unOrdinary writer (w/ a bit of Hand Jumper on the side)
not active as much as I used to be
Self-proclaimed Reiyo CEO
Grief is my signature
Ships and dynamics:
Reiyo, remlo, jera (qpr mostly, but i like romantic too!), blysen. clera, jadrion, isemi, holdlo, jarlophina, elvie. jarlo in aus. anything else is relatively minor
arlo & valerie, john & his family, main cast as 6, supertrio, golden trio, sera & leilah (& doc), sera & elaine. big fan of the inherent fucked up-ness of arlo & valerie's dynamic.
i am ao3 ghostilies and i write event horizon! i love writing :) especially for my friends! occasionally i'll take requests :)
you can send me asks (i love answering them). i'll answer most things!
Further Thoughts on Seraphina [and John] during unOrdinary 375 and more (Spoilers still!!!)
Part Sera (2/2)
[Previous post focusing on John]
While John has always been my favorite character, I've actually come to realize that Sera has always shared #1 position with him in my heart. For the last 10 years, I've loved watching her grow through her hardships and realize that she couldn't live ignorantly anymore in a world where the powerful hold all the influence. I especially loved episode 375 because it showed us that despite everything, Sera still remains herself while managing to find the silver lining of the batshit crazy situations she keeps finding herself in.
I am quite happy for her to be able to talk to John about how light she feels being on the run and doing everything she wants to do with John at her side. But as I reread a good chunk of unOrdinary (like I usually do), I couldn't help but worry for her anyway. Is Sera really free or is that just another lie she tells herself to cope with how stressful the last half year of her life has been since the story started? Is she okay??
[Note: half of this post is summary but I am aware that not a lot of people have read unO as much as I have so please be patient...!]
Since the start, one of Sera's core character motivation has always been the desire to be free from the oppressive role society set for her. As she mentions in 375, she's been chained down her whole life by the expectations set by her parents, school, and society; we see as much throughout the entire story of unOrdinary. Back in ep 19 she admits that she stopped living for herself because of how much other people needed her to be perfect. It's why John is able to cut straight through her misery with his own ideals during the flashback of ep 37:
John tells Sera exactly what she's wanted to hear for her whole life: that she can decide to live the way she wants because if John with "no ability" can do it, why can't she? Inspired by John's words and his support, Sera abandons almost all of her responsibilities as the strongest student in Wellston, causing Arlo to resent her for not upholding the hierarchy. She's selfish and doesn't care about what anyone thinks because she's "free," but that was only one hurdle she had to get through.
When she's suspended for a month, her mother, Narisa, takes everything away from Sera and forces her to do pointless work and study. Weaponizing her disappointment, her mother constantly compares Sera to Leilah, who had also run away from her responsibilities and had left Sera alone to be mistreated and abused even harder in her absence. Driven by fear, Sera begrudgingly listens to her mother, but she eventually has enough of the suffocating environment of her home. She thinks about John for inspiration and decides to rebel against her mother to free herself once again. She's only able to succeed because she is able to best Narisa in the very same world where power rules over everything.
By this point, Sera's freed herself from most of her responsibilities and from her parents' clutches, but she becomes entangled in a worse web once she loses her ability and the world she once ignored turns around and bites her. Becoming a zero is a big turning point for her character because the violence she experiences opens her eyes to most injustices in the world--everything was way worse than what she would see when it was only John breaking his bones and getting hurt nearly every single day. She used to laugh whenever John would get injured because he wasn't miserable as long as she was with him to lessen the pain through her presence alone, but there was only so much she could tolerate herself when she wasn't able to protect herself anymore:
The hierarchy she temporarily escaped from made her the prime target of resentful students who projected their misery onto her. She's pulled back into the mess but thrown to the bottom with the only saving grace that her previous authority provided her being the connections she had only forged out of convenience. If she had been a true zero or even a low tier, no one would've come save her from being kidnapped and tortured by a group of students. That's just how their society is: even the weaker students perpetuate the cycle of violence that the hierarchy system produced.
