God, Basketball, Me

Just a girl who loves Jesus

[godbasketballme]

that one sin

you know that sin?

You know. That one sin.

The one that you never tell anybody. The one that you’re afraid to tell people, afraid of their judgement, because obviously if they knew they would condemn you. The one that you’ve unwillingly hoarded to yourself, played close to your chest, not letting anyone have so much as a peek. That sin, the one that not even your parents or your best friends or anybody else knows about.

That. One. Sin.

I don’t know when it started. Maybe you were younger, or maybe you were older. Maybe you didn’t know it was wrong, at first, or maybe you knew it was wrong but you did it anyways. Maybe you were pressured into it, felt like you didn’t have a choice. Maybe you were indulging yourself with something that you’d always wanted to try but never had the opportunity to.

And now you look back, and you feel sick. You wish it had never happened in the first place. You wish that you hadn’t been so stupid. You wish that you had listened to whoever had warned you away from it. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, eat this much of you up—it wasn’t supposed to go any further than that first try.

It hurts. You feel dirty. You wonder how God could ever love someone as horrible as you. As dirty as you. As broken as you.

Let me tell you something:

That’s a lie.

Because, secret sin or not, if you have Jesus then you are God’s child.

You have been made clean, whole.

Jesus’ blood is bigger than your sin.

Jesus paid it all.

God loves to forgive.

God loves to heal.

God loves to love.

Don’t hide from him. Run to him. Let him welcome you back.

[olearypoetry]

[bronzar]

[blooming-daydreams]

Things we need to tell each other (and ourselves) more often

🌹 “You’re doing such a great job.”

🌹 “You are stronger than you think.”

🌹 “I can see you are doing the best you can.”

🌹 “You are allowed to take a break.”

🌹 “Someday you will see the beauty that I see in you.”

🌹 “It’s okay.”

🌹 “You are capable of anything.”

🌹 “I’m sorry.”

🌹 “Your kindness is a treasure and it’s much appreciated.”

🌹 “You are full of light.”

🌹 “I am here for you whenever you need someone.”

🌹 “I am proud of you.”

🌹 “You are such a wise person.”

🌹 “I believe in you.”

🌹 “Take time to bloom.”

🌹 “You deserve respect. Please walk away from people who treat you wrongly.”

🌹 “I care about you.”

🌹 “You have grown so much as a person.”

🌹 “You deserve the best.”

🌹 “You are valid.”

🌹 “You can make a difference.”

🌹 “It’s okay to take time for yourself. Please tell me when you want to be alone.”

🌹 “It’s not weird, please tell me more about it.”

🌹 “You are never alone.”

🌹 “You are worthy.”

🌹 “You are enough.”

🌹 “You matter.”

🌹 “Thank you.”

🌹 “I’d like to know more about you.”

🌹 “You make me feel happy.”

🌹 “I appreciate you.”

🌹 “You have a beautiful soul.”

🌹 “I know things can be hard but I am sure you will make it through. You’ve already come so far.”

🌹 “I’m here for you.”

🌹 “You aren’t defined by conceptual things like grades.”

🌹 “You deserve all the love in the world.”

🌹 “You inspire me.”

🌹 “May your day be as lovely as you.”

I’ll be adding more when I can think of more

[godbasketballme]

Love

I hear a lot of people saying, “I don’t feel God anymore.” I have been in this position multiple of times being in college. In basketball, In school, In the guys that I chose to date.. I felt like I kept praying for so much and always received the opposite. But also, the only time I prayed was when I wanted something so bad. I never thanked God for the blessings in my life because I was always wanting more and more from him and wanted it now. By being that way, I have been hurt ALOT.. honestly probably more than a lot to the point you can’t cry out the hurt. Its in me and it stays in me.. By guys, by coaches, by people I called friends. I put myself in bad situations with so called “men” I chose. I didn't choose Godly men that led me to God. That loved God more than me. I chose men that led me to sin. That kept me as far as possible away from God. I think choosing these types of men in my life made me feel not important.. my self worth was non existent. I did everything for the guy and nothing for myself. I felt lost and attached. With all this hurt that I have dealt with, I had a conversation with God. Some people may read this and be like this girl is crazy she thinks God actually speaks to her.. but yes i am a little cray and I DO believe God speaks to me in many ways like my phone dying quickly or feeling a little touch on my shoulder to steer me the right direction. And when i was in the shower that night is when my life changed. “Not-feeling-God” doesn’t make you a bad Christian: just an honest one. And maybe our baseline for “feeling-Him” got messed up with a false foundation. Maybe when Life Got Hard, no one taught you a clear theology on pain. Maybe no one mentioned that seasons of doubt, suffering, and detachment is what happens in a believer’s life. Those are also the EXACT times we go to God and tell Him everything. To even say, “I don’t feel you right now, God.” You can tell Him that. Most of us think we’ve failed God when we don’t feel Him, when it’s actually that feeling of His absence that can either push you to Him or from Him. He’d much rather it be to Him. This is how I started my prayer life again. Started praying 3-5 times a day mostly to myself. And there is power in prayer and GOD is ALWAYS with you.. and he is so good y'all... and ladies YOUR VALUE IS NOTHING LESS THAN INFINITE. 

