind of memory from my muse!”

answers can be as short or as long as you’d like; this meme is worth 1 point for each answer, and the sender can also collect 1 point when their ask is posted! please tag your posts as meme:01 for easy reference!

remember to send if you want to receive! play nice, everyone!

reposted so we can keep better track of who is participating; credits to @rp-meme-glaceon!

❤️- A happy memory that makes them smile

💙- A sad memory that makes them cry

💛- A memory that makes them feel angry

💚- A memory that makes them feel guilty

💜- A memory about one of their loved ones, happy or sad

💔- A memory that leaves them feeling lonely

❣- A memory that leaves them laughing

💕- A memory about their significant other

💞- A memory about their children

💓- A memory about their friends

💗- A memory about a good deed they did

💖- A memory that made them feel special

💝- A memory that made them feel loved

💘- A memory that gets their heart pounding

💟- Wildcard!!!

[gnsebin-blog]

dial tone.

@gnjieun

[ msg to: +82 XX XXXX YYYY ] he y [ msg to: +82 XX XXXX YYYY ] do yu think fall:en’s ever honna like [ msg to: +82 XX XXXX YYYY ] make it somewhere? [ msg to: +82 XX XXXX YYYY ] even after i’m gone maybe idk [ msg to: +82 XX XXXX YYYY ] i wa nn a see them fo well

[gnsebin-blog]

melody.

@gnkeiko

he pushes open the door to the shop expecting to see youngwoon there and instead is greeted by a much prettier face ( not that youngwoon isn’t good looking, but the girl’s big eyes and soft features are such a contrast to the man’s harsh angles and constant frown ). it stops him in his tracks but only just for a moment. sebin’s not one to stop and stare.

is it disappointment, or excitement? he’s not sure. on one hand, there’s no way he’ll be able to finesse his way to free new strings for his guitar ( one snapped, damn thing; the reason sebin stopped by the store in the first place ). youngwoon’s a good friend, maybe he would’ve at least given him a discount. on the other, though, the girl is lovely.

sebin wanders around the store for a moment, playing with items here and there, picking up a piano book and putting it back down. he just needs a string, why’s he doing this? finally he breaks his silent browsing, looking at the girl and smiling kindly. “do you work here because you like music? or was it just a convenient job?” it’s supposed to be friendly, a conversation starter.

[gnsebin-blog]

sunrise.

[gnsebin-blog]

gnmika‌:

It takes a moment for Mika to comprehend what the other guy is saying; he expected an answer to his question, not a ramble, but his questions to Mika seem harmless. Anyways, he’s happy to talk about Japan. His grandparents sure don’t want to hear about it.

“Not the city but if you hike up the mountains there,” Mika explains. “There’s not much pollution compared to the cities, or even here. And the weather is nice. I’ve never tried, but I heard it’s a good spot for meditation. If that’s, um, something you’re into.” Mika tries not to judge, but with that calm, serene voice and the fact he hasn’t even glanced at Mika—he sort of assumes that’s something he would be interested in. 

He sighs and surveys the town. Just looking at it makes him stressed out. Maybe he should try meditating. 

The guy continues talking and Mika’s ears perk this time. “Butterfly glioma?” he repeats carefully. “… I don’t know what that means. I’m sorry.” Though by the words that follows, he can somewhat infer what it means. “I’m Mika. I moved here a few months ago. From Tokyo.”

He takes some time to gather his thoughts, then asks carefully, “Are you… okay? Right now?” It comes out more awkwardly than he’d like, but he’s trying.

he drinks in the image of another morning skyscape eagerly. in the west they call japan the land of the rising sun; it only makes sense that they must have breathtaking sunrises there. and then sebin laughs. “i don’t meditate. i’ve tried. i don’t have the patience and i don’t like the idea of thinking about nothing. i think i’ll have time to do that after i’m dead.” he laughs again. mediation, that’d be weird for him.

“brain cancer,” he explains in simpler words, forgetting that not everyone is up in his business about his health. “inoperable. i’ve got five years at most, and that’s if i let them pump me full of radiation and kill my immune system the whole time before i go. it’s a no from me.” 

sebin’s found a way to be chipper even when talking about his own expiration. he’s explained it so often, relayed the information probably a hundred times by now, that he doesn’t even blink. “don’t worry about me though! i just want to see the prettiest sunrises i can before d-day.”

“nice to meet you mika, sorry to lead with all the dull stuff. but at least you know if you tell me any secrets, i don’t have a lot of time to spread them around.” he winks good naturedly, hoping the other at least smiles at the joke.

it’s kind of the other young man to ask, and sebin appreciates the sentiment. “yeah, i’m good. it doesn’t bother me.”

[gnsebin-blog]

late night lunch.

