it registers with hande, however dimly, that neither of them really has a leg to stand on, here, even if it feels as if they do. her problem is with a boy long dead, still seen a villain, still imagined the sole reason their friendship crumbled so completely. gracieās is with her and her inaction, something that her stomach knots just thinking about but that she hates to claim ; itās easier to blame it all on vincent because he isnāt here, he canāt defend himself, he probably wouldnāt even try, even if he could. itās easier to boil it down to āhim or meā when it was never really that simple and the close relationship they had formed as two fresh faced first years had already started suffering weeks before that fateful day. theyād carried the weight of carrow rule and their respective secrets & insecurities like atlas and the heavens, but they were only teenage girls. neither of them actually stood a chance against something like that, and handeās spent eight years trying to grapple and come to terms with that - she mightāve thought she succeeded if the full force of all these tumultuous feelings werenāt hitting her for the first time in a long time, right now, making the blood rush in her ears and her cheeks embarrassingly damp. knowing that neither of them can ever really be right canāt help, at this point. āi never said i was a good person, but you are certainly not the victim, gracie - you knew all along what kind of person vincent was, you just didnāt care enough to let him go.ā gracie pushes and hande refuses to push BACK, not because she recognises itās for the best but because she knows how irrational it makes gracie look and how infuriating that is, in equal measure. itās not the high road when the decision is made out of pure spite. āno, it isnāt,ā sheās SHRILL, by now, and the argument has devolved past sense or reason ; itās not about admitting anything, anymore, but being the one to cut deepest. āitās too late. you will alwaysĀ be the person who chose a death eaterĀ over everyone else that mattered. after everything heĀ did- everything theyĀ did, to my family, to yourĀ mumā¦- how do youĀ liveĀ with that?ā
you are certainly not the victim, gracie. there is no PRIDE in claiming victim - it isnāt a crown one happily wears and grace has never claimed to be one, either, but she canāt help the way she feels she IS being wronged ( they both are, but there is a failure to see that ). there is no string of words grace could conjure up to make hande understand ( or anyone, it seems ), but it wouldnāt matter - she doesnāt seem that sheĀ wants to.Ā āso that i could have been on the receiving end of his crucio? would you have preferred thatĀ ? i have SO many regrets over how things played out and right up there is howĀ i regret wasting so much time on you.āĀ there is very little room for her own rebuttal when sheās confronted with thoughts sheās already had of herself, but she TRIES, even with howĀ irrationalĀ the entirety of the interaction is.Ā if near indifference was meant to infuriate then that is exactly where the arrow has landed - blue eyes search for a bigger reaction that doesnāt come and grace hates it. this would have been the perfect time to walk away and accept some sort of defeat. an unsteady mind continues to choose fight over flight, however ; a decision that is SOLIDIFIED when the other reaches her final point and her wordsĀ sting. in what feels like a split second the full force of graceās open palm meets handeās cheek - it doesnāt give the feeling of relief that she hoped it would. this prompts tears, finally, but of frustration.Ā āfuck you, hande.ā