Again, Sera is only really able to hang on because of John's presence (do you see an ongoing trend here?), and that's why her finding out that he's Joker is so world-shattering for her. Sera admits that John was such an inspiration to her that him being powerless with her was enough to keep her going despite how hopeless everything felt:
While she does eventually realize that John meant everything he had told her initially, Sera remains trapped by her powerlessness, watches John fall deeper into despair, and loathes the fact that she can't do a thing to save him... until she decided to sacrifice her own freedom for the opportunity to do so. With what little freedom she has left after losing her ability alongside any authority she used to have, she unknowingly casts it all aside because she wants to change the world and her first step is to save John. After all, what good is a world that isn't ruled through violence and power if the one person who helped her realize that everything needed to change isn't with her?
Thankfully Sera saves John and he's able to start improving as a person, but the cost is heavy. In the month that John is gone for, Sera has to work for Spectre (specifically for Orrin) and realizes that she's trapped and suffocating once again with Terrence constantly monitoring her every move. More stress is added when she discovers that Spectre is after Blyke and Remi, and she isn't able to get the Rowden trip rescheduled for their safety. Not only is she not in control of the situation, but she's also having to hide everything from John because she'd rather him be ignorant and safe than struggling and stressed like she and Arlo are.
Of course, her efforts to keep John away from Spectre are for naught because John stubbornly refuses to leave her side. Ultimately, he ends up losing his ability to fulfill the promise he made her to protect the Safe House (which probably also made her feel guiltier about his ability loss). But John's involvement and their near-assassination only continue to fuel Sera's desire to destroy the part of Spectre that's done nothing but ruin both her and John's lives. And it's only after John destroying Orrin's ability recovery machines and Sera sending Arlo/the Bureau after Orrin that she's able to regain some more freedom. The very last thing that stands in her way of being free once again is the Bureau, who is quite unhappy that Sera had stolen their ability converter research to provide to Spectre.
John, Sera, and Arlo are all hopeful that being pardoned by the Bureau will let Sera go back to living a relatively normal life, but the Bureau has no use for high tiers that can't be tied down to them. High tiers that don't obey the Bureau either are killed (Rei), are tortured into submission (John), or are blackmailed into working for them (Jane). There is no true freedom with the Bureau because it wishes to uphold the violent status quo that continues to oppress the weak and snare the strong.
And with one final act of rebellion, Sera destroys a whole cafe full of Bureau members and discards the opportunity for false freedom Valerie offered her. Unfortunately, Sera ends up fleeing Wellston and leaving John behind once again without a support system, which does feed into his suicidal rampage at the end of season 2. When she does see him again, Sera is visibly exhausted since she hasn't taken the news of John's rampage well at all, but she still doesn't stop in her tracks because Arlo and Blyke need to be saved. And Sera is unwilling to leave anyone else behind. Not if she has anything to say about it.
So where does that ALL that leave us for what Sera says in ep 375?
She broke free from her parents' clutches in ep 51; she broke free from Wellston after being exiled in 298; and now that she's a terrorist outlaw that the Bureau wants dead, she can do whatever she wants. She isn't wrong of course--that's why John asks her why she doesn't just get up and leave now that her ability is no longer compromised. But to Sera, being able to do what she wants to do is what it really means to be free. She doesn't have to worry about what people think of her or how she's going to survive with the whole world out for her. Just like when she was powerless, having John at her side is comforting enough to help her push through all the stressful situations they now find themselves in:
'I feel like I can do just about anything if you're with me.'
John has always been Sera's main pillar of support, and he's probably the first real friend she's ever made. Now that he's back in her life and they're free to do whatever they want, her mental health has improved significantly. She doesn't have to worry about him being on his own, and he's close enough that she can protect and reassure him if need be. The fact that she admits that being with him is enough to keep her going despite everything shows that she still heavily values John, and she makes it known that she really wouldn't be here without him.
The midnight convo Jera have in ep 375 is quite a romantic scene that further strengthens their unbreakable bond. It's them against the world and as long as Sera focuses on her goals/John/whatever else is in front of her, she can do anything she puts her mind to. No one's forcing her to do anything and she's delighted to be spending every waking moment with John again, just like they used to. Sera's free enough to do anything now, so what's really stopping her at this point?
But if Sera's free to do whatever she wants, why am I worried?
To be clear, I am not worried that Seraphina or John will die by the end of the series because I don't believe either of their deaths will serve a narrative purpose or contribute to the overarching themes of the story. The thing is that Sera has always been focused on what's in front of her, which can be an active detriment to her when she neglects herself in favor of her goals. That's right...!! The very thing that's been driving her forward could very well be her biggest weakness (besides John).
