Stupid Visual

A goat? A bassist? Who knows.

[kittenhongstar]

❛I’m starting to think that this may indeed have been a terrible idea.❜

Murder and violence ran through Lee Hongki's veins from the moment he was born. Blessed by his family's inability to love and cherish him he's grown to appreciate nothing more than the blood soaked streets and the unconditional support of his two friends, Jaejin and Seunghyun. How he even came to have friends was a feat in itself given he was mostly cold with the younger pair.

Each morning he went through the same motions; eat, shower, clean his guns, practice, eat, go out on the town, head home, eat late and then head to bed. When he awoke that morning he definitely didn't foresee carrying an unconscious fluffy haired teenager over his shoulder into their base because Hongki had found him stalking them. It was Jaejin's brilliant idea to not only knock him out but also bring him back, namely for the sake of questioning and keeping him hostage. How Hongki found himself carrying him? He doesn't know either. He'll blame it on the blue haired man man following behind him. A loud laugh leaves the pink haired murdered at the comment the younger made, turning to look back at him slightly. "Oh, no, really? Cute that your morals are starting to kick in just as we're arriving back. Might wanna be quick to kick 'em away because we're gonna have to think about how to restrain him and make sure he doesn't start mouthing off once conscious."

[goatbassist]

Looking at the two men from the outside you wouldn't think that they were as close as they actually were. You'd probably think they were more like a pair of begrudging acquaintances or coworkers, and at times they kind of were. But catch them both on a good day and maybe, just maybe they'd claim the other as a friend. Other than that though, they were merely two men with similar lifestyles who had decided to work together on a whim. Tonight had not gone the way he had originally planned. Originally his plan was to go out and enjoy some fresh air and return to base for a simple dinner with the Hongki and the other odd member of their trio. However, much to his annoyance, it seemed fate had other plans for him because the older had called him and told him about a little spy tailing him. Perhaps the advice he had given him wasn't exactly the best given how violent his tendencies could be but what else was he supposed to do when he wasn't there? Nevertheless he gave him the direction to knock him out and wait for him before quickly hurrying to his location to get the full story. According to Hongki it wasn't the first time he noticed the kid but it was the first time he'd stood his ground when he looked at him and well...standing your ground to Hongki isn't ever the brightest move, trust him, he knows first hand. Now the two were nearly back to their base of operations and Jaejin finds himself thinking about just how many problems this kid could cause for them. The mere thought of it was enough to give him a headache, voicing his new concern to the older. Of course he's met with a snarky retort but he merely rolls his eyes and continues his steady pace behind him. "Hey, I never said it was a moral thing, I just said it might've been a bad idea. I'm just saying the kid might cause more problems than he's worth. He is just a kid after all. Speaking of which did ya have to go and hit him so hard to knock him out I'm pretty sure if you go close enough to him he would've passed out, he was shaking like a leaf."

[goatbassist]

skullhongki:

Jaejin starts talking, about to use a cute nickname before he stops himself and switches to honorifics. It has him confused. Lately he hasn’t been using them as often with him, keeping them for when they were in public or around other people. His ears twitch, head slightly tilting as he listens to what he has to say. His heart drops to his stomach, so quickly he finds himself unable to breathe, mouth falling open to take a few short breathes. He should have known it was going to be something like this, but he didn’t think it’d be that. He didn’t think Jaejin would ever tell him he didn’t like him or think about him in that way, not after everything they have done together. Club music resounds in his ears. Something pricks at his eyes. Instinct, there he was going on and throwing around that word as if it would make this entire situation better. It only made it worse. While Lee Hongki was sitting there falling helplessly in love, Leen Jaejin was feeling absolutely fucking nothing. He felt nothing yet he continued to play around with his feelings, even going as far to tell him he l— “I hate you.” It comes out with a shaking voice but the amount of pure venom in his voice was chilling. All the cute positive feelings he had felt towards him, the want to be close and pressed against him became nothing but the want to scream at him, smack him across the face and never see him again. Ears brush backwards, pressing against the back of his head as his gaze drops down. “All the time you were just using me. Isn’t that it?” Club music gets louder, making the feeling pricking at his eyes finally break free down his face. Next thing he knew he’s crying. “You continued to fuck me, hold me close to you in your arms, and say such sweet things to me all because you just wanted my fucking body. All because of your stupid fucking instincts.” A pause, bitter laugh slipping free from him as he pulls himself away, nearly stumbling off the bed. He picks his gaze up, staring at him as if he was no longer staring at someone he loved. “Hah, man wasn’t I stupid…for believing you in that stupid fucking club when you were just lying to me. That’s what you are…a fucking lying player piece of shit who played me like he plays his bass.”

I hate you. Those three words hit him like a thousand knives, one after the other stabbing his heart. He knew he’d be upset, he knew this would hurt him, but he didn’t expect for it to be this bad. But it was this bad, it was so bad, and it only seemed to get worse as more cold harsh words are thrown at him. The older’s gaze finds his own and suddenly he feels so small. His eyes weren’t full of their usual warmth and light, no, they were unfeeling and empty. Those were the eyes of someone who had just been told he’d been played with, used, and then discarded.

His eyes widen at his words. He did remember what happened the other night. Fuck. No, no, he wasn’t supposed to remember that. He wasn’t supposed to remember him saying that he loved him, it... he was just comforting him, he just wanted him to calm down.. right? That’s all it was right? It wouldn’t make sense for him to have fallen for his best friend and band mate of over 10 years, it just wouldn’t. But Hongki did remember and he had believed him. What was he supposed to do? What could he even say to make any of this better? His hand reaches out towards him but quickly retreats, falling back lifelessly at his side. He shouldn’t touch him, he was upset, angry with him.

