[gold-star-chatter]

Trying to be more consistent with journaling at night, it's been helping. I need to start working on getting back outside again. I need a haircut, and it's been a few weeks since I left my apartment complex.

I've been putting a lot of work in on Artfight and I've gotten some really awesome stuff in return, which has been super cool. Next month I'm going to have to lock in on college though.

I'm kind of mad at myself for being so far behind in school, but I was sick for a long time so it's not like there was much I could do.

[gold-star-chatter]

Been getting into GMM and Smosh lately (in an attempt to better my mental health.) and it's been kind of fun to wake up every morning and find an old (or new) video to watch with breakfast.

I'm trying to get into more of a regular day to day routine, and having a solid wake-up point is really helping.

[doctorofmagic]

New cover for Triumph and Torment reprint by Peach Momoko.

If nobody got us, I know Peach Momoko got us

[tboy-cock]

guys do we remember when the woke take was that trans people shouldnt have to out themselves to be allowed into queer/trans safe spaces? this also applies to trans men. this applies to cis male passing trans men. this applies to trans men who look like cishet dudes. this applies to trans men

[transfaguette]

when you’re a little girl boys will say “so if boys and girls are equal that means I get to hit you right?”

and then you grow up to be a trans man and people will say to you “oh i thought you wanted to be a man, that means you have to put up with [abusive behavior]”

and they will tell you these 2 things do not stem from the same desires of gendered punishment and control

[my-2nd-account]

The difference is that jealous Ilya looks homicidal while jealous Shane looks suicidal

[gold-star-chatter]

I think what really gets me is that you can feel how frustrated Ilya is with his inability to communicate his feelings. He is SO eloquent in Russian and goes off on these long tangents about his feelings in his head and in his own language but when he tries to translate that for Shane it just… falls flat. He spends the majority of the show being viewed as this closed off guy who doesn’t speak much and doesn’t show much emotion (and even a notable chunk of the viewers see him this way??) but you can tell he’s incredibly emotional and doesn’t have the ability to express it in any way that would make him feel seen while also making sense to everyone around him.

It reminds me of the bit (I think from Modern Family??) where Sofía Vergara busts out with “Do you even KNOW how smart I am in Spanish?”, but in less of an “I’m being seen as less intelligent by those around me because of my accent” way and from more of an “I literally do not know how to word this for you and also not hurt your feelings or feel like I’m making you pity me” perspective.

And his home country, the place where anyone would understand him, is the one place he CAN’T fully express himself. It’s visibly crushing.

[gold-star-chatter]

Been thinking a lot lately about Ilya and his mom.

I think mostly because of my own parallels with him - a former athlete who spent that entire time closeted, a kid whose mom OD’d and suddenly found himself taking all of the grief and blame, someone who is SO well spoken in his own mind but cannot for the life of him translate his emotions to the people around him in. way that makes him feel seen.

He spends so much time thinking about his mom, trying to live in a way that would make her proud, that he doesn’t even notice he’s honoring her in his very existence. He became an extension of her and the beauty/kindness/charity/success that he saw in her.

[cloudabserk]

he was bracing himself for bad news

[gold-star-chatter]

It’s been rainy lately, and that means fog. I basically live in silent hill at this point.

Still waiting on the keychain tester to come in before I move forward with the bat-fam keychain kickstarter!

[gold-star-chatter]

Trees, rain, the usual. Good stuff.

Missing mom extra hard today.

[gold-star-chatter]

Wanting to start DIY HRT vs having nowhere to start and not trusting myself enough to do the correct research currently has me wanting to writhe and scream on the floor at all hours of the day

[angsty-worm]

i wish we didn’t have to worry about doxxing and could send our mutuals letters and cds and drawings and pressed flowers

[sun-spiderz]

MY DESIRE FOR PEN PALS (NEARLY) EXCEEDS MY CONCERN FOR PEOPLE KNOWING MY LOCATION.

NEARLY.

[gold-star-chatter]

Love the green, wish I’d had the motivation to hit the trail today.