Throughout the course of the story, Sera has struggled immensely to survive being a zero, help John break free from his past, and deal with every danger that poses a threat to her or her friends. While she does end up being miserable and doesn't bottle up her feelings like John does, Sera always steels her resolve to push forward no matter what. If she can focus on what's in front of her, she can take anything that's flung her way because that's all she can do. She takes things one step at a time, but she doesn't stop for anything.
Seraphina, an embodiment of her time manipulation ability, reflects the concept that time continues to march forward no matter what. She can't rewind all of her mistakes and doesn't dwell on the what-if scenarios that could pose a threat to her. Instead, she faces everything head-on and if things don't go her way, she simply forges a different path forward. But this unstoppable force of hers isn't without consequence:
Just like most high-tiers saddled with a bunch of responsibilities (much like Arlo early on), Sera would rather sacrifice herself to shoulder every single burden so that the people she cares about won't be affected. She's always been following her desires to only focus on what's in front of her with not a lot of regard to her own well-being.
In the season 2 part 1 recap, she literally admitted that she didn't care about overexerting herself if it meant that she'd be able to get through to John. Sera pushed herself to the limit to save John and ended up unconscious for a while as a consequence; she couldn't even say goodbye to him before he left for New Bostin. You know it's bad when Arlo of all people (King of being burdened by too many responsibilities) had to keep telling Sera to calm down and give herself more grace (before John got embroiled in the Spectre shit and lessened her burdens for her) :\...
And unlike John, who isn't afraid to admit that he doesn't care about himself and would always prioritize Sera anyway, Sera's self-sacrificing attitude speaks more through her actions and her unwillingness to rest. She always places an emphasis on "not having enough time" because she's only using her time to get things done--not "waste" it on herself sulking/grieving or properly taking care of herself. She forgets herself in the midst of her ambitions, and that's how she's always been even since before the start of the story.
Regardless of the consequences, Sera strides forward.
Let's see... since unOrdinary started, Seraphina has experienced suffocating responsibilities, ability loss, severe bullying, world-shattering revelations, loss of agency, assassination attempts, being branded a terrorist, leaving her life behind, and nearly losing her best friend multiple times. We've seen her at her worst during the two months she didn't have her ability for, and we've seen at least one nightmare she's had (refer to ep 245 - it's the nightmare where John loses his ability). So it's not like Sera doesn't grieve when she's given the opportunity to, but I fear she isn't giving herself enough time to process most of the traumatic events she's experiencing as a 17-year-old girl who should've been normally hanging out with her best friend. Instead she's on the run as an outlaw alongside her best friend with grand, ambitious plans to change the world and restructure society.
A good chunk of Sera's mental health undoubtedly revolves around John. If he's safe, then she's fine, but if he isn't, then she's not fine. After all, she loves him immensely and would do anything for him, especially because he's changed her life so much for the better. She's quick to pick up when John's not feeling too well, and he's also quite attentive to her when she's not feeling great either:
During the season 2 finale (ep 346), John notices the bags under Sera's eyes and wonders if she's been taking care of herself.
Of course Sera hasn't been taking care of herself!!!! How could she take care of herself knowing that he nearly died in her absence and without her knowledge until after the fact??
(So far) We don't get to see how Sera reacted to the news of John's suicidal rampage, William's death, or the fact that Arlo and Blyke were captured trying to save John. But she took the news pretty poorly because we haven't actually seen Sera with bags under her eyes since she was feeling lost and hopeless post-John-is-Joker revelation (and Uru loves to signify a character's declining mental health via eye bags/dark circles). Sera probably cried a lot and blamed herself for not being around when John needed her the most, and she must've been anxiously waiting for him to wake up after Cameron saved his life. She cries when he wakes up and rushes towards her for a hug, and she tears up again when she tells him to never throw his life away again. Sera always falls apart when John isn't with her and isn't okay.
What we do see is how Sera reacted when she thought she lost John forever. She immediately loses her composure and snaps at both Kayden and Leilah with a ferocity we frankly haven't seen since ep 20 (when John outsmarted her over a slice of Triple Choco Cake and she beats him up):
"IF [JOHN] ISN'T HERE, THEN WHAT WAS THE POINT IN ANY OF THIS?!"
When John loses William and Sera thanks the Bureau at the end of season 2, he goes on a suicidal rampage trying to take revenge on the Bureau. What do you suppose would've happened if Sera had actually lost John in either situation?
