T

The world is crazy Life is hard Here lays my word Here lays my heart

[gothishkitten]

November - Death

Bathtub red

Pills down my throat

No help for me

Just let me float

Anxiety creeping in

Like a cancer

I know

I can’t win

In therapy

I’m told to pray

But I’m the prey

And I can’t escape

Death meets us all

Some point, some time

Why not help it

And take my life?

Suicide

An easy word

But bloods stopped moving

And the pills don’t work

I try to break

My ties to life

And each time I fail

I just want to die

[gothishkitten]

I have four homes

Where I reside

Four different homes

I might leave behind

One where my house and body lie

A simple place

Not a surprise

Second is my Florida beach

In my heart

Forever home to me

Third is Arizona

Where I was raised

My mind says Chandler is for me

But my heart says home is in your arms

Now where else

Will feel as warm

[gothishkitten]

You are a want not a need

You are a want not a need

You are a want not a need…

I know this and yet every minute my heart breaks a little more and the thought of not loving you until I die brings tears to my eyes.

[gothishkitten]

October - Love

My skin is burnt where our fingers touched

Every moment has left its mark

Blood leaves my bodies in rivers red

But I bleed for you so I’m not dead

I put my heart behind stones walls

But you smile and my resistance falls

I scream and try to get out

But your love is a sentence I must carry out

So I go for a walk

With the moon guiding me

And the flowers start wilting

As I pass by

The smell of death is all around

But you claim to love me

So I’ll stick around

When you tire of me

Where will I go?

Will I be set free

Or will you send me home?

For the earth is still scared

Where I dug the hole

For the one in my place

Before I was in your hold

[gothishkitten]

The way my heart flutters

The breath you stole from me

They all just prove

That I am weak

I’m too weak to not love you

I’ve no more fight in me

With each beat of my heart

I think I love you more

And just a single message

Five minutes to talk

Leaves you in my mind

For months to come

[gothishkitten]

I love you

I love you but not in the way that makes my heart flutter

I love you but not in the way every child dreams of

I love you but not in the way it is soft and sweet and everything that I have ever wanted

I love you

I love you in the way that kills me slowly

I love you like a poison in my veins

I love you with a passion that burns until I am left with nothing but ashes

I love you in a way that suffocates me, like every breath I take is pulled straight from my body to go into my love

I love you in a way that makes me crazy

I love you in a longing for your voice way

I love you in a way that makes me want to scream from the top of my lungs until the feeling inside go away

I love you

I love you but not in the way that’s good and healthy

I love you in the way that makes me think I could never love somebody else this much again

I love you in the way that tells me that we can never just be friends

I love you in a way that makes me know that you were supposed to be my forever but maybe I’m not supposed to be yours

I love you

I love you so deeply

I love you with every breath that I take, every beat my heart makes

and I love you even when I I know you will never return that love

[gothishkitten]

I read somewhere once that the human heart will make enough energy in a lifetime that you could drive to the moon and back. So when I told you I love you to the moon and back I was saying I love you with every beat of my heart. And when I think to myself that I miss you with every beat of my heart I don’t think I’m being dramatic. I promised you once every beat and so far I’ve kept that promise. My heart beats only for you… forever.

[gothishkitten]

September - Sunflower

It’s a little late but oh well. To me a sunflower means hope so that’s this poem.

The summer sun has set at last

I try to walk away from my past

Won’t let agony drag me down

For I have hope I will be found

Friendship dates to watch the stars

The pumpkin patch heals my scars

And as the weather starts to turn

The long sleeves will replace your warmth

And as hope blooms I’m not yet free

But the yellow sun smiles down to me

And softly leafs coat the ground

Telling me the world goes on

Dahlias may one day grace my grave

But I know that’s not today

Everyday I do the work

One foot forward until it doesn’t hurt

[gothishkitten]

