Champagne Mami

37’Chillin

[goodvibe-positivethought]

Im so tired of living with my family. I get so much anxiety, I just want to run away and disappear. I want to leave this entire state and just start over I want to scream on the top of my lungs I hate everyone. Not enough for my family and not enough for my husband right? I’m never going to catch a break I want to be left alone. I wish I would’ve moved out but I think today we start to save rent is more acceptable than my mental health. And im done I was even thinking of ways to die earlier …..

Crazy to think that peace is death. I want to just be six feets away and under. I want to be gone

[goodvibe-positivethought]

I really don’t think I’ll be a good fit in this family. Everyone expects me to be ok with being disrespected….. not a single person tells this bitch to stfu and stay away from me. Not even my man knows how to say something… that’s so ridiculous I can’t even ask him to just have him talk to his own brother. The fear everyone had is stupidity, I was legit going to let her know she looks stupid being there and he says I’m the problem. I’m so sick of feeling like alone and now alone while completely committed? That’s crazy to me. All because I can’t offer a kid… yeah let’s all praise the child with children. Over it and then all he had to say is “ ima get it done” constant excuses shit is ridiculous. I just shut down now. Can’t do shit for me like you can’t even speak up ?

[goodvibe-positivethought]

Idk who and how they did this but seeing this made me survive another day 🥲

I actually used the resource and I feel a lot better.

To whoever sent this actually cares about me without making it weird. One day I’ll be able to see everything as the glass is half full. Hopefully I will be able to solve my mental health illness or maybe it’s something I haven’t fixed something from my childhood. Anyway happy Friday no more anxiety trying to make sure I don’t scare anyone with my depression lol

[goodvibe-positivethought]

Panic

I wish I could have him be happy for me, it’s like as soon as he hears me laugh or smile he will do anything to make sure he dims my light🥹

I came back from training I haven’t had a high like this in forever and not a drug high a happy high. I felt accepted I felt seen I felt proud of where I am today. I felt like I had a support system to eventually reach my goals on “ climbing the ladder” with a brand. If only he would know how many times I heard “ Sadie you’ll get to where I am soon just wait” “ Sadie you’re doing great you’ve learned so much since our first training “ Jesus I started an entire industry where I had zero experience and was given the opportunity to be a brand manager. As soon as I ask him to just stay on the phone I was on the high of happiness midway mainly peak as he called me and instantly I felt his negative energy grab me through the phone and just drag me into “ you’re going to be in trouble soon” I can always feel when he will pop off on me. I had anxiety. I instantly avoided any type of conversation with him when I was at the airport I was around my colleagues talking to a national artist when he turns into this mean version I knew was ready to come out. I was scared to cut conversation with my colleagues and this artist as I knew connections will get me further into this industry as that’s what it’s all about. He will never want to see me happy, why am I so stuck here. I hate feeling like this a grey cloud was blown to straight into my sunshine. My anxiety has lately been shutting me down where I tune him out and I just try to breathe …. I just try to remember how I have to keep this happiness going and I just zone out. I stare into space and concentrate on anything besides his voice full of hate and anger……. God did I do something in my past life? Why is he so angry toward me whenever he feels my happiness. I don’t get it. My full on brain shut down my ideas back to zero my little sparkle gone. I wish he would see me like everyone else does “ Sadie you sparkle when you interact with people that’s why you draw in customers” “Sadie you’re a ray of sunshine when you walk in a room” I will always have to dim my light for him. I have felt so numb to him yelling at me that I sound sad I guess but really I’m disassociating with him I turn off my sparkle lower the lights and just hide under that bed until I hear silence….. I just remember us covering our ears and me hugging her and telling her it’s going to be ok. He doesn’t understand any of it and how quick I have gotten to just disassociate. I pray for him every night but I know God can’t force change that’s the biggest human right is free will, he freely enjoys to see my light turn off completely

[theambitiouswoman]

[goodvibe-positivethought]

