Just ignore me, I'm not here

[recovered] //hope you get better as well :)

[green-cup-cat]

old ed blog, new vent blog @bleach-for-breakfast

[whatspringdoestothecherrytrees]

On recovery

As some of you may know, I am a recovered ana.

I remember [vividly] my thoughts on recovery when I was throat-deep in the ED deluge.

To me, recovery was “being fat and pretending to be OK with it.”

Recovery was “pretending to be OK and pressing everything down even further.”

Recovery was “being a poser like society demands.”

Recovery was “inconceivable unless I compromised the very fabric of my soul.”

I couldn’t have been more wrong. For my ED/ana/Ednos/mia/orthorexia/etc friends and followers: maybe this post will disappear into the blr-abyss but maybe it will help someone.

*disclaimer*: I am not a mental health professional, so please just look at this as peer comments. If you struggle from an ED or mental health disorder, please take steps right now to get help. Just search on tumblr and you can chat with someone who cares. My ask is always open too.

I didn’t go the traditional recovery route.

1) I saw a counselor at uni who helped me marvelously. We talked about my best gf who died suddenly. We talked about fam issues and faith issues and existential issues. Almost none of them had to do with weight/BMI.

2) I worked with multiple doctors, who found that I have celiac and lupus. Once those diseases got under control, my mental health SKYROCKETED. EDs have very real physiological roots.

3) I saw a highly conscious nutritionist who supported my desire to eat a plant-based vegan diet, but challenged me to do it in a healthy way, not a self-destructive way. I saw an allergist who found out why so many foods were making me sick, which made eating a pleasure again instead of painful!

4) I moved out of home and followed my passion and stopped GAF what other people say about me or my looks or my wt or my life choices.

5) I found my true passion: science and medicine. My obsession with counting calories and my own physiology was a misplaced fascination with science, data gathering, etc. And now, I use those powers for GOOD instead of self-destruction.

6) I refuse to participate in body-bashing or body-shaming.

7) My version of feminism: using healthy food to fuel my body and BRAIN to succeed and have the life I dream of…instead of starving and harming myself and my BRAIN.

I realize that many of those above (esp 1-3) are extremely privileged. I was so blessed. However, there are many free and low-cost options. Please find a free clinic and talk to someone. If they don’t respect you, MTFO. Find a healthcare provider who listens and cares and supports your recovery.

What does my life look like now?

I know that some people feel that stats are triggering, but I would like to share them to disprove my pre-recovery ana brain saying “recovery=fat.” I actually love my body now [almost all the time]! I am around 172-173 cm and weigh abt 48-50 kg. While this is a low BMI, it is “normal” for most of my family members — and it is a good 5 kg higher than my LW. My periods are back and regular. My BF is low, but my muscle mass is that of an average MALE my height! During relapses, mainly because I wasn’t eating enough calories, I did experience water wt. gain and bloating. PSA: EAT!! I was so afraid of carbohydrates. I thought if I ate a whole banana my thighs would literally blow up overnight. And I thought if I ate an avocado (over 300 cal!?!?!?!) I would be obese.

But now, it’s so hard to imagine I was ever someone who had to write down every single calorie eaten and burned every day. I eat *at least* one avocado a day.

I don’t count calories. I eat a high carb low-ish fat vegan diet. I drink large green juices most days to start the day, and raw salads with soup during the day, and large cooked meals in the evening. My evening meals are typically something several huge bowls of brown rice topped with every vegetable you can imagine (corn, sprouts, avocado, parlsey, cilantro, arugula) and vegan cheese and black beans for fats and protein. Or, it could be half a bag of russet potatoes, oven-baked, topped again w every veg you can imagine!

I exercise purely for pleasure now and for the mental health benefits, not for calories. I have had neurological issues from the lupus lately, so I haven’t been able to run, but I have enjoyed light elliptical or walking workouts.

As soon as I *actually started eating carbs and enough calories*, I actually LOST weight. In a relapse/recovery period, I was about 125 lbs/57 kg. I felt very bloated and tired and puffy. BECAUSE I WASNT EATING ANY CARBS OR FOOD IN GENERAL. I was doing this whole keto vegan thing aka STARVATION. As soon as I recovered from that and started HCLF vegan, I went from 57 kg to 50 kg (125 to 110lbs), without exercising or counting calories or ANY type of dieting. Just eating until I was satisfied.

My point is not to say this is a cookie cutter for everyone’s journey. My point is that you can OWN your recovery.

You CAN be HAPPY AND RECOVERED.

