I try to remember the last time I could finish a sentence without wanting to chew off my own tongue; I must have been sitting here for hours. My mother comes in places a hand on my shoulder and says "Honey, try and get some rest" I bite my tongue and tell her that I've been trying to rest for nearly twenty years and I just can't seem to find a place to rest my head that fits. She sighs leaves the room, she's never known what to say, and I am exactly like her. I fold into myself like an origami, push myself back into the shape of that summer when you started smoking and I sat in the window of that skeleton house, watched the cherry of your cigarettes bob through the field in the dark and wondered if sometimes fireflies mistook you for a light house, or a savior, or a witch hunt burning everyone they ever knew alive. I unfold, fall asunder into the bottom of my tub, stare up at the mold on the ceiling and pray that it will choke me in my sleep, an accident waiting to happen, like all the mornings I’ve almost fallen asleep at the wheel or stared for too long at a bottle of pills. Dear friend, do you remember when we were nothing, lost kids dodging street lamps and my anger, we were breathe and vapor and we couldn’t be contained except by each other. But then you left and I spread out stretched too thin, a ghost of your breathe on a January morning. I’m that skeleton house with strangers living inside. I was a lion, a vanguard and a vagabond, I fought your wars and I slayed all of your dragons, I was your safety net your personified alibi. Shame you didn’t know that you were already guilty by association. We lived on the front lines, carried grenades with the pins pulled clenched between our teeth, if we were going down, we were going down together, or so I dreamed. You were the only one who survived; my S.O.S fell on deaf ears for nearly three years before I was found buried beneath the rubble of my own land mind. I am a rabbit, a jester and a dragon. I bite my tongue to keep the fire from spilling out you were the last person I ever wanted to burn.
annaxmalina
2087
stormborns
tangentwithtanner
discoholicmusic