If life is good then tell me why

Why do I feel like I should die

I am chills down to the bone

I can’t feel happiness when I’m not at home

And when at home I still feel sad

For I know that the world is turning bad

And how do I keep on going when

Everything inside me is slowing

I feel every breath should be my last

And I feel every beat of my heart as it breaks in my chest

How do I keep on going

Through the motions every day

When opening my eyes and seeing the sun puts me at disarray

I feel like I am breaking down

Just one step and I’m on the ground

I long for deaths gentle embrace

I want to be taken away from this place

How does it get better

People keep telling me that it does

But all I see is the darkness around me

Its blocking out the sun

And how do I continue to fight when the fight has left my blood

I feel like giving up but then I know I’ll disappoint everyone

And no one sees my struggles

And no one knows my pain

And I don’t even know why I feel this way

So how do I keep standing

And when does this all end

Because I don’t feel like I’m doing it right

If this is life I don’t want to win

[gothishkitten]

Enchanted forest - August

Effervescent days as sunshine fills my mind

My head is in the clouds while my feet stay behind

The hard ground is mossy and keeps me grounded here

My spirit tries to float away as music fills my ears

I see the Fea playing up in the gnarled trees

I long to go join them and leave the gnomes at my feet

And the real world left behind decays slowly from my mind

For I know the forest is where my heart truly lies

[gothishkitten]

July - Burry me alive

The silence is loud

It screams all around

And I try to ignore it

But it follows me underground

And nature is calling

She’s calling me home

My pure white soul

Has no need to roam

The color of earth

As I lay down

Soft shades of brown

Soon I won’t be found

So I take me last breath

My mauve lips kiss the air

As they lower my coffin

I’ll soon be dead here

And the taste of champagne

Still on my tongue

I am buried alive

For sins I’d just begun

[gothishkitten]

I count each star up in the sky

I don’t think I can count that high

But if I can you might call

For if one impossible event occurs

Why can’t they all?

Cuz I’m holding every breath for you

Waiting for you to want me too

Or just to call and let me know

That I’ll leave this game

With only scars to show

For loving you is a worse fate

Then anything behind hells gate

You leave my heart spilt open wide

And you leave me longing

For just one last kiss goodbye

[gothishkitten]

June - Lavender

Not sure if this poem fits this months theme but I still like it

Bound to earth with magick ties

With each breath I feel my soul grow inside

All around me magick blooms

And I pray you feel it too

Lavender small and true

Gives me hope and peace too

Purple flower don’t make me wait

Help me out to find my fate

Mix with herbs and candle wax

The use of crystals won’t hold me back

Let the moon guide my way

As the magick lights the days

Love and life are hard sometimes

But I have faith I’ll get by

And should the magick leave me cold

I know Mother Earth will see me home

[gothishkitten]

May - motherhood

They said when I saw you

It would be all better

They say it’s just like

Love at first sight

So I held you

And I cried

Because all around me

The room cried

It took months for me and you

Before I could learn to love you

But the empty passed

And your smile brought me joy at last

And once love for you filled my heart

I knew nothing could ever tear us apart

And challenges come, they pile on

But I’ll take them all on to keep you in my arms

Being a mom is harder than I thought

I sometimes think I’ll never be enough

But I look at the moments, the times you have grown

And I know I’m my heart this is where I belong

You aren’t my forfillment

You aren’t my reason to be

But you my dear son are my everything

[gothishkitten]

April - Optimism

My worlds in crumbles

Crashing down

And yet I stand strong

I haven’t gone down

One step forward and three steps back

All my progress is on that track

But I am determined

I’ll make it through hell

And when this is all over

I can feel proud

My heart may be broken

My faith may be gone

Yet I keep on living

Giving all that I’ve got

With a loving heart

I know I’ve been hurt

But I let the pain heal me

And send me onward

But I’m hopeful for a future

Where I’m free of this pain

A future in which

Something could go my way

[gothishkitten]

If I could free myself if these feelings

I would do it in a flash

Cuz trying to read your emotions

Is like trying to make the days not pass

I’m trapped by my love for you

And I wish to be set free

For my heart beats for you

And it keeps breaking me

[gothishkitten]

Trying to get a read on you, my love, is like trying to count every star in the sky.