“N-No Hongki that’s not-” He stops furrowing his brow, attempting to wrack his brain for anything he could possibly say. “Y-You know I’m not-” No. “What I did was-” No no no. Jaejin you fucking idiot think of something. “I never meant to hurt you Hongki. Please just.. let me explain. We can talk about this. Please.” He begs, eyes pleading with him to not walk away to not just leave. He should, he had every right to just walk away and leave him there, but he didn’t want things to end like this. He never meant for this to happen. He never meant to hurt him. But in the end he had played with him and this was the outcome.

[skullhongki]

continued from: x

Hongki blinks. His eyes are bright, wide as he takes in the other’s sleeping form, half asleep form that is. He had made his way into the house not too long ago and has been sitting there watching him for a few minutes. The Feline had finished his schedules not too long ago with a tired ache in his muscles and ones after several hours of mentoring the trainees. Not to mention the company had him running everywhere today. However he was mostly with the trainees and working on comeback material. He feels a yawn coming on, but he keeps his mouth shut tightly to drown it out. He was tired but he would much rather see the Canine instead of sleep. He sees his eyes open, excitement running through him. “Jaejin!” His ears twitch happily, tail swaying back and forth behind him. “Jaejin I mis–” Smack! Right against his forehead sending him rolling back a bit with a hiss of pain, followed by a loud whine. It hurt. He really hated that he couldn’t handle pain all too well. He rubs against it with his hands, moving them from his view so that he could look at the other with a pout resting on his lips. “I came here because I was tired and lonely.” He admits, moving his legs to cross underneath him before he lets his hands drop down to his lap. “I also just…missed you.” Hongki always missed Jaejin lately. He missed the feeling of being snuggled up against him, the other’s arms wrapped around him. He felt comfortable there, almost a sense of safety washing over him. “I really missed you. A lot happened today that I wanted to tell you about..” He feels his lips curl up, a soft smile resting there instead of the pout he held. “So many things today that made me think ‘Jaejin would fucking laugh at that.’ Especially with the training I’m giving the trainees. So many of them don’t seem to understand what I’m telling them and it’s amazing I’m being so patient, but whatever that’s enough about my day. What was yours like? Actually no wait, I’ll just…curl up here and we can talk tomorrow. I did just fucking wake you up for…this. Sorry.”

[goatbassist]

Jaejin can only sit there and stare at the excitable feline as he starts rambling on about his day. Then he says something about just curling up with him, saying they’d talk in the morning, followed by an apology for waking him. There’s a sharp pain in his chest as realization hits him. He was going to have to do this now. He hadn’t thought he’d be doing this so soon, he thought maybe he’d have a few more days before he had to tell him. It was too late at night and his head hurt, why did it have to be now? He knew no matter how sensitive he tried to be with him he’d be upset and confused. He didn’t want to do this but he knew he had to, he had to because it wasn’t fair to keep playing with his feelings.

“Hongst- Hyung...” he starts, moving to sit up now so he can actually look at him properly. He could already see confusion etching itself into his features. “Listen.. I’ve done a lot of thinking and I think...” He pauses, tongue darting out to wet his lips before pressing them into a thin line. He takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly before continuing. “I think we should stop this.” His hand moves back and forth, gesturing between them. “This. Us. Whatever is going on between us. The sex, the snuggling, the sleeping together. It has to stop. I.. I realized that everything I feel towards you is pure instinct.” Eyes flit around the room, no longer able to look at him. It’s for the best, he reminded himself, feeling that same ache return to his chest.

Another deep breath and a few more reminders that he had to do this and he was able to look at him again. His eyes were apologetic, ears flat again his head and tail hanging low. “Hyung it’s not fair to you for me to keep giving into these instincts. I’m keeping you from finding someone who genuinely likes you. So please.. let’s just stop this..okay? I’m sorry hyung.” His voice is hushed when he speaks to him, as if afraid he’d scare him off by talking any louder.

[goatbassist]

“You are very endearing when you are half-asleep.” (hybrid)

It had been several days since Jaejin had found out Hongki had feelings for him, that were more than instinctual. For days now he’s replayed that scene over and over in head, thinking about whether he truly had feelings for him in return. He had said he did, but the more he thought about it the more he started feeling like he said those words to him just to calm him down. The older was making a scene in front of so many people and all he wanted to do was go home. After thinking on for so long he came to the conclusion that he probably did just say it to put him at ease. Thankfully, Hongki didn’t remember anything from that night, so he never brought it up.

Now he was laying in bed dozing off after another long session of thinking to himself. This time about how he’d handle things when the other inevitably sought his affection. He’d have to stop him. It was right to lead him on anymore, especially now that he knew of his feelings. He didn’t feel the same, it was instinct, period. So he shouldn’t have him chasing after him when it was pointless, it wasn’t fair to him. He’d be more careful about his actions around him, not flirting openly with people when he was around and other things that seemed to upset him. But he couldn’t continue to give into his instincts and play with his feelings.

Just as he was about to drift off into a heavy slumber, a voice calls from directly above him. His eyes snap open to see bright wide eyes staring at him, he jumps startled by the sudden presence, his head smacking square against the other’s. He let’s out a long pained groan as he holds his head, fuck that hurt. A strew of curse words leave him, eyes cracking open to see none other than Hongki, who was now also holding his head. “God damn it Hyung why did I give you that fucking key.” He rubs at spot that would probably be bruised later, a sigh escaping him. He was always doing this, suddenly using the key he gave him for emergencies to enter his home at stupid hours just because. “What is it this time?”

[goatbassist]

Is it possible to avoid yourself?

