Call out my name: Chapter 4
summary: Y/N explains herself after knocking Bucky out in an alley.
a/n: well I haven't updated this story in like forever, and I am not that happy with this chapter tbh, I had way too many difficulties with writing it, and I still need a lot more to do.. but anyway the was written for the @green-eyeddragonfanfiction writing challenge so enjoy another chapter of this weirdness. (also just so you know, there may be like some mistakes in this, I'm not really awake rn but eh)
catch up on the story if u want):
James Barnes did not have much in his apartment; a ratty mattress on an old creaky frame, a plain wooden table, a stove, and a pile of journals. Getting up to his floor was a feat on its own, but now that you got him onto his bed, you were desperately trying to restore the heat that you stole from him earlier. his temperature was more or less back to normal, it shouldn’t be long before he wakes up though.
Since Barnes was a super soldier, you hoped you didn’t do any severe damage. The chair made a creek as you sat at the table looking around at the windows covered in newspaper, wondering how you were going to explain yourself when he came to. Its not going to be easy, you couldn’t just go: hey I recognised you before but couldn’t remember who you were, but then I stalked you and found out you were the winter soldier, oh and I’m sorry that I tried to kill you earlier, its just that I was afraid that if hydra found you, they would find me too, but then I had a flashback so here we are, I know where you live by the way.
You sighed and put your head in your hands, trying to piece an actual reasonable explanation that wouldn’t make him want to put a fist through your face more than he already did.
You thought it would be a good idea to start off with the fact you’re not Hydra. You poured a glass of water, before moving the chair to sit down next to Barnes. Gently setting down the water, you lightly pressed your hand against his cheek to check his temperature. He was still a little frozen, so you transferred some more of your energy to him. Slowly the color in his cheeks came back, and just then you wondered what the chances of you meeting him right in that city were. You leaned back in your chair and stared at your hands. It was bad enough you tried to kill him, you don't want to be staring at him.
Maybe you should leave. You’ve done enough damage already. Fucking hell, you didn't mean it.
While you were beating yourself about previous events, Bucky was coming into consciousness again. He didn't open his eyes immediately, trying to gauge his surroundings. It smelled like his apartment, but it only just confused him more: why would you try to kill him and then bring him to his home? He heard you entirely muttering under your breath and decided not to risk it, and as discreetly as possible he reached under his pillow for a gun. At that point out of the corner of your eye, you saw a slight movement and realised he was trying to get the gun.
“I took your gun.” Once he heard your voice and realised that you were talking to him, he didn't even try to act like he was sleeping, and with the speed of lightning. He reached into the pocket of his pants. “ I took your knife too.” Bucky grasped at the side of the mattress, where he had stowed another knife. “That one too.” At this point, his eyes were opened, and he glared at you, resembling a cat ready to pounce on its prey. “Sorry, I had to make sure you wouldn't try to kill me before I explained myself.”
A split second passed before he tried to lunge at you. There was a clank of metal against metal, and he immediately ricocheted back into the mattress. He turned his heat to look at his left arm. It was handcuffed to the battery behind him.
He had shot a look at you: really? Handcuffs?
you just shrugged. “are you saying if I didn’t take your knife wouldn't be lodged in my windpipe?”
something so broken flashed before his eyes before he muttered a few words for you to hear.
“I don't do that anymore.”
“do what?” your voice was lighter than things, almost like you were asking a friend at lunch what they wanted to do that weekend.
“kill people,” his eyes were trained on yours as his low voice sounded through the room.
“so does that mean there wouldn't be a knife lodged somewhere else in my body then?”
...and the glaring was back.
“Listen, I’m sorry for earlier. I wasn't expecting you to know who I was, considering I didn't think we had met. Also, I was scared Hydra knows where you are and would, in turn, find out about me. You gotta understand that one.” you were desperately trying to get him to understand, your tone pleading with the same desperation in your eyes.
His scorching gaze didn't soften, and you couldn't blame him. Nothing you had said or did had shown him that he can trust you, and after everything that he went through with hydra, trust was in low supply.
You sighed and rubbed your face with your hands. You didn't know how much information you could give him, and you weren't sure you were okay with giving him what you remembered, you shattered memory barely better than Barnes'.
