Outside of Alex’s care unit, Kara and M’gann were talking about Alex and Maggie—vulnerable because of their humanity, but fearless despite it. M’gann thought a proper thank you was long overdue, so she was happy to hear the muffled mumbles of the women who rescued her, excited that she’d be able thank them while they were together, as they belong, she thought.
“So, Alex has been a little touchy about visitors since she came to after her surgery. It’s probably best I go in and check with her before sending you in defenseless.” Kara said, turning to look at the door, then back to look at M’gann. “Let me bear the brunt of whatever’s to come… I’ll be right back.”
Kara walked towards the door and as soon as she opened it, a jumpy Maggie had her hand on the other side of the door knob, pushing the door until she unexpectedly met eyes with Kara. Maggie’s face was devoid of color, her jaw clinched, and her eyes glossy. Kara could tell that for a moment, Maggie considered flashing a faux smile, but it was too late. Kara had already reacted, her face quizzically sympathetic, so instead of trying to hide it, Maggie just kept walking while Kara’s eyes followed her exit. Kara didn't know Maggie very well, but she was still worried about the detective.
After Maggie was out of sight, Kara looked to M’gann with urgency.
“M’gann, I’m sorry to do this but I think I need to have a few words with my sister. You can wait until I’m finished to speak with her if you’d like, but she might be out for blood, so… no one’s safe.”
“You know… I think Maggie might need a friend right now anyway. Another time...” Both women had nodded at one another, gearing up for an undertaking, perfectly content to divide and conquer. With that, Kara’s eyes narrowed at the door as she pushed it open again, while M’gann hurried off to catch the detective.
The sound of the door hitting the stopper was aggressive; the lock clicking behind the Kryptonian was aggressive; yet, nothing could compare to the thunder of Kara’s stomps as she marched to Alex’s bedside. The whole building vibrated with her anger.
“What the hell, Alex?! I told you to talk to her, not fucking destroy her.” Kara sneered.
“What are you talking about? We’re fine…” Alex had never been scared of her sister before; she’d only cursed a handful of times. She’d been 99% cheer from the time they’d first met. There’s a first for everything, she thought, though to be fair this will be the last first if she kills me. But… first death! Her meek amusement was short-lived. Kara had noticed some small semblance of a grin, then reached out and pinched the older Danvers on her arm.
“The Maggie Sawyer I just saw is absolutely not fine, you dummy!”
“Ouch! You pinched me… really Kara?” I’m the older sister to a five-year-old, Alex mused.
“You’re lucky it wasn’t a friction burn!” Kara stood still, staring at Alex, waiting for an explanation.
“Well… the Maggie Sawyer I just saw… she was fine. We decided to be friends again, so…”
“You’re kidding, right?” Kara asked, looking around the room as if she were looking for cameras that would confirm that she was being Punk’d.
Alex stared at her blankly.
“Oh my God! You’re like the smartest person I know, but you’re still so… so… clueless!” Kara waited while Alex continued to stare, growing more irritated by the minute.
“Okay, fine! I’ll spell it out for you…” Kara inhaled deeply then continued. “Remember the first time you guys decided to be ‘friends’?” Kara used air quotations. She felt it was a valid gesture in such a scenario. “That was so dumb! And it didn’t work! Do you know why?”
Kara waited again. She was starting to get used to the silence.
“Because both of you were lying to yourselves! …So the question is, which one of you is it this time? Or is it both of you? Actually… you know what? If you can look me in the eye and tell me honestly that being Maggie’s friend will always be enough… if you can say it and mean it… then I’ll back off. I’ll leave now and I won’t ever bring it up again.”
Alex stayed silent, but this time it wasn’t for lack of having an answer. She didn’t have to ponder the question. Anyone who had eyes didn’t need to ponder the question. Her heart pounded in her chest as she got lost in visions of brown locks curled around her fingers.
“Answer me!” Kara raised her voice.
“No! No… okay?” Alex yelled back, eyes watering, overwhelmed with feelings she’d been repressing for the good of the sister in front of her. “Being Maggie’s friend will never be enough.”
Kara softened and moved toward her sister, grabbing the hand that had not been broken in the incident at the warehouse.
“Then what’s going on?” Kara asked.
“I don’t know…”
“Alex.” Kara’s hostile tone hadn’t returned in full force, but it was more stern that her previous statement.
“I can’t be with Maggie.” Alex covered her face with her hands, wiping her tears away.
“Why not? You deserve to be happy! It’s so clear to me that there’s a lot more to you and Maggie than you let us spectators see, but that’s how strong the connection is—that even when you don’t want us to see your dynamic, it’s abundantly obvious. And it’s beautiful.”
“Kara… I’ve been given one job: protect you. I can’t let myself be vulnerable and protect you. I can’t let myself fall for Maggie. I can’t be that selfish. I can’t mess up or people will die.”
Kara sighed.
“It’s not your fault that I went to Earth-1.”
“I know that.”
“You can’t protect me all the time.”
I know that too.”
“Well if you already know those things, then you shoud know it's already too late, that you’ve already fallen for Maggie, you’re already vulnerable. And you know what? I’m ecstatic for you. I’m not worried about anything bad happening because you’re in love with Maggie. If anything, I’ll feel safer because you won’t go into those gloomy dazes, pining over the night she kissed you and whatever else that I don't need to know about…” Alex stared at Kara wide-eyed. “I can’t read minds, but I’m not blind, okay? I’m your sister! I’m supposed to look out for you, just like you’ve always done for me. There’s no doubt in my mind you’ll keep me safe because you always have. So, shut up and cut this shit out. And be good to her, because she loves you too.”
Alex’s face was red and full of joy as Kara dropped over top of her to kiss her forehead, allowing a small laugh to escape her lips.
“I’ll stop pushing her away.” Alex said.
“And you’ll let her in?” Kara asked.
“And I’ll let her in.” Alex agreed.
“And you’ll tell her how much you love her?”
“When the time is right.”
A warm smile crept across the agent’s face. It was the first genuinely real smile that Kara had seen since she’d been back. It was a sight for sore eyes. Not even Alex's Dooly's smile could hold a candle to her Maggie smile.
“Hey Maggie,” Alex greeted the detective as she entered her care unit, carrying two coffee cups from Alex’s favorite coffee shop downtown, “please tell me one of those are for me.”
“Of course, but you can’t tell anyone it was me who gave it to you, are we clear?” Maggie smiled at a reaching Alex, teasing her by gesturing towards the detective’s hands, then pulling away.
Alex’s head nodded vigorously as she looked at Maggie smiling with her eyes full of light, “… please?” She put her hands out to receive the much needed caffeine, then wrapped all ten fingers around the cup as she reveled in the warmth emitting from the cardboard container, pulling it toward her chest. “Thank you for this.”
“Hey, no problem. It’s kind of the least I can do. Thank you...”
“It’s all a part of the job.” Alex responded, looking into Maggie’s dark eyes. She couldn’t quite tell what had changed in them, but something had. They were careful and soft like they always were but something was… different.
