Life

[gr8niss-blog1]

It doesn't matter if you are walking on water or sleeping on the streets, people will still talk shit about you

Evan Howard

[gr8niss-blog1]

The True Cost of Serving

The question I continue asking myself is what is the true cost to serve in the military. I'd say, starting around the summer of 2015, I was company commander for a Signal Company (IT) and we were conducting our two week annual training (AT) requirement for the Ohio National Guard. During this time, I was executing an aggressive training plan that was needed to set the company up for success at this training exercise. Every morning during AT, our commander had a stand-up meeting to discuss business. Well, we were on day 13 of 15 and the following day, my company was prepared to execute its first-ever company exercise; deploying and connecting all of the communication platforms. Well, not before pissing a few people off. 

The day before my company was set to “deploy” and establish its voice and data packages, my commander decided he was dissatisfied with the stand-up meeting and required everyone to come back the following morning earlier to redo the meeting. After the meeting convened, I went to my commander and reminded him of my big ass event the following day and he went on about how I was going to be at the next meeting when he previously told me otherwise. My response, “Roger Sir, although I understand your intentions, I disagree with your decision.” Let’s just say he did not like that. An hour passes and I receive a bitch ass text message, CPT Howard, please come to my office....

Here we go is all I thought. I went to his office and he goes on and on about how I challenged him and how he did not like it. I told him my position again in a respectful manner and he finally saw the light. He only made the people who fucked the meeting up conduct the redo. Evan 1, commander 0.

So, why is this important because it exemplifies the true cost of serving. Imagine the above example happening time and time again. Now imagine it when the only option is for you to accept it. Now imagine it when it is not the only option you have. Theres a big difference. I am in a position where I am no longer willing to work on shit and build teams and advance organizations for some’s ego. Selfish, yes! I have honorably served for 13 years and it is time to go on with life without the military. I am not bitter or disgruntled, I just want more out of life. In the end if I retire from the military, the only thing my family gets is a folded flag. Why not take that same energy and make something great so the generations to come can enjoy it while looking at that folded flag? That’s the shit I'm on. The true cost of serving is what you are willing to leave your family for. Yes it is nice to have the awards and shit, but non of that matters in the end. Focus on the people and not processes because people will follow you, the processes will change when the next mother fucker comes behind you.

[gr8niss-blog1]

Take stake in you. Wait or is it steak?

“You can’t be an important and life-changing person for some people without also being a joke an embarrassment to others you just can’t” - Mark Manson This quote by Manson is spot on. I’ve find that the image someone has of you is based off of the reality they believe; not necessarily what the actual truth. In my life, if you were to ask anyone I know about me they will give you a spot on respectable answer; well there is an exception. There is one person that will say in this evil monster that only cares about him self and that is the worst communicator on earth. I could walk on water and find a cure for cancer and AIDS, but her perspective of me is based on her reality and not he true reality. Don’t get me wrong, there is some truth to her rationale, but some of the shit is just far-fetched. With that comes knowing your worth. People are going to form their own opinion of you. It doesn’t matter if you are walking on water or sleeping on the streets, it’s going to happen. The important element during this is staying tru to who you are and what you want out of life. We get so concerned about what other people are going to think or say about us that we take our eyes off the prize. Who gives a shit? Well I use to. Now, since I know myself and my worth, I’m not hurt when I hear something stupid shit about me. But, as long as I stay true to myself and continue to change the world it doesn’t matter. In closing, invest into you. Build your brand and stake claim into your identity. What will you be remembered by. Will you die happy or die being right. Either way you’ll be dead.

[gr8niss-blog1]

Take Inventory of You

What do you like to do for fun, what are your values, your purpose, what are your triggers,etc. We get so wrapped up in the small shit in life and if we deviate too much from the path we create another path out of desperation or necessity. I recently went down to Biloxi Mississippi for 2 months for some training and I originally went down there with the wrong mindset; to be better than everyone else, not socialize, keep to myself and be a lame; if I'm being all the way 100. Well, there was one gentleman that insisted on Me going out and I kept lying to myself until I finally gave in. I had a blast and really found out that I liked dancing lol. Not to mention that I danced with all the woman in the club it felt like. Big or small, old or older, I was moving!!! And at the end of the night I finished dancing with this young gal who was very interested in me; I believe she was with a bridal party. She was very curious about me and we had a great conversation while we danced. Her friends eventually pulled her to go do something and she waited like "Well are you going to ask me for my number?" I didn't, mainly because my intentions were to not have any intentions or agenda and just to have fun. Never to be seen again. I appreciated the dance and the conversation. Carpe Diem! After that night, I had the itch like a mother fucker. I cracked open my notepad or my Iphone and I took inventory on what brought me happiness. I also looked at the list of me which outlined my triggers, values, goals, etc. The main question I asked myself is how am I this far from where I was when I wrote this shit? The simple answer, life. With my current situation, I couldn't see the forest through the trees and I was standing right in the center of the forest. Hell, it was even sunny as all hell and I couldn't see the forest. That's ok. I laugh about it now, but during the height of my situation I became this surviving, numb, dude that wasn't who people knew. I motivated others. I made others laugh. I had fun. I was Evan. Not this wanna be. In closing. Be true to yourself. Know yourself. And if someone can't accept that and you find yourself changing your DNA just for them to be happy....How can I put this? Fuck them and the horse they rode on. Even if it's someone you once loved. Peace!