I hope this was helpful… . I hope even one person can read this and be helped by it. LOVE YOU GUYS.

<3

Unconventional Recovery Resources

1) Natalia Rose (nutritionist — love her books)

2) Eckhart Tolle (spiritual writer: The Power of Now and Stillness Speaks helped me massively transform)

3) Dr. John McDougal (doctor with nutritional focus. Check out his website - it has a ton of free recipes and articles. He helped me recover from CARBOPHOBIA).

[ebonydrewsblog]

4n4 safety 101

i've seen so much misinformation on this platform that will harm people way more than this disorder already does so i decided to help some of you stay safer. i'll be happy if i keep even on single person safer <3

take vitamins and supplements - yes they can be up to 30kcal but it is worth it, this "lifestyle" will not last with vitamin deficiencies and deficiencies WILL eventually up your chances of literally dropping dead.

carry around an emergency pack - what i mean by this is -> a juice box/any sugary liquid, a snack/protein bar, and one non-perishable higher kcal snack. you do not want to know how many times i have passed out at school because either my blood sugar was too low or i just wasn't taking in enough calories. always have that emergency pack in your bag.

do not pvrge more than once a week. even that is too much but i understand that its basically uncontrollable. you are just uping your chances of tearing your throat open, having your teeth rot, and getting stomach illnesses. pvrging (through v0m1ting) should not be romanticized.

have metabolism days. eating 500kcals for months (assuming you somehow don't b1nge) is going to wreck your metabolism. up that intake for a day or two a week.

love you angels !!

please prioritize yourself over your body. you are beautiful and loved.

[green-cup-cat]

how did you recover?

Honestly just got lucky

Got out of the worst of it by being forced to eat one normal meal a day for a few weeks at an internship.

Still lost weight despite the one meal, which then lessened my fear of food for a good bit.

My general mental health got better when I moved into a friendlier and healthier environment and in turn my ed mellowed out over the years...

Surprisingly, non-ed tumblr spaces helped me a lot to view body fat and weight gain in a more neutral or even positive light <3

[callistomist-deactivated2020091]

I decided to create a masterpost that would help you with what you are struggling with. Hopefully any of the links below will help you! Reminder; You’re going to be okay. What you are going through will pass, just remember to breathe. 

————————————————————————————-

Distractions;

Here are some distractions to help keep your mind occupied so you aren’t too focused on your thoughts. 

-Draw something

-This website translates the time into colours.

-Create your own galaxy.

-Play flowing.

-Make a 3D line travel where ever you like. 

-Listen to music.

-Calm.

-Ocean mood, do nothing for two minutes.

Sleep issues; 

- 8 hour sleep music.

-Rainy mood. 

-Meditation.

-Coping with nightmares.

-How to cope with nightmares, 11 steps.

-Calm

-Foods that can affect your sleeping, both positive and negatively. 

 Uncomfortable with silence; 

-Rainy mood.

-10 hours of rain and thunder.

-3 hours of rain and thunder.

-Human heartbeat.

-Rainforest.

-Sound of rain on a tin roof.

-Autumn wind.

-Rain on a tent

-Traffic in the rain.

-Soft traffic. 

-Fan.

-Train.

-Simply noise.

-My noise.

-Rainy cafe.

Anxiety; 

-How to stop worrying. 

-Tips to manage anxiety and stress.

-The 10 best ever anxiety management techniques. 

-Self-help strategies for anxiety. 

-Helping a friend with anxiety. 

-All about worrying.

-8 myths about anxiety. 

Sad, angry and depressed/depression; 

-“I’m always sad”

-Feeling sad.

-Going through trauma.

-“I’m always angry”.

-Anger management. 

-All about anger.

-National helplines and websites.

-Self-help strategies for depression.

-Dealing with depression at work.

-Dealing with depression at school.

Isolation and loneliness; 

-Pets and mental health.

-All about loneliness. 

-“I feel so alone”

-10 more ideas to help with loneliness. 

-How to deal with loneliness.

 Self-harm;

-Alternatives to self-harm and distraction techniques.

-146 things to do besides self-harm.

-More alternatives to self-harm.

-Self-harm alternatives.

-How to take care of self-harm wounds/injuries.

-Getting rid of scars.  

Addiction; 

-How to help a friend with a drug addiction.

-What is addiction?

-All about alcohol and addiction.

-The facts about drug addiction.

 Eating disorders; 

-Helping a friend with an eating disorder.

-Eating disorder treatments. 

-Support services for eating disorders. 

-Self-help tips with eating disorders.