Maggie smirked. Alex Danvers could justify a bar fight by saying it’s all part of the job.
“So… you came to see me last night, and I pretty much fell asleep immediately, didn’t I?” Alex asked.
“Yeah, but you needed the rest.” Maggie responded, then sat down in the chair next to Alex’s bed.
“I gotta say, even after getting my ass handed to me by that White Martian, I didn’t expect to see you.”
“Please, Danvers… I’m not heartless. I needed to be sure…” Maggie trailed off, catching herself.
“Sure about?” Alex asked, wide-eyed.
That it’s really you. That you’re back. That I’m not imagining any of this. Maggie searched for other things to say.
“That you’re okay… are you planning on sticking around National City for a while?”
“Yeah, well…” Alex adjusted, trying to sit up more but she wasn’t having much luck. Her comfort and mobility were now dictated by her broken leg and the hefty cast surrounding it, “I kind of have to, don’t I?” Alex said, referencing her injuries. Alex’s tone gave too much away. It was filled with hesitancy and distress, but also acceptance.
“And how do you feel about that?” Maggie asked after hearing the twinge of oxymoronic contented discontent.
Alex thought about it for a moment before responding. Her life was in National City with Kara so she could protect the younger Danvers, but Alex desperately wanted out. She had never been one to run from her problems but it was unbearable to be so close to Maggie without being able to touch or hold her. When Alex had come back and learned the truth—that Kara had willingly gone to Earth-1 without telling anyone—she tried to cut herself a break, tried to tell herself she wasn’t to blame, that it wasn’t the failure to do her job that had resulted in a missing sister and superhero. She couldn’t be with Kara 24/7, protecting her. Things were always bound to happen, but every time she dissected the situation, the guilt was always there, buried under layers of longing for someone she told herself she shouldn’t have, that she wouldn’t let herself have.
“It’s… complicated. My job is with Supergirl so it’s not like I can just up and leave, go wherever the world takes me.”
Maggie stared at Alex, tension building in her muscles. Alex noticed the shift in her posture, the furrowed brow that crept across Maggie’s forehead, then realized she had let herself slip.
“Then why did you leave in the first place?” Maggie asked.
Alex sighed. It was only a matter of time before the night that Alex had walked away from Maggie would come up in conversation, destroying any casual pleasantries preceding it.
“That’s… also complicated…” Alex replied.
Maggie got up from the chair she was sitting in and started pacing beside Alex’s bed, her mind turning over trying to find answers that only the woman next to her had. It was beyond frustrating. Maggie knew she wanted Alex back in her life, but she also needed the truth; she needed to know what circumstances had hardened the agent. What saddened Maggie the most was Alex’s resolve to shut herself off, the distance she put between them clear not only in her words, but also in how she spoke and how she moved. Even if the agent didn’t move away, she was unequivocally removed; yet, sometimes Maggie noticed the old sparkle in Alex’s eyes, returned and aflame with roaring, uncontrolled need for the detective, and in those brief moments of Alex unwillingly wavering from her resolve, Maggie found hope. The only problem was that in the warehouse Alex’s slips were frequent, but since the warehouse, Alex started slipping less, stubbornly clinging to her newfound volition.
“Are you ever going to tell me?” Maggie said with an edge in her voice.
Alex was silent for a moment, allowing herself to accept any potential fallout of the truths to come, though she knew that certain outcomes would surely cause her insurmountable amounts of pain, if she let herself feel anything. She told herself to think of Kara and her duty to her sister--and in turn, the world--whenever she felt her heart being torn apart.
“I don’t know. Probably not. I can’t…” Alex’s mouth was turned downward. Even though she’d planned and practiced saying those words, it still hurt to say them aloud and mean them. It still hurt to see Maggie’s face fall, another tiny heartbreak that would be burnt into the agent’s brain, another stop she’d pass frequently on her trips to and from self-loathing.
Maggie shook her head then looked up to meet Alex’s eyes.
“After the last year, after getting shot, after you getting pummeled… I know I need you in my life, but damn it Alex... I also need the truth if we’re…” Maggie caught herself and tried to calm down before doing what the old Maggie would do and ruin the possibility of a romantic relationship before Alex could do it herself. “What I’m trying to say is… whatever you’re up to, you don’t have to tell me, so long as we’re just friends.”
Alex nodded reluctantly in agreement, but she didn’t want to be friends. She never wanted to be friends. This time it was her choice, though, because the world depended on her sister, and her sister depended on her, and Alex could not be dependent on anyone if she was to be who Kara needed her to be. Heroism does not spawn from selfishness, Alex thought, so she would be as selfless as she needed to be to protect the world from anyone or anything trying to set it afire.
“Okay then. Well, I got to get to the office. Feel better. Get some sleep.” Maggie said as she turned, trying to hide the disappointment of Alex’s complacency and their muted relationship before the agent could see it all over her face. As Maggie walked out the door, Kara passed the detective and caught a glimpse of her in tatters before Maggie had the time to feign warmth or happiness, so she picked up her pace and raced out of the building to let herself unravel far away from the DEO, its employees, and Alex, whose hand was holding the string.
Alex woke up at the DEO and the first thing she noticed was that her left leg was elevated in a cast. Shit. She hurt all over. Body parts she’d been aware of but never felt had suddenly made their presence known. When she reached up to brush her hair out of her face, she wasn’t sure what hurt worse: her broken hand or her severely bruised face. Either way, she winced so loudly that multiple people had walked in to check on her. Alex closed her eyes, bracing herself for the fight to come.
First up in the ring was Kara, of course, who scolded her for having a martyr complex before eventually breaking down and hugging her sister, apologizing every time she heard Alex hiss with agony.
Next up was J’onn, who had a similar reaction; then came Winn, then Mon-el, then some other DEO field agents. The doctors were in and out between visitors, and after a few hours of being poked and prodded and reprimanded by almost everyone, she snapped at one of the nurses. Alex was unsure of how she did it, especially considering the fact that she was super high on pain medication, but she’d managed to convince the nurse to trade her alone time for her compliance. As it turned out, threatening the nurse that none of her injuries were bad enough that she couldn’t get up and leave—swinging at anyone who’d have the nerve to get in her way—was all she had to say for the nurse to hear her impatience and acknowledge her disapproval of how she was being treated. Apparently Alex’s injuries were bad enough that the nurse was willing to give her almost anything she wanted to keep her glued to the electric bed. I’m not in that bad of shape, Alex thought. Sucker.
The nurse, William, was unwilling to grant Alex complete isolation, so Alex agreed to frequent visits from him only until his shift was over. He was smart and compassionate, quickly picking up on Alex’s exasperated disposition. When she looked him in the eye, she knew he understood her and would give her everything she needed to her sanity. If his shift ended, he would choose his own replacement carefully. The faint of heart could not handle Alex in her current state, so he’d choose wisely to avoid any blood on his hands.
