I Am Hell Bound @goodsoldierandnothingelse - Tumblr Blog

DEAN WINCHESTER in one random episode per day ▸ 021 /364 02.01 IN MY TIME OF DYING

#in my time of dying #season 2 #s2 gif #gif

12. Headcanon - Black Coffee

Dean grew up drinking his coffee black because that's how John drank it. Sugars and creamers were "unnecessary additives" and not always available. Not only was it less manly if you couldn't just take it straight, but also if you could choke down the motel's gutter-water then you could drink (and survive) anything.

#headcanon #r ; Daddy's blunt little instrument #Dad

goodsoldierandnothingelse

Looking at Sam now, seeing his reaction to his previous statement...it took him back a couple years. And to the other side of the table.

"If the situation were reversed, an' I was dying..." Which is exactly what had come to pass with the Mark of Cain. "You'd do the same thing." He had believed that, at the time. Right up until... "No, Dean.--I wouldn't."

And that same look of shock that he had given Sam then...reflected on Sam's face now. But the son of a bitch had been right before. They were doing more harm than good. How many others, of their friends needed to die before they finally stopped sacrificing them for each other? How many more will die now that this--Darkness had been released?

Dean swallowed, watching as Sam answered back and that goddamn stubbornness enter his expression. A fresh wave of weariness came over the elder, causing him to shut his eyes and shake his head softly in disappointment. Of course, he knew that Ry had played a part in saving him from the brink, but he also knew that it had ultimately been Sam who had ignored every warning and went full-steam ahead anyway.

"An' what if the next time Ry dies?" Dean reopened his eyes to look across to Sam, still appearing worn down, not angry, but perhaps...a little bit scared. "If Kassie got killed from me tryin' t'save you?--Both Kevin an' now Charlie are dead because of us. Why not them? Cas...Mac, Jody, Donna...any one of them could get caught in the crossfire."

alwaysaweapon

It was the attempt to shock him into choosing differently that made Sam's features drop into a deep scowl. Dirty pool, trying to guilt him. He knew why, obviously, but he was still pissed Dean even went there. After everything? No, it wasn't going to work this time.

"Dean, stop. Do you know how many times we've danced around this conversation, but never actually had it? Not really. I'm tired, Dean. Tired of worrying that I'm going to lose the three most important people in my life. Tired of blow after blow and getting nowhere. Tired of excuses, of lying, of-- all of it. If I could make it so we never had to hunt again for the rest of our lives? I'd do it in a fucking second. But that's clearly not in the cards for us. And because it's not, I'm not going through it alone. Not without you, or Ry, or Kassie." He took a deep breath, holding a hand up to stop Dean from interrupting him because this needed to be said and he needed to finish it before Dean spoke up or he'd never get it off his chest.

"If you think I don't spend nights lying awake feeling guilty for everyone that we've lost along the way, you're wrong. Because I do. More than you know. And I wish against everything we could bring them all back and have them take us instead. But that's not how it worked out. We owe it to them to keep fucking going, so they didn't die in vain. Each and every person we've lost sacrificed themselves so we could get the job done. You really think they'd want us to give up on not only the job, or each other, but the world? I don't like it any more than you do that we've got this responsibility we never wanted. But we do, Dean, and the worst thing we can do right now and start doubting the way we do things."

goodsoldierandnothingelse

This wasn't the first time they had had this argument,--or, at least, the preface of it,--and honestly...he really doubted this would be the last of it despite the absolute defeat he was now feeling. Sure, they had 'cured' him of the Mark, but...losing Charlie along the way? Endangering the world once again by unleashing this forboding evil? His life--it didn't even come close to measuring up.

But, like always...whenever one of them hit rock bottom, the other always seemed to be there, fighting like hell to pull his brother back from the brink. Where was that other Sam now? The one who was so adamant that he fucked up more than he fixed? The one who was fine with him dying? 'I lied,' he had told him later, but...a part of him always thought there was some truth to his original statement.

The Sam before him now was obstinate; so sure he was right, he produced a monologue that easily rivaled the one in Braveheart and left no room for debate. Even went as far as throwing up a hand when he paused to take a breath. Annoying? Sure, but...Dean knew he'd likely be doing the same.--And around and around they go.

