checkmate !

i am out with lanterns looking for myself. ; (male) robin, affiliated with the officers academy.

[grcndmaster]

hello there, i'm nicolai (he/him, 28) ! here with (male) robin from fe: awakening ! this is a character i've adored for more than ten years now so hopefully we can have a lot of wonderful/fun interactions <3

some quick portrayal/rp notes !

robin is taken from a post-game state, under the assumption that robin chose to deliver the final blow on grima himself, and therefore risked sacrificing himself entirely to this end—clearly he survived it, but he will attribute that survival to the bonds he shared with all his friends, and will reference this fact often ! he does not care if this is annoying to others !

he's a librarian here, unaffiliated with any specific house, so feel free to pester him with questions (or try to trick him into doing your homework for you ? )

i can use the legacy editor/editable reblogs if requested but i'd prefer to use the beta editor + trim reblogs by default so that newer blogs don't have any trouble ! do let me know if you prefer editable reblogs, though, i'm more than happy to accomodate !

on a similar note, i tend to use small text as a personal/aesthetic preference, but if you would prefer i not do that in our threads just mention it and i'll keep text in its default size !

[grcndmaster]

11. A memory that may or may not have happened

memories! (no longer accepting)

         you watch your own hands as if from a great distance. you were always, more than anything, death’s bridesmaid, weren’t you? never sick, never injured so badly lissa couldn’t fix you up, never your organs pierced by blade or magic, the smell of blood and cauterised flesh hanging in the air, watching that patch of red bloom like thorns and flowers bowed heavy with scent. 

         your sacrifices were never this visceral, they were written in ink on parchment or maps, and formed in the clinical distance between scholar and subject, idol and worshipper. the grimleal had been your hands and—

         and—

         to envy mortality would be madness, surely, but you watch chrom (your friend—friend—friend?) double over, clutching the wound you put in his side, bent, staggering, and all you can think about is the sureness of blood on a stone floor.

         your mind is neat and orderly. compare it to a greased wheel, perhaps. neat and orderly, now that you are again whole. not like the stop-start stuttering it had before your memories slotted into place. was it better that way? you swallow that thought before it can form words, nothing but bitterness to ease the journey down, and wait for your throat to hurt. can you still be called the same being, with memories added and removed? the addition makes you: this, the removal: thus.

         a thesean paradox circling the meaning of what it is to be robin, the question hanging in the air, then dropping like a dead thing at your feet. you ache. and ache. and ache. and ache. you had wings once, maybe. now you, don’t.

         it is bad. it feels bad, this ache in your head as you watch your friend crumple. you have been before, but not like this. you know this in this instant. this is the only time robin has been he has been it has been. mostly you have skulked around the edges of things and accepted this as your due. you have eaten from altartables. you have listened to prayers. you have sucked meat from bellies and you have devoured faith. you have not donned fresh skin and no memory and walked among the people. not once. not ever. it aches. you ache.

         but it is only a dream. you awaken, shaky. this is not the first time, it will not be the last. it never seems to be.

[grcndmaster]

Robin's smile grows at the knight's words. It means the world to him to be alive, to be able to see his friends so readily. It is not something he takes for granted, and Frederick in particular has always been someone with whom he was close.

"I'm already busy, with this cataloguing system in place," he says, shaking his head. But he isn't about to complain, instead focusing his energy on just making sense of it if possible. He knows Frederick will likely be kept busy as well, with his knightly duties. It's a relief to see him fit into something so comfortably.

"They don't know it did. It... happened so far away. The plight of Plegia isn't even mentioned in texts here, much less the rest. But Fódlan is relatively isolated, so I suppose that's no surprise."

He keeps his opinions on that to himself as well. "But I've taken enough of your time, haven't I? Can I see you soon for dinner? I don't want to bother you when you're on duty, but I won't feel any shame about monopolizing your free time now that we're together again."

[lunaede]

Though their time today may be short, he cannot help but smile at the suggestion of eating a meal together. There are plenty of things he needs to do these next few days, anyway, principle amongst them is getting his assignments and meeting fellow knights. There are duties he cannot put off, even if he does not know the scope of all he'll be asked to accomplish. There no doubt will be securing the monastery, working with staff and faculty, ensuring the students' safety...

Ah, well, there will be dinner. Dinner with his friend who he missed so dearly.

"I'm sure you'll find some writings on Plegia," he offers, thought in truth he has no idea how well stocked on foreign texts this library is. "Or you can request some, for the betterment of the library."

He takes the books in his arms and gives him a little nod. "Regardless, I would very much like to see you for dinner. I'll find you here tomorrow and we can walk down to the dining hall together."

With that, he gives Robin a special little smile -- one reserved only for his friends. He takes the recommendations and turns, leaving with the promise of continued conversation later.

┊ ┊ ┊ ┊end thread!

[lunaede]

Of course he knows. It's clear that Robin cares very much for Frederick, and that Frederick in turn cares for the tactician. Robin cared so much about the shepherds that he was willing to sacrifice himself for them... and then come back.

He watches as Robin writes something on the paper. There's no way he'll be able to read this -- both upside down and also with how illegible his writing actually is. No matter. The recommendations he'll bring no doubt will be ones that Frederick will enjoy.