Alex was alone for nearly two hours before William came back in to check on her. She nodded off a couple of times, but Alex wasn’t a still sleeper. Every time she moved the pain of doing so would abruptly send her gasping into consciousness, eyes watering slight from exhaustion and discomfort. All she wanted to do was sleep, and though her dreams were filled with Maggie, it was a better alternative to being awake and brooding about Maggie. Sometimes her dreams took pity on her, vividly depicting a world in which Alex had never left National City, a world in which she and Maggie belonged to one another. Other times she was less fortunate, as her dreams mimicked reality more closely. A few times, her dreams had perfectly captured the painful moments that collectively made up the day that she broke Maggie’s heart. It was like she was cursed to watch a silent movie composed of she and Maggie’s dancing silhouettes, bound to the inside of her eyelids, forever on repeat.
Alex stood outside of Maggie’s apartment, her soggy clothes dripping rain water onto the carpet of the hallway. The heavy rain hit the steel of the roof with roaring percussion, synchronized with Alex’s fluttering heartbeat. Alex’s eyes were fixed on the door in front of her, swollen and puffy from crying over her missing sibling. Alex squeezed her eyes shut and pushed her soaked auburn hair out of her face. Her head fell as she ran through the coming conversation in her head, her eyes again starting to water despite her best attempts to stay strong.
Find Kara.
Kara is what matters.
The world needs Kara.
Do your job.
Protect.
Alex raised her hand to knock on the red wooden door in front of her, the rhythm of the contact hesitant and weak. Footsteps shuffled on the other side of the door before the sound of the lock turning pulsed through Alex’s head. The door opened, and as Maggie came into focus, everything else blurred into an irrelevant backdrop, dull to the clarity of the woman standing in front of her.
Maggie’s eyes were full of warmth as she pulled Alex into the apartment.
“Alex…” Maggie said, stepping forward and raising her hand to stroke Alex’s cold, wet cheek. “I didn’t know you were coming. You’re soaked. Are you okay?” Maggie shifted, trying to catch the fallen gaze of a solemn Alex.
“I’m fine. I’m sorry to pop in like this.”
“It’s okay…” Maggie replied tentatively, seeing a fading light in Alex’s eyes. This is it, she thought, readying herself.
“Listen, I… I’m leaving National City. I’m not sure for how long. I could be gone a week; I could be gone six months... there’s a mission.”
“Aren’t you a senior agent? I thought that you’re permanently based in National City because of your working relationship with Supergirl. They can’t just send you off unless something huge is going down somewhere else, right?”
“I’m choosing to go.” Alex said, putting distance between them.
“I see.” Maggie swallowed. “So… this,” she said, her tone ascending as she pointed back and forth between herself and Alex, “this is goodbye?”
“Yeah.”
Maggie tried to get Alex to look her in the eye again, but Alex could not lift her eyes from the floor. Alex watched as the gears in Maggie’s head turned, as Maggie’s face fell, as Maggie’s heart sank.
“I… I usually I get this sort of thing, making sacrifices for work, but this… hurts.”
“I’m sorry.” Alex was sorry, though sorry was an understatement. She heard the words roll off her lips, dark and flat, conveying meaning without feeling. Maggie stared at her, pausing briefly before pleading for another response. Anything meaningful.
“…I mean, at least look me in the eye if you’re going to break my heart.” Maggie’s patience was gone. The water that had welled up behind her eyes was now pouring down her face in patterned streams of heartbreak and insecurity.
“Maggie…” Alex sighed harshly, before Maggie cut her off.
“I don’t want to be melodramatic. I really hate it. It’s like some soap opera hell where I’m stuck saying a bunch of feely shit, cringing with every word that falls out of my mouth…” Maggie smiled in pain, allowing a melancholy chuckle to escape her pursed lips. “But to hell with it…,” she sniffled, then continued, “I was certain you were different, that I could give you my trust without you immediately throwing it back in my face. I’m not going to pretend to know anything about the mission you’ve signed up for, but I thought that at the very least you’d fight for me… that it wouldn’t be so easy for you to walk away. I just… I thought… I don’t know what I was thinking.”
Alex bit her tongue. She wanted to take it all back and tell Maggie the truth, but the truth had multiple layers. She was obviously leaving National City to find her missing sister—one of the world’s most prominent superheroes—but there were other reasons too. Alex had always been iron-willed, yet Maggie made her turn to mush. She knew she’d only be able to bear a short period of physically being apart from Maggie. Breaking Maggie’s heart was the best thing for Maggie and even though Alex was sure the act had cost her most if not all of her own soul, it didn’t matter. Maggie’s eventual happiness was her only concern. Alex told herself that Maggie would hate her for a short time and then move on to find real happiness with someone else. Plus, with Maggie finding someone who actually deserved all of her love and attention, Alex wouldn’t be tempted to return to National City because there would be nothing to come back for, not until she found Kara anyway, if she found Kara. So Alex kept up the act and didn’t respond, even as Maggie sobbed; even as Maggie wiped her tears from her face, silently undertaking the same emotionless that Alex had emitted; even as Maggie found a new resolve to rebuild the walls around her heart taller than they’d ever been built before.
“Go.”
Alex took one last look at a dismantled Maggie then turned toward the exit and let herself out. On the other side of the door she found herself once more, in as many pieces as her counterpart inside, her tears a cruel reminder of a life she’s fated to live alone.
William had just come out of Alex’s room after giving her medication that would allow her to sleep through the pain when a short brunette approached him and demanded to see the agent.
“I’m sorry, the patient is currently refusing visitors.” William kindly told the brunette.
“Listen…” Maggie replied, squinting her eyes to read the small text on the nurse’s nametag, “William… I don’t work for the DEO and I have a gun and I will shoot you.” Maggie was not having it.
“If I let you in, she’ll shoot me. If I don’t let you in, you’ll shoot me. If I’m going to be shot either way, I might as well keep my promise to her and block your entrance.” William retorted logically.
Maggie put her hands on her hips, then sighed while shaking her head, looking downward and pursing her lips together in disdain. J’onn was passing by when he saw the detective clearly frazzled by her interaction with Alex’s nurse.
“Detective,” J’onn summoned Maggie’s attention and nodded at her before shifting his attention to William. “Do we have a problem?”
The detective met eyes with William, giving him leeway to respond first. She was genuinely curious what it was that he would say.
“The detective is demanding access to Agent Danvers’ room, but the agent herself has me under strict instructions to confine visitation. She has made it perfectly clear that even my presence is a bother. Furthermore, Agent Danvers is severely injured. She desperately needs rest. We don’t even know the full extent of her injuries or what they’ll mean to her recovery yet. She would do best with minimal distractions.” William said earnestly.
Maggie wanted to roll her eyes and scoff at William and his stupid self-righteousness, but she knew William was right. The only problem was that Maggie genuinely needed to see Alex, needed to see how bad her condition was.
Hank noticed the desperation in Maggie’s eyes and then turned to William. “I appreciate you following Agent Danvers’ instructions with such diligence, but in this case I suggest that you make an exception and grant Detective Sawyer unlimited access to Agent Danvers’ care unit,” J’onn paused and looked at Maggie, “so long as she promises to let Agent Danvers rest as much as possible.”
