clover j. gardener, word-person

they/them, nonwhite, asexual, professional human (icon by @mercuryytheraven and worm by @disco-wyrm)

[goodluckclove]

Clover Jean Gardener - "Professional" "Writer" of "Books" "and" "Plays"

It is comical for me to do an intro post at this point but I figure it might be helpful for people who want them links. Them good good links.

So hello! My name is Clover Jean Gardener, and I'm a queer, PDX-based novelist and playwright. I am here, on Tumblr, where I ramble on the regular and post development updates of what I'm working on. You can also find me on the following links.

Writer Website

Letterboxd

Storygraph

[goodluckclove]

I think Hasee Bounce is objectively the best and most enjoyable Neopets game, with the caveat of its soundtrack.

I did not really notice this as a kid, but revisiting the old Flash-era relic has forced me to realize that the soundtrack to Hasee Bounce is, inexplicably, like thirty seconds long at most. It is thirty seconds that loops for however long you're able to extend a run - potentially a few minutes if you're really good.

This is. It's just untenable to me. A truly baffling choice.

[hottdoggblogg]

[goodluckclove]

I typed up a long response to your F1 ask but I think Tumblr ate it when I hit post :/ need to emotionally recover before trying again 👍

I'm excited to hear whether Ferrari is a human driver or mainly just a car.

[goodluckclove]

I am newly trying to form a basic understanding of at least all the major sports. And after asking a Baseball Friend about Baseball I woke up still thinking about that time Randy Johnson exploded a bird.

He hit a baseball so hard that it exploded a passing bird. And for some reason (Adderal still kicking in, probably) I found myself frustrated that he didn't do more to "make amends".

Only at some point I thought about that opinion and asked myself what Randy Johnson could've possibly done to apologize. Or even, who he would apologize to.

My conclusion was that, in my sleep addled state, I was assuming there was some sort of nonprofit he could've donated to. Perhaps a nonprofit that works to teach birds what baseball is and why they shouldn't fly super low during active baseball games.

[goodluckclove]

Hey is there a Sports-Knowing community here that could explain how someone with genuinely no real awareness of a sport can start to learn the basics of its history and notable players?

Like if I were to want to gain a surface level understanding of baseball, how would I do that? If I wanted to be able to comprehend the basics of soccer and its legacy, like - where would I even start? Should I just skim the Wikipedia entry for whatever sport I don't want to be laughably ignorant of???

[goodluckclove]

Literally if you follow me and you are well-versed in any sport, where would you point someone wanting to get an introduction? And I mean any sport. If you are super hyped about water polo and I were to say I have a very murky concept of water polo that feels wrong to me, where would you point me towards to start learning?

[metautske]

Im not sure about beginner friendly play by play explanations during a game, but i do feel like record books (a la ripleys or something) focused on sports accomplishments might be cool to see legacy maybe? Honestly with baseball it just took me watching a bunch of games and just cold plunging into it for me to pick up the basics. Still iffy on soccer. Football is about the same as baseball but less fun for me

[goodluckclove]

"football is about the same as baseball" hey man so like what the fuck do you mean by that??? They seem like REALLY different games to me????

Like I assumed the venn diagram between those two sports to be two completely separate circles.

[goodluckclove]

@metautske was kind enough to let me ask a lot of my baseball questions, and it turns out most of them were Bird Explosion Related.

Imagine you do your job so effectively that a bird explodes.

[goodluckclove]

Hey is there a Sports-Knowing community here that could explain how someone with genuinely no real awareness of a sport can start to learn the basics of its history and notable players?

Like if I were to want to gain a surface level understanding of baseball, how would I do that? If I wanted to be able to comprehend the basics of soccer and its legacy, like - where would I even start? Should I just skim the Wikipedia entry for whatever sport I don't want to be laughably ignorant of???

[goodluckclove]

Literally if you follow me and you are well-versed in any sport, where would you point someone wanting to get an introduction? And I mean any sport. If you are super hyped about water polo and I were to say I have a very murky concept of water polo that feels wrong to me, where would you point me towards to start learning?

[metautske]

Im not sure about beginner friendly play by play explanations during a game, but i do feel like record books (a la ripleys or something) focused on sports accomplishments might be cool to see legacy maybe? Honestly with baseball it just took me watching a bunch of games and just cold plunging into it for me to pick up the basics. Still iffy on soccer. Football is about the same as baseball but less fun for me

[goodluckclove]

"football is about the same as baseball" hey man so like what the fuck do you mean by that??? They seem like REALLY different games to me????

Like I assumed the venn diagram between those two sports to be two completely separate circles.

[goodluckclove]

Hey is there a Sports-Knowing community here that could explain how someone with genuinely no real awareness of a sport can start to learn the basics of its history and notable players?

Like if I were to want to gain a surface level understanding of baseball, how would I do that? If I wanted to be able to comprehend the basics of soccer and its legacy, like - where would I even start? Should I just skim the Wikipedia entry for whatever sport I don't want to be laughably ignorant of???