"I'll visit you," he says, finally answering him. "More than just here. Perhaps we can find some time to eat supper together, in between working for the church. We both will be very busy soon, it seems."

A full schedule is something that Frederick does not take for granted, and indeed is something crucial to his wellbeing. As it stands, even now he has too much free time. Maybe Robin needs assistance with cleaning his room...

"Well enough," he answers, disregards that train of thought. "It's... different, here. After everything in Ylisse, it almost feels like none of that happened at all."

[grcndmaster]

Robin's smile grows at the knight's words. It means the world to him to be alive, to be able to see his friends so readily. It is not something he takes for granted, and Frederick in particular has always been someone with whom he was close.

"I'm already busy, with this cataloguing system in place," he says, shaking his head. But he isn't about to complain, instead focusing his energy on just making sense of it if possible. He knows Frederick will likely be kept busy as well, with his knightly duties. It's a relief to see him fit into something so comfortably.

"They don't know it did. It... happened so far away. The plight of Plegia isn't even mentioned in texts here, much less the rest. But Fódlan is relatively isolated, so I suppose that's no surprise."

He keeps his opinions on that to himself as well. "But I've taken enough of your time, haven't I? Can I see you soon for dinner? I don't want to bother you when you're on duty, but I won't feel any shame about monopolizing your free time now that we're together again."

[assortedrpmemes]

Send A Number to Experience One of My Muse’s Memories

Memories are vignettes for one’s past, and often times, they are very telling.

1. Their First Memory 2. A memory of their father 3. A memory of their mother 4. A memory of a sibling 5. A memory of a pet 6. A turning point in their life 7. A memory they want to forget 8. A hazy memory 9. A photographic memory 10. A disappointing memory 11. A memory that may or may not have happened 12. A happy memory 13. A memory of a friend 14. A memory of a relationship 15. A heartbreaking memory 16. A memory that makes them angry 17. A memory of something they regret 18. A memory they’d love to change 19. A memory of someone they don’t see anymore 20. A memory of someone who is deceased 21. A memory of the first time they did an activity they love 22. A childhood memory 23. A school day memory 24. A holiday memory 25. A birthday memory 26. A memory they want to share 27. A memory of something they’re proud of 28. A memory that strains a relationship 29. A memory they can’t let themselves forget 30. Asker’s choice 31. Writer’s choice

[valflaame]

containing the fire

[valflaame]

Oddly, the mages notice that Reason magic has been on the fritz lately. Even the most experienced sages find it difficult to control their magic, never mind the practicing novices that keep burning themselves and injuring others. A late-night attempt to study for a Reason exam quickly gets out of hand and sends a classroom up in flames. The Knights of Seiros and other members of the monastery’s facilities must rush in quickly in order to contain the fire and save lives. [Grants Reason +1]

Well, this certainly is a disaster.

Arvis hadn't planned on getting involved with the issues that had arisen with reason magic, though he simply cannot ignore it now. As a newly appointed professor in the Black Eagles house he was just settling in, and though students and other educators alike had mentioned this issue in passing, it was very much not his problem.

He frowns. Past tense, 'was not' his problem.

He's not annoyed, that would be the wrong reading of his expression. Concerned, of course, for the lives that are now very much in danger because there was a negligence somewhere in the chain of command. It makes him angry, but not at the people who were just trying to learn. The failing to keep the inhabitants of Garreg Mach safe on behalf of the church or the more senior professors is a concern he will raise once this issue is dealt with.

Arvis is better at making fires rather than putting them out, but he will be adaptable. His face settles into a deep frown and furrow of his brows as he moves forward, towards the fire. His voice is commanding as he turns to one of the members of the church and barks out an order --

"Assist the students as I pull them out. Warn me if the structure is in danger of collapse, understood?"

Perhaps he hasn't quite shed that commanding presence befitting of the regent of Grannvale yet.

@grcndmaster

[grcndmaster]

Robin could not do anything but get involved. While the exact cause of the reason magic failure was beyond him (though that didn't mean he would not attempt to look into possible causes... it would be negligence if he didn't at least make the attempt, but that attempt can come later, when there was not currently a classroom up in flames).

That was to be expected, he supposes. Students are particularly careless at the best of times, especially the younger among them, but he nonetheless rushes to their aid. Carelessness was not, in his opinion, a flaw that should come with such severe consequences. They will learn from this, and that is all he can expect.

He's pleased that there's someone taking charge of the situation. For now, he will leave it in this professor's hands, though he's quick to jump to action in terms of obeying orders. The commands are simple, reasonable, and Robin is all too eager to help.

"As you say," he calls out to him, leaping to follow up on those orders. Putting out fires is hardly his specialty either, both the literal and metaphorical sort, but he's all too eager to assist those in need.

And the students are a priority, of course. He rushes to assist the first one, checking for severe injuries and is relieved to see that this one, at least, looks more shaken than harmed. There is more to this task yet, though, and Robin can only hope for more of the same, and minimal damage to the structure of the classroom, for the sake of whoever's job it will be to repair the fire damage. "Do be careful with your part!"