“I promise,” the words flew out of Maggie’s mouth, “I’ll make sure she gets more sleep than she needs.”
William sighed, slightly annoyed at the conspiracy between the detective and the director, then stepped aside to allow Maggie to pass.
Alex was already half asleep when she heard the door open. She muttered under her breath, prepared to enact punishment on William for breaking their deal. Reaching across her body, she grabbed a small vase of Get Well flowers off the swiveling tray beside her bed. Cupping the vase with her good, she prepared to throw it at her unwelcomed guest; however, the sight of a cautious and soft Maggie had made her unintentionally release her grasp and the vase of flowers went crashing to the floor.
“Alex…”
Alex stared at the shorter brunette, oblivious to the sound of glass breaking.
“Breaking a vase at the sight of me?”
There was a real question hidden in the inquiry, and Alex knew that it was Maggie’s way of asking permission to be there. For all the reasons that Alex could think to send Maggie away, there were countless more reasons demanding she stay.
“Come in. Sorry. I thought you could’ve been one of the… dweebs. Everyone has been a pain in my ass.” Alex replied, slurring slightly. She was not prepared to speak to Maggie in her current state. She still felt high as hell, and due to the most recent dose of meds given to her by William only moments before, she was fading fast into inevitable slumber.
Maggie walked farther into the room with Alex’s blessing, moving toward her bedside and bending down to gather the large pieces of glass that had broken when the agent had mindlessly dropped the vase.
“One of the dweebs, huh?” Maggie asked as looked around the room for a plastic bag she could use for the glass. After finding a suitable option, she took each large piece of glass and set it inside the plastic, one by one, then tied the bag and set it aside. She made a mental note to take the bag with her on her way out, and to notify William of the smaller pieces of broken glass. William, Maggie smirked, he probably heard the sound of glass breaking and thought that Alex had gotten the best of her.
Maggie repositioned the chair by Alex’s bed with the intention of sitting down, but the sight of Alex broken and bruised beneath her knocked the wind out of the detective. She knew it was bad, but she didn’t know it was this bad. Two broken ribs, a broken hand, a broken leg, ‘minor’ internal bleeding, myriad cuts and bruises. It’s a miracle she’s not brain dead or paralyzed, Maggie thought. It’s a miracle she’s not dead. Instinctively, Maggie reached out to grab Alex’s hand before remembering it was broken, then moved her hand to Alex’s forearm where she stroked lightly continuing even after the hair on Alex’s arm began to stand up.
Alex looked at Maggie with heavy eyes, her breathing on the cusp of becoming steady and shallow with unconsciousness. She was sure she was already dreaming.
Maggie cleared her throat, preparing to speak from her heart.
“Do you remember when I got shot?” Maggie asked, knowing Alex had already succumbed to sleep. She continued anyway, a small laugh prefacing her next statement, “what am I talking about… of course you do.” She sighed, her eyes staring at the teal-speckled and beige tile below her feet, still tracing little circles onto Alex’s arm. “I actually thought I almost died. But… now, here you are… barely in one piece, and I realize how foolish I was, to think I was on the brink of death… and it’s not only that. I mean, here you are, right in front of me—the woman who chewed me up and spit me out—and all I can think about is how I’m an idiot for letting you walk away from me.”
Maggie paused, deep in thought. She was bearing her heart to Alex and Alex wasn’t even awake to hear how much she was hurting. Maybe it was better this way.
“You know, once you left, I told myself all kinds of things to try to get over you: the spark had faded for you—that there was never a spark to begin with, that I was a fickle distraction that had run its course, that you snapped out of whatever trance I had you in, that you didn’t care and you’d never cared… so I dated. I drank. I slept around. But none of it ever felt right.” Maggie pulled her had away and placed it in her other hand, resting both on her lap as she stared at her twiddling fingers. “It was infuriating… but I think… I think it’s because it all made me feel as alone as I’d always been before meeting you. You’re the only thing, the only person, the only place… noun,” tears were welling up behind Maggie’s eyes again, this time when they fell from her eyes, each tear was like a snowflake, unique and beautiful, full of artistic aesthetic, falling with all the grace of the entire world, “that’s ever made me feel... unlonely? …Loved. But I’m supposed to hate you, right? For walking out on me? You know I started to believe all the things I told myself, so when I saw you today for the first time in a year, with that silly, pining look on your face, I was so confused. You looked at me like nothing had changed, like you never left, and then there we were again, spinning together, suspended in slow motion. And in that moment, regardless of all the time I spent building my walls back up, brick by brick, it took seconds—seconds—for you to send them crumbling to the ground.” Maggie smiled, her brow furled with thought. “And that was before you went and sacrificed yourself. I’ve never been so mad, so heartbroken, and so loved at the same time… and I know that you’re asleep right now, that you won’t remember any of this, but I needed to tell you that… now that you’re back, you’re stuck with me. I won’t ever let you go again.”
The tears were still pouring down Maggie’s face. It was something she’d gotten used to in the last year, but this time was different. Tears of joy covered her face because she knew now, without a doubt, that Alex did love her. Now the only thing to do was to wait for Alex to realize it too.
One is the Loneliest Number, pt. 4 - all chapters now on AO3.
Back at the DEO, J’onn briefed Alex and Kara about the situation. The White Martians had found out about M’gann’s friendship with J’onn and taken her hostage, promising only to release her in exchange for J’onn. The plan was to fake the exchange, with J’onn surrendering himself, then have Supergirl come flying in to join J’onn in the fight while Alex found and extracted M’gann.
When they arrived at the location, it was immediately obvious that their plan was not going to hold up throughout the mission. The White Martians immediately charged at J’onn, outnumbering him four to one, and out of concern, Supergirl came in a bit too early, and without warning Alex. Luckily, six aliens fighting on two teams against one another does not go unnoticed, so when Alex saw the fight in full swing, she rushed off to find M’gann.
The warehouse was large and it took quite a bit of time to get through it, especially unnoticed, as there were several White Martians standing guard throughout the entire building. As one of the guards was walking by, Alex shifted her body behind a water tank so that she was not visible, but in doing so, the metal zipper on her jacket hit the steel tank, alerting the White Martian to her presence. Without a second thought, Alex took off, running down the stairs to the level beneath them. Alex thought she had gotten a lead on her pursuer but the White Martian leapt over the edge and cut her off. Thinking quickly, Alex turned and ran away through a narrow hallway, making the White Martian shift into human form to fit. She managed to lose the White Martian for a moment, though he was still relatively close behind and could catch up to her at any moment. As she rounded a corner, the Martian caught sight of her again, so she rounded the corner back the way she came, then rounded another corner until hands caught her.
Alex jumped, taken aback. Someone had pulled her into a dark, still room and had placed a hand over her mouth to limit the sound of her heavy breathing and an arm around her waist to keep her anchored and silent. As the footsteps of the disgruntled White Martian rounded the hallway and continued moving away from the room, the limbs holding Alex went limp and a collective sigh was released.