[gr8niss-blog1]

Kick Me While I Stand, Not While I'm Down

Life is all about perspective. Easier said than done, but everyday I try improve my mental physique am I am challenged with opposition, negativity, naysayers, myself, life. Each day, I work on snapping out of it and realizing that no matter what is going on I'm in control and I'm standing. The adage of not kicking a man while he is down is for quitters. Why? Because they have already accepted defeat and are lying helplessly on their back. They are allowing the aggressor, the victor to stand over them and kick them. Eh, fuck that. Stand and get kicked. It's tough, but life is going to throw some nasty shit our ways and we have to overcome and remember that we are in control. Viktor Frankl's perspective on this was: The Last of the Human Freedoms. Viktor stated that, " Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." That shit is powerful coming from a man who was imprisoned and tortured by the Nazis and who saw his entire family murdered. Sure it takes mental toughness and consistency to achieve this, but it is possible once we make it a priority and change our environment. In closing, don't try.

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When do we turn the cheek?

I’m sitting out here chilling in the rain thinking about the issues at hand. One part of me wants to turn the other cheek and the other wants to play ball. This is something that I will have to revisit because I do not want to make any rash decisions. However, during these times it’s imperative to remember that some people can’t handle life. So when they feel attacked, they act of of spite and I’ll-intent. My virtues today are patience and judgement. Now that I think about it, they are synonymous; well at least to have judgement you need at least patience.

As the night progresses, I’ll use my energy to breath life into my endeavors and my son. I will not allow the fuckery of trying to question my ability and desire to father detract me from my purpose and goal in life which is to motivate and change the world.

[gr8niss-blog1]

Just Live

This weekend has been amazing. I took my son to my God parent’s house and we chilled out, played video games and ate donuts. It is always awesome to see my son play with the toys I use to play with and go to the same arcades that my best friend and I went to. Seeing my son in his element is powerful and reminded me that kids are simply living; no worries, no bills, no care...basic necessities with a dose of fun lol. 

A little over a month ago, I was finishing up some military training and we were sleeping in tents and I posed the following question to 5 of the other men in the tent; “When do we stop living in order to survive?” The men and I had a very powerful conversation and the common answer to the question was loosing their sense of purpose. One gentleman said he started surviving once he had a family and could no longer coach wrestling. Another gentleman said when he became overwhelmed in his life and could no longer teach. Me, well, military, full-time career, 3 year old, divorce.....= surviving. I was no longer able to participate in the activities that brought me happiness to include coaching precision drill teams, volunteering, rock climbing, etc. I became a robot, maid and a person who was simply put, unhappy. My life at the time was not in a productive or happy state. 

The world dealt me a few punches, some harder than others, but the reality of it is I have to keep moving forward. I have to continue growing my son, life and legacy. I can sit here and blame others for my shortcomings, but the reality remains simple; I am responsible for everything, my successes and my failures, I am responsible for it all. 

So, with that; just live. Find or remember what your purpose is and no matter what try to default back to it when all else fails. Life is tough, that is ok. Tough times do not last, tough people do. 

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Mental Toughness or Bust

Today I am trying something new. Sometimes I want to talk, but I feel like I don't have an ear that is true, unbiased and willing to listen. So, I figured blogging is a better and socially accepted method than talking to myself or a wall lol... Here we go. It is so hard to break a habit, get out of a rut, simply put life is hard as fuck. In perspective, this stark reality is ok. I read books, watch videos, talk to others, all to be left in the same position, do I have what it takes to take my life, career, family to the next level? Or, do I remain content in the established and predictable lifestyle that I have developed? Short answers to both questions is yes. Confusions stated, “He who says he can and he who says he can’t are both usually right.” Mental toughness or Bust. Break through your mental barriers and bust through the next phase of life.