[fellincantation]

Grima couldn't find it in herself to spurn his response. Robin was, at his core, predictable to Grima. There was a sickening kindness that permeated from within him that Grima read as a weakness. Though Grima knew it was all the same heart they shared in the very end. Hers was tainted by the burdens and memories of her long life whereas his seemed washed clean of everything. His hurt and contempt were replaced with the ability to love and grow at a human rate. To live and die just as any other human being could. Nobody could have guessed that he was born into a cult that purposefully bore children to rebirth their God. It was a terribly enviable way to exist.

"I have no desire to change my path as it stands now. There are those who I have met that have strange notions of friendship and extend it to me but I am... Certain in the end fate will end where it always does. My victory and subsequent return to the past to be reborn again. I have lost count of the times I've been through this." Grima admitted after some thought. She wondered if Robin had truly escaped the cycle. He seemed better along than her and his Grima had been killed, from what she had been told. Perhaps he wasn't trapped in the cycle any longer.

"... I will keep your words in mind even when I return to the beginning once this is over." She added quietly. She wouldn't cast aside his words so quickly. Even if she would prefer to forget the conversation and wallow in her agony alone.

[grcndmaster]

Robin had long thought his humanity was his greatest strength. He knew how others might consider it a weakness, but stubbornly persisted in his belief that the kindness he was shown needed to be returned, as often as possible.

That was something difficult to offer Grima, considering... all of this. Everything. He had to try, though. No path was set. Not only had he diverged from the ones set before him, the obvious possibilities, but he had built an entirely new one from scratch. It was all he could do, but to do otherwise would have been to give up, something he knew deep in his heart, memories or no memories, was an unacceptable course of action for him.

And it seemed she was much the same. Stubborn, even to her own detriment. It was a familiar sentiment, even if it put them in opposition.

"I know. I know that nothing I could say to you would get you to change your path as it stands, you don't need to tell me. You're just as stubborn as I am. This version of you... could accomplish what you're trying to do, I suspect. It's okay. That you'll consider what I've said is more than enough."

It wasn't as though he thought she could be, or needed to be, saved. It wasn't that simple. He did not look down on her.

"I hope you can find peace. No matter what you choose to do."

[fellincantation]

"I am younger than you would think. My plan is simple because the most conscious hours in my life were those of my childhood and little has changed since my plan was first formulated. Two thousand years I've existed and half of those years were spent in slumber. The vengeful actions of a small child led to where I am now." Grima answered, finding Robin's irritation interesting. That was the first time he'd mentioned any sort of frustration during their conversation and it made her focus on him a bit more. Thinking about her childhood was strange. Being a dragon meant she aged very differently from humans but, if her memory served her correctly, she would have been around ten human years old during the war against the First Exalt. What a strange idea to grow and age while slumbering. To reach adulthood in the blink of an eye. "Sympathy... It would be you that would feel that way, wouldn't it? You're the only one that would stop to listen. To your detriment."

Robin's smile made her scoff. Though there was the faintest smile on her own face in return.

"The interference I could handle. It was the talk of bonds and love that I found to be the most bothersome. Forgiveness was even worse." Grima said, letting a quiet nostalgia settle in her thoughts. Being forgiven even after firing through someone's very heart was strange and something she still disliked thinking of. "Such pure hearts..."

Grima fell quiet for a bit. She let her eyes fall shut, shoulders going slack. Even with all of her rage and frustration, she was able to let some of her guards down around Robin.

"Do you think I'm someone who needs your kindness?" Maybe she was. "You would extend your hand the way others extended theirs to you."

[grcndmaster]

This explanation did make it make a lot more sense. He processed it carefully before allowing himself to react to it. Her relative youth was somehow both surprising and not. There was something to be said for how she carried herself and how that could be attributed to such a thing. What an unenviable position. His short human life at least had a rhythm to it that hers no-doubt would never have, weighed down as it was by long slumbers and the artificial nature of her creation.

"You make more sense to me, with this explanation in mind. It also reassures me. There is still time to change your path. Maybe not in my lifetime, but eventually. This version of you that I didn't kill..."

He could not have shown the other mercy, though. It was... not possible, with the way his path had taken him. But killing that version of Grima had not been an act born out of hate, or fear, only necessity. The ruthlessness that characterized a good tactician. Two lives (Grima, his own) for many. A simple trade-off. The cold calculus of war, and not even his own life could be worth more than anyone else's.

He was glad he survived it. But he had fully prepared to die.

"Forgiveness is... in some people's natures." A trait Robin admired to be sure, but one he had more trouble with. Something to learn, to choose deliberately to make up for not having it intuitively.

"And... yes. I do think you're someone who needs kindness. And I'm not sure who besides me is fit to offer it at this moment, unless there's someone else who knows all of this. If I don't hold out my hand, then I've learned nothing from those who took me in."

[fellincantation]

Robin's attempts at understanding here were equal parts appreciated and irritating. She wondered if he didn't understand because he had a will to live. Grima, on the other hand, did not have. All she had was her rage and her hatred and her pain. She had no loved ones to hold her and to tell her what her value in this world was. At the mention of Chrom, Grima's expression visibly soured. He was another person that Grima couldn't stand to look at and actively avoided seeing.