Sensing a heavy sigh build up in his chest, he pinched at the bridge of his nose, still listening, but somehow feeling even more exhausted than when they first started this conversation. He got where he was coming from, he did; he just...was tired of losing so much and terrified of who might be next.

For a minute, Dean didn't say anything, didn't even look over at Sam, but eventually...his tired eyes shifted back over to his brother. "Okay...Sam. Okay," his matching voice conveying the waving of his white flag--only there was a stipulation coming. "I just need ya t'admit one thing t'me... It could have just as easily been Ry in that bathtub." And as hard a pill as Charlie's death was to swallow... Well, let's just say the level of carnage that would ensue thereafter? Right up there with Cain because he wouldn't have been stopped. Not by anyone.

#alwaysaweapon #blurred lines

alwaysaweapon

@goodsoldierandnothingelse from [ xxxx ]

He should have expected this type of response, especially given Dean's headspace of late. Still, he found himself raising his brows slightly in surprise. He got it, really, because they'd both made some pretty stupid decisions when it came to their brother. But-- even with that knowledge, he also knew damn well that that wasn't ever going to change, no matter how unhealthy it may be.

"Yeah," he agreed with a shrug. "But that doesn't change anything." He met Dean's gaze steadily, jaw set and expression reflecting the determination he felt more deeply than anything he felt these days. Determination to save his brother... and the women they both loved. The idea of losing one of them, let alone that chance that he could lose all of them, weighed heavily on him. It was crunch time, and they all knew it.

goodsoldierandnothingelse

Looking at Sam now, seeing his reaction to his previous statement...it took him back a couple years. And to the other side of the table.

#Blurred Lines #alwaysaweapon

occultamonstri

@goodsoldierandnothingelse /// closed starter from [ xx entry xx ]

It'd taken far more effort to fall asleep than usual. She couldn't shut her brain off, despite Dean holding her tightly, sound asleep as he did. when she finally managed, it was light-- the tiniest things awakening her and causing her to start the process all over again.

She'd thought it was just another sound from outside that pulled her back to consciousness, but as she closed her eyes and started trying to get back to sleep, she heard it again; the sound of movement outside the bedroom.

She was wide awake, now, sitting up in the bed. She looked to the shadow beside her, nudging him with her elbow. "Dean," she hissed trying to wake him and not alert the intruder. "Dean-- someone's in the house."

goodsoldierandnothingelse

This job was taking longer than any of them could have anticipated. They had just surpassed three months with nothing to show for it. Except, maybe, a pair of restless hunters-- Make that one restless hunter as Dean was snoring softly, wrapped around Ry like a cuddly body pillow. To be fair, though, he always slept better having her in his arms. A reassurance for his subconscious that they both safe so long as they-- "Hmmph," he grunted from being elbowed, thankfully only in the shoulder and would have thought nothing of it if Ry hadn't then sharply whispered his name. His eyes cracked open, not fully comprehending reality yet, but hearing the words 'someone's in the house' caused adrenaline to shoot through his veins and wake him all the way up. Suddenly, he was sitting up with her, looking towards the bedroom door and the sliver of light that shone through the crack underneath. "Stay here," he told her, keeping his voice low as he slipped out of the bed. He immediately grabbed his gun off the nightstand and clicked off the safety before moving to press his back against the wall beside the shut door. From there, he paused only for a few seconds, listening to make sure the immediate space out in the hall was clear, and once he was satisfied with the silence, he slowly turned the knob and pulled back just wide enough for him to slip out, quietly closing the door shut behind him.

Now, out in the hall, Dean looked from his right to his left but whipped his head back to his right upon hearing the noise that must have alerted Ry. Adjusting his grip and his aim, he padded softly through the home with his gun leading the way towards the disturbance.

#occultamonstri #Full Circle

beckyrosens

theinevitableblastwave

#remember when dean used to pray #like he was prank calling somebody #and he waved his hands around #like he had no idea what to do with them #and made all these strange faces #and exaggerated the entire ordeal #so he looked really silly #and we all laughed #because it was funny #ha #hahaha #not so funny anymore is it #when a man prays with his head bowed and his hands clasped with tears in his eyes #remember when prayer was a joke (via leatherandlightning)

destielette

# The Most Romantic And Heartbreaking Character Development Ever

destielette

#Best character development ever

beautifulsludgekidpeanut

This.