Focusing only on the mission, Alex turned to the shadowy figure and gave a quick nod before opening the door; however, before she was even halfway out the door the figure grabbed her by the wrist. Opening the door just a crack had let some light in, so when she turned around to ask the shadowy figure what the hell they thought they were doing, she saw the soft and familiar, smiling face of one of the NCPD’s finest: Detective Maggie Sawyer.
Alex froze at the sight of her, the door still halfway open in her hand allowing the smallest amount of light to fall on Maggie’s face. Alex was sure it was divine intervention. It felt like time stopped, like it had never existed. She was floating.
Alex felt Maggie tug on her wrist again, and suddenly it was apparent that Maggie was touching her. If Maggie wanted her to keep quiet, touching Alex anywhere was a bad idea. Maggie pointed at the door and Alex continued staring at the woman in front of her before snapping out of it and closing the door. As the door shut, she cursed the darkness for supplanting the light that belonged to Maggie. It wasn’t right, she thought. Something so beautiful should always live in the light.
Alex shifted her body away from Maggie’s so that she was facing the door, but as luck would have it, her foot got caught on something and she started to stumble backwards as another White Martian passed through the hallway on patrol. Her heart was pounding as her body fell, terrified that the noise would alert the White Martian to their presence and they would have nowhere to run, and only limited space to fight. Just as the Martian passed the door to the room, Alex felt Maggie’s arms catch her under arms and pull her up. Once Alex was on her feet again, she wanted to turn around and hug Maggie, but Maggie had not yet let go. She was still holding Alex, her arms tightly wound around Alex’s body, right below her bra line. Alex felt shivers eclipse her entire body.
Once the Martian had gone, Maggie released Alex and the two women ventured into the hallway. Alex had to remind herself why she was there.
Oh, right. The mission. M’gann.
The sound of Maggie’s voice interrupted her, her inner voice of reason coming to a silent halt so that Maggie’s could take over.
“I’ve been in that room for at least 15 minutes and have pretty closely timed the security rounds, but damn Agent Danvers, you did not make the home stretch easy. We need to go now.” Maggie grabbed Alex’s hand and pulled her behind her, shifting their backs to the wall as she looked around the corner. “All clear,” she said.
Maggie released Alex’s hand and gestured for Alex to follow her as both women unbuttoned their holsters and pulled out their guns. Alex tried her best to keep the mission at the forefront of her brain as they made their way through the warehouse, but she couldn’t keep her mind from drifting to Maggie. She was right there, fingertips away, for the first time in a year. She looked so beautiful. From the day Maggie waltzed into her crime scene stirring up trouble and giving the agent attitude, there was never a moment in which Alex thought Maggie could ever look better; she was always on, always immaculate, always everything. ‘My Kryptonite,” she thought with an eye roll before cutting herself off. ‘Enough,’ she reminded herself again. Maggie was obviously there for the same reason Alex and the DEO were there. They needed to find M’gann.
They made it through nearly the entire warehouse before they saw another White Martian. This time, Alex was the one to pull Maggie aside and out of the White Martian’s line of sight, but it was a brutal situation she’d put herself in. She had pulled Maggie in so quickly that Maggie didn’t have a chance to adjust, so they were face to face, closer than they’d been since the night that Maggie got shot and kissed Alex. She kissed Alex a lot that night, Alex still thought about it against her best interest. Maggie kissed her thirty-six times to be exact. Alex counted the number of kisses then, but if she’s being honest, she still counts them, letting herself relive the good before drifting into the bad, the heartbreak she’d caused.
Maggie was taken aback by being pulled away from the spot she’d settled on much in the same way Alex had been taken aback when Maggie pulled her into that dark room, the only difference was that Maggie recovered quickly. Typical. Inches from Alex’s lips and it didn’t seem like it had affected her at all. She didn’t even look mad or heartbroken or anything Alex would have expected her to be. She just stared back and smiled, realizing the situation was a bit awkward especially considering their history, but while Maggie was calm and collected, Alex was having a meltdown internally. She had to put all of her energy into resisting someone who wasn’t even trying to be irresistible. Maybe that’s exactly why Maggie was so utterly irresistible, Alex thought, ‘she has no idea how beautiful she is.’
The contact only lasted for a minute or two, Alex thought, but she wasn’t sure. Time had stopped again when she got lost in Maggie’s shining, big, brown eyes. Maggie had caught the intensity of Alex’s staring and smiled back while tilting her head to the right side of her body. She looked right around Alex seconds later to check on the status of the latest alien on patrol and Alex had felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest.
Maggie took Alex’s hand again, signaling that the mission had resumed. There was one more hallway and M’gann had to be in one of the rooms. They checked the first room on the right, but it was empty, then they switched to the room on the left. As they opened the door, they saw a distressed M’gann tied up and so they rushed over to untie her. Maggie gave M’gann a quick hug to calm her down while Alex checked to make sure the coast was clear. The three women found the closest exit but a White Martian spotted them as they escaping. Maggie and M’gann were right outside the exit when Alex told them to run, shutting the door to separate herself from the women she needed to save. The last thing she saw before the door closed was Maggie’s face as it sank with the realization of what Alex had done.
The next few minutes Alex spent trying to occupy the White Martian long enough for Maggie and M’gann to escape were brutal. Initially, she had managed to avoid any major blow to her face or body, but the White Martian eventually got impatient, frustrated that he wasn’t landing any big hits. So to make up for his failed attempt at ‘traditional’ combat, he picked Alex up and threw her twenty feet across the warehouse, where her body slammed against a boiler tank. Beside it she lied on the steel floor, unknowingly moaning in pain as she drifted towards the darkness that’s always clung to her.
“Alex! It’s past noon and you’re still in bed? Wake up, lazy bum!”
Alex stirred in her bed, trying to pull the covers over her head to muffle the sound of Kara’s voice as the younger sister jumped up onto the mattress and bounced until Alex acknowledged her.
“Why are you doing this to me?” Alex asked, exhaling into her pillow.
“Eliza and I are going to go to Dooly’s Deli for lunch and we were thinking you might be interested in joining us?”
Alex’s eyes narrowed, her face still buried into her pillow. It was no secret how much Alex loved Dooly’s; in fact, Eliza used Dooly’s Deli sandwiches to tame the angst of a teen-aged Alex. Even more recently Kara had made a special trip to Midvale to pick up Dooly’s in an effort to bring cheer to a heartbroken Alex after Maggie had rejected her. Dooly’s would always bring a smile to her face and no matter how brief the smile, it was always worth it even though it didn’t have any long term effect.
“So, whattaya say? The three Danvers women lunching then shopping, eh? Then slumber party later?”
Alex considered it, but as much as she wanted to she couldn’t bring herself to move at the behest of anyone else.
“It’s tempting but I think I’m going to stay behind. I need a little ‘me time’.”
“Okay… well, if you change your mind, text us and we can meet up later.” Kara forced a smile but Alex could still see concern in her sister’s eyes. When Alex didn’t say anything, Kara got the hint and exited, then a few minutes later Alex could hear her mother’s car driving down the gravel road, away from the house.