[goatbassist]

messyindustry:

Nails scratch through his hair, running over his scalp to earn a quiet sound in the back of his throat. It verbally comes out when his head is yanked to the side, lips parting slightly to a tongue inside of his mouth. His eyes press closed, fingers running into the back of his hair to rake through the nape, scratching down to the start of his spine. His hums, a pleasurable sounding one the moment their tongues brush again. His taste hits him hard, coating everywhere around him in it. A breath comes out through his nose, body pushing itself closer to his as he runs his fingers through the nape once more and to his shoulders where his nails press sharply into the skin. Jae was okay with this. He was okay with being touched everywhere. He was okay with his hands all over his body. His touches spurred that fire that was started inside of him. His own hands touch him everywhere he could, brushing down his sides to where he could push them into his shoulder, pads touching the warm skin there. His tongue presses once more against his, mouth opening up more to deepen the kiss and take more of him. It becomes dirty, his tongue pinning Jaejin’s against the corners of his mouth to rub his tongue up against his, low sounds  of pure content and pleasurein the back of his throat. He wanted to be greedy and selfish. He wanted all of him in that moment. It almost scared him how much he craved to breathe him in.

Nails claw at his skin and his tongue explores his mouth, all of the wonderful sensations have blood rushing to the heat in his pants. A low guttural noise rumbling deep in his chest because fucking hell that felt amazing. His lungs scream at him to get the proper amount of air he needs. As reluctant as he was, he caves, breaking the kiss and allowing small gasps of breath to flow into his aching lungs. He busies himself by placing open mouthed kisses along his jaw and down his neck, a soft hum leaving him. Hands find their place on the other’s ass, roughly groping him and pushing their hips against each other. The feeling has more noises of pleasure leaving him.

He wants him. He needs him. A growl leaves him as his lips now move to ghost against the shell of his ear. “JJ, I.. I need you. Fucking christ I need to be inside you again so bad.” He breathes out, voice low and sultry, his words filled with the lustful desperation he felt. He wanted more than just kisses, he wanted his hands on him, nails clawing his skin as screams of pleasure fell past his lips. He wanted to be inside him, feel how wonderfully tight he was, watch him absolutely lose his mind to the overwhelming feeling of pleasure. He needed him in every way he could have him, and he needed him now. Desperate? Desperate was an understatement for what he was right now. It was pathetic how much he desired to have something that shouldn’t even be his in the first place, but he didn’t care.

[goatbassist]

Is it possible to avoid yourself?

[goatbassist]

messyindustry:

Breath catches in his throat, ghosted lips making his knees go weak. He was weak. He was just as hopeless. His lips part the moment Jaejin presses himself closer, kissing him so sweetly. It was slow, sensual. It was perfect. They were perfect. His hands slide up against his chest again, fingers now pressing into his neck as he kisses him back. He adores how soft this is, how sweet it was. His body is now flush against his, chest pressed warmly against the other’s. It was like their hearts were beating as one in that moment, a racing symphony in time to each of their notes of love. It was a hopeless love. It was one that was bound to end, but it made him want to take the time he has with him and treasure it more than he had been. He wanted to create memories that he could tuck away in the back of his mind to pull out when he needed something that made him feel alive. Jaejin made him feel alive. He gently smacks his nose into his, lips still pressed together but he speaks, kissing his lips between each word he says. “Let. Me. Fall. So. Fucking. In. Love. With. You.” He kisses him once more, deepening it until his blood is heard pumping in his ears with a heated face and the taste of him on his tongue. He’ll fall. Surely he’ll fall.

Desperate. Fervent. Intense. Those were all words he’d use to describe what the once sweet kiss had turned into. But given the situation, it was a given. Their love was not meant to last, nor was it ever meant to really be. Yet here they were, falling so helplessly in love with each other, as if it were just something so natural. It felt natural. Falling in love with Jae the way he did, it felt right. No matter how much the guilt ate at him, the feeling would never leave and somehow only intensified. Each passing moment spent not letting himself love the man in front of him wholeheartedly, were one’s he’d regret. If he was going to fall, he wanted to put his all into it, and show the other the love and support he deserved.

Hands freely explore his body, grabbing at anything and everything they could, keeping him so impossibly close. He wouldn’t fight the feeling anymore, he couldn’t. The more he fought it the stronger it became and the more he was willing to risk. A hand finds it’s way into the other’s hair, raking his fingers through it several times over. He grabs a fistful giving it a nice firm tug before using it to turn his head slightly so he could further deepen the kiss. His tongue darts out, swiping over his bottom lip before pressing past them and into his mouth. It swipes over and under his, exploring every inch of the wet cavern. He only wanted to taste him for the rest of the night. He didn’t need to taste, hear, smell, see, or touch anything other than Jae.

[goatbassist]

Is it possible to avoid yourself?

[goatbassist]

messyindustry:

Worried. The word that he knew he was going to say was worried. It sparks something within his chest as if a fire was started. All the feelings that he felt for him came rushing back to him, hitting him hard. Love. It’s a word that stands out to him like a big bright neon sign in his head. The hands cupping his face, holding him so carefully. In that moment he knew he was feeling it too, same way he was. The feelings of your heart clenching in your chest, beating so fast and straining itself. Love. The feelings of love. Jaejin had to feel it too. There was no way that it wasn’t reciprocated, right? Quickly he leans in, lips pressing against his for a split second before he pulls back, eyes slightly wide with a heated face. He wanted to test the waters, see if that was okay or not; see if he wanted it still. He didn’t want to be wrong about his guess that he felt the same even if this was so wrong. It was so wrong but it felt far too right. It had to be love. It just had to. He clears his throat for a few moments, hands sliding down from his shoulders to his chest where he grabs the fabric up again. “Jaejin. I haven’t forgotten what we said…and I know it’s wrong but just this once please give into it.”

A warmth blooms in his chest when he’s kissed, an overwhelmingly beautiful warmth that spreads throughout his entire body. Just as quickly, the feeling is gone, and Jae’s pulling away to stare at him. The words he says hit him and they hit him hard, almost as if he was punched right in the stomach, all the air leaving him. Give into it. Just once. His hands fall to rest atop his, fingers slotting themselves between the other’s. Perfect. Perfect was the only word that came to mind when he looked how well they fit together. Perfect was the only word that came to mind whenever they did anything together, it was just perfect. He was just perfect.