#musings #r ; angels are watching over you #The French Mistake #s6 memories #memories #season 6 #character development

❝ you always seem to know what i need. ❞

People who don't know Dean very well may label him as this natural born killer, but in reality, they're only seeing the first layer. Growing up as he did, he had to develop this hard and thick shell; not just for his own survival but for that of his family. Because that's where Dean Winchester's true heart lies. Looking after and caring for those he loves. That is who he is at his very core: a protector/nurturer. He may try to deny it or at the very least play it down, but his actions betray him, every time. And, of course, now was no different.

"Contrary to popular belief: I do pay attention, Hollen," he told her, the corner of his lips perking up into a lopsided smirk. "Besides," he then reached out to catch the end of the dollop of whipped cream atop the presented cheesecake with his hooked finger and swiped the sugary topping against his tongue, giving her a warm smile afterwards, "dessert is basically the cure all t'life's problems."

#occultamonstri #r ; shut up and drive #meme reply #((so like why isn't Dean everyone's comfort character?))

❝ there's no line i wouldn't cross for you. don't you realize that? ❞

There had been times--times in the past where Dean would have taken this kind of statement with a grain of salt. Not just from Sam, but from anyone who would promise him this type of commitment. He had gotten burned too many times--left alone by those who claimed to love him. Sam, included.

However, now, as his gaze drifted to his right forearm--although covered by his sleeve, Dean knew it to be clear and unbranded, and he was reminded that Sam really did mean what he said. A notion that was very much reciprocated--sometimes to an alarming degree,--and not something he had considered dangerous until more recent years... "Now, I do," he confessed truthfully, raising his head again to look back at Sam with mixed emotions in swimming in his eyes. "But 'M also startin' t'realize that that might not be such a good thing..."

#r ; watch out for sammy #meme reply #alwaysaweapon #season 11 meme #blurred lines

❝ i never meant to get this close, but now that i have i can't let you go. ❞

There was a barely there, subtle hint of a smirk on Dean's lips. Not because he found the words spoken to him amusing, but because it was a feeling he knew a little something about. Or maybe a lot of something.

Eventually, after a long bout of silence, Dean raised his gaze to look back the woman, who, like him, didn't typically express her emotions so willingly, but--he was glad she had. "Guess we're stuck together then," he told her, that previous smirk becoming more prominent but still remained soft. He honestly wouldn't want it any other way; in fact, if he wasn't such a coward...he'd take it a step further and officially propose--complete with ring, down on one knee, and the rest of that romantic crap that chicks dig-- But like with many things in his life, there was always a 'but' or a 'what if' that came after and always stopped him cold.

#occultamonstri #r ; shut up and drive #meme reply

leneemusing

a tender glimpse beneath the surface

❝ i'll always protect you. ❞

❝ i never meant to get this close, but now that i have i can't let you go. ❞

❝ i live for the moments when you look at me. the rest of the time i'm just existing. ❞

❝ i don't like how you make me feel. but i like not being around you even less. ❞

❝ i wish you wouldn't look at me like that. when you look at me like that i...it makes me wanna do things i shouldn't ❞

❝ there's no line i wouldn't cross for you. don't you realize that? ❞

❝ i did this for you. no one else. ❞

❝ i don't like it, but i'll do it for you. ❞

❝ i wonder how much of myself i'll have to give to you—how much i have to lay bare—before you realize how much you're taking. ❞

❝ i'm not trying to fix you. i'm just trying to be your friend. ❞

❝ i'm not um, real good at thank yous. or sorry's. but if you ever need me, i'm there. i owe you one. ❞

❝ i've seen you at your worst and i'm still standing here. ❞

❝ you've seen me at my worst but you're still here... ❞

❝ you can be mad at me, i can take it. i'd rather you be angry than shut me out. ❞

❝ i'm not angry, i'm just scared. ❞

❝ i know you love me, but do you like me? ❞

❝ do you think i'm a good person? ❞

❝ do you think i care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference? of course i'm helping you. ❞