"What I get out of it is revenge and to die, you fool. I get to cast my judgment and finally rest." She replied, feeling as if the hair on the back of her neck was bristling at her overabundance of emotions. It felt childish to express what she got out of it when said out loud. It wasn't an answer a God of Destruction would give, was it? "And the only thing worse than your optimistic attitude is Chrom's. Both of you."

Grima was trying to be dismissive in her response but she knew it was more telling than anything. She wanted to make humanity hurt in the ways that she was hurting and would never forgive them for her twisted birth. Letting Robin know this was of no consequence because, in the end, he wasn't the Robin who had fallen to her influence. He would never fall to her power and she would never fall to his.

"No... I don't want to be led by you. That benevolence of yours is going to get you stabbed in the back one day. Your kindness is a weak point that someone will exploit." Just like Grima had done to Chrom in a distant future.

[grcndmaster]

"Revenge and to die," he repeated, just nodding. "That does sound like you, doesn't it? That just feels too... simple. I suppose it irritates me that it doesn't go beyond that. And that after all this time, that you'd keep trying. Not that I can judge you for the fruitless endeavor, I suppose. I just... it's difficult not to feel sympathy for you. You must be... very tired."

Where was the line between sympathy and pity? He had no idea, and didn't necessarily want to ponder it.

He smiled at her tone. "It's the optimism that bothers you? Not the interference?"

Robin flexed his hands, more used to the cold than he was earlier in his life, but not so much so that he was happy with it. He felt a bit... ponderous, and the weather was doing nothing to allay that mood. With nothing to do but sit here, and talk, and ponder. He could not connect with the rage she had bubbling beneath her skin... but he was familiar with it nonetheless. He rid himself of it, sure, but it was there once, without a doubt.

"I didn't think you'd actually want that, don't worry. I'm content just learning from you," he said, shrugging. "And it's better to get stabbed in the back for my kindness than walk past someone who needs it. That was one of the earliest, and most important lessons I learned..."

[fellincantation]

Robin's insight was fascinating if not some of the most frustrating responses and questions Grima had ever heard. Though it presented her with options. She could lie and effectively fall further deep into her own delusions or she could speak with him as if she was speaking to herself. Grima was never one for truly lying to someone's face. Only omitting truths and stretching reality.

"You seem to misunderstand my end goal. I am humanity's punishment for its hubris and arrogance over the millennia. My goal never was to rule humans or seek their worship as their god. I am the chance for this world to start over. To burn every human and their creations to the ground and, ultimately, burn down with it. Not a god to be worshipped. One to usher in the end." Grima said. She spoke as if it was just the truth of the matter. In Grima's mind, she truly was born to punish humanity, which was what she intended to do. "When the humans are gone... When Naga's bloodline and her influence are eradicated from this world... Then I will embrace the dark. The world will have no need for me then."

That was how Plegia worshipped her as well. Her cult saw her as a reckoning. A harbinger of the end times where things would cease to be. She was viewed as the complete opposite of Naga and her blessed bloodline. It made Grima's skin crawl to know she was born to die.

Then Grima's attention turned to Robin's other words. She knew what he thought of her. There was little she could do to hide from herself.

"All your talk of changing your fate... It is not something I will ever do. I suppose we're both terribly stubborn in that way." She wondered if he knew how he sounded. She supposed there was no harm in letting him know. "All this talk of watching over those you love... You sound like a shepherd taking care of his flock. You speak to me now as if I am one of those. Another to guide. Or perhaps another to learn from. You speak to me as if you believe I were human."

Grima took a moment to gather her thoughts before speaking again.

"I will never change my fate nor the path I'm on but I suppose I cannot force you back onto this path either. You wear the skin of a human being so well. Those you meet have no idea what you were born from. They don't care, do they? You could tell those beloved friends of yours everything I told you now and they would love you regardless." Grima commented, settling against the wyvern at her back. She was practically deflating with exhaustion, the conversation clearly having drained her. "You make a disgustingly perfect human being." It somehow didn't sound like an insult.

[grcndmaster]

"No, I understand that aspect of your goals. I just don't understand the reason. You speak of the world's need, what you're worshipped for but..." he trailed off, seemingly trying to think of how exactly to phrase the point of disconnect. For all that they were the same, he felt as though they only intersected at certain points, like two lines running parallel until they collided entirely by chance.

But nothing was up to chance with they way they interacted. It was all very carefully ordained. Varying levels of success aside, that fact was not disputable.

"But I still don't understand your actual motive. I understand why you were... created, I do. I know what you're expected to do. I just don't understand what you get out of it."

That was the simplest way of asking, though of course it was still a bit of a simplification. "I'm not trying to change your mind. Let me make that clear, my goal isn't to make you think like I do." Not only because it was likely a fruitless endeavor but because ultimately, it was her choice. If they were destined to clash again, he would take it as it was, but peace achieved through suppressing the thoughts or will of another was not a victory that would be... meaningful. It would not be right.

"Flock, hm?" he sighed. "Flock is a good enough way to put it. Chrom's partial to those metaphors, too. They work, don't they? I want to help. This is one way I know how."

