Sodium Apostate

Welcome. This is basically my ex christian rant into the abyss. She/her. Queer. 20. Please let me know if I say something wrong or offensive so I can fix it.

[godsdiehard]

“Every knee will bow, and every tongue will confess”

Idk but someone said real kings ask for ✨consent✨

Also- for free? Don’t think so.

[seraphimfall]

wishing luck to everyone being forced into midnight church services tonight. you can get through this.

wishing peace to everyone spending these nights in confusion and fear over questioning their faith. you can get through this.

wishing love to everyone stuck spending this time with “family” whose support and acceptance is conditional. you can get through this.

wishing strength to everyone currently fighting with the thought processes that were ingrained in them. you can get through this.

wishing a happy holidays to everyone who’s deconverting. you can get through this ✧

[spicecities]

worst thing people did was turn the incredibly personal experience of being lgbt into strict definitions and rules and then ridicule and harass others who don't fit into their neat boxes, as if that isn't what we were trying to run away from this whole time.

[godsdiehard]

I’d give a lot, I mean a lot, for Christmas to be on any other day of the week this year.

[godsdiehard]

When someone says I’m going to hell because I’m queer it’s just insulting. Not just in the homophobia way. But like. I have more impressive sins that I have worked very hard for thank you very much. I really I don’t think that kissing beautiful women is what put me over the edge, I just think you’re jealous.

Like Memaw if you’re so concerned with what’s on my summons to hell I can just tell you it says “one funny bastard”. All you had to do was ask.

[godsdiehard]

I think believing in God is the easy way out. I think it diminishes the mind blowing amount of odds stacked against all of us to even be here. Mainly, I think it takes some of the special part of being alive, out of being alive. Because “it was always supposed to be that way” or “it’s all in the plan” but in reality everything had to go just exactly right for the last 4 and a half BILLION years for you to even be born, much less still alive.

[godsdiehard]

TW Religious trauma

Sometimes I don’t think I have any religious trauma and then I remember when I was little I heard the pastor say that the rapture will come when no one was thinking about it. So logically I spent a big chunk of my childhood obsessively thinking about the rapture so it wouldn’t happen and then people wouldn’t burn and I would get to keep living and going to school with my friends. Because as long as I was thinking about it then someone was thinking about it so it wouldn’t happen. And I don’t think a lot of normal children stayed up all night worried that that they were the only thing standing between God and a mass execution.

[godsdiehard]

Look. Bottom line. If there’s a God, and he spends eternity watching people die of cancer or starvation or plague or any other unfortunate circumstances. (Or burn in a lake of fire for eternity because he put them there) And he doesn’t feel bothered enough to do a single thing about it. Then that’s not someone I’m going to bow to. I’m not sorry.

[godsdiehard]

I’ll get back to the regularly scheduled programming in a sec. But first, an idea I’ve had:

I want to start rating people’s homophobia. Like when they’re homophobic just like interrupt and be like “eh I’ll give it a 4/10 bc it was kind of funny but very unoriginal. I think you could do better” in the middle of a the conversation.

Thoughts?

[godsdiehard]

I wasn’t going to get in your heaven anyways.

[sacrilegy]

i hate that i’m inevitably going to become a selling point for christianity.

i will be the challenge in my parent’s testimony. the thing that shook their faith but that they overcame in the end. they will talk about how my transness, my sexuality, and my abandoning the faith was a mountain they had to climb. a bump in the road successfully overcome with god’s help.

i will be sold to bright-eyed christians who just want to find comfort in their religion, and they will never hear my side of the story. they won’t hear about how i cried myself to sleep and begged god to take my queerness away. they won’t hear how i made myself sick knowing that my parent’s unconditional love would become less unconditional when they found out i no longer believed in their god. they would never know how i laid in bed and dreamed about being adopted by a different couple, one that didn’t raise me to hate myself. they would never know how i choked back tears when my closest friends talked about how disgusting being trans was. they won’t know that i have never loved myself and more than when i accepted the reality of my gender and sexuality. they won’t know that i have never loved the world and people around me than when i left christianity. they won’t know that in all my years of life, i have never been happier than now, because now i’m free.