❝ tell me what i can do to show you how i love you. i will give you anything you ask for. ❞

❝ you don't have to keep apologizing. just be here. day in and day out and prove that you're gonna keep showing up. that's all you have to do. ❞

❝ i only sleep well when you're next to me. ❞

❝ i don't want an apology i just want to understand. ❞

❝ i could actually use a hug right now. ❞

❝ i want everyone else to go away, but you can stay. ❞

❝ i actually do care what you think about. you're probably one of the only people whose opinion matters to me. ❞

❝ you always seem to know what i need. ❞

❝ you always seem to know just what i need to hear. ❞

❝ i want you to call me when you need someone. i want to be here for you. ❞

❝ you're the one i wanna call when i need someone. ❞

❝ seems like i always want you around when everything feels all fucked up. guess that means something. ❞

#meme #sentence reaction

butyouaremymess

When we started casting, we had archetypes in mind, which were Han Solo and Luke Skywalker. We were really looking for Sam to be empathetic, kind, and likeable, and really the audience surrogate. The person who the audience would most see themselves as and really carry the story through their eyes. And that required a really unique likeability. For Dean, we were looking for Han Solo. We were looking for devil-may-care, charismatic, a little rough around the edges, a little edgy, says things that are not always the kindest thing, as long as they’re funny. And that was really what we started out with.

And Jared and Jensen both just so inhabited those parts, and then proceeded to blow us away with how dimensionalized they were. For Jensen, the level of emotion and totally flawed, screwed-to-hell psyche that he brings to Dean, we really are enamored with. This idea that on the surface here’s this Han Solo devil-may-care persona, but when you really scratch beneath the surface, you see that anyone who has that persona has it because they are just so messed up, and that you would have to be so screwed up and damaged to be the person who always jumps first off a cliff.

So, he really brought Dean to life in a really three-dimensional way, and Jared did the same thing with Sam. Yes, Sam was likeable, and the audience surrogate and all the things he was supposed to be, but also angry, and disaffected, and, at times, hilariously funny, loyal, and despondent. He brought in all of these different colors that have really brought these characters to life, which I think is probably very rare for a genre show to have–characters as dimensionalized as ours–and I’m really proud of it. - Eric Kripke [x]

#musings

occultamonstri:

goodsoldierandnothingelse:

Dean might not have been able to see the glare but he sure felt it and again, he braced for the punch. But Ry chose to retaliate in a more safer fashion (considering that Dean was driving a moving vehicle) and simply just toss a piece of candy at the side of his face instead. His gaze briefly fell to look where it had landed.

“Seriously?” he asked dryly as if he couldn’t believe the childish behavior she just displayed, but the truth was: he could believe it because he probably would have done something similar. It was good, actually, to see her act..normal, for her. “Mmph. Yeah…“ Things were obviously tense right now, and he couldn’t help but be affected by that, so it wasn’t entirely his fault. “’S just everything goin’ on right now…”

Her look was amused when he reacted to the candy, but the tone changed quickly as he admitted to why he hadn’t been acting like himself. Despite her earlier awe about the Winchesters’ connection to God Himself, the issues at hand were significant and certainly weighed heavily on them all.

“We’ll figure things out with The Darkness,” she said quietly. Even if she knew the name, it gave her chills just to speak it, so she was going to stick with her title while she could. Especially with the way Dean was connected to her. It was a sore subject, but one they tentatively breached while alone.

Of course, there were plenty of other problems they were facing, too, but The Darkness had been the one that had been causing him the most turmoil. His inability to function normally around her was concerning, to say the least, and the fact that Crowley had such interest in her was a problem they weren’t prepared to deal with, either. It seemed, to Ry, that all of their problems could be solved with Crowley out of the picture. But, breaching that topic had yet to occur because she honestly didn’t think Dean could entertain the idea with so much else going on.