Robin glanced at her again. "I'm sorry if it bothers you. But I can't help but treat you that way. Like someone else to... shepherd. If we're the same, if only the circumstances of my amnesia and other minor events separate us, then this is the only way I could talk to you. Learning from you is a valuable experience. Whether you take my guidance, though. Well, that's up to you. I won't be offended."

Another sigh, a slow and amused smile spread across his face. "Humanity suits me, I'm sure you're right on that. I never want to know anything else."

[fellincantation]

His reaction just made her frustration curl tighter. He didn't fear her nor did he view her as a god. Humans looked down upon her and expressed such sickening emotions at her situation. It was humiliating and Grima wanted to rip his head from his shoulders for it. Though somehow if she acted with violence now she would just prove something within herself that she knew to be true. That she was human enough to be hurt by the words of a worm.

"I speak openly solely because I'm speaking to myself. You are me, I am you. You're just missing the parts of me that make me what I am. What separates my godhood from humanity." Grima replied, unsure if he understood what she meant. The amnesia her vessel faced was what changed her personality. That Robin had once been like Grima herself. She was the very Grima who went back in time to ensure the events of her rebirth would happen along with the amnesia that erased Grima's hatred inside of her. That was the only way Robin could have lived as her own human being.

"I compare humans because deep down they all turn against you in the end. I suppose it's hard for you to fathom but... Humans need gods until the moment those gods become too powerful. Then humans fear what could happen to them when that power is left unchecked. Thus, gods are slain." The explanation was simple enough. Robin wasn't unintelligent but he saw the good in people far more than the bad. For that, Grima thought him to be a fool.

"Living in a human body just reminds me of how distant you and I are." She added, the light of her anger fizzling out slowly as she leaned back against the wyvern more closely. She felt so weak. If she hadn't needed to protect the wyvern in the night she would have left the moment she had realized Robin had gained the upper hand. "Jealousy, pain, heartache, fear, anxiety. All emotions I do not experience outside of my vessel but feel tenfold when inside of it. Yet you live and breathe with ease. I find your bonds sickening and disgusting and yet you maintain them without hysterics. Wearing this skin is so fragile. How..."

She paused, hesitating. She knew what his answer might be and yet she continued.

"How could you bear the Heart of Grima and still live as you do?"

[grcndmaster]

That still set his teeth on edge, her insistence that he was missing something. He knew well what he was, but that meant he knew, too, what he was not. Still, he nodded, because he knew she wasn't quite wrong, no matter how uncomfortable the assertion made him.

"I'm glad for the separation, I must admit. Being fully you seems... miserable," he said, softly. "You aren't exactly making godhood sound pleasant either. What exactly are you doing all of this for, apart from making yourself miserable? That's what I've never fully understood. Maybe I'm just incapable of understanding your motives, but I'd like to give myself more credit than that. Your actions make sense, but your end goals... still elude me."

To be slain... yes, that was Grima's ultimate fate in his time, wasn't it? Her hypothesis proven true in the version of events where he was not able to be reclaimed by the dragon.

He sighed and pressed his own back to the wyvern's side, his hand absentmindedly running along the scaly hide in order to comfort it, and give him something to do with his hands.

"Those emotions are part of the experience with the vessel, are they? A necessary part of the process, I imagine, as the benefits of having one outweigh the costs. Is that it? Because you don't seem to take well to these emotions, but... it is what it is, isn't it? Honestly, the fact that you hate it so much is honestly part of the human experience. To get angry with your own heart..."

More human than god, that was for sure. Maybe more human than dragon, honestly, but he had less experience observing dragons, so he was much less sure.

"And to answer your question... I don't know. It's the only way I remember living. But I knew from the start that it was worth any fight to keep. The people I love are too numerous and I can't accept not being able to watch over them. That's probably not the answer you're looking for, but it's the only one I have. I'm sorry."

[tomorrowscircle]

"I promise I will Father. It might be good to rely on you a little more anyways..." She's older now, than she was when she had first arrived in Ylisse without her memories, and she's grown. (Though, certainly not in height.)

But even now, taller than her father (only by a little bit), she still feels like she'll always be a little girl, standing in the shadow of a great tactician, always scrambling to keep up on her own tiny feet.

"Just promise me you won't be reckless as well! I'd hate to see you falter, when I've looked up to you for so long. Of course, not literally! I'm taller than you now!"

[grcndmaster]

He looks pleased with that. He knows she's... honestly not even that much younger than him, due to the nature of the time distortion that brought her here, but still, he feels an obligation regardless to look after her as if she were small.

"You aren't that much taller," he says, raising an eyebrow. He's hardly looking up at her, at least. He's amused, though, and reaches forward to adjust her coat a little. "I promise I won't be reckless. But you have to promise to stop by the library and see me from time to time. I know you're probably busy, but I'll have to track you down if you don't."

[fellincantation]

Grima could hear the smile in his voice and it made her lip curl in discontent. She hated being human and she was certain that none knew of the truth of her origins. At her very core, she was more of a human being than she was a god. The result of a human's foolish desire to rule the world and the blood of a fallen deity. That single thought was enough to nearly set her off, gritting her teeth impossibly hard as she thought about what to say to him.