-Eating disorder recovery. 

-Recovering from an eating disorder. 

-100+ reasons to recover. 

-Understanding and managing eating disorders. 

 Dealing with self-hatred;  

-3 ways to ease self-loathing. 

-How to turn self-hatred into self-compassion.

-Self-hatred resources.

-10 step plan to deal with self-hate. 

 Suicidal; 

-International suicide hotlines (1)  (2)

-Preventing suicide. 

-Reasons to stay alive.

-Dealing with suicidal thoughts and feelings.

-Coping with suicidal ideation.  

 Schizophrenia;

-All about schizophrenia.  

-Helping a person with schizophrenia.  

-Understanding and dealing with schizophrenia.  

-Delusions and hallucinations.  

OCD;

-Managing your OCD at home. 

-Overcoming OCD.

-How to cope with OCD. 

-Strategies for dealing with the anxious moments. 

Borderline personality disorder; 

-Helping someone with BPD. 

-All about personality disorders.

-Treatment for BPD.

Abuse; 

-Healthy relationships VS abusive relationships. 

-Emotional abuse

-Overcoming sexual abuse. 

-Hotlines services. 

-5 ways to escape an abusive relationship. 

-Domestic violence support. 

-Signs of an abusive relationship. 

-What do to if you’re in an abusive relationship. 

-Surviving abuse. 

-What you can do if you’re sexual harassed. 

-Sexual assault support.

-What to do if you’ve been sexually assaulted or abused. 

 Bullying;

-How to stand up against bullying.

-How to protect yourself when it comes to cyber bullying.

-How to help stop people bullying you. 

 Loss and grief; 

-How to cope with a suicide of a loved one.

-Grieving for a stranger. 

-Common reactions to death. 

-Working through grief.

(Other loss and grief)

-Moving away from friends and family. 

-Coping with a breakup.

 Getting help; 

-Seeking help early. 

-All about psychological treatments. 

-Types of help.

-All about age and confidentiality. 

Things you need to remember; 

- Don’t stress about being fixed because you’re not broken.

-Remember to remind yourself of your accomplishments. Tell yourself that you’re proud of yourself, even if you’re not. 

- This is temporary. You won’t always feel like this. 

-You are not alone. 

-You are enough. 

-You are important. 

-You are worth it. 

-You are strong. 

-You are not a failure, 

-Good people exist. 

-Reaching out shows strength. 

-Breathe. 

-Don’t listen to the thoughts that are not helping you. 

-Give yourself credit. 

-Don’t be ashamed of your emotions, for the good or bad ones. 

-Treat yourself the same way as you would treat a good friend. 

-Focus on the things you can change. 

-Let go of toxic people. 

-You don’t need to hide, you’re allowed to feel the way you do. 

-Try not to beat yourself up. 

-Something is always happening, you don’t want to miss out on what’s going to happen next. 

-You are not a bother.

-Your existence is more than your appearance. 

-You are smart. 

-You are loved. 

-You are wanted. 

-You are needed. 

-Better days are coming. 

-Just because your past is dark, doesn’t mean your future isn’t bright. 

-You have more potential than you think. 

- Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.

Please remember to look after yourself and know that you are more than worth it and you deserve to be happy. Keep smiling butterflies x

[futureskinnywritrix]

I was just gonna reblog this because the distractions are super fun but… Damn the rest of it is so so so important

[nicndietcoke]

reblog inv cause everyone needs this

[bearie]

[skinny-ana-faerie]

❄To be as light as the falling snow, that is my Christmas wish❄

[kadabura]

I made a little tune but I didn’t know what to use it for. So. I made this.

[kadabura]

I’m so glad to see so many people jamming out to Cat Jams! If anyone wants to download a slightly longer version of the tune, you can find it here.

[weloveshortvideos]

savage

[am-lupin-deactivated20170113]

“hey officer would you like to buy some marijuana” 

[brittany-murphy]

Video: Fluffy Bunny Eating Cherries Looks Adorably Terrifying

[thegleam-eyedwriter]

My kind of pet.  (σ≧▽≦)σ

[askthesmile-child]

I think I’ll name it George.

[thegamercat]

[boredpanda]

10+ Hospital Christmas Decorations That Show Doctors Are The Most Creative People Ever

[pre-med-timelord]

Man people get really creative!

[treeza26]

I love hospital decorations. As morbid as that sounds I love that they try so hard to decorate and make the patients, that are probably going through hell, smile.

[judiops]

I’m personally impressed that stocking-shaped blood bags exist.

[heilburg]

@lagataalien