His eyes move and find his, heart pounding rapidly in his chest. “I haven’t forgotten either.” He starts, words leaving him in a hushed voice, as if afraid he’d scare him off if he spoke too loudly. “But when I said it then...I said I think but now-” He cups his cheek again, allowing his lips to now ghost over his. “Now I know I am. I’m falling so hopelessly in love with you Jae.” He lets his words sink in, letting silence befall them once more. He didn’t know when or why or even how this had happened, but he also didn’t care. All he needed to know was how he felt and how Jae felt for him in return. With that last thought being all he needed, he presses his lips against his in a sweet and slow kiss, allowing the fire that threatened to burn him burn brightly. It was stupid but since when did Jaejin ever avoid anything that was stupid.

[goatbassist]

Is it possible to avoid yourself?

[goatbassist]

messyindustry:

His back presses against the wall of a building in the alley way, relaxing like that as he waits to see if Jaejin has followed him or not. Nothing ever shows up. No sight of Jaejin anywhere. Huh. Did Jaejin actually leave him to take a walk by himself? His arms move to cross on his chest, small huff falling from his lips. He didn’t actually expect him to let him go on his own, was actually even hoping he would follow him. His head turns back to the entrance of the alley way, frown etching into his face. “…Where the hell is he? Usually he would have caught up to me by now.” He pushes off the wall, hands sliding into his pockets as he stands at the entrance. Various people walk past him, some looking at him and giving him some strange looks but other than that they minded their own business. His eyes scanned the various people walking, head poking out more to check around. He finally catches him walking down the street, face lighting up when he does. It may have been about 20 minutes or so but he had already started missing his presence. One thing he notices is that he seemed to look concerned. Immediately his own eyebrows furrow once more, tongue darting out to wet his lips. Was he worried about him? Did he think he was actually angry at him? No way, he was just being playful. His own mouth falls into a soft frown, head ducking down a bit when he draws closer. He guesses he’ll just have to prove to him that everything is okay. His hand reaches out once he’s close enough, grabbing at his wrist to tug him roughly into the alley with him. Giggles ring out, loud and excited as he pushes the other up against the wall of the nearest building. His hands grab at the fabric of his shoulders, fingers curling tightly there as he leans in to press his forehead against his. The giggles still fall free from him, more under his breath with the interruptions of a few soft snorts. His lips pull apart into a grin then, eyes connecting with his to hold his gaze. No longer was he the first person to invade his personal space. “Hehe I caught you.”

Jaejin’s thrown completely off balance when his wrist is grabbed and he’s pulled into an alley. A surprised noise escapes him, though it’s quickly cut off when his back hits the wall and a soft gasp falls past his lips. He’s three seconds from dropping the bags and hitting whoever just grabbed him. That is, until his vision clears and he sees a bright giggly Jae standing in front of him. His heart beat picks up when he realizes just how close he is, his forehead resting against his own. He wasn’t even sure if his heart was beating as fast as it was because of how startled he was or how cute and close Jae was now. It was clear he wasn’t upset in the slightest.

His mouth falls open and closes several times as he tries to figure out what exactly to say in response. He settles on gently smacking his shoulder, brow furrowing slightly. “Y-Yah! You scared the fuck out of me Jae! I was wor-” He catches himself, immediately swallowing back the comment. But then he allows a soft smile to spread across his features, shaking his head slightly. “God you’re a fucking dork JJ.” his words are fond, bags dropping at his sides so he can cup his face. Thumbs gently brush against his cheeks as he just takes in his features up close. He really was just...stealing his heart wasn’t he?

[goatbassist]

Is it possible to avoid yourself?

[goatbassist]

messyindustry:

His fault. It wasn’t his fault. His fingers curl a little more into his, holding the rough skin so gently. He really felt like they fit together, way too perfectly. Two puzzle pieces brought together after so long. He pulls in a breath, smile widening a little. But then Jaejin was moving, his eyes blinking a bit in confusion when his hands are holding his own. His eyebrows furrow, tilting his head as the other starts to speak. He was saying strange things, things that he didn’t want to admit was making his heart race. He wanted to reach up and slam his hand against his own chest to stop it, hitting against his rib cage until the racing heart beat slowed down. “Jaeji–” He starts but his mouth immediately shuts the moment he sees a ring pop in front of him. Jae ends up staring at it, taking in the glossy candy with several different expressions passing through him. He finally settled on one of annoyance, eyes piking up to look at Jaejin with a straight face, save for his eyebrows pressing down on his eyes. “Fuck you, I’m going for a walk.” He pulls his hands free from him, heaving a heavy, almost over dramatic annoyed sigh. He stands up from the table, reaching towards the bag to snatch up one more sausage snack before he points it at him almost threateningly. “Do not follow me.” He states before he starts walking off, tearing it open to place it in his mouth. He’s not really angry. Mostly just a bit annoyed. Jaejin just has to be so stupid, making his heart feel like it was going to explode in his chest like that? Ugh. His eyebrows furrow once more, noticing he was starting to sound like Kim Heechul or Kim Kibum when it came towards him. His head turns backwards to see if the other has followed him. The sausage treat doesn’t last long, disappearing quickly. He snickers a little under his breath, deciding that he’s going to disappear on him to get back at him. He leaves the park quickly, not going too far down the street before he ducks in an alley way laughing quickly to himself.

He can’t hold back the boisterous laughter that leaves him at Jae’s reaction. It was the exact reaction he expected, confusion into annoyance. That same annoyance that he seemed he was unable to hide. He couldn’t even stop laughing when a sausage snack is pointed at him and he’s walking away. He has to try speaking between gasps of breath as he tries to call out to him. “Aww-”  a breath. “come on Jae-” another. “that was priceless and you know it.” He wipes at the tears that pricked the corner of his eyes.