[suspend]

[jspark3000]

I want to be open to what God wants to do through me, because so many times what I want for me is a lesser version of me.

J.S. Park (via jspark3000)

[choosesomethinglikeastar-deacti]

“who taught you that the value of a woman is the ratio of her waist to her hips and the circumference of her buttocks and the volume of her lips? Your math is dangerously wrong her value is nothing less than infinite.”

- Della Hicks-Wilson (via choosesomethinglikeastar)

[fear-not-beloved]

Grace is the whisper when you’re standing in front of the dark that says, “I can’t make this less scary for you, but I can remind you that you’ve walked through it before.

Brene Brown (via gaze-on-jesus)

[a-joyfuljourney]

God says, “Be still and know.” He doesn’t say, “Be still and do.” God wants you to relax, rest, and trust. He’s got this. He’s got you.

Evan Headrick (via a-joyfuljourney)

[tblaberge]

You wanted love so desperately that you forgot that love is patient, and now you’re broken hearted with a world full of regrets. Have heart, beloved! Christ’s love is patient, and He is not prideful; return to Him, and find that love that you have craved for so long.

T.B. LaBerge // Go Now (via tblaberge)

[worshipgifs]

[elleroseblogs]

Sometimes self care is studying for that test. Sometimes it’s cleaning your room. Sometimes it’s having that conversation you’re afraid of having, confront that person you’re afraid to confront. Sometimes it’s not just wrapping yourself up in a blanket and relaxing. Sometimes instead, it’s taking action against the problem.

[choosesomethinglikeastar-deacti]

“who taught you that the value of a woman is the ratio of her waist to her hips and the circumference of her buttocks and the volume of her lips? Your math is dangerously wrong her value is nothing less than infinite.”

- Della Hicks-Wilson (via choosesomethinglikeastar)

[godbasketballme]

Well, God’s grace is good, even when we don’t always feel like it is. The last few years I have been on a roller coaster with the game of basketball and life. So many trials throughout these three years, I felt lost and didn’t feel like God was the answer and didn’t know where to go. I lost God. I have been keeping a private blog these past few years and I decided to come open a little about my story. I was at a point in my life where depression hit me so hard. I cried every night and when I was by myself throughout the day or by myself in the locker room I would cry and have bad thoughts and didn’t understand why. I didn’t love myself.. I was craving attention from others because I thought it would help, but it only made things worse. I was so lost without God. I was going through multiple heart aches at the time that i couldn’t get over. And it was constant sadness over and over again. I faked happiness too much and lost it when I got back to my room at night. It has been very hard, but through all the hardship, I have learned so much and it has made me the woman I am today. I am beginning to truly understand what it means to be ripped apart by God, and for God. Many of you would think “but isn’t God loving?! Why would He do those things to you I He called you to do it?” And my answer is this; I don’t know why, but I know He is good. Good, what an odd thing to call a God who rips our hearts apart, who wrecks our lives and leaves it to be built up again. Yet, He is. God is so good, because when we are torn down by Him, He begins something eternal within us. In our desperation, God turns us into something holy; as long as we continue to be willingly used by Him. Gold is refined in fire, so our souls begin to shine when we are engulfed in the majesty of Christ. The fire burns, but it also soothes, it frightens, yet calms. Jesus calls us to carry our cross, and we need to remember that the weight of His glory is one that cannot be taken alone; He is always faithful to help us. These past three years has been me crying out to Jesus to help me carry this cross, even if the weight means “failure” because at this point, my college basketball career to me hasn’t been what I’ve wanted it to be. Even though I played three years of college basketball and I feel like I have not accomplished my personal goals with the game I love, God will still be glorified, He will still be praised; because He is God. My soul does not rest in the circumstances around me, it rests in Christ alone. That is why I can face all this “defeat” with joy, and not just a drizzle amount of joy, but an abundance of joy. I am still alive, and my trials have not be one that many of the people in the world suffer, but it has been one where my expectations were shattered. Where my wants were no longer mine to have; but Christ’s to take. He is doing something in this, and when we trust and love Him; we find ourselves overjoyed in the heartbreak. So, that is my long update. I am heartbroken, but not broken. I am drained, but not empty. I am low, but not alone. For Christ has been speaking a new world within my heart, one where I can see His heart so clearly. Whatever problems you may be experiencing, I hope that you see the beauty of a God who chooses you to reveal Himself in the most vivid way. In pain, praise Him. In happiness, praise Him. In life, praise Him. In all things, praise Him.