Being back in her childhood home was bittersweet, to say the least. As much as she loved coming home, there were always two eras of home that she remembered: before Jeramiah died and after. Even though she was now aware that her father had survived all those years ago, it was hard to disconnect the feelings and memories from the place itself—she still felt the pain of him passing regardless of any current truths. Alex looked around her bedroom and remembered when Jeramiah had read her bedtime stories, and from wall to wall her thoughts strayed from father-daughter bonding to the tears she had shed into the mattress beneath her when she had first mourned the loss of him.
Alex got up out of her bed, unwilling to let her mind drift further into the darkness. She walked to the vanity just a few feet from the right side of her bed and took a quick look into the mirror, seeing that her mascara and eyeliner had smudged beneath both of her eyes. Last night at dinner, Alex and her mother had split a couple of bottles of wine and while Alex wasn’t necessarily feeling hungover, she certainly looked it considering she’d forgotten to wash her face before going to bed. Alex walked into the bathroom and grabbed a washcloth and held it under the faucet to dampen it with warm water, then applied it in strokes underneath her eyes. After wiping for a few minutes without much success she decided to hop in the shower. She was planning on showering anyway, albeit at a later time, but she surmised it better to happen sooner rather than later so she could avoid any more unnecessary under-eye puffiness.
Once she disrobed and pulled two fresh towels out of the linen closet, Alex stepped into the shower, turning the hot and cold knobs until the water started to steam. There was something so cathartic about showering, Alex thought. Of course, it was cleansing in the literal sense, but it also cleared her mind in the same way that meditation did. She let the stream of water fall over her face and run to her shoulders and down her chest, with each stretch of body traveled, the more tension removed from her muscles.
Alex spent a few hours relaxing and reading when Kara and Eliza had returned. Even though Alex had passed on going to lunch, Kara and Eliza still surprised her with a Dooly’s burger and tarragon fries. A smile crept across her face and like clockwork, the other Danvers women’s faces mirrored the change.
“My heroes!” Alex genuinely exclaimed. They were heroes for a lot of reasons, but in that moment, a burger from Dooly’s was all she needed to remind them of how much she admired them.
“Save room for popcorn!” Eliza shouted as she made her way downstairs to the basement to get it ready for their slumber party, “…and start thinking of a movie to watch!”
Alex looked at Kara with her mouth full of fries as Kara met her gaze. After a brief moment of eye contact, both women shouted at the same time, with Alex suggesting Kill Bill and Kara suggesting Love Actually. Kara had made Alex watch Love Actually almost once a month, but since she’d been gone for so long and Alex didn’t have to watch during that time, she agreed to appease her sister. She could at least have fun mocking Kara’s commentary and romantic angst.
After Kara and Eliza had dinner, the Danvers women made their way to the basement. Eliza had put linens on the pullout couch for the sisters to share, and made up another couch for herself. She’d only made it minutes into the movie before falling asleep—she hadn’t even plugged her phone in to charge. Alex got up from the pullout and ran upstairs to grab Eliza’s charger, then ran back downstairs and plugged her mother’s phone in before taking a folded blanket off the back of the couch and draping it over the older woman.
Alex crawled back onto the pullout, seated next to Kara with a bowl of stove-popped popcorn between them. They had made it two-thirds into the movie before Kara decided she’d rather chat.
“So, how about this gossip?” Kara asked.
Alex took her eyes off the television and grabbed the remote to decrease the volume of the movie.
“You tell me. I was away from National City just as long as you were… or as long as you were away from Earth-38 that is.”
“Well, you must have spoken to J’onn and other people who work for or with the DEO? Has anything exciting happened to anyone?”
Alex thought about what she could say to satisfy Kara’s thirst for information. It was understandable Kara wanted to catch up on what she’d missed, especially because her experience being on Earth-1 was much shorter than the time she’d been away from Earth-38.
“J’onn and M’gann are on better terms now since Eliza cured him. He released M’gann, though he does still keep a close eye on her.”
“Oh, thank Rao. I was meaning to have a chat with him about that, glad he beat me to the punch. What about James? Winn?”
“Well, James left Catco and is kind of an independent contractor for the DEO. He still goes to Catco events when Cat invites him, but I don’t think she’s in National City very often so it’s rare. He and Winn do the Guardian thing most of the time as far as I’m aware. Honestly, we haven’t spoken much since I left so I’m not sure about what’s happened in their personal lives.”
“I guess I should probably plan a game night or something. Going to the source might, you know, provide me with reliable information,” Kara said smiling at her sister. “I’ve got something…”
“Oh yeah? Did something happen on Earth-1?” Alex asked. “Didn’t you mention having a bit of an attraction to Barry when you first met?”
“Pfft, Barry and I are just friends. Nothing like that happened on Earth-1.”
“So you’re saying something like that happened here?”
“Sort of…” Kara trailed off, momentarily lost in her train of thought. “When Mon-el was infected with the virus, I went to check on him and he… kissed me.”
“Oh yeah? How do you feel about it?” Alex perked up, raising her eyebrows.
“Well, I felt something, I think, but I’m pretty sure he was delirious. After Eliza cured him, I tried to bring it up but he didn’t remember.”
“I’m sorry Kara. Have you seen him since you’ve been back?”
“For a few minutes when I got back to the DEO. He hugged me and asked to catch up soon, but said he had to run off to meet his girlfriend.” Kara hung her head.
“Ouch,” Alex said as she looked at her sister, clearly bummed.
“Yeah… I guess I’m just happy he doesn’t remember the kiss. That would make this whole situation so much more awkward. It’s probably for the best anyway. He can be such a handful.”
“Speaking from experience, with the kissing… yeah.” Alex bit her tongue as soon as the words had fallen from her mouth. She ended up bringing up the exact topic she didn’t want to talk about. It was like she was driving into a hurricane when she meant to drive away from it.
“About that… what’s happened with your love life? Did you ever swing the ‘friends’ thing with Maggie?”
“It’s kind of a long story,” Alex said, trying to dissuade Kara from dwelling on it.
Kara looked around the room, threw her hands up and shrugged her shoulders, “well, looks like we’ve got time?”
“But… it’s unexciting. Any other topic would provide be more thrilling to talk about and to listen to.”
“C’mon, Alex. I want to know what’s going on with you.” Kara said, convincing a hesitant Alex to share.
“Well…” Alex paused briefly, preparing herself to speak about Maggie aloud. “After the DEO shut down Cadmus’ plans for the virus, Maggie showed up at my place later that night with pizza and beer, saying that she was scared when I came out because it was for her, but that after getting shot she’d been thinking, and that life is too short … and then she kissed me.”
“What?! Why am I just hearing about this now? What happened after she kissed you? I mean, you don’t have to be too specific if that happened, but…” Kara was genuinely curious. She had always expected to hear about big developments immediately after they happened. In this case, she wished Alex would have told her soon as Alex had arrived at the DEO after Kara got back.
“It’s not really important what happened.” Alex mumbled, her face having now fallen.