Finally he manages to calm himself down enough to get to his feet and follow after him. At some point he had lost track of him and was left to wander around looking for him. Part of him wondered if it would be a bad idea to call his name, then again Jae was a pretty common nickname so he figured it was alright. He cups his hands around his mouth and starts calling out for him, throwing in a few apologies every so often. He felt a little guilty since he knew how he felt, but at the same time he thought it was hilarious and if he had done the same to him he would’ve laughed. His sense of humor wasn’t the best, maybe a little insensitive.

He eventually leaves the park, of course after going back and grabbing their food, no need to waste money right? Then he’s left to wander up and down the sidewalks in search of him. Where the hell had he run off too? He couldn’t have gotten far, it wasn’t like he could get back in the house without him. His brow furrows, now growing a little worried. He was a grown man, he could take care of himself, so why was he so worried? Plus it wasn’t like he actually upset him, he was just annoyed...right? He takes his lip between his teeth, chewing on it anxiously, eyes flitting around.

[goatbassist]

Is it possible to avoid yourself?

[goatbassist]

messyindustry:

The broth slightly burns at his tongue but it wasn’t in an unpleasant way. Noodles were sucked down so quickly, indicating how starved he really was. He briefly wonders why he had given up food so easily like that but brushed it off for the sake of finishing his noodles. He tilts the styrofoam back, downing the rest the broth. He then places it down on the table with a sigh of content leaving his lips. His hunger was a bit dulles now but it was still there itching at him. He moves to grab some sausage snacks from the back, tearing one open before he places it in between his teeth. The taste hits his tongue almost immediately easing more of his hunger for whats to come.

His attention slowly switches to Jaejin, taking in his side profile from his face downwards. He was a healthy man, skin looking a gorgeous bronze, kissed from the sun. His own skin has paled a lot recently from his lavk of sunlight and proper care. He has also broken out into a few pimples, his fingers move to touch said pimple on his face. He ends up dropping it back to his lap, clearing his throat quietly. “Jaejin.” He scoots a little closer to him, shoulders brushing. “Thank you for getting me out of the house, really needed something like fresh air and relaxation that isn’t just laying in bed.”

Jae’s eyes fall back on the other, nagging voice in the back of his head telling him Jaejin looked great today; attractive. He slides his hand towards the other’s, fingers taking his hand gently to pull towards him, on his lap. He moves to hold it with both of his hands, pads of his fingers tracing the veins in his hands and all the little marks.He feels his lips twitch, corners of his mouth turning upwards into a soft smile that he can’t hold back. He really…might have fallen more for him.

The silence that had fallen over them wasn’t uncomfortable, it was actually very relaxing, which was quite the difference from the last few days. After their shared confession the atmosphere between them had quickly changed. They spent days avoiding each other and it was today that he realized the tension had drove Jae into a depressive state. He felt guilty whenever he thought about how frail he looked and the way he could barely even walk when he got up. The images played in his head and caused a sharp pain in his chest. The more he thinks about how much it hurt him to see Jae in such a broken state the more he realized he actually was falling for him.

However, he’s pulled from his thoughts when he speaks to him, his gaze lifting to now look at him. His eyes follow his hands as they now take hold of his own, delicate fingers tracing along it. There was a warm sensation spreading throughout his chest at the small action, but he thinks it fully consumed him when he saw the soft smile on his lips. The lips he had kissed countless times, sometimes heated and sometimes sweet. The lips that he would very much like to kiss again if he were being quite honest. But they were in public, he was engaged, and if anyone saw everything would be a mess. So instead he turns his hand over so he can wrap his fingers around Jae’s hand, offering him a warm smile. “You have no need to thank me. It’s my fault you holed yourself up in the room for several days.” He purses his lips a moment in thought before continuing. “I’m sorry I didn’t check on you. It was rude of me especially with how you can get.” He locks gazes with him, his own apologetic.

He shifts in place, hearing the crinkle of the ring pop wrapper from his pocket. Right. That same devious smile returns to his lips when he decides now would be a good opportunity. He adjusts his position on the bench so he’s fully facing him, deciding if he kneeled someone would most definitely see and take a picture. Both his hands now take hold of Jae’s thumbs gently brushing across his fingers. “Jae..” He starts off, voice soft and filled with a slight fondness. “I know this is crazy but I can’t stop thinking about you. You make my heart beat so fast every time you so much as look at me.” One hand moves to the pocket of his jeans, ‘feeling’ around until he curls his fingers around the item. He somehow manages to open the packaging with one hand. “Jae..will you be mine?” He pulls out the ring pop and holds it out to him with an idiotic grin now spreading across his face.

[goatbassist]

Is it possible to avoid yourself?

[goatbassist]

messyindustry:

It was nice out. The weather wasn’t too hot or too chilly. There was a nice breeze that blew through every so often but that was about it. People walked past them, some holding hands and giggling as if they were on a date. they seemed to be enjoying the time out as much as they were. He looks towards Jaejin, feeing his fingers twitch once more from inside his pockets. His curls the digits around the fabric of his pockets, using that to fight off the urges he was feeling. It was still hard, especially when he saw sweet couples holding hands, some even pressing their cheeks together in a faux kiss. The thing is they weren’t a couple. Nor should or could they ever be a couple. It sucked. He hated it. He hated wanting it. At least he hated wanting to do the things that couples do with him. His face scrunches up, nose twitching a bit in distaste at his own thoughts. They needed to calm down or else they would dive into other places he didn’t need right now. Instead he will focus on the park, taking in the fresh air and the strange lack of people around them. Huh. That’s actually kind of weird but he guesses hell enjoy it. He takes a seat on the table, pulling the bag towards himself so he could pick out a ramen. He settles on one with a lot of flavoring in it, knowing it would taste nice with the kimchi. He rips the top off of it, taking the packet that was inside of it out to set it down on the table. He then grabs the bottle of hot water the clerk was nice enough to give them so he could pour it within the cup of ramen. Cheap chopsticks were given to them as well which he uses to poke and prod at the noodles as they slowly become soft. He drops his chopsticks inside of it once it was at a nice enough level of mush before he takes the canned kimchi to open it. It takes him a bit with his lack of strength but he manages to get it open, grabbing his chop sticks to pull some out and drop into it after adding the flavor packet. He then makes a sound of content, before taking a few of the noodles around his chopsticks and placing it in his mouth.