[gnsebin-blog]

gnminji‌:

so far, tonight’s shift was going well for her. there were no customers testing her patience, nor were there any that had clearly attempted to make a move on her before she revealed that she was already taken. if anything, everything was going nicely for her tonight. and though she didn’t expect it, sebin was able to make her night even better. 

as soon as she heard her friend’s voice after she heard the bar’s door open, she immediately turned around from behind the counter and smiled as it was the person whom she had expected to see. looking at what he had been holding to be a lunchbox, she immediately takes it and she gave the other a one-armed hug. “you are the BEST!” she replies with a giant grin. 

watching him as he took a seat, she decides to take the seat next to him. opening up the box in front of her and looking at the food inside, she looks up at the other with an awed expression. “look at you! master chef sebin in the house!” she giggles before looking back at the food. “you didn’t have to do this for me, honestly! but it means a lot you did.” she takes a bite of what he had made for her and hummed in approval of the taste.

“i know,” he grins at her as she compliments him, raising his chin just barely in some sort of pride, like a little brother would when he knows he’s the favorite. “i figured you were tired of leftover bar food and takeout, so.. homemade meal, just for my favorite noona!” sebin leans over to bump elbows with her, a happy playful grin never leaving his face.

when she compliments the meal he’s brought her though, he just waves it away. he’s hardly a decent chef, let alone master. it goes to show how low her standards have become for a decent meal. he’ll talk to the boys; they should help her out too so she won’t miss what sebin does too much when he’s gone.

“just remember you owe me,” he teases before thanking the other bartender for the drink he had ordered. he takes a sip. not bad. “probably would be better if you made it,” he whispers to minji, gesturing toward his drink. also might be a lie; he doesn’t have a palette sophisticated enough to tell much of a difference between who makes a drink. he says it more for her benefit than anything.

[gnsebin-blog]

sunrise.

[gnsebin-blog]

gnmika‌:

...

Finding a relatively clean spot on the ground, he lays out his jacket and then sits on top of it, a bit away from the other person. He spoke up first, so Mika hopes he doesn’t mind the company. (Not that Mika would leave even if the guy asked—he’ll get his peaceful sunrise whether he likes it or not.)

“… What are you doing out here?” Mika asks after a few moments, going back to watching the sky change colours.

while he came out here for quiet, sebin has never been one to revel in loneliness. he’s a people person; that’s probably why he joined a band in the first place. it’s a conversation point as well as putting him at the center of attention, it’s a little community that he knows he can always go back to. he enjoyed the silence, the sunrise alone, while it lasted, but he thinks it might be a little bit prettier here with company.

“kobe?” sebin echoes, making sure he heard that right. “that’s nowhere near here.” he thinks about all the places he’s never been, all the places he’ll never see. he feels a little sad; he supposes he could travel more while he has the time, but he’s reluctant to lose any moment with his friends and family here.

“tell me about the sunrises in kobe. is it like this? more vibrant? do the stars last until the sky is fully pink and blue?” sebin wants to imagine it, wants to be able to see it in his mind even if he can’t see it in person. he’s not very familiar with this particular gaenari resident either; maybe he can make a friend today.

the silence that settles between them is comfortable, filled in by the chirp and squeals of birds and the various sounds of a small town still asleep in their beds. sebin tags this in his memory as a moment he’d like to last forever.

“i don’t how many sunsets i have left to watch. i just had a good feeling about this morning,” sebin says simply in response to the question, a smile on his lips as he glances momentarily over to his company. “butterfly glioma. my head’s a time bomb. i’m sebin, by the way.”

[mixkino-blog-deactivated2021122]

{self pity ` }

[gnsebin-blog]

gnxhongki‌:

   hongki eyed his ice cream with only mild interest. he took small bites as he stared off. he wasn’t sure where his mind drifted to. random, far away places where he wasn’t sick. there were several places he always wanted to go. for starters, he always wanted to leave gaenari. he traveled outside of the town once or twice, but it was usually just outside the town limits to the next town over. sometimes a little further than that, but he’s always been in the same place. 

   he blinked several times when someone spoke up. he glanced up at the other, the small plastic spoon between his lips as he looked up. he squinted for a moment, realizing who it was. 

   if anyone asked, hongki didn’t dislike sebin. he actually didn’t mind the other. he was bitter that the other had a music career, albeit not a famous music career, but a career nonetheless. however, if hongki thought he was dealt a bad hand, he had to give it to sebin, he had hongki beat by a mile.

   “always riveting coversation, hyung,” hongki replied, tilting his head at the other. “how are you?”

“dying, as usual,” he’s chipper as he answers, taking another bite of his custard. it’s been his answer to anyone who he’s not afraid of offending since his diagnosis. how good do they expect him to be with his expiration date coming up sooner than most? plus, sometimes he just likes the way it trips people up. it’s funny. “you? you seem to remember me right now, which i’m taking as a good sign.”

as one ill person to another, he thinks he’s allowed to make the joke. neither of them are ever going to be fine. when sebin’s dead and buried maybe they’ll have a way to help hongki, but his own hopes are dashed. it’s okay, he’s come to terms with terminal illness.