[goodluckclove]

Literally if you follow me and you are well-versed in any sport, where would you point someone wanting to get an introduction? And I mean any sport. If you are super hyped about water polo and I were to say I have a very murky concept of water polo that feels wrong to me, where would you point me towards to start learning?

[goodluckclove]

Hey is there a Sports-Knowing community here that could explain how someone with genuinely no real awareness of a sport can start to learn the basics of its history and notable players?

Like if I were to want to gain a surface level understanding of baseball, how would I do that? If I wanted to be able to comprehend the basics of soccer and its legacy, like - where would I even start? Should I just skim the Wikipedia entry for whatever sport I don't want to be laughably ignorant of???

[goodluckclove]

When I was younger I went to New Orleans for a week on my own. Stayed in a hostel, didn't do a huge amount of the traditionally Touristy stuff. But for the first three days I was there I lived entirely off of gumbo. I had gumbo once for the first time, and my brain went cool so I'll just eat this and only this forever. And then on my fourth day I woke up in a stupor that was only cured by walking to a nearby market and buying a single cucumber that I ate on the curb like an apple.

I assumed that this was a mistake I would no longer make nearly ten years after the fact. But I got back from a weekend in Seattle yesterday and felt myself crash in a way that seemed rather unusual. And so I did my usual internal scan, which includes asking myself what I've had to eat that day.

And that is when I realized that, over the course of my three-day trip, my main source of food was a baguette of bread and a container of compound butter. It wasn't all I ate. There were some other snacks here and there. But for some reason, Traveller Clove was fully convinced that they were fine to go that long primarily fueled off of bread and butter.

They were thrilled about it, actually. They could've easily not have done that. Something in their brain was just like yeah I could get a Meal at a Place. But the compound butter in the hostel fridge. Has chives in it. Also I have a nectarine.

[theuniverseisonmyside]

If you had to kill the better part of the day in some fairly metropolitan area (think like a downtown or a kind of hip main street of some kind) where would you go and what would you be doing? Sitting at a park? Coffee shop for a drink of some kind? What's the vibe?

Oh, this is a good one. I would definitely be finding a coffee shop where I can sit and write for a while. Then I’d want to window shop a bit. I love finding small and quirky shops. We’d head to a book store (preferable a thrift exchange) and find ourselves a good book. Then I would want to find a local park, somewhere where we can sit and read for a long while. Maybe grab a cool drink on our way.

That would be lovely.

[themuseinthewoods]

Hey can you do a good and real and definitely not silly job of explaining that giant fucking eagle guy that is in the Hobbit? He's like king of the Eagles maybe? I was baffled when he showed up.

Happily!

Welcome back to Muse's musings-the non existent television show where I present my thoughts

today's topic, the eagles in the Hobbit

So, the Lord of the Eagles knows Gandalf because Gandalf helped heal him after he was struck by an arrow, because like the dude that shot him didn't want his sheep to get taken because these eagles are big enough to eat sheep, ya know, very normal things.

The Eagles live in the Misty Mountains which is basically this mountain rage that's got giants, at Terry's and orcs (orcs are basically the biggest of the big goblins from what I understand), eagles, wargs, and the like.

See, these eagles of Middle Earth really only care about themselves but they hate wargs and goblins with the same amount of shade that Kendrick threw Drake when Kendrick dropped "Not like Us".

So, the dwarves have escaped the Goblin tunnels and are in the trees watching the wargs have the evil meeting they have. Now, I personally always pictured them like Little Red Riding Hood wolves, so envision that if you will.

The dwarves, in their varies colored hoods and belts and beards and Bilbo and then Gandalf who in a tree but he's like so deep into the branches and he's a wizard so you can only see his eyes.

Gandalf speaks Warg, and so he understands that evil shit is going on and he's like nuh uh. Gandalf is like really into fire and explosives and so starts the pinecone throwing and stuff, this catches the attention of his majesty, the great eagle, because ya know, fire and dude hates wargs and goblins and he's like hell nah, we gonna end these mfs on site. (Oh and the goblin's have shown up by now and are like trying to set the trees the dwarves are in on fire with the fire Gandalf threw at the wargs)

So him and his guards fly off and he sees Gandalf cause he can "see a rabbit a mile away in dusk" according to Tolkien, and of course he recognizes Gandalf from the previously mentioned arrow wound the wizard healed him from and so he kinda owes Gandalf his life.

And so, the eagle wizard-naps Gandalf and I always assumed the reason the others save the dwarves is because they either (a) hate the goblins and wargs or (b) Gandalf was like "you gotta bring these dudes, I swear, they are chill"

the hate of the Wargs and the goblin's is also why they show up later in the battle of the armies. They are basically just like "fuck you, you fowl beasties"

Fire and feathers,

Muse

[goodluckclove]

Eagles love themselves as much as they hate wargs. Truly a standard we should all aspire to.

[themuseinthewoods]

Hey can you do a good and real and definitely not silly job of explaining that giant fucking eagle guy that is in the Hobbit? He's like king of the Eagles maybe? I was baffled when he showed up.