"It's horrifically unbearable. The turbulent emotions this mind forces upon me and the way it affects how this body breathes and functions is a fate worse than a thousand years of sleep." She answered tensely. If she wasn't careful it was very possible she could set off the wyvern if her fell aura were to escape the confines of her vessel. She had to keep herself under control. "Your weak hearts ache and bleed at nothing."

Grima kept her eyes closed, not wanting to look Robin in the eye. Every word out of her mouth felt like a confession of frailty and it was driving her up a wall. No matter how much of a barrier she placed between humans and herself they were always far too close.

"That weakness breeds nothing but selfish arrogance and a need to protect yourselves. Your kind thinks it can play god and create things to defy nature. To bend the laws of reality to your own will because you cannot stand the idea that you have lost everything." Grima seemed to be speaking of a very specific instance, one that would mean little to Robin. "Now, Robin... Were you to lose the one you loved most in this world, would you do anything to get them back? Would that loss drive you to madness and grief beyond compare and lead you to break the laws of nature to attempt to get them back? What if that creation fed off of your evil deeds and became just as mad as you? What then? Will you blame your creation and attempt to kill the creature? You've succeeded in teaching it human cruelty and violence all while swearing that the creature you created was evil from birth. Created from your essence and the blood of a god. You've made a mistake you can't take back and now it's going to kill all of humanity as a punishment for your stupidity. For your arrogance. For your inability to nurture a creature that knew nothing but you."

Grima opened her eyes, her piercing gaze staring right into Robin's eyes.

"It is nothing but pain to be human and my wrath will be a mercy to all of you." She was barely holding herself together and she felt the wyvern behind her shift uneasily. Grima's shoulders fell after a moment and she looked to the ceiling, an eerie silence falling over her. Another outburst, another person bearing witness to her deeply held frustrations.

[grcndmaster]

The anger in her voice was, again, comforting. He knew it shouldn’t be, but it was something that made him more curious than it ever could make him afraid. Such an uncomplicated emotion, something he definitely could understand, pity even. Again, he kept that to himself.

As she spoke, it was clear she wasn’t actually talking about him. The questions she was asking seemed to relate to something very different (father? maker?). She spoke firmly, and he nodded, as though listening to what she was actually saying and trying to disguise with his expression the way he was probing every word for secondary meanings. Would it be worth it to answer her questions outright? He was not the subject. There wasn’t a lot of room for interpretation.

“You’re telling me a lot about yourself here.”

Much in the same way Grima had memories of Robin, Robin had memories of the version of Grima he had slain. Through the fog of amnesia, it was there, from when the creature had tried and failed to forcibly enter his body. He wondered if that Grima was any different from the one who now existed before him before deciding that it did not matter. Likely that Grima was only as different as he was from the Robin this one was occupying (which is to say, very little, and certainly not in any way that mattered).

He looked back at her. “If you’re going to compare all humans to the one you’re describing, there’s not really any point in trying to convince you otherwise. If you’ve seen us for what we are and still assume all will act the same, I won’t be the one to get through to you. Especially given your opinion of me. Which is justified, I’m sure.”

His tone is… sardonic, but without bite.

“Your wrath doesn’t frighten me. I know what you are. Which… I’m sorry for, by the way. It would be easier if I believed you to be a god, I think.”

[fellincantation]

Robin was too intelligent for his own good. His invitation to sit was ignored for just a brief moment before Grima eventually took a seat near him, letting her back rest against the wyvern behind her. The gentle steady breath of the creature served as a reminder that it was very much alive.

"I refer to her as such because she's clogged this mind with so many memories that it burns. Her wretched friends cry out for her and she cries out in return. I don't care for any of them. The bonds forged don't matter when their blood will spill on the dirt in the future." She answered, folding her hands in her lap. Her fingers fidgeted against each other idly. A nervous habit her vessel had picked up long before Grima had lived inside of it. Even then Grima was lying. As much as she tormented Robin's friends and family she still regarded them with the smallest bit of fondness.

"Do I pity the wyverns?" She repeated after another pause of thought. "Of course I do. In my era, they were at one time just like other dragons. Divine or otherwise. They had consciousness and their wits about them. Degeneration reduced countless dragons to this feral state to be tamed by lesser beings."

Grima closed her eyes.

"Though I wonder if that's still the truth. Over two thousand years have passed since the era of my creation and it's possible these young wyverns are simply the descendants of those very dragons. Blissfully unaware of the loss of their ancestors' minds. Unaware that their ancestors fueled my rebirth."

The countless earth dragons sealed at the Dragon's Table had lost their immortal lives to fuel her power. Perhaps that was why Grima was so unstable now.

"This conversation will change nothing. One day, I will bring about the death of all living things and that is what fate decided for me. You may think you've broken free of it all but it never truly ends. I've lived to the end more times than I can count and I always return to before the end. Gods don't get the luxury of living and dying like worms do." Grima was a fatalist to the very end. "How can you stand to be human? It is weak and agonizing."