“I don’t know where or how to start, so why don’t you ask the questions?”
You knew you were giving up all your power over to him right now, but there had to be some sense to be made in this mess, so you thought that this was the only way to do that.
“You’re not working for Hydra, or else you would have brought me in or killed me the second you saw me. That’s also would have been would you would’ve done if you worked for an official organisation. So which rich fuck are you working for?”
“Damn still some fire left in you after the freezer, Barnes.” his glare didn't ease, but he went rigid as if being reminded of it had brought that automatic reaction. “ I don't work for anyone,” you wrung your hands and looked down. “ I was another one of Hydra’s experiments. Failed one, that is. Or that's what they thought. my parents broke me out before they were supposed to test out another version of the super serum.” Your voice was starting to tremble, and you took in a breath, before continuing with your never-ending nightmare.
“Hydra found us.” You didn't look over at Barnes. You didn't want to know what he was feeling, what he thought, he probably didn't even care. “they always do, don't they.” you let out a huff of an empty laugh at that.
“They found a stone. Or rather found it again. They had it in the seventies, but then it was ‘lost’. They wondered if the reason experiments didn't work on me was because I was something else. So they strapped me up. I couldn't move anything. They made me face my family, as I touched the stone. My little brother was terrified,” you choked on a sob then, trying not to completely break down in front of a person you hardly knew, especially since you knew he could most definitely use it against you.
Tears went down your face, but you didn't wipe them away, too lost in your head for that.
“They drugged me, just in case something happened, so that I was barely awake and compliant enough without being unconscious. Then they held the stone up to my hand, so I had to touch it. I got covered completely in a black substance. I heard my parents scream. I heard my little brother cry and ask if I was dead. It was too much. I felt like I was trapped like I was buried alive. I couldn't keep it in any longer. I kept getting hotter, and hotter until it felt like I was on fire. Then I let go. I exploded.” You could've stopped right there. He surely would have figured out what had happened after that. But you had to say it. You needed to hear it.
“the amount of heat that I release into the room, it melted them. Every single person.” you didn't look at him, but you could tell that he had stilled. You felt his eyes on you, but it didn't seem like he was glaring at you.
“the contrast in temperatures, the high temperature killed them. I killed them. Sure hydra was dead. But so was my little brother.” the tears were streaming freely down your face, no barriers, nothing to stop them. Just like nothing stopped your energy.
“I think there were supposed to be alarmed if that happened. But the heat had broken all the circuits, fried any technology there was in the building. So I got away. I didn't have time to take them with me. I don't know what I would have done with them anyway. They were just bones.anyway.” your voice got quieter until it was only silence in the apartment, and the only noise was coming from outside.
Finally, you managed to look at him. He wasn't looking at you, but he had long stopped struggling against the restraints and there his eyes were almost glistening, although that couldn't be right, you just met him, and you didn't just tell him your sob story for him to pity you. You said to him that.
“I told you this so you would trust me. Now if you don’t, you’re either smart or paranoid, however, I know you’re hiding, from basically the entire world, right now, but I want to take down Hydra, and I need your help,” you watched him as you said the words, trying to get a glimpse of his reaction to it. “That and you are doing a shit job at hiding. You need a haircut. And something needs to change. Your baseball cap is not fooling anyone. You are missing shitty black eyeshadow and its DC all over again.”
“How do you know that?” hie eyes questioned you, but it seemed he was less hostile than before.
“There's a thing called Google, old man. even I'm sure that you know about it by now.”
His gaze didn't change, and then it hit you.
“Oh, you probably don't know. You were on the other side of that, weren't you? Black Widow had dumped all the Hydra and shield files online while Steve was trying to bring down the helacarriers.”
His eyes almost went a shade darker, as if clouds were covering the beautiful blueish-silver, and suddenly you knew what he was thinking. You also knew he almost didn't remember what had happened to him half the time.
“You might not want to know what happened,” you warned him.
You nodded at him. You knew what he felt.
“Come on, I’m not going to kill you, can you just get me out of this.” He looked at his handcuffs.
You kind of forgot about those at this point.
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