Happily!

Welcome back to Muse's musings-the non existent television show where I present my thoughts

today's topic, the eagles in the Hobbit

So, the Lord of the Eagles knows Gandalf because Gandalf helped heal him after he was struck by an arrow, because like the dude that shot him didn't want his sheep to get taken because these eagles are big enough to eat sheep, ya know, very normal things.

The Eagles live in the Misty Mountains which is basically this mountain rage that's got giants, at Terry's and orcs (orcs are basically the biggest of the big goblins from what I understand), eagles, wargs, and the like.

See, these eagles of Middle Earth really only care about themselves but they hate wargs and goblins with the same amount of shade that Kendrick threw Drake when Kendrick dropped "Not like Us".

So, the dwarves have escaped the Goblin tunnels and are in the trees watching the wargs have the evil meeting they have. Now, I personally always pictured them like Little Red Riding Hood wolves, so envision that if you will.

The dwarves, in their varies colored hoods and belts and beards and Bilbo and then Gandalf who in a tree but he's like so deep into the branches and he's a wizard so you can only see his eyes.

Gandalf speaks Warg, and so he understands that evil shit is going on and he's like nuh uh. Gandalf is like really into fire and explosives and so starts the pinecone throwing and stuff, this catches the attention of his majesty, the great eagle, because ya know, fire and dude hates wargs and goblins and he's like hell nah, we gonna end these mfs on site. (Oh and the goblin's have shown up by now and are like trying to set the trees the dwarves are in on fire with the fire Gandalf threw at the wargs)

So him and his guards fly off and he sees Gandalf cause he can "see a rabbit a mile away in dusk" according to Tolkien, and of course he recognizes Gandalf from the previously mentioned arrow wound the wizard healed him from and so he kinda owes Gandalf his life.

And so, the eagle wizard-naps Gandalf and I always assumed the reason the others save the dwarves is because they either (a) hate the goblins and wargs or (b) Gandalf was like "you gotta bring these dudes, I swear, they are chill"

the hate of the Wargs and the goblin's is also why they show up later in the battle of the armies. They are basically just like "fuck you, you fowl beasties"

Fire and feathers,

Muse

[goodluckclove]

Eagles love themselves as much as they hate wargs. Truly a standard we should all aspire to.

[goodluckclove]

To the guy who hit on me in an alley in Seattle: You noticed my massive headphones and managed to Shoot Your Shot entirely in vague pantomime. And then when I silently showed you my wedding ring you were perfectly respectful and rescinded your efforts immediately. You are literally the best case scenario for being hit on in an alley.

[themuseinthewoods]

Day seven of celebrating Queer people who are cool

Another person @goodluckclove told me about!

Stephen Sondheim

Pictured below in 1976

Stephan Joshua Sondheim (iconic last name, my gosh) he is a gay Broadway composer, hes received eight Tony awards, an Academy award, Five Olivier Awards, the Pulitzer Prize, and eight Grammys.

He was born Marsh 22nd, 1930 in New York, and passed away November 26th, 2021, age 91.

He wrote lyrics for musicals such as West Side Story (1957) and Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (1979). He published three books, including two which are his collected lyrics.

Best wishes,

Muse

This information is what I was able to find on these people without delving deep into personal lives, some may have more information then others because of this.

[goodluckclove]

I fully forgot I was the one who told you Sondheim was gay. Am I the one who told you about Sondheim at all? How universal is Stephen Sondheim outside of theater kids and theater adults???

Anyways the 2008 revival of Company with Raul Esparza is the best production of the show. And I am definitely not just saying that because it's the first version of the show I saw.

[goodluckclove]

It might be a trauma response or whatever, but man I am often in a crowded public place thinking that more people should have the instinct to try and keep their head in a goddamned swivel.

[goodluckclove]

Seattle Tourism Guide: Big Ryan's Remains!

Have you heard of the big wheel on the pier here in Seattle? It goes by several names, but if you ask any of the locals they'll assure you it's true name Big Ryan Davis! Or, more accurately, what's left of Big Ryan.

Seattle has a storied history. From the Pike Place Market, which has been buying and selling fish and fish intel for over 450 years, to the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. But no spot is more historical than the remains of Big Ryan Davis - the largest of which looms at the end of Pier 57.

Archeologists have several interpretations of what Big Ryan could've looked like based on this living fossil. Some predict he was an early ancestor of the modern Transformer. Others guess, based on little evidence, that he was just a big ol' bug of some kind. Whatever the case, he is said to stand guard over the city, even after all this time.

But does he watch over Seattle as a guard, or a warden? I asked a passing local, and she answered by laughing, and then crying, and then vaping.

Big Ryan is a popular stop for tourists all over the world. All you need to do is buy a ticket to be able to stand at the feet of this living fossil and bellow your demands for answers. In the warmer season, this pier is filled with the sounds of desperate wailing and manic pleas for mercy. No trip to Seattle is complete without stopping at Big Ryan's Remains to beg his bones to tell you why they still whisper sickly in the night times!