“Alex, do not make me make you tell me… Okay, so that could have been phrased better, but… just tell me!” Kara begged her sister for more information.
“Fine, fine. That night was perfect, okay? We made out like teenagers and fell asleep on the couch together cuddling. Over the next few days we hung out a couple of times at the bar and we planned to go on a date, but it didn’t work out.”
“Why not?”
“Because… life got in the way.” Alex was careful with her wording. She knew the why was bound to click to Kara, but she also knew her sister would feel guilty and she didn’t want that. Alex didn’t blame Kara.
Kara’s eyes widened with the realization of what had happened: Alex left National City to look for Kara. Alex left Maggie to look for Kara.
“Oh no, I’m so…” Kara was just about to apologize when Alex pushed the bowl of popcorn out of her way, scooted across the pullout sofa, and wrapped her arms around her younger sister.
“It’s not your fault. Whatever guilt trip you’re about to put yourself through, just do yourself a favor and skip it. I don’t blame you, or anyone. It’s just the way the world works, okay?”
Kara looked into her sister’s eyes and knew Alex had meant what she’d said, so she tried to let it go as best she could, though she knew that it would be easier said than done. The most important thing was to try for Alex—to not let the guilt get to her; it wouldn’t fix anything.
“Did you guys talk much when you were away? Have you told her you’re back in National City?” Kara crossed her fingers for an easily repairable relationship between the two.
“We haven’t spoken in a while. When I decided to leave National City, I told her that I had a mission that required me to leave for an unspecified amount of time. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I basically shut off my emotions to make it easier to leave her, but it probably came off as really cold. It was a ‘I’m leaving, bye’ kind of break up. I mean, if you want to call it that.”
“So she doesn’t even know I was missing? She just… she thinks you chose a mission over her?”
“Yeah, if I were her I’d hate me too, especially after it took her so long to give me her trust and then when she did I just… left.”
“Alex, you need to call her.” Kara demanded.
“Are you kidding? What makes you think she wants to talk to me? I’m the last person she wants to hear from.”
“She liked you! She kissed you! You could still have a chance with her. You should just tell her the truth—the whole truth.”
“Kara, I know you’re a hopeless romantic, but some things just aren’t meant to be, okay? You didn’t see her face when I told her I was leaving. She cried. I never thought I’d ever see Maggie cry. I broke her heart.”
“Yeah, but you broke your own heart too. Don’t you think she deserves to hear that? Or at least hear why it was that you had to leave?”
“She deserves… someone else. I deserve to be alone.”
“But Alex, you’re so…”
Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.
Alex’s phone vibrated beside her. She took a quick look at the screen to see who was calling her.
“Oh, bummer,” Alex said with a sarcastic tone. “It’s J’onn. I’ve got to take this.”
Alex got up from the pullout and walked to the other side of the room. The phone call was short. M’gann was in trouble and the DEO needed the help of Agent Danvers and Supergirl.
Alex let out a sigh of relief, happy to be given a distraction. It was bad enough that Alex unwillingly relived the moment in which she broke Maggie’s heart every single day, but talking about it was too much for her. It made it too real, and the reality that Maggie hated Alex and might not ever kiss her again was not a reality in which Alex could exist.
“Supergirl. Vacation is over. Time to go. Suit up.”
Alex was ready to crack some skulls… so they could find M’gann. Yeah. That’s why.
In the days following Kara’s disappearance it had quickly become apparent to the DEO (& friends) that Alex would not stay in National City with her sister missing. Search parties had turned every inch of the metropolitan upside-down on J’onn and Alex’s orders and there was still no sign of the Kryptonian. When Alex asked Winn to take care of Kara’s apartment until one or both Danvers sisters returned, he agreed. He was happy to do it. It was sort of a compliment coming from Alex—she couldn’t do it herself and he was the next best option, or at least that’s what he liked to imagine.
Within minutes of Kara arriving at the DEO the day before, Winn had been so happy she was back that he didn’t ask any questions before rushing to her apartment to remove his things. He didn’t know what Kara had been through, but he wanted her to be as comfortable as possible in the space that she’d created.
Winn was packing up the last of his things when Alex and Kara arrived.
“You guys… I’m so happy both of you are back. So happy. I’m going to let you catch up with one another....” Winn was bent over reorganizing his boxes, his gaze moving to and from his task and his audience. “’Cause you guys should both take a few days for yourselves, you know? Once those few days are up though, I’ve got to warn you…” He stood up as the sisters looked at him quizzically. “…I’ll be everywhere. We’re gonna hang out. We’re gonna talk. We’re gonna laugh. Non-stop, okay? Non-stop.”
The girls playfully scoffed as Winn took both of them into his arms for a group hug. The smile on his face was so large that his eyes could not realistically stay open, but as his face returned to normal, so did his eyelids, with his gaze meeting Alex’s as both of their arms seemed only to be around Kara. She was not amused.
“Oh god, okay. I’m going, okay? I’m going. Please don’t kill me.” Winn took the hint and grabbed the last of his boxes, flashing Kara a smile and a wink before shuffling out the door.
After Winn had left, there was a brief moment of silence as the sisters made their way to the couch, both of them allowing their bodies to become limp and collapse onto the soft cushions below them. There was so much to talk about but they were so exhausted that neither of them wanted to be the one to ruin the other’s Zen. Kara, in true Kara fashion, eventually surrendered to her impatience.
“So…. what did I miss?”
“That’s a loaded question, you know.”
“Yeah, but we gotta start somewhere, right? We don’t have to cover it all, I know a lot happened.”
Alex’s stomach turned. Kara had thought she’d missed a lot but really, as far as Alex’s life was concerned, she just missed Alex hitting rock bottom and that was something Alex was not yet ready to admit to the younger Danvers. To make the best of the situation, she decided to practice her deflection skills.
“Well, Cat Grant came back for a while and J’onn pretended to be you and made some excuse about how you needed to find yourself and push your boundaries on some kind of spirit quest. I don’t know how he did it, but he ended up convincing Cat to give you your job back whenever you returned. He also pretended to be Supergirl sometimes, making sure fly by Cat’s office so she wouldn’t get suspicious with you and your alter ego bring gone from National City at the same time.”
“Wow. I really owe him.”
“You really do.”
“What else?”
“You might want to sit down for this one… James is Guardian... and Winn has been helping him.”
Kara had planted herself down only for a moment before her body shot up after processing. “No way. No. That is not okay.”
“Actually with J’onn and Mon-el’s help they did a pretty good job defending the city in your absence, or at least that’s what I was told in briefings. James’ identity isn’t even a secret at the DEO anymore.”
“Yeah, so about the briefings... I know you left National City and traveled to a bunch of places looking for me, but where did you go? Like, where were you?”
“You know; I was on Earth-38 all along... so it was nowhere near as interesting as where you were and what was happening to you.” A successful deflection, Alex mused, as Kara’s face lit up.
“I mean,” she adjusted her glasses as her smile grew wider, “it was really, really cool.”
