goosegossage1120

in a way

[goosegossage1120]

hi!

i'm new to tumblr and I'm not really sure what I'm doing but I guess this serves as my intro post

i'm goose and my pronouns are he/him and yeah

my favorite bands/artists: radiohead, michael jackson, twenty one pilots, cage the elephant, jeff buckley, alice in chains, pink floyd, death cab for cutie, TOOL, mazzy star, grouper, adrianne lenker, interpol, and on and on and on

favorite tv shows: twin peaks, six feet under, dexter, bb/bcs, hannibal, the sopranos, mr robot, etc

favorite movies: forrest gump, dead poets society, good will hunting, john q, twin peaks fire walk with me, the elephant man, fantastic mr fox, perks of being a wallflower, and more i'm definitely not thinking of rn

favorite games: rdr2, ark survival evolved, five nights at freddy's (specifically 2 but the franchise as a whole), need for speed heat, need for speed underground 2, minecraft, roblox, ready or not, gta 5, life is strange, etc

not really sure what i'll be posting here, probably just my thoughts or whatever so yay woohoo

[goosegossage1120]

my daughter will be named mazzy star and I will not budge on that

[goosegossage1120]

i fucking hate simple apologies. wdym just "i understand. I'm sorry." dont acknowledge your mistake or problem or say you're gonna try to fix it and do something about it and acknowledge my feelings and tell me it's okay and reassure me and

[goosegossage1120]

i feel sick.

i hate speaking in the past tense

[goosegossage1120]

my past and present right in front of each other, staring into each other's eyes. my present fixing my past's hair.

my past laughs and jokes with my present, unaware of its true identity.

my present, unaware of the meaning this exact location holds.

uncertainty bleeds from my crossed and conflicted eyes.

my present is a severe risk i'm willing to take for my future.

i can only hope the past does not become a casualty in the push towards my future.

maybe it's all just destiny.

[goosegossage1120]

are hopeless avoidants the only people i'll ever attach myself to?

[goosegossage1120]

i will never receive the amount of love i put out

[goosegossage1120]

the ever-continuing hate for my birthday has once again, continued.

i spent the entire day at someone else's party, and even when surrounded by my 5 closest friends, no one acknowledged it past the birthday messages they texted me at midnight. i sat on the beach alone for at least an hour while everyone else was either in the water or elsewhere.

the day right after, 4 of my closest friends all hang out for basically the entire day, not even 10 minutes from my house.

i hate my fucking birthday and and i will continue to dread it every single year.

[goosegossage1120]

thanks instagram

[goosegossage1120]

man i forgot how little i take care of myself during the summer

[goosegossage1120]

mock sympathy 🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤

[goosegossage1120]

god i am so completely and utterly fucked

[goosegossage1120]

love my English teacher but genuinely so mad at her.

giving out certificates to the class and I didn't get a single one. not even being egotistical when I say that I deserved almost every single one 😭😭. she in turn gave them to the worst kids in the class.

[goosegossage1120]

i watched your fingers tap along to the lyrics while you were looking away. i saw them match the melody perfectly.

you seemed so happy when i told you i would gladly listen to one of your favorite albums -- and then also listen to all the demos of the same album.

on the way back, i put on my album. during the second track, the one you knew was dedicated to you, i placed the gum wrapper back in your hand and my hand did not return to myself until we got back. after that, i put on the playlist, the one you knew was about you. I felt you shift nervously.

you were tired, and laid your head down on my shoulder. our other hands eventually met, and our legs were pressed against each other's. i could feel every breath you took against my hand pressed against your stomach.

you knew who was around and you knew what would happen if they saw. but you didn't care. and that's all i've wanted.

in a way,

alex

[goosegossage1120]

i think i have finally moved on.

sometimes it takes someone to come along to show you how much more you deserved.

i don't think i blame you, but i cannot be entirely sure.

[goosegossage1120]

i hope the itches that torment you become slightly more bearable now that i've run my fingers over them

[goosegossage1120]

wanting something so bad but being so sure you'll never have it