Well, that brief lapse of dread had been nice--for all of the five seconds it had lasted. A deep sigh built up in his chest, and Dean slowly released it through his nose, his shoulders slumping with it. “Yeah,” he replied to Ry’s comment about figuring out Amara, but his hollow tone wasn’t fooling either one of them. Just when he thought he had broken free of the chains, of the Mark...he finds himself tethered to this-- All encompassing darkness. Ineffective against her in every way. Powerless, essentially. Obviously, not a feeling he dealt well with, especially knowing she had to be stopped before she shrouded the world and snuffed out every last bit of light. “Kinda feelin’ like Death’s planetary relocation idea wasn’t so crazy, after all...”

#occultamonstri #in total darkness

katherinehoughtoncastle47

12.02 - MAMMA MIA

#mamma mia #season 12 #s12 memories #memories #Mom

goodsoldierandnothingelse

While Dean might not be saying much, he was still observing and listening. Mostly focused on the angel, of course, as she was the stranger here, but he was also attuned to the inflections in Ry's voice and the questions she asked. It helped him gauge how harshly he should be scrutinizing the unknown woman. Like he mentioned before, he was having a difficult time in that area as of late and needed a more level head to help him see reason.

After Mac had said her bit, addressing Ry's concerns while promising that she wouldn't act as an unwanted shadow but only as a needed aid, Ry then turned her attention to the both of them. Although, what she asked made his muscles tighten with anxiety. "Then we'll find another way," Dean spoke, cutting in, but he didn't want to go down this road with her again. "But--" He glanced over to Mac for a moment before looking back to Ry. "--'Many hands make light work.'" That was the hope anyway, knowing that they needed as much help as they could get; especially with him...steadily losing a battle of his own and would soon need to be taken off the playing field--permanently. Yet something else Dean had made Mac promise him, just to cover all his bases.

0fcourage

She allowed Dean the chance to respond to the woman, first, as he knew her and would be able to answer with something that would hopefully ease some of the worry that was etched in her features. She didn't think Ry meant to show the worry, as she didn't strike Mac as someone that so easily revealed her emotions, but it was present enough that it was noticed.

When Dean finished speaking, she nodded her agreement. "I vow here and now that I will not stop trying to find an answer. And, should it come to the worst outcome, I will do whatever you both want of me." This was something she did not say lightly. Vowing such things, for Mac, was a binding contract. Speaking those words effectively bound her to the two hunters until her goal was accomplished or... well, she hoped it wouldn't come to that.

occultamonstri

She didn't particularly like the way Dean had responded. There was a desperation in his voice that told her he would go to any length to find a solution to this. Which, of course, she figured considering the current conversation they were immersed in.

She allowed silence to fall around them for probably longer than was necessary but she honestly didn't care if it made either of them uncomfortable. She just wanted this to be over with, for Dean to stop getting his hopes up. Getting an angel involved was only his latest attempt at saving her. She dreaded the day that he finally came to the realization that she couldn't be saved.

As she bowed her head, looking away from Dean in order to avoid seeing the relief that was sure to cross his features, she let out a heavy sigh. "Fine," she consented, turning her gaze to the angel. "I'll go along with it."

goodsoldierandnothingelse

While 'vow' sounded like a strong word...that's all it was to the hunters, a word. They couldn't just dive in and trust this new player meant what she said, their instincts wouldn't let them. They needed time and proof, to see it for themselves. Honestly, if he wasn't so goddamn desperate, she never would have made one step inside his door, angel or not. It wasn't as though they hadn't come across their fair share of rotten halos, and as far as they knew, she could another. She was lucky that Cas hadn't had anything bad to say about her, otherwise he would have kicked her out on her ass-- Or, he guessed, they were the lucky ones. Like he said, desperate. An emotion he was sure could be discerned in the creases on his face as he watched Ry deliberate, weigh the choice on whether or not to allow Barbie: Angel Edition the chance to own up to her spoken vow.

A moment passed, but eventually, Dean drew breath again once Ry gave in and relief spread through his tight chest. Obviously, he knew this wasn't a guarantee, but--it was more than they had, and at this point, he was willing to try just about anything to help Ry. He looked to Mac then, giving her another small nod. "Great. Now that that's settled... There's a demon nearby that needs t'be put down." His gaze traveled back to Ry. "Ya in?"

#occultamonstri #0fcourage #convo #convo ; occultamonstri