Looking back on what I became, I can’t help but feel nothing but hatred for myself. I pushed someone who genuinely loved me for who I was away, because of my mental health and my incomprehension that someone could actually love me.
My mental health became so hard to deal with, and I took every single thing out on you. I’m not using mental health as an excuse, because it was true. That’s why I used to smoke so much weed. I hated who I was, and I could finally escape when I was high. No one deserved to be on the receiving end of my childish bullshit, especially not you.
I wish I was surprised when all of my friends and people who cared about me left. I know it’s cliché but I really wasn’t myself. I don’t know who I was, and honestly I’m only just coming to terms of who I actually am.
I’ve had a few major things happen in the past few months, mainly the fact that I’m going to have surgery on my ear soon, but I think I need to experience that on my own, instead of forcing it upon other people. I think I’m finally starting to grow. Took long enough, huh?
I’ve been nothing but a selfish little cunt. You didn’t deserve that. No one did. I wish I could apologize to you, but, rightfully so, you want nothing to do with me.
So i hope this reaches you.
I’m sorry, more than words could ever express. I wish you all the happiness in the world, honestly.