[This is why I don't believe John or Sera will die before the series ends. John, under the full belief that he'd never see her again, tried to end it all while he was blinded by grief. John would rather be dead than live in a world without Sera; Sera probably would lose most of her ambitious momentum if John died. They're incomplete without each other, so I feel like it would be too cruel to subject either of them with an insurmountable amount of sorrow no therapy could ever fix.]
Remember: Sera's scheme to steal Orrin's recovery machines was motivated by her desire to give John back his ability, not her own. Again, what's the use of being in a world without the person who showed her what it meant to truly be free? John is essential for Sera's happiness, and nearly losing him THREE separate times during season 2 part 2 must weigh on her tremendously, even if she doesn't outwardly show it. She's usually so calm and collected, but who knows, maybe she subconsciously doesn't want to be apart from John anymore because she can't stand the idea of harm befalling him if she can't get to him in time.
For now, she's grateful that John is still with her and is willing to reassure him however many times she has to. While John will always tell her how much she means to him, Sera will always show him how much he means to her. Whether it be through another sacrifice or more words of reassurance, Sera will always prioritize John over herself no matter what. She's free to do whatever she wants (for) now, so who is going to stop her from loving John in the only way she knows how to?
"As crazy as it sounds... I don't mind the way things turned out."
After everything is said and done, will Sera be okay mentally? Her calm and collected personality is backed by John's presence giving her strength (yep, even after all this time), but there has to be a limit to how much she can handle, even with John around. Her brain isn't even fully developed but she's still taking risks and calling the shots... I can't help but worry for her.
Sure, when the series ends, she will probably be truly free in a society that isn't ruled by power and senseless violence (praying really hard for a happy ending). But the mental trauma that's been accumulating since the very start of the series will surely take its toll on her the moment she has a chance to relax and her body shuts down from not being in a constant high-stress situation anymore.
I doubt we would ever get some kind of epilogue that will show how our protagonists cope with insane amounts of trauma no 17-18 year olds should be going through (idk we'll see lol), so Sera is likely safe from being trapped once more in her own mind. But it is something to think about since the burdens of restructuring society and facing off against long-standing organizations are certainly not light ones a few people can carry alone.
I suppose we'll see what else the final season has in store for her, but until then, I will pray for both her and John's happiness... together!!!
Thoughts on John [and Sera] in unOrdinary ep 375 and its parallels with ep 283 (SPOILERS!!!!)
Part John (1/2)
One of the first things that stood out to me while reading ep 375 was how similar it felt to ep 283:
There is only one bed
Sera tells John he can share said bed with her
John declines since he doesn't want to hit Sera because of his nightmares
John asks Sera how/why she's bothering with all this needless stress
Sera reassures John and mentions that she focuses on what's in front of her to avoid being stressed out
Compared to ep 283, ep 375 is a lot more romantically charged, which is quite pleasant for everyone who has been eating Jera crumbs for the last 10 years or so (don't get me started I could yap even longer about the ship itself /pos). But I'd also think about what Jera's midnight conversation has to say about their respective characters, especially with ep 283 in mind as well.
Let's start off with John:
John's always been worried about Sera's well-being over his own, even to the point where he would willingly bottle up his issues instead of bothering her. It's only natural that in a situation where they're either hiding or on the run, John would ask her how she's managing to not freak out or why she's still even bothering with it all when she has the choice to leave. But I dare say that while John genuinely does mean to ask Sera these questions, he's actually also seeking reassurance from her.
Sera is almost always poised and confident, while John is almost always angry and snarky regarding the circumstances they keep finding themselves in. But when things slow down a bit and he's able to think, John's insecurities start bubbling up to the surface.
In ep 283, he asks her why she isn't freaked out by the fact that Spectre's after them since they nearly got assassinated a few chapters ago back in ep 273. We don't get John's thoughts on what he could possibly be worried about but I think he was worried about his and (mostly) Sera's safety while hiding from Spectre:
Without an ability to defend themselves with, they're sitting ducks so they have to hide, and it's an unpleasant experience to be cooped up for days on end. But talking to Sera about how she's handling the situation they're in makes him feel better, so he thanks her for the reassurance. Despite the circumstances, he's happy to just be able to share her struggles so she doesn't have to be alone to shoulder the burdens of being stuck to Spectre anymore.