Kara told Alex about Earth-1, about each of the heroes she’d met and the aliens she fought, about how she was so confused coming back home and learning she’d been missing for nearly fourteen months. She was baffled. She’d left on a Friday and assumed that she’d gotten back to Earth-38 on the following Tuesday. She had no idea that there would be such a difference in time between the two universes. In retrospect, the portals opening hours and hours apart was something she wished she had thought of. Barry and Cisco had tried multiple times and within seconds of each last attempt, yet those seconds translated differently on Earth-38. She contemplated the space-time continuum and scolded herself internally for not considering that even though her trip would be short, that her absence from Earth-38 might be long.
“Stop beating yourself up.” Alex was well aware of the face Kara made when she was brooding. “It’s not your fault, Kara. A friend asked for your help and you said yes—like you should have. I mean, you saved another Earth from a fate that would have changed that universe forever.”
Kara’s eyes fell as she shifted her body in her seat.
“It’s just that I… well, what if the difference in time had been longer? What if I had been gone for twenty years instead of one? What would I have come back to?”
Alex turned and grabbed her sister by her shoulders. “Kara. You didn’t know. Don’t scold yourself about what could have happened. Just let it go.”
“It’s not only that, I’m just so sorry that you were out there, looking for me. You left your life here, you just dropped everything to find me and I wasn’t even here. Everyone I love changed their lives to find me or step in for me. Winn, James, Mon-el, J’onn all took over patrolling and missions. Eliza tapped into a global network of scientists to inquire about Kryptonian markings or other scientific indications that I was out there. I just can’t help but think about everything you guys gave up while I was gone. I didn’t even tell you I was leaving.”
“Kara, it’s all in the past. We need to move on. I need to move on. For the record though, I don’t blame you, but I’m beyond happy to have my little sister back, okay?”
Kara resigned, defeated. It was a battle she could not win and she felt bad enough already that she would not put Alex through any more pain because of how she felt.
“Okay. Well… how about we take a couple of days like Winn suggested? We can visit mom, have a slumber party like the old days?”
“Now that is something I could get into” Alex said. She had just gotten back to National City but she’d already started feeling smothered. The past had its hands on her neck, reminding her that misery was not yet ready to let her go.
Posted last night then deleted because I’m a n00b and didn’t proof. Posting first ever fanfic in parts/chapters now. Will put on Ao3 once I get an invite. No warnings yet. Feedback welcome! Post 2x08 with time difference between universes--Kara’s been missing for over a year and Alex left National City to find her. No Maggie yet, but obviously this is Sanvers fiction.
Kara had been missing for four-hundred and five days when Alex received the call from J’onn that her little sister had returned and was at DEO HQ, unharmed but severely disoriented. It was 2:30 am in Saint Petersburg, Russia, and she’d been asleep but as soon as she heard the words ‘Kara is alive’ she’d sprung out of her hotel room bed and started to collect and toss her belongings into a pile to shove into her suitcase, her priority being to get back to National City as soon as possible to see her sister. The whole process of packing, securing a flight back to the States, dealing with the flight itself, getting a cab from the airport to take her directly to the DEO, and so on, was tedious and unending. It had already been thirteen months, three weeks, and a day, and Alex didn’t want to wait another second to see Kara.
When Alex arrived and walked into the DEO, she felt similarly to how she felt returning to her high school for class reunions. It was all familiar. She’d known the place like the back of her hand at one point, but after having been away for so long, it had somehow felt different: the lighting was darker, the hallways were smaller, the building’s scent had become aged, vintage. Alex contemplated how a place could feel like it had changed so much over the course of thirteen months. Thirteen months didn’t feel like a long time when she thought about being away from the DEO; however, thirteen months had felt like an eternity without Kara.
“Agent Danvers, it’s good to see you” J’onn said as he walked to greet the woman who had been like a daughter to him, pulling her in for a firm hug. Alex wrapped her arms around J’onn and squeezed him tightly. Perhaps time always moves slower when it comes to being away from people, from loved ones.
“J’onn…” Alex said as she smiled at him, conveying silently that she had missed him before moving onto her sister. “Where is she?”
J’onn gave Alex a nod signaling her to follow him, then leading her to an observation room in the north wing of the DEO building. They had several doctors running tests on Kara over the last day and a half, and Kara was so tired after the last round of tests that she had fallen asleep on one of the stiff electric beds that she and Alex both despised so much.
“How is she? What tests have you been running? Results?”
“We’ve run all the usual tests; most of the more unusual tests as well. All the results are coming back normal—she’s body and brain healthy—so it’s bizarre that she has no recollection of the last thirteen months. She claims to have been on an alternate Earth in an alternate universe and that she was only gone for a few days.”
Alex took a deep breath and considered just what it was that John was saying.
“Well, given the test results I think it’s safe to say that my mind is blown. It explains why neither the DEO Search and Rescue squads nor Superman could find her… why I couldn’t find her.”
Inside the room, Kara started to shuffle, sensing she was no longer alone. She was hesitant to open her eyes out of concern that the people she’d heard were doctors who would insist she endure more tests and she couldn’t do it anymore. The results were coming back without any red flags, and she didn’t have the energy to keep telling them, calmly, that she was fine. So she wouldn’t. She’d refuse any tests they’d try to throw at her. She’d even give the doctors a piece of her mind if she needed to.
No use in delaying the inevitable, Kara thought, allowing her eyes to flutter open as she pulled herself up off the bed and placed her feet firmly onto the floor, ready for battle. Without turning around, she threatened the doctor walking into the room, “you know, there’s only so many times I can say that I’m perfectly fine without actually losing my mind, right?”
“Well, I’m pretty sure it’s a big sister’s job to second guess everything the little sister says,” Alex said, barely having time to exhale before Kara sped around the bed and scooped her into her arms.
“Oh Alex, I’m so sorry… I can’t even believe… I had no idea this would happen” Kara said.
Alex shushed her sister as she let herself sink into the hug. Kara was alive and it was the first time in such a long while that she knew it was true. It didn’t feel like she was lying to herself anymore.
“It’s okay, it’s okay. I missed you and I’m so happy you’re home safe,” Alex said with her arms wrapped around Kara as tightly as Kara’s arms were wrapped around her. They had a lot to talk about, and frankly the DEO was the last place Alex wanted to be, so she released Kara from the hug, then turned to her boss.
“J’onn, do you have any other tests to run on Kara? Can I take her home? Please.” The plea was phrased as a question but J’onn knew that Alex wasn’t asking; instead she was warning that she’d be taking Kara regardless of his response, though to be fair she still hoped he’d be okay with it. There was a permanent but negligible bite that had developed in Alex’s tone over the last year as she scoured the globe looking for her sister. J’onn had heard it every time he spoke with Alex over conference calls and video briefings and the few times he’d met her in the field to help her with the search, and yet no matter how many times her tone pierced J’onn’s ears, it always stung just as much as it did when he’d heard it the first time. After all she’d been through in the last thirteen months J’onn thought it was reasonable that she’d hardened herself. He didn’t blame her.
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