[grcndmaster]

He nodded, as if understanding. Maybe he did. It was a lot to process, certainly, but he could make sense of it, unraveling strands that belonged to him, belonged to her, could have belonged to her, belonged to the vessel… there was a steady pattern to it that could not be ignored, like a lantern guiding his train of thought along a narrow road.

“You don’t care about the things she loved, but you can’t ignore them either. It’s interesting, that’s all. Whatever she was, however much of it is now a part of you… I’m just curious about it, is all.”

He can’t help it. Curiosity makes up the core of all that he is. Even if this had nothing to do with him (instead of everything) he would still be curious. 

“An interesting perspective on wyverns…” That made him pity them, too. His determination to keep this one alive was already high, but further determination bubbled up within him. That these ones were descended from more intelligent creatures was tragic. He thought distantly of other dragons he’d known. None with divinity, he didn’t especially care about Naga, but those closer to him, who he’d travelled with, honored to have known them, even for only a short time in their long lifespans.

“Don’t worry, I don’t suspect this conversation will change you. I wasn’t expecting anything. If I alone could shake your resolve, I’d question its legitimacy,” he said, glancing at her.

He adjusted his jacket. Not uncomfortable, only cold. “I enjoy being human. I don’t mind my weaknesses. I feel no agony. You’re playing at human, aren’t you, right now? Is it really so unbearable?” A smile pulled at his lips and, though there wasn’t really any warmth in it, he wasn’t mocking her. 

[grcndmaster]

lunaede​:

He’s teasing him again, Frederick knows, but it’s fine. It keeps the mood light enough for the situation, and perhaps will serve to make the time go by quicker. He sees Robin’s smile that he gives Frederick over his shoulder and can’t help but smile back, just a little, and shake his head. “Of course I’ll protect you,” he says, and ignores the compliment tossed his way. Frederick is brave, that’s what makes him a good knight. “It most certainly would not do well to have only one of us complete our part of the mission, would it not?”

He almost laughs at his own little jest. There is no way that Frederick would ever let Robin fall, and no possibility of he himself not being around to protect his friend. “It would be much more difficult if you didn’t have backup, after all.”

He’s about to add to that thought when he hears something in the distance. Keen as ever, he snaps his head in the direction of the sound and narrows his eyes. He instinctively moves in front of Robin, one hand on his lance and the other motioning for Robin to fall back. He’s silent for a moment, listening to any additional disturbances that could be heard. He’s almost able to write it off as some sort of animal within the forest when he hears another loud, sickening crack echo through the trees. 

“Did you hear that?” he asks – despite it being difficult for someone to have missed a sound that loud. “I don’t know what that was, but I think it came from that direction.”

Frederick’s smile is reassuring. It always has been. Robin’s just trying to keep the mood up, but there’s still something to it. As they walk on, his mind is already working overtime to try and compensate for the lack of knowledge they had going in.

He freezes at the sound. He notices it after Frederick, and the knight is already in front of him by the time he registers it. He’s glad for Frederick’s instincts—his own are good but nowhere near as finely-honed. He falls back easily, letting Frederick stand in front. His own hand lands on his sword, but he doesn’t yet draw it. His eyes narrow a little and he peers into the distance as best he can.

“I heard it. We should go that way, then.” They’ll need to proceed with caution, but Frederick is the last person he needs to say that to. “I’ll cover you at range.”

He hopes Frederick will trust him to watch his back. He won’t let anything get close that Frederick can’t handle, that’s the way of this strategy. He wishes he had more people than just the two of them, but this is the way of things. With the snowstorms, too many people are spread out in too many different directions to form a full force. Hopefully more than two won’t even be needed.

[fellincantation]

Something about Robin's response fascinated Grima. He seemed to understand how easily things could have changed for him and yet he still spoke as if her vessel was a person before Grima inhabited it. That was something Grima couldn't quite grasp. She had never known the person who lived in her body before herself and yet there were so many memories that rolled around inside of her skull constantly. Love, friendship, joy, loss, pain, grief. All emotions that Grima knew intimately as if she had experienced them herself.

"It was fate and my own grand design. Fate placed her at the altar of my rebirth and I took my place in her skin. She was never born to be Robin. Her memories, her thoughts, her desires, her want for a true life. They were all mine too. Is it wrong that I took what was made for me? I am her and she is me. Amnesia couldn't change that fact. So no. There is no meaningful difference." Grima said simply before she tilted her head. The view from below was nicer than the view from above? Grima had lived among humans once and it had disappointed her. It had led to her pact with the very first of Robin's bloodline. "Do you think you're any different than she was? Born of Fellblood with my very own heart residing within you. You were me. A vessel for another version of me. Fate has us bound in chains and even a god can't defy its calling."

Grima didn't enjoy speaking of the Robin she resided inside of. That woman still fought her control even through to the present and it made Grima all the more irritated. She was a god and still couldn't control her pathetic human body. It was sickeningly vulnerable but Robin didn't need to know that.

"I wasn't interested in terrorizing you." She added, hoping her body heat would keep the wyvern warm even if it wasn't happy to be near her. She still was bubbling with a quiet frustration beneath her surface. "If I wanted to bring about the end of this world I already would have set it into motion and left everything in ashes. I came down here for these sad creatures. Dragons so lost to themselves that they serve humans so willingly." It seemed she was trying to justify spending her time pretending to be a normal human being and failing.