Jaejin’s eyes follow his movements, taking in the way he struggles to get the can open. No that definitely wasn’t good. He was glad he was at least eating now, making a mental note to remind him to eat every day. As long as he was with him he was under his care, whether he liked it or not. He wasn’t about to send him home even worse off than he was when he arrived. The thought brings a frown to his face. When they send him home. Right.. he didn’t belong in his universe. He’d eventually have to go home..right? He quickly shakes his head, willing the thought away. Now was not the time to get caught up in his own head.

Instead he turns his focus onto a bag of chips, opening it and grabbing a few before popping them into his mouth. He hums in delight when the flavor hits his tongue. He hadn’t eaten much since breakfast and even then it was just a cup of yogurt and a few pieces of toast. His stomach hadn’t been up for a full meal, however right now it was willing to accept just about anything. At some one point or another he had finished the bag without realizing, hand now just reaching at crumbs. He crumbles up the bag and promptly shoves it into one of the bags he had emptied onto the table.

He turns his body around so his back pressed against the top of the table, limbs stretching out in front of him. His eyes scan over the wandering people, it was a lot less busy than usual, it was odd but he wasn’t going to complain. He leans his elbows back on the table a soft hum escaping him. It was nice to just get out and enjoy the nice weather with someone. Hongki was busy a lot so they didn’t get to go out too often. He’d enjoy this moment for a while, and he hoped Jae enjoyed it too.

[goatbassist]

Is it possible to avoid yourself?

[goatbassist]

messyindustry:

Punched in the face? Then kissed? Jesus christ. He thinks his love story might be a little bit better than that, eve if it wasn’t a story with very good morals. he was the guy that his lover cheated with, slept around with him while he was dating another. It was mainly for the sex, at first. At least he knew it was for Heechul and that was okay, Jae was okay with it. Mainly because he knew that Heechul’s relationship wasn’t very good, so he became an outlet for him to take things out on, his frustrations turned into sexual energy. He shakes his head gently, muttering something about how Jaejin has the strangest stories, even if he knew his was just about as ridiculous. It was strange for him to be back on his own two feet, a feeling of almost disappointment washing over him. It’s quickly replaces with some sort of excitement, deciding right then that he was going to make up for all the food he missed out on eating. He darts through the store. leaving his side quickly to go searching around for different food. He picks up a few different things of ramen, all different flavors they could choose from as well as several things of sausage snacks that he liked. A canned thing of Kimchi is also grabbed, even if he knows it won’t be the best tasting. He just wanted to mix it with the ramen he picked out, He hums softly to himself when he shows up at the register, placing them down on the counter so they could be ringed up. Eyes blink as he watches the exchange, looking at Jaejin before at the cashier. He knows that cashier, at least he has seen him before in his universe save that he wasn’t working here anymore. He clears his throat awkwardly, deciding that he was just going to head outside. He slides his hands into his pockets when Jaejin follows him, nodding his head towards him about being able to walk. If it was the park he was thinking of there would be no need for him to have to be carried there. It was a pretty easy straight shot from here. He does however keep close to him, shoulders brushing against one another the entire way to the park with his head held downwards to shyly look at his feet. Literally what the hell is wrong with this need to be close? It’s suffocating.

Soft chuckles left him when he noticed all the ramen he had grabbed, he should’ve figured as much. He of course wasn’t going to complain, he’d definitely still eat it with how hungry he was. He’s grateful for the fact he was left to carry the bags, it meant his hands would stay busy and the nagging thought of wanting to hold his hand could be ignored. He hated how strong his want to hold his hand was. In general he wanted to be closer, it was one reason he was more than okay with giving him a piggyback ride. At least the piggyback ride wouldn’t be as weird as someone catching him holding his hand.

A deep intake of breath, just allowing himself to breathe in the air. It was nice out and he wishes they were able to be more relaxed when out together but with the risk of someone seeing them, possibly starting rumors or seeing that he looked exactly like him, it was hard. He wanted to enjoy his time out with him and while it was nice to be out of the house with him, it meant he couldn’t exactly be as affectionate as he’d like. Though he guesses he shouldn’t be affectionate with him at all. Teeth pull his lip into his mouth, chewing on it as he lost himself in his own thoughts. Maybe it’d be quiet at the park and they could at least breathe a little.

When they finally arrive Jaejin leads him over to one of the benches a ways off from the road. He sets the bags on the table before plopping down and stretching out his limbs. He was still a little tense from being curled up on the couch all morning. His back gives a satisfying pop and a soft groan falls past his lips. He pushes the bag without the ring pop in it towards him letting him busy himself with deciding what he wanted before quickly grabbing and tucking the ring away in his pocket. Don’t need him finding that just yet.

[goatbassist]

Is it possible to avoid yourself?

[goatbassist]

messyindustry:

Arms wrap around Jaejin’s neck, holding his body close to him as he’s lifted from the ground. He leans forwards a bit, using his hand to pull the mask over his face so no one saw him. His speech would be a little muffled now but that was what was needed when he couldn’t be seen by people here. “Convenience store food sounds nice actually. I haven’t had it in awhile…i used to stop there a lot when I would take Hee on dates, mainly because I liked grabbing assorted flavored milk.” He smiles softly behind the mask, chin resting on Jaejin’s shoulder. His eyes fall closed, just relaxing to the rhythm of his movement. He was warm. He could feel how warm he was through his clothing. It was nice. He had been feeling a lot colder lately but maybe that was also because he lost so much weight. He brushes that thought off to continue his story, giggling slightly behind the mask as he talks. “I did it because when we first hung out at karaoke, which is what started out relationship, he asked me to bring him flavored milk.” He shakes his head slightly, feeling a fondness in his chest. He has to admit that he honestly missed Heechul. He wondered what he could be doing right now. He opens his eyes, turning his head to the side so he could see Jaejin’s face as they’re walking. His heart pounds in his chest, beat picking up quickly as he does. His face even feels a little warm. This man was carrying him around even if he didn’t need to, when he could be taking it easy after a long week of schedules. He can;t help himself from smiling behind his mask again, eyes crinkling brightly as he does. He really was falling for him. wasn’t he?

