Gogs-Cogs

Random stuff about the things I think about/ go through daily

[gogs-cogs]

I cry sometimes

I cry sometimes. I think it's just random episodes of intense sadness but it occurs very often. I think "how did I end up at this exact point in my life", "why didn't it work", "why am I feeling so much emotional hurt"; the bag thoughts. My life's supposedly okay tho, I have things and opportunities that some less privileged could probably kill for. But does the fact that some individual has it worse than I do make my pain and sorrow less valid? Really hate when people try to shove impoverished countries or people down your throat to make you feel more appreciative about your situation but imo more often than not it really doesn't work. All the person's succeeded in doing is giving you one more thing to be sad about and that sucks. I don't think about dying anymore but I'm still stuck of life and all it entails.

[codingflumps]

List of things I’ve learnt studying computer science and programming.

1. Computers are shit.

2. If you ever think you are dumb, why? Computers are literally just bits of fucking sand and people still love them.

3. You can’t trust humans.

4. You can’t trust yourself.

5. you can’t trust data.

6. forget about trust.

7. words don’t look right after you read them a million times over

8. programmers are gods

9. programmers are fucking stupid

10. hate

11. I’ve wasted my life

[gogs-cogs]

Ich spreche deutsch jetzt

Continued my German course on duolingo today {basically just refreshed my memory since I hadn't done it in like 2 months} still knew most things so that's nice.

I absolutely hate reading but I'm trying to start so the first book I'm gonna attempt reading in its entirety is "Shade's Children" by Garth Nix; hopefully I won't get bored and forget about it.

Still trying to figure out what my next project should be...thinking of something like a music app so that should be interesting I guess; gotta do some research on how I'd get that to work.

My mum's back home safely after being out of the country for like a month, hopefully she brought back all my important stuff I left in Vancouver.

And that's all what's up

[gogs-cogs]

Calc

Finished building the calc app, surprisingly easier than I thought it'd be but that's to be expected from a low level project like this.

The code is here:

https://github.com/2HgO/calc/blob/5fae280dce570c446cb09f089aa875f40173bbd4/calc.cpp

Have to find something else to do now, any suggestions???

[gogs-cogs]

New Things

Haven't posted anything in like a week because a lot of stuff's been happening; my sister went missing but then we found her at a hospital due to some personal reasons I cannot disclose. But with my history is pretty obvious what. Well, we're all healing and that's what matters. Resumed school on Monday but classes don't start until next week so I'm still baffled why I came this early in the first place {phrasing!!😅}.

Haven't really achieved anything this week just been lazying around and playing video games. Started relearning using the SFML graphics library today and decided my first project would be building a GUI calculator {pretty easy since I've done it before} gonna find more complex/difficult things to do after I'm done with that {like a music player or some shit like that}. Also need to learn how to write arduino programs {my micro controller's gathering a lot of dust} Last on my agenda is continuing my German course on duolingo because [Ich bin sehr dahinter].

Today was pretty good overall, the calculator is coming along fine, done with the design have to get on with the actual working of it. I'll probably be done by Sunday so till then ✌🏾

[gogs-cogs]

Fixed at what cost?

Finally got around to installing all the programs I need right now on windows, reinstalling Linux and most of the programs I use there too today so it was a really fruitful day for me, but extremely stressful. Something's wrong with my NIC {I think} because the signal strength for wireless networks are practically nonexistent and on my Linux partition, I can't even connect wirelessly {odd part is that it was connecting initially, even if the signal strength was still extremely low, but now I can't even connect to the network/internet anymore}. Gonna take it back to the guy tomorrow to have it checked out...man probably left something in the system when he was fixing my hinges. Probably won't have to pay any extra fees because my wireless connections were working perfectly before he "fixed" the laptop.

[gogs-cogs]

Crash

So, I'm home alone for the weekend but it was still quite boring cos no computer 👎🏾👎🏾 on the bright side, the guy I gave the laptop to brought it this evening and sadly my hard disk was unsalvageable 😪😪 so all my files are gone with the wind 😭😭 I've started trying to download all my programs but I think something's wrong with my NIC, the guy probably switched it out for a shit one 🤔🤔I really don't trust computer village guys. But I'm still just absolutely gutted that all my files are lost, there were some books there I hadn't gotten around to read yet...as well as some shows I hadn't seen 😠😠 hope I get around to fixing all my problems before I have to crash 😴😴

[gogs-cogs]

Stupidity

So, today was pretty uneventful in the grand scheme. My laptop hard disk finally crashed and had to take it to get fixed so I was without it for the whole day. Didn’t hinder me from watching Defenders tho. Haven’t finished it yet but so far it looks really good, like Daredevil season 2 good which is a positive thing plus, Finn Jones’ {Iron Fist} acting was better here than in the Iron Fist show {which I don’t really like btw}. But the main stuff that happened was I found out just how much my lil sis had been fucking up in Vancouver. A reasonably intelligent person would learn from all the shit we went through last yeah and make only a few stupid choices now; but her? Nope! The whole stupidity package. Turns out she’d been spending money for the whole country {not literally obvs}. I don’t think there was ever any 28 day period that I spent over 800 CAD but she managed to spend about 3000 CAD in 2 months 😭🤦🏽‍♂️😱 It actually baffles me. When my mum was reading to me the transactions from her bank statements I was like WTF!!!; who tf goes to 3 different coffee shops in the same day and why was she taking the cab so much when she had a monthly transit pass?!?!?!? Safe to say I no longer have any margin for error so my next 9 months are gonna have to be absolutely flawless 😪😰. Oh forgot to add she also spent like half the money they sent for her tuition. Personally, all I spend money on are games and food {mostly food} so that’s not really a lot considering the only game I really play a lot of is FIFA. Gotta start preparing to be perfect for 9 months now 👋🏾

[gogs-cogs]

Life

Ok, so I wrote some long ass stuff before and accidentally deleted it 👎🏾{I'm literally the stupidest person I know} but to cut it all short, I've had a pretty shitty 19 months, I failed at school, almost offed myself, returned to Nigeria and feel sad everyday with suicidal thoughts lingering here and there but I have neither the energy nor the drive to go through with it so I'm just existing and coping as time goes on.