[grcndmaster]

It was clear that Grima was… struggling with some aspect of this. That made Robin curious more than anything. Her speech itself gave little away, but there was something there, wasn’t there? He just nodded, finally sitting down beside the wyvern and leaning his back against the creature. Keeping it warm was the priority here, and he hadn’t forgotten that.

He closed his eyes, just resting them for the moment as he listened to her speak. The frustration she was keeping back was obvious… but that honestly stood to reason. She was difficult to decipher, but he was starting with an advantage. Though he didn’t know for certain from where the frustration originated, he certainly could extrapolate a lot, from the way her words and tone juxtaposed. He nodded.

“You say she wasn’t born to be Robin but she was, wasn’t she? Regardless of your intention. You say there’s no meaningful difference but you differentiate. You refer to her as her own being. It’s… notable, that’s all.”

It’s complex. It’s ugly. It’s not even as though Robin could demand the dragon before him stop existing for the sake of the vessel. Clearly that other Robin had never made the decisions he had made, which led to a severing of that connection, a death of the part of Robin that could become this. He wondered, briefly, why she was unable but that brought him back around to the idea that there would have been a singular moment where this happened, rather than a series of steps, the decision not to do any one thing, but to keep walking forward no matter how gruelling.

And it was gruelling. There were times when it would have been far easier to surrender to Grima, let fate take its natural course. He could not judge the vessel before him too harshly for succumbing, and so he didn’t. He pitied her, pitied Grima, too, if he’s honest, but kept that to himself.

“And to answer your question… no, I don’t think I’m different, necessarily. Only that I made different choices. Maybe she could have, too. Maybe you could have. I don’t think you’re here to torment me. I doubt you knew I’d be the one paired with you for this. I certainly didn’t expect you. Come here, sit with me. Do you pity the wyverns?”

[fellincantation]

"I'm certain we have more in common than not."

Grima once again returned to the wyvern in the stall, opting for ignoring Robin for a moment. She brought her hands up close to the creature's face, resting her hands upon it carefully. The aura in the air was uneasy as she stood there, willing the mount to relax. Though no such thing happened, the wyvern kept a sharp gaze on Grima.

"Wyverns aren't common where I'm from. So I'm not quite sure how to approach them." Grima admitted after a moment, watching Robin out of the corner of her eye. "I'm far more familiar with fire dragons..."

The idle conversation came easily to Grima as she vaguely recounted those memories to Robin. It was honesty in its own way. Fire dragons littered the lower levels of the labyrinth Grima had been created in but that place was long buried under the desert sands. From Grima's understanding, wyverns were once like many other dragons but fell to the degenerative madness that so many seemed too weak to fight against. It made her heart twist with a sick pity as she looked toward the wyvern before her and she knew that it could sense her displeasure.

"The poor thing must despise being stuck in the cold like this. So far away from the home it came from." Grima added. She was hardly talking to Robin directly. Simply dancing around conversation and letting bits and pieces of things she was thinking to drift into her words. Robin was a smart man and Grima was well aware of that. There was little reason to doubt that he would figure out what she was in an instant if he hadn't already.

"I'm sure it's all exactly the same. Both born in a desert to a man who thought he could use us for something better, right?" Grima asked. Though it was less a question and more of a soft confirmation of Robin's uncertainty. "The differences though... The differences are where it becomes a problem. No kind mother was there to pry me away from the man who created me. No blissful amnesia would let me forget what I was born to do."

She was becoming irritated beneath the surface of her gentle words

"Nothing to let me crawl in the dirt with worms like you seem so content to do."

[grcndmaster]

The wyvern's nervousness blended well into Robin's own, and he was sure the tension in the stable could be cut with a knife. Still, there was no immediate threat and so he willed his instincts into submission and forced himself to relax as much as he was able. If he was on-edge too, the creature would surely sense it and grow more agitated. He refused to be responsible for an increase in agitation among the beast.

He felt as though he was holding a mass of ice, melting slowly, and had nowhere to put it down. He compensated by running a gloved hand along the wyvern's side, an attempt at comfort. He had no particular fear of being bitten.

"The same to a point, then, yes," he said at last, in response to her words. It's interesting to see, where she thinks their paths diverged. And maybe she's right. Maybe the amnesia played a role, maybe he'd attribute something to it... but he knew that wasn't all there was. His life was nothing but a series of conscious, deliberate decisions. To attribute the change to any particular one would be to lessen the weight of his own will.

Her irritation was... interesting. Oddly, it put Robin more at ease, not less. His increased ease was... tangible. "I had a path I could have walked. And I had a path I did walk. There are so many times where I think I could have ended where you did. Or where she did. Whoever had that body before you. If there's a meaningful difference."

He never could fully confirm how much of one there ever was, let alone how meaningful it was.

"I also... don't think they're worms. Personally." This wasn't something he was trying to change her mind on, though. "But maybe it's nicer down here. Certainly more comfortable, than the view from above. I don't think you should knock it until you try it."