Man I really probably made a big mistake in life but that’s ok. I’m not sure why he constantly changes what he means “ oh talk to me even when ur with people how hard is that “ I took notes on that and made sure that’s what I do moving forward then rn it’s “ don’t talk to me if you’re busy I hate that” like yeah you’re the last person I can care about rn when it’s about feelings. I think this has me so drained even when I said I do I knew I was in for a lot of emotional rollercoasters. He begged for me back as to why I agreed maybe some change, but he’s going to learn I’m not getting bitched around anymore. Oh don’t come next Thursday like honestly thank you I rather go to work! Keep arguing with me ima ignore all his calls tonight ✨

Let me show you exactly how you’ll grow up ✨

Usually I’m anxious “ he doesn’t want to see me” bro we are locked in deal with it or deal with it

[goodvibe-positivethought]

I feel defeated in every angle, unappreciated by everyone besides my best friend 🥹. I just feel like giving up, I can’t ever do anything right….. not at work not at home not in my relationship or even with my family

[goodvibe-positivethought]

I think I have anxiety not because of him but because of my future. I can’t build a family with someone that I can not trust emotionally, one minute I’m his sunshine the next minute I’m the biggest storm. I can’t build my dream home with a rocky foundation, I try over and over with this project in a way. I see the house constantly crumble the moment a tiny wind blows, is it my fault? Or is it his….. it’s mine for letting him be like this with me. Here I am again not anxious over him breaking off a marriage on the day of I think I’m just anxious on learning how to detacht myself. I don’t get how someone can sit there promise the entire universe when even then I tell myself don’t think that all belongs to you. I satisfy myself with the tiniest area in that universe and he still takes it away. The constant anxiety I get before calls is something I will never understand why not just leave me alone…. Just leave me alone ….. but he adores and loves for the feel of “ she needs me” I need space I need myself I need real love not this manipulation

[goodvibe-positivethought]

Idk if I can trust him again, idk if I can sit there and believe anything he tells me. Sometimes I wonder if me being so loyal will get me anywhere with him, my constant anxiety is him getting out and leaving me. I just know if the roles were reversed he would’ve slept with someone by now. Sex isn’t everything and honestly I don’t think I’d have the balls to cheat on him because I know it won’t make me feel better about everything he’s done to me. I know I’ll feel worse and all this work I put in I hope pays off and he treats me the way I deserve to be treated. I get more satisfaction having him wonder what I’m doing versus actually getting even, I could care less about sex.

[goodvibe-positivethought]

Depressed and lost nothing new

[goodvibe-positivethought]

It’s easy to cheat on someone back but I think it’s funnier to boss up on them instead, my love money come easy to a rich spoiled kid but that money won’t help you when it runs out and you have no work ethic. Thank you to my parents that taught me to grind for what I want made almost 4K with both jobs in 3 day

I could care less about what and how you moving, I’m excited to witness your karma my live

[goodvibe-positivethought]

My depression is getting to me so bad, I’m going to be alone for the new year, my jobs are amazing but I don’t have the mental capacity for anything besides trying to get myself out of this dark place

[silkyswan]

[thirtxen]

[goodvibe-positivethought]

I don’t think this guy understands how over his shit I am where I could care less if he calls me peace is A1 when he leaves me alone. 2-4 years in jail he thinks that screaming at me is going to get him his way. Babe talk to me nicely even then you have no more money acting like 3-4 months in I haven’t spent 4K and that’s all he had left and my calls are $80 a week so let’s do some math your money is gone and the money being put is my own money from work. He thinks I’m not already packing to move out and keeps telling me to gtfo babe it’s in progress end of September I’m out of here. When you need other peoples help you should learn how to act accordingly

[goodvibe-positivethought]

The abuse started in February at least the physical and the mental has been since day 1 if anything. Healing my inner child to learn what love is.

[goodvibe-positivethought]

Yall 💀 after the shortest craziest relationship she’s free and I’ve been mentally unplugged the past month. New apartment coming soon and just healing while making sure I play my part even as his ex because I wouldn’t want anyone to leave my family the way he has rn. Anyway back to the drawing board and honestly thank you for teaching me the hardest lesson in life and that’s you can’t teach an old dog new tricks