“no, but seriously. you look like someone killed your cat. what’s up?” he helps himself to a spoonful of hongki’s ice cream, not bothering to ask for permission or apologize for his brazenness. it looked good. sweet, but sebin’s a fan of the flavor.

[gnsebin-blog]

spillage.

@gnhaneul​

“hey, i think you dropped this.”

sebin taps the kid on the shoulder with the item at hand, a spiral bound notebook with some colorful design or character printed all over the cover. he doesn’t know he didn’t pay much attention. he’s much more concerned with making it to an appointment on time, if only to please his mother and aunt. but he’s not a totally unkind person, not when he notices a kid who seems to be having a rough day.

“your backpack is open,” he tries to smile kindly while handing the book over to the child. “i don’t know how long it’s been like that. i’ve only seen it for the last block or so.. so i don’t know if anything else is missing. i thought you’d like to know.” 

if there’s one thing sebin doesn’t miss, it’s school. he’s not sure he would have noticed or cared about a lightening of his backpack then himself. anything to escape from the dull ache of an overflowing bag; maybe he would have assumed he was just getting stronger.

[gnsebin-blog]

bucket list.

@gnxyoungwoon

a few months ago he wouldn’t be caught dead like this. he’d be busy at work, or practicing his instrument, or maybe even taking a few more classes here and there for some future that he hoped to someday see. now sebin knows that he’ll never have that future, so most of those things he’s given up. not the bass though. he’ll keep playing that until his last breath. but loitering around a public park and sharing secondhand smoke with his bandmate wasn’t a typical daylight activity. just shows how much a death sentence could change a person.

sebin takes a long breath in and wonders if lung cancer might take him before his brain tumor does if he hangs around youngwoon enough. he’d joke and call it wishful thinking, as if he doesn’t have a lit cigarette in his own hand that’s he’s taken a puff from once, maybe twice since lighting it.

there’s things he’ll never get to do. he’ll never get married, never raise a family. he’ll never have to bury his parents either though, and if he has any regrets it’s that his parents and family will have to bury him. sebin doesn’t want them to cry. maybe by spending so much time with them now, he hopes that there’s enough happy memories to keep the tears at bay once he’s gone.

“i thought about getting a pet. y’know, since i moved out of my parents’ home,” he thinks out loud, as he sometimes does. “but i don’t know if anyone would take care of it after i’m gone. i don’t want to do that to a dog or cat either.” sebin sighs, a sound that’s more tired than sad. “maybe i could get a fish.”

[gnsebin-blog]

sunrise.

@gnmika

it’s surprisingly easy to have a bucket list on a budget, or maybe this town just has enough going for it that sebin doesn’t feel the need to max out a credit card going some new and exciting place that he’s never been to before. there’s enough beauty right here in gaenari’s fields of yellow and mountaintops.

the sky was still navy and dotted with a spackling of stars when he had left his home, set out on one of the trails in the unpopulated areas of the town. between the headaches, the desperate attempts from his aunt and pleading of his mom, sometimes sebin just needs a little space. sometimes he just wants to watch the sun rise over the mountain and tip herbal tea from a thermos. it’s still cool before the sun is up, so he does just this.

dark skies slowly turn lighter as he finds his place at the top of a hill, sitting down in soft grass and watching as the first hints of blue are visible over the horizon. it’s then that he realizes he’s not alone. but sebin doesn’t turn immediately, doesn’t accuse whoever his company may be of following him. he doesn’t look their way even as he speaks. “it’s pretty, right? i don’t think pictures could ever do it justice.”

[gnsebin-blog]

going ghost.

@gnhyojin

she’s weird. or at least that’s what everyone has alway said. sebin’s inclined to believe them even though he’s never spoken to her himself. at least until now. it’s funny how dying makes you do things you normally never would. maybe it’s like a bucket list, but his conversation with her doesn’t have anything to do with the remainder of his life. it’s his death he wants to discuss.

“so is the whole ghost thing real?” he doesn’t waste any time beating around the bush. “i know everyone says it’s a load of bullshit but like.. i’m dying. if you’re lying about it i can literally take the secret to my grave. just give it to me straight.”

he doesn’t mean to make it sound sad or desperate. he’s neither of those things. he’s curious and wants to know what comes next, mostly. his mother’s church tells him heaven or hell, maybe purgatory. his father’s cousin says there’s nothing next. he’s pretty sure he’s read somewhere online that this life is some vr simulation and it’s game over when he dies. how he chose the short life route is beyond him though.

“i just need to know.”