aaaaaaa

any pronouns, 19, just rants, wlw

[gonerblurryface]

aaand ofc i fucking relapsed (sh)

[gonerblurryface]

back on prozac now lmao

[thegreatimpersonator]

thinking of halsey's writing the poem "date with an arsonist"

[gonerblurryface]

second year of college lmao. it's weird seeing my posts from a few years ago and realizing im still depressed...

it really is never gonna get better, isn't it?

LMAO

[sillylilysblog]

Instagram 🌹

[traumatizedjaguar-deactivated20]

“The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling."

- Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace.

[gonerblurryface]

there's no way im starting college next week

wtf

i started posting on here as a depressed high school junior... and i'm still depressed... but as a college freshman now

[gonerblurryface]

i fucking hate period cramps

[gonerblurryface]

wasn't too honest on that depression / anxiety form today.

i didn't wanna score high bc i'm scared that my parents will get mad if i go on meds again :/

what if i'm actually perfectly mentally fine?

[gonerblurryface]

being 17 and dating a 25 year old... not the best thing in the world

and im too attached to him. so fucking bad lmao

[gonerblurryface]

i'm making dumb decisions because i just really don't care bout myself at all. meet up with a 25 year old alone that i met online and not use protection? why not

[fulltrashpolice]

Credit:??

[gonerblurryface]

my dad would tell me to not be like my mom. my mom would tell me to not be like my dad. i didn't understand them at the time lol

guess my dad was talking about my mom's anger issues and being controlling/abusive then my mom was talking about my dad's alcoholism, dishonesty, and gambling addiction

[gonerblurryface]

i have lots of tests coming up in the next few weeks before winter break. sometimes i just wanna give up in school but i'm a perfectionist so that's not gonna happen.

[gonerblurryface]

i lose motivation and get bored of stuff so quickly. this is probably normal but it's frustrating

[gonerblurryface]

had two kinda long conversations with two different people today... didn't realize i'm actually capable of socializing with people

[gonerblurryface]

my parents just had a big fight in front of me. this used to happen constantly a few years ago so this kinda came out of nowhere. i forgot the adrenaline i get from their fighting. probably not gonna sleep well tonight lol