From Reddit:
I (27/M) am not happy with the âopenâ part of my open relationship with girlfriend (25/F). Together 2 years, âopenâ 6ish mo.
How we met: We met about 2.5 years ago on OkCupid. She lived close, we met up and got on well. After a few months we decided to get together. We were not open at this point. The relationship was great emotionally. She was sweet, attentive, caring and supportive. We also had a lot in common and had fun together, which is what I lacked in previous relationships so I was keen to keep this one and still am.
Becoming open: Around 6-7 months ago give or take, I found myself feeling disconnected from her and the relationship. I was looking at other women quite a bit, and couldnât seem to stop even though I DID feel guilty. I ended up singing up to a sex-themed website (fetlife.com). This is NOT a dating website, I wasnât planning to cheat when I signed up, itâs more a social network and I was mainly interested in looking at pictures posted there.
When I was on this website it was like I found what I thought I was missing. Loads of hot girls, who seemed happy to interact with me, mainly. I started commenting on pictures and girls started talking, flirting with me. I knew things were getting inappropriate for the relationship but I couldnât stop. I really wanted to hook up and date again, and experience these other women.
Not meaning offense to my girlfriend, but sheâs a big girl (had been since I dated her though so I didnât feel it was my place to say anything) and while I enjoyed her body, I canât deny that the draw of all the hotter women on the website who were seemingly interested in me was too much and I was feeling more and more disconnected from my relationship with this gaping hole in my needs not being met. I still loved my girlfriend and she fulfilled me emotionally, but physically my desires were completely elsewhere. Eventually I realised that the best thing for me to do would be to open up the relationship or break up with my girlfriend.
I spoke to her about this and, well, it broke her heart at the time. She was sobbing on me the whole night of me talking to her about it, saying she wanted to be monogamous and she didnât like the thought of an open relationship at all. She asked for a couple of weeks to think about it, which happened, but when we spoke about it again she told me she still didnât want to do it. I had to tell her at this point it was this or break up as I didnât feel fulfilled. At this, she said okay, she would try the open relationship.
So, in short, she agreed to the open relationship even though she hated the idea as she didnât want to break up. She wanted to know how an open relationship worked so I set down a few ground rules and boundaries which we both agreed to. Mainly things like.. sleep with whoever you want whenever you want, but always with protection. Casual dating is allowed as long as the person youâre dating knows the situation (since itâs hard to sleep with someone without a date first). Our relationship shouldnât suffer and we still need to be there for each other. etc.
My Problem. Less than two months later from this, sheâs signed up on FetLife too and now 100% enjoying herself. There are men crawling all over her, her profile, her pictures sheâs put up. I know for a fact that sheâs been on a heck of a lot of dates, both with people from the website and off it, and I also know sheâs been intimate with many of them too (I keep seeing comments on her pictures saying vulgar things like âGod I miss my mouth around those beautiful breastsâ etc from other men who I know she has been on dates with..)
Me, on the other hand? Iâve not hooked up with anyone, and only had one date. All the women who seemed to be interested in me turned out to only want to flirt online and only wanted attention, and when I brought up meeting up with any of them I got rejected. The only women who wanted to at all meet me or go out with me I wasnât attracted to. I went out with one local girl from Fetlife just to give it a chance, because my own girlfriend had found so many dates/hookups, but I just couldnât bring myself to be attracted and nothing happened. I havnât been able to find anyone else who wants to sleep with me off the website either. Me and my girlfriend still date and sleep together of course, but besides that Iâm completely dry. I donât think this is at all fair on me considering how many dates sheâs been on and I imagine how many guys sheâs fucked.
It got worse recently. Just this past Friday night I go out to the late night shop, and on the main road I find my girlfriend standing outside a pub with a guy, holding hands and making out. He was at least 6'4, muscles everywhere you look, arms covered in tattoos (which I know my girlfriend likes). I feel like shit. My girlfriend sees me, immediately breaks away from him and comes over smiling all over her face. She hugs me, kisses me, then the guy comes and introduces himself. It was awkward as fuck honestly, but my girlfriend didnât seem to notice at all. After stupid chitchat I tell them I need to get going, at which my girlfriend tells me she loves me, kisses me and that she will text me the next day as she wanted a date with me the next night. She then says sheâs going to go into the pub to visit the bathroom, and asked her âdateâ to wait outside for her and then after theyâll âget goingâ (back to her place I assume..).
So I start to walk away as she goes into the pub to the bathroom, and I hear the guy say âHeyâ behind me. I swear he had the biggest shit eating grin all over his fucking face. He said to me âMate, youâre a better guy than I am. If I had a lady like that I wouldnât let anyone else touch her. Lucky for me you guys have this open thing going onâ. He said it like he was pretending to be friendly, but obviously it was a dig because he could tell I wasnât happy right then. I just nodded and walked off.
My girlfriend rang me Saturday afternoon and I told her what happened and what the guy said, but she swears that he was just being complimentary/polite to me and that heâs from FetLife, and knows all about our relationship and my own profile on there which is why he was chatting to me. I told her that I still thought his comment was inappropriate and that I didnât want her dating this guy again, to which she said âOkayâ but she obviously wasnât happy about it. I didnât ask if they had hooked up, because I could already tell they had with how she was all over him. I told her I didnât feel like I wanted to hangout that night. She hasnât contacted me since then.
I feel like utter shit. Iâm going to be honest and say I have no idea why a guy like that is interested in my girlfriend and not out with a hot girl. I had no idea my girlfriend would get this much attention and it makes me feel like shit. I now realise if itâs not this guy, itâs going to be another with his hands all over my girlfriend. She has guys all over her, most likely just using her, but most of them more attractive than me and god knows what elseâŠâŠâŠâŠ and I only manage to get one date with someone I wasnât even attracted to. I still feel unfulfilled.
Iâm on her FetLife profile now while writing this and I have to look at this shit every day, and her relishing in it without ANY thought to my lack of dates. Not once has she asked me about my dates or who Iâve met off FetLife, and itâs obvious my profile is barren of any interaction compared to hers.
I canât really fault the relationship I have with my girlfriend if Iâm honest. Sheâs still her sweet, supportive self and she does make time for me, but I feel this open relationship has gotten really unfair now.
So thatâs it. I donât want to break up with her but I want it to stop, and to close the relationship again. But because it was my idea to open it, and we went through that difficulty before she started enjoying it, I donât know how to bring it up or what I say when I do. I just know itâs got to stop now and this canât be healthy for either of us.
tl;dr: Asked my girlfriend for an open relationship so we could both date and sleep with other people. My girlfriend has been on way too many dates and Iâm sure sheâs hooked up with a good few too. I havnât. Feel the open relationship has gotten way too unfair towards me and I want to close it, but because it was my idea I donât know how to bring it up to her. Need advice on how to do this and close the relationship again.
I cannot stop laughing at this shitstain. I hope his girlfriend leaves him forever.
Iâm so happy for her and I donât even know her lol