If Sera isn't stressing then there's no reason for John to be freaking out either; he finds comfort in the fact that she's able to face everything head-on even when she has no choice but to. The only person who really needs comforting is himself... Sera is fine after all (or at least is quite good at hiding her anxieties and woes)! But it's also because Sera is so brilliant, strong, and independent that John starts feeling insecure again later on in ep 375.
While Sera snoozes, John thinks back to how she figured out that Neil's been stringing them along with information and in typical John fashion, shits on himself for it:
"If it were just me on my own..." is where I assume he started thinking about the idea of being out here alone without Sera by his side. After all, she had already been separated from him for a few weeks after she had to leave school and then Wellston entirely. During that time she was able to regain her ability and get blacklisted even harder by the Bureau. There's nothing tying her down to Wellston, Spectre, the Bureau, or John anymore, so why does Sera still bother to deal with every mess coming her way?
Or as John not-so-subtly puts it, 'Why are you still here... with me?'
With his self-esteem still in tatters after all this time (can't blame him though), John can't understand why she's still putting up with him and his problems because Sera could go anywhere and start a new life, away from the Bureau, Spectre, her family... John. With her wits and power, she could just show up anywhere and make a life for herself where no one knows her, just like how Vaughn had after he disappeared for years and came back to participate in the education system. It's a valid fear that John has, maybe even subconsciously fueled by his misapprehensions of his mother's disappearance 15 years prior (leaving because her family wasn't good enough for them).
After all, Sera doesn't have to break Blyke out of jail, unravel the secrets the Bureau and Spectre hide, find Jane, or even be with John. And yet she remains because she wants to do all these things and change the world for the better, all while being together with John. No longer is she the Seraphina who cast all her responsibilities away and took her authority for granted. Thanks to John's influence in her life, she was able to change for the better even after all the horrible things she experienced while being a high tier and a zero.
You'd imagine that John should know that Sera loves him with all her heart -- enough to sacrifice everything for him over and over again -- so why would he have to seek reassurance from her in such a roundabout way?
Ultimately, John still is prioritizing Sera over himself. He doesn't ask her outright "how am I supposed to handle this crazy Spectre shit?" or "why do you bother still being here with me?" because he doesn't want to make their situation solely about him. I'm not even sure if he realizes that he's seeking her reassurance since caring about her is simply second nature to him.
There's nothing wrong with John seeking reassurance from Sera either since that's something he's always found comfort in: the idea that she's always going to be around to either stop him from another rampage or (in these cases) quell the gnawing voices in his head that make him feel worse about himself. Sera said as much back in ep 230:
Of course, Sera does comfort John by telling him that she's exactly where she wants to be and that as long as she's focused on what's in front of her, the consequences of her dangerous games don't really bother her. Unlike in ep 283, Sera in 375 is looking directly at John as she says "not if I just focus on what's right in front of me."
'I'm here because I want to be. That's just how much you mean to me.'
Sera unsubtly declares that she wants to be with John and that he is actually one of her top priorities. After all, the thing who just so happens to be "right in front" of her gaze that "keeps [her] going" is John. He's always been one of her top priorities from the start of the series. She's outsmarted lie detectors (Nadia), threatened Arlo over John's safety (even though she didn't have the full story lol), chose to work with Leilah to regain her ability to save John from himself, and so much more... all because she loves him fiercely. And John, who is eternally grateful to Sera for everything she's done for him, pays her back in kind:
Instead of repeating that he's glad that she's here with him even after everything, he simply holds her left hand and gently kisses it, reinforcing his devotion to her that he's always had. A kiss on the hand is a chivalric and romantic gesture, and it does encapsulate how he feels about her: he'd do anything for her.
Neither of them have to say anything because they're quite aware of how they feel for each other. They'd easily sacrifice everything for one another... that's just how Jera has been for a long time now.
John can't stop her from playing dangerous games and living life on the edge, so he might as well go all-in and stay as one of her main pillars of support. After all, Sera finds comfort in John's presence just as much as he finds comfort in hers. John is just more direct when it comes to how often he expresses his affections for Sera; and though he's more subtle when it comes to asking her for reassurance, John's love for Sera is unmistakable either way.
(Anyway I'll make a separate post eventually talking about how far Sera has come as a character because ep 375 was just as important for her specifically imo!!! Outside of the context that this episode was stuffed with Jera lol 10/10 chapter)