Even as Jae so fondly spoke of his fiance from his universe it still brought this odd warmness to his chest. He just spoke so sweetly and purely of the things he did with him. Though of course it made him question exactly why he’d be falling for him. He shakes his head slightly, willing the thought away. He still wasn’t going to bring it up unless the other did. “That’s quite the love story you got Jae.” He chuckles softly turning his head slightly so he can glance at him. “Don’t know if getting punched in the face then kissed directly afterwards is better or worse~” His and Hongki’s story was... definitely something. Other than a few texts back and forth they haven’t talked too much lately. He makes a note to text him later and see how he is.

Finally they arrive outside the familiar store and he sets him back on the ground. He wanted to grab his hand but feared being seen by people, people knew he was engaged to Hongki so even going out like this was a slight risk. He holds the door open and allows him to walk in first, quickly following after him. “Go grab whatever you want, just grab two of everything I’ll honestly eat anything right now.” His eyes follow him, making sure he isn’t stumbling or on the verge of falling over. When he’s sure he’s fine he starts walking around as well. Up and down the few aisles, eyes scanning over the assortment of snacks.

He had grabbed a few things of chips, a couple of candy bars, and even some gummies and was about to head to the register when something caught his eye. He glances down at the item and a small smile tugs at his lips. Picking up the ring pop he nods at the idea he has. Perfect. He makes sure to hand the cashier the ring pop first gesturing to bag it quickly before ringing everything else up. When Jae walks over and sets his selection on the counter he starts pulling out a few bills then hands it to man. When he was done bagging everything and he had paid he hands one bag to the other walking with him outside. He turns to look at him again arching an eyebrow. “Still want me to carry you? This will be a shorter walk it’s just to the park a few blocks down.”

[goatbassist]

Is it possible to avoid yourself?

[goatbassist]

messyindustry:

Jae wants to laugh. The look on Jaejin’s face was funny. It was also kind of cute how awkward he looked, especially considering that was how he usually looked. He offers him a smile, nodding about the walking. It shouldn’t be too hard for him to will his legs to move. His smile, stays on his face even if it was soft mainly because he thinks he feels warm for the first time in days. He wants to bump shoulders against him, brush their hands together but he keeps himself composed as they step outside and get some fresh air. It was nice. It was really nice for him to just walk like this. He glances towards him, lips curling at the ends into the softest cat like smile at him offering to carry him. He thinks he liked that idea. “Jaejin. My legs actually kind of hurt still…” He murmurs, which wasn’t necessarily a lie. They did kind of hurt. He guesses a hot bath could only do so much. He allows himself to press his side against him, head butting his shoulder a bit. “Can you please carry me the rest of the way?” And maybe his was an excuse for him to get a bit closer.

Warmth from the other seeps into his side as he presses himself closer. He notes the way it spreads throughout his body and the way his heart feels pleasantly warm. No matter how much he tried to ignore it that feeling would never change, it was nice. He can’t help but smile in return when he sees the soft smile on his lips. It had been days since he’d seen it and he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t missed it. Nodding his head he moves to kneel in front of him, arms stretching out behind him more than willing to carry him.

“I probably should’ve asked you before we left but you don’t mind eating convenience store food do you?” He peers back at him, eyebrow arching questioningly. “It’s been a while since I’ve had it but it’s quick and easy and we can take it somewhere else to eat if you want.”  His gaze is back in front of him as his arms hook under his thighs and he effortlessly picks him up. A frown threatens to etch itself into his face but it wills it away. He really was way lighter than he should be and it honestly made his heart ache.

[goatbassist]

Is it possible to avoid yourself?

[goatbassist]

messyindustry:

That shouldn’t make his heart race. Yet it does. It beats so fast. It nearly makes it beat out of his chest until he places his own hand over his heart. He allows the other to leave him to the bathroom, taking a bath just like he told him to. He lays his frail body in the hot water, sliding down so that it rests up to his chin. It helps soothe his aching bones, making him feel a lot better physically even if not mentally. He decides that he’ll relax in here for as long as possible before he started cleaning himself up. His hair was the first thing he takes care of, scrubbing his fingers into the strands really good. He then dunks his head, pushing himself out of the water to shake off like a dog. It was scary to get out, his hand pulling the bath plug before he takes a glance towards the floor with a bit of worry etched on his face. He stands up from the bath, fingers tangling themselves into the fringe of his hair to push them up. He’s a bit afraid that he’ll fall if he gets out but then he reminds himself that Jaejin will catch him. He shakes himself off. That’s stupid. Stop thinking like that. He sighs heavily, stepping out of the bath with his legs actually functioning properly to take him over to dry off and dress himself up. He decides against doing anything to his hair, leaves it as it and doesn’t even dry it as he places the mask on. He stuffs a hand into a pocket as he opens the bathroom door, only to be greeted with Jaejin standing there looking almost like some sort of a guard dog. He steps out, eyebrows furrowing in a bit of confusions at this. “Jaejinnie– Jaejin. What are you doing?”