and even if they did believe me (because after all, there is no good without christianity!), they wouldn’t care. because i’m not a real person. i’m a character in a fairy tale being spoon fed to them. i’m the tragic victim that was misguided by the greatest antagonist in history. but my parents resisted the villain, and maintained their loyalty all along. they watched me be dragged away by the sin of the world but nevertheless, they persisted.

i will be weaponized, potentially against people going through the same things as me. my story will be used to shame some and boost the egos of others. the nuances of my experiences will be watered down and i will be turned into a hammer used to pound christian rhetoric into the heads of others, and that makes me sick.

[godsdiehard]

Aren’t you so glad you aren’t being guilt tripped into having strange conversations about the afterlife with complete strangers? How fucking weird was that?

[godsdiehard]

Very very presumptuous of you to assume that out of the tons of religions you never even heard a single thing about beside “BAD, NO-NO” that YOU mister creepy youth pastor dude got it right™️. And on the first try no less!

[godsdiehard]

This is just your daily reminder:

You know that dude Paul? Like that homophobic bitch in the Bible sequel?

Yeah FUCK that dude.

[sensitivesiren]

fan fiction is SO addicting to people with ADHD because our brains aren't innattentive, they're just constantly searching out sources of dopamine because we don't produce enough on our own. fan fiction supplies us with an endless archive of free stories - long and short - containing characters we already love and we can just devour story after story after story one after another and it feels SO GOOD.

[godsdiehard]

“God loves you” well thank you, I’m sure glad he doesn’t love me like the kids with cancer. Tell him to take his “love” and shove it.

[godsdiehard]

This is basically my (unfinished) pros list of deconversion and I hope it can help someone else.

You don’t have to read the same book every day for the rest of your life

Sure treat others like you would want to be treated but it’s okay to treat others as they have treated you. It’s okay to treat assholes like assholes

You aren’t going to hell because you had a conversation with your friends about things you like and you didn’t try to persuade them to salvation. You can talk about books and movies and songs you like and it’s okay. You aren’t going to hell for talking about the weather and not eternity.

No person in power is put there by some divine being. It’s okay to hate them and to hold them accountable and especially to question them. (And you shouldn’t worship them either)

The meaning to life is what you make it. You get to decide. You don’t have people making the answer key anymore. There’s no flunking the test. And the meaning doesn’t have to stay the same the whole time. You’re here for a lot of minutes. Your goals can change

You don’t have to wake up on Sunday and, on the drive to church, rehearse rehearse and rehearse what you’re going to say. The right answers. So you don’t get cornered and asked a bunch of questions. You can sleep in, make pancakes and draw pictures, read poetry.

You can wear and dress however the hell you see fit.

[g-o-d-l-e-s-s-h-e-a-t-h-e-n]

Might I add

8. You can read whatever you want, books that were seen as evil or bad or wrong, by authors who were seen as evil or bad or wrong (I'm talking Carl Sagan, Stephen Hawking, even Phillip Pullman)

9. You can learn about those things you were not supposed to, things seen as heretical such as evolution and cosmology

10. You aren't going to hell for watching tv and movies rated higher than family friendly, same thing with video games

11. You aren't going to hell for swearing

12. You aren't going to hell for loving who you love

13. You aren't going to hell for being the gender you are

14. You aren't going to hell for being you

15. You get to be who you want to be, not who you're told to be, not who god wants you to be, but who you want you to be

[godsdiehard]

HELL YEAH! Add on please! Thank you mate @g-o-d-l-e-s-s-h-e-a-t-h-e-n ! (Also as a queer person the fact I completely forgot about number 12 bc I was thinking wayyyy too hard)