It all started out so innocently.Â
A beautiful night in the city, with lots of sparkling, colorful lights and spicy Thai food. Then the mirage of a peace came to an abrupt end.
A stranger with the same height and build as you, whose name and hair color I don’t even know, made a similar gesture that you use to do. It was something so simple; so common, but you had conditioned me to fear it. For all I know, this man could have been the most kind, gentle soul out there, but my insides screamed to run the other way.
My mind leaped back to the way your tongue slithered my name but the beeping of horns that echo’ed through out the towering buildings was enough to drown out your whispers.
My body is as red and raw as the day you left me scrambling for the shower with red eyes and an uneasy heart. The moment I stepped into what I had thought was a haven, the silence began a dark seasick tune of your pages in my story.Â
They say that every several years, every cell in your body completely replaces itself. Â That was a hope I had prayed upon since the last time you left me crying on the tiled floor, but if that were the case how could I still feel your muddy phantom hands pressed against my skin, making me physically and violently ill.
I don’t even know where you are right now, or what you are doing. You could be in the same town or halfway across the world, but you are here. I am the puppet and you are the puppeteerÂ
My fingernails clawed into the dead cells rapidly scratching out every single inch of my skin you had touched. Every part of my face you held, every part of neck you squeezed and kissed, every part of my body you had bruised and infected; my arms, my wrists, my hands, my chest, my stomach, my thighs, my ankles, my legs and your favorite parts. It was when I reached my back had I stopped.
A sharp pain surprised me, as it was the first pain I had been able to feel in the past few minutes. The cliché tattoo I had gotten, was completely untouched by you. You had never seen it, in fact, you don’t even know that it even exists. The beautiful red rose, reminded of me the nights I slept in my bed with rose petals because they felt as soft as my Nana’s protective embraces. Flashes of the warmth of her smile and safety flipped the switch on the light, forcing you and your shadows to retreat back to the far corner of my mind. It was with this new light I was able to see that I had stained my body red.
I will not allow you to continue to control me.
And I guess, this is healing.
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