His heart practically jumps out of his chest when Jae suddenly came out of the bathroom. “O-Oh! Sorry.” He clears his throat and does his best to push back the warm feeling he got at his slip up. He offers a soft smile, head tilting to one side as he looks him over. He looked a bit better, but still very pale and small. The previously baggy clothes were now even more baggy due to his weight loss and it was painful to see if he was being honest. It hurt him to think days earlier he had started looking just the tinniest bit better and now this. But right now was not the time for being upset. Right now he was going to take him somewhere he hasn’t been in a long time.

Instead he gestures to the door and follows him out. He allows silence to fill the air as they walk out past his car. “Ah I hope you’re okay with walking a bit, the place isn’t far.” He glances at him, hands shoving themselves into his pockets. It was weird not having a hand in his own when he was walking like this. But he wasn’t about to just grab Jae’s hand and make things more awkward than they already were. “If you don’t think you can walk anymore let me know and I’ll carry you yeah?” He offers, a small smile painting itself on his features.

[goatbassist]

Is it possible to avoid yourself?

[goatbassist]

messyindustry:

The light is suddenly turned on, rushing in to his eyes to burn them and make him whine softly. He pulls his head into the covers, covering his face and shielding himself from it hitting him. He didn’t need to guess who it was since there is only one person that would come into this room like that. His teeth run over his bottom lip, eyes falling closed once more. He didn’t want to bring more of his problems onto him. He pulls the covers down from his face once more anyway to see him bring clothing over to  him, tossing it down beside him. Get up. He wanted him to get up. Jaejin wanted to take him somewhere that wasn’t in the safe confines of this home. He lets his eyes fall on him for the first time in several days, chest aching once more. It’s that same stabbing ache that he wished as gone so bad. “…Where are you taking me?” He slowly sits himself up, covers falling free from him to indeed shoe he was a lot skinner in the shirt he was wearing. It had to have been because he hasn’t really been eating, right? He guesses that’s where he was going to take him, grabbing some food. He decided he’ll just go with him, no strength in his body to fight him on it. His hands reach out to gently pick up the clothing given to him, throwing his legs off the bed to finally stand up. His legs were far too weak, too long laying in the bed causing aches and pains through his body. He nearly loses his balance before he catches himself. He moves towards the door of the bedroom slowly, turning towards him. “I’ll…I guess I’ll take a shower since we’re going out.”

Jaejin jumps to his feet when he sees the other nearly topple over. Why did he let this go on for so long? He quickly crosses the room to stand beside him, arm gently wrapping around his waist. “Be careful Jae and please take a bath I don’t want you standing unless I’m sure I’ll be there to catch you.” That sounded really fucking cringey, nice Jaejin. He shoves the thought away as he walks him to the bathroom making sure he’s okay before leaving him. Of course, not before he tells him to call if he needs anything.

He returns to his room to pick out his own set of clothes, settling on a t-shirt and jeans. He takes his time dressing, figuring Jae would relax for a bit in the bath before washing himself. Fingers comb through his hair, grateful that it wasn’t as tangled as it usually got. When he was done getting dressed he waited out in the living room, doubling checking to make sure he had everything. He had his keys and wallet, all he needed was the other to be dressed and ready to go. He switches off the TV and moves to stand at the door, fingers anxiously thrumming against his thighs as he waits.

[goatbassist]

Is it possible to avoid yourself?

[goatbassist]

messyindustry:

All he did lately was sleep. He had no energy for anything else, body curled up in bed with barely any clothing and messy hair that he hasn’t washed in days. he knows this was unhealthy, barely even getting up to eat but he couldn’t help himself. His guilty conscience was eating him alive. It haunted him every waking moment, telling him that everything happening here was wrong. He closes his eyes, chest aching for the thousandth time. He wishes it would stop, he really really does.  Fingers curl tighter around the blanket, pulling it above his head so that he could disappear into the depths of the comforter. His eyes were wide open, staring into the darkness as his brain continues providing him with the same self deprecating thoughts he’s been living with for a long time now. He thinks if he wasn’t around Jaejin would have a better time, less trouble to deal with, and he’d be happily living with his fiancé instead of having to house him like this. Maybe he should leave? He should let him to be here happy. He can’t be happy if he’s falling for him like this. Not that they were ever going to talk about that or about half of the things they did. Now that he thinks about it he probably wasn;t even falling for him, maybe was just confused because of what he said to him. Even still this has the potential to fuck everything up for him and Hongki. He could hurt Jaejin’s entire life here. He pokes his head out of the covers, eyes falling on the joke book resting on the nightstand. Once again his heart aches, a stabbing feeling that he still really wishes wasn’t there at all. He sighs, turning his entire body around to stare at the empty side of the bed. He heaves another sigh, turning himself once more onto his back before he spreads out his limbs, absently staring at the ceiling. Great job Jae. You really know how to fuck everything up don’t you? He closes his eyes, letting his hands drop down to his face. Even an alternate universe breaks when you’re in it.

His mind slips into a darker place, one he hasn’t been in for a long time. He shakes his head, pushing his legs off the couch. No. I’m not doing this. I’m better than this. He get’s to his feet and looks in the direction of his room. His brow furrows, he was genuinely worried about Jae. Jae could get into dark places, and that’s just from what he’s seen and what he’s told him, who knows how bad it could really get. He walks over to the door, quietly pushing it open before flipping on the light. “Jae..?” He calls out as he turns the corner to see him just sprawled out on the bed, head peaking out of the covers. That’s really cute... No now is not the time for that.

He frowns as he takes in the shape he’s in, the dark circles were getting bad again, his hair was a mess, and he thinks his cheeks might even be thinner than before. Had he not been eating again? God why did he avoid him for the last few days, he should have at least checked up on him. After his breakdown he should have known better than to leave him alone. Jaejin walks over to his closet pulling out a pair of sweats and a hoodie as well as a hat and mask. Then he’s walking over to the bed and setting the clothes beside him. “Jae. Please get up. You haven’t gone out in days and it looks like you haven’t been eating again.” He pauses trying to gauge his reaction. “I want to take you somewhere.”